It’s starting to get dark outside. I can’t believe I’ve spent the entire day with Ellis.
I’m sitting in an armchair, pretending to read a book. My eyes skim over the pages. My thoughts scatter, and I’m unable to link the words to form a meaningful sentence. Ellis has stepped outside to retrieve something from his car. I give up my pretense of reading and wander around. It’s just one big room, and there’s only one way out. The walls feel like they are closing in on me. Imprisoning me.
Talking with Ellis earlier today eased my worries. There’s something about him, a quality he possesses, that makes me believe in him. Like when he holds my hand. Instead of freezing up, as I normally did whenever a guy touched me, I feel calm. But in his absence, my worries, which I thought I had reconciled, return. It’s as if I only feel okay about this situation when Ellis is physically present. Why have I become so fickle? My belief in his character constantly wavers. I move to the window and pull back the curtains, expecting to see Ellis charging back to the house, armed with some weapon to harm me. But instead, I see him leaning against his car, a phone pressed to his ear.
I tug up at the window. It’s painted shut. His head turns to the house, and I duck behind the curtain. Did he see me? I rush back to the sofa, my throat dry. Even though I am staring at the door, expecting his arrival, I gasp when he returns.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”
“You didn’t,” I lie. I lean back into the sofa. “You know, I don’t think I ever thanked you for saving my life. How does one thank someone for that?”
“Well, you’re very welcome. I’m glad I was there to help.” He appraises me skeptically. “Kalli, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I was just wondering about, you know, ‘the break’ you’re taking from your family. Has it been a long time?”
My stomach tightens, and I grind my fingernails into my palms.
“Um.” I have no idea how to respond. Delving into my home life and the reasons I left are not my favorite topics. I clasp my hands around my knees, making myself smaller.
“Don’t worry about it. I shouldn’t have asked,” he apologizes.
“No, it’s okay. I just haven’t talked about it with anyone other than Mim.”
“Mim?”
“Yeah, she’s a friend,” I say, fidgeting with my hands.
He holds my hands between his, quieting my fingers. “Kalli, it’s really okay. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.” But the cuts on his face say the opposite.
“I’m really sorry about your face” I say.
“Don’t even think about it. Considering what you must have been going through—what I put you through—this is nothing. It makes me so angry to think of anyone hurting women. Of hurting you.”
One of the cats rubs up against his legs, and he immediately scoops it up.
“Some people are sick.” Ellis holds the cat close to his chest, and the air fills with the rumble of purring. “Several months ago, I was driving, and I saw this guy beating a bag with a stick. I don’t know why, but I pulled over. As soon as I got out, he took off.” He shakes his head. “Gutless ass. Getting his kicks by bludgeoning two kittens.”
“That’s terrible,” is all I can manage to say.
He smiles. “But they’re okay now. Aren’t you, Lucy?” He plops the cat down between us, and she immediately nestles in his lap.
Isn’t there a saying about judging people based on the way they treat animals? Ellis is so kind and gentle with Lucy. He must be a good person. He shifts and our legs touch. I suddenly feel so warm and relaxed. Lucy trusts him and so can I. Decent men do exist. I’ve just never had the good fortune of knowing any, until now.
And before I change my mind, I turn to Ellis. “Actually, I would like to tell you about why I left home.”
I lock my gaze with his glorious eyes. Yes, it will be better to tell him, at least some of it. I need to be careful so that he doesn’t think I’m weak. I won’t be his charity case. I won’t be anyone’s charity case. I take a deep breath and let my shoulders relax.
“I left home a few months ago, just before school started,” I begin. “Things got complicated at home after my dad moved out over a year ago.”
“Your father left you?” he asks.
“Yeah, he’s a mechanic, and he heard about some great opportunity to relocate to Pittsburgh and open up a chain of car repair shops.”
“Do you still see him? Do you know where he is?” Ellis asks.
I nod. “I know where he is, but I haven’t seen him for a long time.”
I think about the last time I saw my dad. I had been so sure he would rescue me from Sita and the men she insisted I allow into my bedroom. But of course, he didn’t.
Tears sting the corners of my eyes. I pretend to brush back hair from my forehead and wipe them away before Ellis sees.
“Anyway, Sita, my mother’s cousin from India, also lives at my house, and she and I didn’t get along.”
My hands shake. I’m not ready to share this part of my past. I steady my palms, hoping Ellis hasn’t noticed. It is getting difficult to hide my emotions. Talking about it is like reliving it. I need to stop.
“So I needed a break. And at the end of the summer, I simply left,” I say.
He looks shocked. He doesn’t understand. How could he? I’m such a fool to believe that he would see me as brave. I didn’t tell it properly.
Pangs of sadness tear into me. I’ve ruined this. I haven’t come off strong and independent. I’ve come off sad and angry and worthless. I’ll be back out on the streets. All my hopes disappear like an interrupted dream.
“I’m so sorry, Kalli.”
I shrug.
He looks at me as if I’m another stray that he’s ended up with. I’m such an idiot. I don’t want his pity. I figure it’s better if I initiate the goodbye than if he does it. At least this way, I retain some dignity.
“Well, thanks for everything,” I say in an unnaturally high voice, staggering to my feet.
“What? You’re leaving?”
“Yeah. I should go. Should let you get to … well, whatever.” I laugh nervously.
“No. You don’t have to go. Margaret’s great and all, but you were hurt badly. Why don’t you just lie down for a while, and then we can decide what to do.”
“You still want me to stay?”
He stands up and brushes a strand of hair from my face. “Yes, I still want you to stay.”
“Well, I guess I’m feeling a bit tired.” I rub my eyes.
“Okay, I’ll show you where you can rest.” He starts to get up but then suddenly freezes. His face tenses.
“Ellis?”
Nothing.
“Ellis?” It comes out like a squeak, but this time he turns and looks at me.
“Right, let’s go.” His words come out in a burst, and his mouth is tight.
He grabs my arm and roughly ushers me along. I pull back from the unexpected pain.
“Sorry, Kalli. You go and get some rest. I just need to take care of something.”
Take care of something? Now? I stand rooted to the spot.
There’s a loud bang on the front door. Ellis looks strained and my muscles tense in response.
“Kalli, it’s fine. Go lie down. I’ll deal with this and be right back.”
And then it finally makes sense. The phone call he made outside by his car. He was calling his girlfriend. Now she’s on the other side of the door. How can I have been so stupid to even think that he could ever care about me like that? He’s shown no indication of any feelings other than worry for my well-being. He likes to help. He helped me just like he helped the cats. Nothing more.
“You know, actually, I’m going to get going.” I move as quickly as I can to retrieve my backpack. I blink away the tears that threaten to fall onto my cheeks. I won’t let him see me cry.
“Did you say you were going somewhere? I don’t think so,” says a familiar voice.
My hands immediately clench. I turn, and blocking the entire doorway, is Fallon.