Sammy? I can’t hear, see, or think clearly. Everything is muted. I know Ellis says something to me because his lips move. His eyes are wide as they move rapidly from the phone dangling off the table to me. He yanks up the cord and then grabs onto my shoulders, shaking me, so that the phone bounces against me.
“Who are you talking to?” he demands.
I am vaguely aware of another sound emanating. But from where? Ellis’s lips have stopped moving, but the screeching hasn’t.
Sammy? How could I forget? My head throbs as a rush of images circle my brain. And through it all, I can still hear the shrieking. It’s coming from the phone. Mim. I place my hand on the phone and try to pull it up to my ear, but Ellis won’t let go. His face is hard and angry. I tug until he finally releases the phone. His eyes have narrowed and his lips are pursed tightly. I’m shocked at how closely he resembles Fallon.
“Who is that? Is that him?” Mim bellows into my ear.
“Sorry, Mim. I’ll call you later.” I hang up, even though I can still hear her frightened voice.
Ellis is standing over me, his face red, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters except Sammy. I have to go back. I have to get back to him. He must be terrified. I push my way past Ellis and race for the door. Ellis grabs on to my arm and I jerk it away. He recoils.
“Kalli, who were you talking to?”
There’s no time for this. I need to get out of here and back to Sammy. I feel sick. How could I forget about him? How could I have spent these past days living in such luxury while Sammy has been struggling all alone on the streets? I feel myself suffocating under the weight of my shame.
“Kalli!” Ellis’s roar shocks me from my thoughts.
“I have to go. He’s out there.”
“What are you talking about? Who’s out there?” Ellis is beside me now, holding onto my arm and anchoring me to the spot. “Who were you talking to?” I’m taken aback by his anger. He’s never spoken to me like this before.
“I have to get Sammy!”
“Sammy? Is that who you were talking to?”
“What? No, of course not. I was talking to Mim. And she asked about the little boy and then ….” I can barely say it. “I remembered,” I choke out. “I remembered Sammy.”
Ellis lets out a deep breath and his arms fall to his side. “You remember?” All the rage in his voice has been replaced by fear.
But then the meaning of his words hit me. “You know about Sammy?”
“Kalli, come sit down with me,” he says softly.
“No. I can’t sit down.” I look at him uncomprehendingly. “I have to get to Sammy. I have to get to the train station. I hope he found his way back there.”
“You can’t,” he says.
“What do you mean I can’t? Am I a prisoner here?” I run my hands through my hair, causing the skin on my face to pull back.
“Of course you’re not a prisoner. But please come sit down. I need to tell you something.”
He sounds so ominous. But I can’t deal with whatever dilemma he has right now. All that matters is getting back to Sammy.
“Come with me. We’ll go in that incredibly fast car of yours. We can talk on the way,” I offer, rushing to the door.
My fingers are turning the knob when he pulls my hand away.
“What are you doing?” I demand, turning on him.
“You can’t go to Sammy,” he whispers.
“Of course I can. Listen, if you don’t want to take me, that’s fine. But I’m going.”
Ellis rests his palm on my cheek. He looks completely miserable. He doesn’t want me to go. He wants me to stay here with him. He’s falling for me. I place my hand over his.
“I won’t leave you. I’ll just go and find Sammy. Make sure he’s okay.” And then the most wonderful thought comes to me. “Maybe I can even bring him back too. He’s so little and really wouldn’t be any ….”
Ellis is shaking his head. “You can’t go to Sammy. He’s not at the train station.”
My hand falls limp beside me. “What do you mean he’s not there?” A slow panic bubbles inside me.
“Please come and sit down,” Ellis says, putting his arm around my shoulder, trying to guide me to the sofa.
I duck out from under him. I swallow. My throat is suddenly so dry. “What do you mean he’s not there?” I repeat.
Ellis takes a deep breath and bites his lower lip. “When I found you in the alley, you were badly hurt. You were covered in blood. I knew I had to get you help quickly.” He pauses and strokes my hair. “You were delirious. Your words were slurred and didn’t make any sense. But you did repeat one name over and over.”
“Sammy,” we say together.
“Yes, Sammy,” he smiles wistfully, causing the ripples of panic to grow into waves. “So after I dropped you off at the clinic and made sure you were going to be taken care of, I went back.” He closes his eyes and leans his head back against the door.
Bile clogs the back of my throat. Tears spill over onto my cheek, and I wipe them away. It’s not true. What I’m thinking is not true. It can’t be.
“Where’s Sammy?” I ask, my voice thick and strangled.
“He was so small. It took me a while to find him, huddled in a corner of the alley.”
This can’t be happening.
“I tried desperately to revive him.”
No.
“But his wounds were too much.”
“No.” My voice finally breaks through. “Sammy got away. I saw him. I remember. We were being attacked, and I fought that guy off. I saw Sammy run out of the alley. I saw him. I saved him!” I bellow, clutching the fabric of Ellis’s shirt.
He grasps my hands within his. “Sometimes when the pain of reality is too much, our brains protect us any way they can.” He shakes his head. “I’m sure you did everything you could to keep him safe.”
“I did keep him safe,” I say, unwilling to believe. “And at the clinic, you all said there wasn’t a child. I asked you!” I pull myself free of his hold and shove him away.
“Margaret said that even though she had healed you physically, you weren’t ready for the truth. That you had buried the truth about what happened, and it would be best to wait until you were stronger to tell you about Sammy,” he says, trying to pull me back into him.
I push his hands away and step back from him. “It’s not true,” I cry. “It can’t be true. I didn’t make it all up.”
“That guy was strong, and he had a knife. You can’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault.” Ellis swallows. “I’m so sorry, Kalli. Sammy never made it out of the alley.”
I’m drowning. I must be drowning because I can’t breathe. My lungs are full. My ears ring and an unbearable weight crushes my chest. The last thing I hear is Ellis saying, “He’s gone.”