CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

 

Tristan shot to his feet.

"Is it you?" he said. "Really you?"

She nodded. "I should be the one asking that, don't you think? They tell me Tristan's in this room, but I'm standing here looking at someone I've never seen before." She shook her head. "This is so damned confusing."

"I'm the same man you told – let me get this right – that being human, being a person, is more than just having a certain set of genes. And you told me not to let anyone tell me otherwise.”

She bit her upper lip and looked as if she were going to cry. "Yes," she said softly. "It's you."

He took a step toward her and stopped.

It's me. But is it you?

If only he could be sure. This could be a trick, a nasty joke by the Proteans. They might have got hold of a writable template and snagged Lani's genome. For all he knew, this could be one of the Proteans – not Krek or Callin, but one of the smaller members – waiting for him to make a fool of himself.

Humiliation before execution.

"How long have you been here?" he said.

"I just arrived. Okasan brought me."

"Okasan...then she's here."

That meant his time had just about run out.

"Yes. She wants to speak to you. But I asked her if I could see you first. The others didn't want to let me but Okasan told them I was to have some time with you."

She was Lani...she had to be Lani...he wanted so much for her to be the real Lani...

Maybe too much.

He held back.

"Time for what?"

She dug into her belt pouch and removed something. She extended her hand toward Tristan.

"Here. I brought this for you."

Tristan stared at the round flat case. "My wardrobe. How did you–?"

"I sneaked back into the warehouse and found it. I thought you'd want it."

Tristan stepped closer and took it from her.

Yes...this was his. He recognized the pattern of scratches on its cover. He rubbed his fingers over the surface as he stared at her.

And she was Lani. Her voice, the inflection, the way she moved...all just as he remembered. And how could the Proteans have retrieved his wardrobe on their own?

He reached out and touched her shoulder, ran his fingers down the length of her arm. He wanted to take her in his arms, feel her against him, kiss her like they'd kissed back in her apartment.

When had that been? Two days ago? Seemed like ages.

"You did that for me?"

"Well...not entirely for you. I did it for me, too."

"I don't..."

She reddened. "Trev...the Trev template is in there. I didn't want it to get lost."

"Oh."

"You understand, don't you?"

Tristan wasn't sure if he did, but it didn't matter. Simply having her near, touching her arm, filled him with such wonderful feelings.

But she was thinking about Trev...always Trev...

"No. I'm just glad you're here."

"I...I was wondering if you'd..." Her face turned an even deeper red and she looked away. "This is so hard."

And suddenly Tristan understood.

"You were wondering if I'd flux into Trev again."

She nodded, still not looking at him. "Yes."

When he said nothing, she faced him.

"Are you mad? Have I hurt you?"

Some silly phrase like, Why can't you want to be with me for the real me instead of who I can be? flashed through is mind.

But how absurd was that? He'd been four different people during the three times they'd been together. And one of those people had been her.

So who was the real me? Even Tristan wasn't sure.

He said, "To tell you the truth, I don't know how I feel."

He dropped his hand away from her arm but she grabbed it and squeezed his fingers.

"You've got to understand. Trev went out one night and that was the last I ever saw of him. He was supposed to be home by morning but he never came back. We never had a chance to say good-bye. Can you understand that?"

Tristan could grasp some of it, but he sensed he was missing so much more. He'd never experienced what Lani and Trev had had together, so how could she expect him to understand?

"If that's all you want," he said, "then you don't need me. Any mime will do."

"No," she said firmly, and squeezed his fingers so hard they hurt. "Any mime will not do. It has to be you."

"And why?"

"Because of what I sense inside you. Your outside keeps changing but your inside remains the same, and inside you're like...oh, I wish I could say this better. Inside you're not the same as Trev, but you share something with him. A kinship of sorts. So that's why it must be you. Please? Will you bring him back for me? Just this once?” She took a breath. “And I swear I'll never ask again."

How true, he thought. I won't be around for you to ask.

"All right," he told her. "If it means that much to you. But you'll have to step outside."

He didn't want to flux in front of her.

"I understand."

When she was gone, Tristan removed his Home template and inserted the Trev. He leaned against the wall as the flux pains shot through him, but these were relatively mild since Home-to-Tristan involved no major structural changes.

When he'd caught his breath, he turned to the door and called to Lani.

"All right...it's done."

She did not appear immediately, and when she did, she edged into view like someone examining a wound. When she saw him she stopped. Her hands flew to her mouth as she stared.

After a frozen moment, she began moving. Slowly, hesitantly at first. Without removing her glistening eyes from him, she fumbled a hand back, found the door, and swung it shut behind her. The sound of its closing seemed to spur her forward. A few stuttering steps and then she was fairly falling toward him. Tristan caught her in his arms and she clung to him, sobbing.

"Oh, Trev," she whispered. "Why did you leave me?"

And then she was kissing him, his neck, his cheeks, his eyes, his mouth. She pulled at his clothes, tore at her own, and the feel of her bare skin under his hands transferred her heat to Tristan. With each accelerating heartbeat, her calling another man's name meant less and less, became lost in the roaring in his ears. He wanted Lani as he had never wanted anyone or anything in his life. Soon there was nothing between them and they were tumbling onto the bed, locked together, fusing in a timeless flux of passion and need.

And when it was over and they lay there, Lani softly sobbing and Tristan feeling utterly used and yet indescribably wonderful, he pulled the damp sheet over them and pressed her trembling body close against his. Tristan knew he could handle the used feeling – perhaps even cease to feel used at all – if wearing Trev's masque meant keeping Lani by his side.

Part of him demanded to know: What kind of life is that – pretending to be a dead man? But another part said, What difference does it make? You have to wear some sort of masque – if this one forges a link to Lani, then wear it.

Anything...anything to keep her.

And then a third voice chimed in: You're not keeping anything. You're a dead man.

As if in confirmation, the room door creaked.

"Well, well," said a too-familiar voice. "When she said she wanted a few minutes alone with you, I never dreamed she had this in mind."

Tristan raised his head and saw Krek staring at him from the open doorway. His eyes suddenly widened.

"Mute! You've fluxed. And where'd you get that template? Of all masques you could–” And then he stopped short and nodded. "I get it. She brought it. Well, fun's over. Time to see the Lady."

As Tristan kissed Lani's forehead and began to slip from under the sheet, she clutched at him.

"No. Don't go yet. Stay awhile. Okasan will wait."

"Okasan may, but the others won't," Tristan said. "No use in stalling the inevitable."

"Inevitable what?"

He stared at her. "Don't you know?"

He could tell from her blank look that she had no idea what was coming.

"I know they're awfully mad at you, but it's not your fault."

"Right," he whispered. "And I'm sure Okasan and I can convince them of that." He hoped that sounded confident enough.

"Then you'll be back?"

"Soon, I hope." He lowered his voice to a whisper and made an impulsive proposal. "If I return and fuse my interface closed with the Trev template inside, will you go away with me?"

"You'll be Trev forever?"

"Yes."

She threw her arms around his neck. "Oh, Tristan! That would be wonderful!"

"Come on, mime," Krek said. "Enough stalling."

Tristan pulled away. "Wait here," he told her as he slipped back into his one-piece. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

...if I can come back at all...

He didn't have the heart to tell her that odds were high she was about to lose Trev for the second time.