I float on the surface of waking. Ellis sleeps beside me. Last night, after he gathered me in his arms, we lay quietly on the bed. Neither of us spoke. I wrapped myself into a tiny ball and prayed I could die.
First I abandoned Navi; then I got Sammy killed. Sita was right. I am worthless and pathetic and selfish. Sammy trusted me to take care of him. From the moment I saw him, screaming at the kids twice his size to stop throwing stones at the pigeons, I loved him. And when they turned their raised arms to him, I didn’t hesitate. I ran forward and took my place between him and the flying rocks. From that moment on, we became a team, a family.
I still can’t believe it’s true. Last night, my mind filled with flashes of him. Pink ice cream dribbling down his lips. Playing with the ends of my hair as he nestled into me, keeping each other warm. Sammy crying out in his sleep as his past haunted him. Now that I think of it, it was Sammy’s nightmares that caused my own to cease.
The house is silent and the moon splashes shadows across Ellis’s face. The bed is soft and warm, so different from the steel benches in the train station where Sammy and I slept. I am pulled from my thoughts, as I realize what woke me in the first place. My belly burns.
I scrunch up my shirt, and look at my stomach in the broken light, but I can’t see clearly. I ease out of bed and go to the bathroom. I flick the switch, and squint in the sudden brightness. I stand in front of the long mirror, exposing my stomach. The skin looks okay. No redness, which hopefully means no infection.
“Ouch!” There’s more than just a tingling.
I sit on the edge of the tub and gently rub my stomach with the tips of my fingers. I grab the cream that Margaret gave me, generously apply it, and instantly feel relief.
I’m no longer tired. I feel jumpy and restless. I keep seeing Sammy. What did I say to him? Did I at least hold him as he took his final breath?
I creep out of the bathroom, my nerves tingling and my skin covered in gooseflesh. Ellis is still asleep. I don’t want to wake him, but I’m too wired to go back to bed. It’s getting lighter outside. The clock by the bed reads 6:50 a.m. I walk to the window and look out into the semidarkness. I haven’t been outside since entering Ellis’s house several days ago. I put on my worn jacket, socks, and shoes, hesitating only a moment before I open the front door. It’s cold. I wrap my arms around myself. The air feels fresh and sharp against my uncovered face. It suddenly dawns on me. I’m outside, completely on my own. If I want to, I can leave. I can run away.
I turn to my left and then to my right. It’s totally deserted, just black shadows stretching out on all sides. How far will I have to walk to get back to an area I recognize?
I begin to run. The wind cuts across my face, and I see that I’m almost at the entrance to the forest. Twigs crack under my steps. There’s still very little light. It’s almost like moving blindfolded. But my body relaxes and my chest opens up while I take in great gulps of fresh morning air.
The pain in my stomach has vanished. I’m well into the woods now, completely surrounded by trees. The leaves have fallen, but there are tall pines covered in dark green needles, shielding me from the blowing wind.
It’s so quiet. I weave around trees and fallen branches. I’m not concerned about finding my way back.
A loud scratching startles me. I stop and hold my breath. I can’t see anything. Is Ellis looking for me? I call out to him, but there’s no reply.
The scratching occurs again. It’s coming from farther into the woods. For all I know, there could be wild animals out here. I decide to turn around and make my way back to the house. The forest, which moments before seemed welcoming and safe, now feels foreign and unfriendly. I am disoriented. I stop to take in my surroundings and that’s when I hear the crying. It sounds like a cat. Oh no. Did I shut the front door? Could the cats have gotten out? I search the ground for something to defend myself with in case it’s a wild animal. I grab a few rocks from the ground and tear off a branch from a tree.
I cautiously head in the direction of the crying. My head turns to every sound I hear. Suddenly I see a building hidden amongst the trees, and about ten feet away from the structure is Lucy, tangled in the weeds and struggling to free herself. I inch my way to her and carefully pull her out of the plants. I scoop her into my arms. She squirms at first but then settles.
The building is old and ugly. Most of the windows are boarded up. Thorny vines grow up the sides, and I shudder at the wasp nests that hang beneath the gutters.
Hoping the nests have been abandoned, I step closer. The few windows that haven’t been sealed up are filthy, covered in dirt and dust that makes it impossible to see through. I wade amongst thick brush and weeds until I find the wooden door. It too is concealed by a mountain of weeds. Lucy wriggles as I try to open the door, which remains firmly shut. Why is an old abandoned building locked? And then I remember—Ellis said he kept his inventions in a workshop. This must be it. It looks so run down though.
“Ow!”
Lucy digs her nails through my jacket, and I drop her. The second she hits the ground, she bolts away.
“Dammit, Lucy! Get back here.”
She scurries into the brush and vanishes. I turn back to the building. For some reason I’m drawn to the dark and dingy workshop. I’m about to twist the handle one more time when I hear a loud crunch in the distance. It sounds too heavy to be coming from the cat. Feeling stupid at putting myself in another precarious position, I give up my efforts to get inside and focus on finding Lucy and getting back to the house.
Hunching low to the ground, I push aside the bramble, softly calling out her name. The sun is stronger now, so it provides a bit of light in the dense forest, and I finally find her. Every time I inch closer, she runs away. I grab a twig and shake it on the ground so that it scrapes the leaves. Just as I hope, she attacks her “prey,” and I scoop her up.
I straighten and realize that I’m completely disoriented. Which way? A wall of massive trees surrounds me.
“Any idea?” I ask Lucy.
I randomly pick a direction and start walking. I’m getting deeper into the dense trees when I startle at the sound of a loud crack, jump up, and whack my head on a branch.
“Ow.” My voice catches in the back of my throat. A cold chill fills every pore on my skin. I’m suddenly in a pocket of icy air and my hearing is muffled. I can no longer hear the din of the forest creaking and breathing. Instead indistinct whispers fill the air. My stomach tightens. I have no idea why my response is one of panic. It’s probably just some hikers.
Despite the likelihood that the sounds come from someone completely harmless, I can’t shake the feeling churning inside my chest. I have to get away from here.
Holding Lucy close, I inch my way as quietly as I can away from the voices. Every leaf or twig I break beneath my feet sounds like thunder. I don’t know how, but I find the clearing at the back of Ellis’s house.
I run as hard as I can until I reach the safety of the front door and let Lucy down. My fingers almost touch the knob when I feel a weight on my shoulder. I fling myself around, fists raised, ready to defend myself. My hand collides with a chest at the exact instant my brain recognizes Ellis’s shocked expression.