CHAPTER NINETEEN

 

 

Daisy left work at five, which was as much of the coffee shop as she could stand that day. If she’d had to work a double or a split, she might have screamed at someone. One of those days where she’d promise herself that if things got bad enough, she’d quit. She probably wouldn’t, but thinking like that helped her endure to the end of her shift.

She’d messed up a customer’s latte that morning, had added a shot of vanilla instead of caramel. Simple mistake. But the guy yelled at her as if she’d done it on purpose. Berated her, made her feel stupid and weak and inadequate. Eventually, her manager came over and smoothed over the whole situation. He pacified the customer with a free drink coupon and hadn’t given Daisy any punishment.

Even though her boss had been kind to her, that customer’s harshness weighed on her for the rest of the day. How could people be so cruel?

As she rode the elevator to her condo, she realized none of that mattered. Tomorrow, she was going to spend time with her son. To finally see Caden after he’d been with his dad for six straight weeks. And that was worth more than all the latte-swilling assholes in the world. So the rest of the day would be spent cleaning, re-inserting all the little plastic plugs into the electrical outlets. Converting her two-bedroom apartment into a home, if only temporarily.

She opened the front door of her condo with a smile on her face until she looked down when her foot touched the corner of an envelope. Someone had shoved it under her front door. She bent and picked it up, trying to keep her hands from shaking. Didn’t work.

No text at all on the front. But she had a feeling who’d left it here. She opened the unsealed envelope and withdrew a single sheet of paper.

 

D-

You need to relax. Have some fun.

-A

 

No mystery here. The A was for Alec, Nathan’s brother. Even before Daisy had become terrified of Nathan, she’d never felt comfortable around his twin. They were alike in many ways, but Alec never smiled. Never cracked a joke or found other people’s jokes funny. Nathan’s sense of humor had won over Daisy from their first date. Alec was like a dog always on the verge of growling.

But the problem with him was much more basic than that. His name. Alec.

It was too close to Alex, which was Daisy’s brother’s name. The name was too much of a reminder of the sibling she’d lost for no reason at all. Alex Cortez, former straight-A student and standout third baseman for his little league team.

Alec looked nothing like Alex. One was tall with black hair, brown eyes, and pale white skin. The other was short and skinny with brown skin. But she never wanted to be made to think of that name against her will. Didn’t want to dredge up those feelings which were like kicks to the gut, every time it happened. Every time someone said “Alec,” the word blindsided her.

Too painful. She missed her brother too much.

At least, when she was on drugs, she didn’t have to think about it. Now, clean and sober for over two months, she didn’t have any medication to kill the mourning inside her. Facing the world straight every single day was a daunting task.

Daisy read the note a couple times, unsure what it was supposed to mean. The fact that it had come from Alec meant that Nathan was probably still out of town, but no mention of where. No texts or calls from either of them.

She considered texting Micah, to let him know Nathan was still gone but that Alec had made contact. But, she couldn’t bring herself to tap Micah’s contact info on her phone. She hadn’t talked to him since they’d slept together, and she didn’t know how to begin to communicate. Last night had been a mistake.

She kept doing this to herself. Making bad decisions, seeking dangerous activities she knew she’d regret later. Why couldn’t she resist these stupid urges that drove her to act like such a heel? Even two months sober, she was still doing it.

She opened her laptop to distract herself, but her favorite horoscope website wouldn’t load. Her fingers drummed on the keys, growing impatient. With a sigh, she opened the Mac terminal and ran a traceroute to find out why it was running so slow, but she didn’t have the patience to wait for that, either. She tossed the laptop on the couch next to her.

Her eyes fell back to the baggie of coke.

Have some fun.

Daisy carried the note and the envelope to her couch, and she tossed them both onto the coffee table. As she did, a tiny Ziploc baggie flew out of the envelope and landed on the carpet. The thing was no bigger than her thumb.

She bent and scooped it up from the floor.

Cocaine. She flicked a finger at the baggie and it danced, pinched between her fingers. About a gram inside, enough to keep her going for the rest of the day. Enough to give her a few of hours of thinking that everything was right with the world and she had no problems worth caring about.

Until, of course, she would come down and realize that she’d tossed sixty-six days of sobriety into the garbage bin. Then she’d have to get clean all over again, if that were even possible. Her last bender was supposed to be a weekend of fun, but it had turned into a month of drug-fueled bad decisions and chaos. Lucky that she’d kept her job through the whole debacle.

You need to relax. Have some fun.

Daisy held the bag in her hand, used her fingers to scoot it around in her palm. How did this powder have such a hold on her? How could the desire for it make the backs of her knees sweat, her head swim, her stomach do somersaults on a trampoline?

It was poison, and she believed that truth wholeheartedly. She knew it could lead to death and yet she still wanted it. Even more, her body claimed she needed it. That she wouldn’t be right without it. How was that possible?

Caden would be here tomorrow. This powder could ruin her last chance to see her son on a regular basis. She would become birthday cards and emails and never spend another night under the same roof as her own child.

She stood, gripping the baggie in her hands. Dropped the baggie on the coffee table, then picked it up again. Held it to the light, watching the tiny white grains shift inside their plastic prison. She bounced it in her palm a couple times, feeling the weight settle. It was only about as heavy as a nickel, but holding it made her wrist ache.

“Enough, Cortez,” she said, and her voice sounded weak. She hated that.

Daisy walked into the bathroom, flushed the cocaine down the toilet, and the baggie with it. She placed a hand on the cool porcelain of the sink counter until her lightheadedness passed. Touched the crucifix hanging from the chain around her neck.

Then, she proceeded to clean her apartment in anticipation of Caden’s arrival.