Trina
“It’s a full moon.” I collapsed on the couch, exhausted. Smoky climbed in my lap, nudging me with his snout. Super needy today.
“How can you tell?” Lyssie asked. She had two of the other dogs by their collars. We liked to let everyone out of their crates as much as possible. Animals didn’t belong in boxes. But today almost everybody was on lockdown.
“They’re all nuts!” I laughed, roughing up Smoky’s fur. I was getting attached to this guy, big time. And the feeling was mutual. He’d hardly left my side, except for when he fought with some of the other wolves. Until they started fighting, I could almost forget they weren’t like the rest of the dogs. It was going to break my heart to set them free. It had to happen soon. I couldn’t believe how fast they were healing. It was already hard to tell they’d been involved in a dogfighting ring. “It happens every month. When you leave tonight, look up, I guarantee it.”
“I never noticed, until we had the big guys in here.” Lyssie gave up refereeing and started crating everyone. She was covered in end of day filth. “I thought it was just me having a bad day.”
“Nah, we’re probably all off.” I barely had the energy for the last round of the night. Everyone needed fresh food and water, and food was getting scarce. The wolves had changed everything. In the morning, I needed to make some phone calls, pull in some favors, and figure out how to get some cash for this place. Since the dogfight, it was almost impossible. Everything in town had been weird. Doors slammed in my face, people ignoring me at stores, the cashier putting my eggs under the cans at the supermarket. A whole bunch of passive aggressive bullshit I was getting real tired of. Not to mention the girls’ flat tire and the roadkill left at the shelter door. “Ready for rounds?”
“You’re actually leaving tonight?” Kiera raised an eyebrow. The full moon affected me, too. I focused on my work, keeping my brain busy as possible. I’d slept shitty the last couple nights, dreaming of the accident, not being able to stop the car from veering into the tree, powerless but always waking up just before impact. I had this nightmare a lot, but I was never able to bring my fiancé back.
“Yeah.” It didn’t sound convincing.
“I’m proud of you, T.” She came over and gave me a hug. We separated quickly, neither of us were very touchy. “I know how hard this is. When was the last time you went to therapy?”
“A while ago.” I didn’t even like talking about the fact that I went. Kiera and Lyssie were much more open about it. Every time I saw the therapist, she made me feel worse. And she’d bitch at me about drinking. I didn’t want to hear it. I was dealing with everything the best way I knew how. Everyone else had suggestions, but they weren’t living my life. What looked good on paper didn’t always work in reality. At this point, I wasn’t sure I’d ever get better. I didn’t know what better was anymore. That’s what had led me here. The animals helped piece me back together.
In my dreams, Ryan was still alive. But the reality was I’d killed him. Black ice and too much champagne shattered what should’ve been the happiest night of my life. The car accident replayed in my nightmares like I’d hit repeat. It didn’t matter how far I ran away from it, the memories followed me. His spirit should’ve comforted me, but I’d taken too much from him to ever be able to feel good about it.
Throw myself back into work. It always seemed like the answer. Sometimes it helped when I stayed at the shelter. I wasn’t so alone with my thoughts. Thank God for company. Smoky had become my shadow, not leaving my side as we finished locking up for the night.
“Maybe you should,” Kiera said quietly. “You’re in a different place every time you talk to her. It might help, even if it’s in a way you don’t expect. We can’t control what’s already happened to us, but we can control what happens in the future.”
“I know.” I sighed, but it didn’t mean I wanted to talk about it now. Or ever. “Do you think you’ll be ready to take a foster soon?”
“Yeah. I’m excited about it.” She looked back to the crates. “I know which one I want, too.”
“The scrapper that’s been following you around?” She nodded, her face brightening up. That’s what made me know this was working. Better than those stupid appointments. Kiera had picked a wolf, but I wasn’t going to tell her she couldn’t have him. No, we couldn’t control the past. But we could make today better. It was true for every creature in this building. “Awesome. I’ll start getting you set up later this week.”
**
It was a beautiful fall night. I needed this crisp, clean air. Cracking open a beer, I headed back out to the porch. So what, I was replacing one bad habit with another. Nothing else helped me quiet the voices inside my head, and I wasn’t sure I wanted them to go away. I deserved to suffer for what I did. I killed the person who had promised to love me forever.
“Settle down,” I pleaded with Smoky. He paced back and forth, yet to sit, whining like his fur was too tight. All the fidgeting drove me crazy. I tapped my leg, sure he’d come sit with me. He looked over his shoulder but tipped his face up to the sky. “I get it, buddy.”
That warm and fuzzy feeling came halfway through my third beer. The images of Ryan lying on the side of the road, the snow turning pink around him, his eyes stilling, faded to a blur. This was a dangerous place. It was like a see-saw, and there was no way I could keep balance. Or as I liked to refer to it, a tornado. I had no control over the destruction. If I stopped drinking now, the visions would win. If I had another beer, I’d slip into oblivion. The world couldn’t go on without me. I’d dug my fingernails into the place I belonged.
I got up and grabbed another beer, knowing already I’d regret this tomorrow. Cleaning animal cages with a hangover was no easy feat.
“What’s wrong with you?” I went over to Smoky when I came back outside. His whines had grown to cries, and I was getting concerned. Don’t do this to me, buddy, not now when I’m on a one way trip to Drunkville. I wouldn’t be able to get him any help. The vet hated me and I was too drunk to drive.
Those eyes never got less haunted, less knowing. The wolves didn’t play like regular dogs, either. Everything was a scuffle with those guys. But with me and the girls, they were so gentle, protective, and downright loving.
I wished I could keep him.
Smoky shied away from me. Weird. He never did that. I sat on the edge of the deck and watched him squirm. Leaves crackled beneath him as he rolled around. Pink skin flashed through his fur. Shit. That was new. His coat had been perfect.
Kneeling beside him, I tried one more time to pet him, calm him down. Touch was such a powerful thing. Putting my hands in his fur always slowed my heartbeat down a few notches. Now I did it without even thinking about it, and he’d only been with me a couple of weeks. His cry became a roar, and he jerked away from me.
Those eyes. My breath caught in my throat when they locked with mine. They’d never looked more human.
His howl broke the trance. Smoky clawed at the earth like he needed to hold on or fall off. I’d never seen him do this before and I had no idea what to do. It was freaking me out. His fur was literally falling away before my eyes, muscles tense under stretched skin, and if I wasn’t drunk, I’d swear that his bare paws looked like hands.
The dog stood upright, thigh muscles formed, and his face was the freakiest part. Ears and snout melted away as I screamed, revealing a human face. He was all man now, all powerful and naked man, long black hair streaked with silver rippling in the breeze. The only thing that remained the same was his eyes.
I fell when I stood up. Scrambling into the house, I slammed the door shut and leaned against it. If that creature...person...was what I thought he was, he’d kick through this no problem. I needed to focus. This was what I got for being drunk. I’d laughed off the reports of werewolves in the forest when people were concerned about a little lady building a cabin on the edge of Sawtooth. That shit wasn’t real. There wasn’t anything out here scarier than me. Or so I’d thought. Now it was standing on my front porch.
“Trina!” I stopped breathing when a male voice called to me. I’d never heard it before, but it was so familiar. He knew my name. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
I needed my shotgun.