The words Rafe had given her as an explanation as to why they couldn’t act on their feelings for one another were stunning to Kaylee. She certainly hadn’t been expecting him to say that if he chose to be with her, he would get her killed.
She didn’t blink for several seconds as she studied his face in the thin rays of moonlight that managed to filter through the scraggly branches of the tree they were sitting below. “Why do you say that?”
He slowly shook his head, looking away from her. “Kaylee, in order to explain to you all of these things, it would require me to uncover many secrets that have been buried in my mind for years.”
“Painful memories?” Kaylee said it as a question, but she knew the answer was yes before he even nodded. She could tell from his voice. “And you don’t want to talk about them.”
“Precisely,” Rafe said the word with a tone of finality about it that Kaylee didn’t want to recognize.
“Perhaps it would be helpful for you to get those thoughts out of your mind, share them with someone else, someone who is understanding and supportive.”
“Well, if I ever meet someone of that nature, perhaps I will consider it,” Rafe said, dragging his hand down his face.
Kaylee tapped him in the ribs with her elbow. “You don’t have to be so ugly.”
He laughed. “I apologize, Princess. You’re right. That was rude, and I was saying it in jest. I don't think I know you well enough to determine whether or not speaking to you about what’s troubling me would be helpful. I do know that I’ve not spoken of some of these events for nearly a decade. I can’t imagine bringing them up now would do anything but drive me mad.”
“A decade?” Kaylee repeated. She didn’t know exactly how old he was, but she had to imagine he wasn’t that much older than her. Possibly twenty-five or twenty-six at best, which meant he would’ve been fairly young when whatever he was speaking of transpired.
Kaylee had learned a bit about the history of Norterly when she was in school. It was customary for all of the nobility to learn about their neighbors, to some extent. It was evident that she hadn’t kept up with the current affairs of the kingdom. The last she’d heard, King Richard was the ruler. According to what Rafe had said, that was his grandfather. Rafe said he was no longer the ruler, which would make sense since the villagers had said, “King Rafe.”
What had happened to Rafe’s father? For that matter, did Richard only have daughters?
‘Daughter,’ she remembered. It had been Richard who’d decided to concentrate on building up the army by only allowing families to have one daughter. Any other daughters born to a family had to be… disposed of.
Hearing of that practice had outraged Kaylee when she’d learned about it in school. The horror stories her tutors had told her about how baby girls were left to die or thrown into rivers had not only made her blood boil, it had made her so very sad. What kind of a monster could do that to their own child?
She’d demanded that her father take an army and march on Norterly immediately to insure that King Richard was no longer able to enforce the horrific policy. Her father had tried to explain why he couldn’t do that, telling her that he didn’t have the authority to tell another king what he could or couldn’t do in his own kingdom.
“Your mother,” Kaylee said slowly, “is she Richard’s daughter?”
Rafe nodded. “His only daughter.” He emphasized the only. Kaylee didn’t ask if Richard had had other daughters and disposed of them or if he’d only had one. “His only child.”
“Is your father still alive?”
Again, his head rocked back and forth. “But he has never been king. Grandfather Richard made him a prince--Prince George. Before they married, he was a duke, so it was an upgrade, I suppose.”
“And now that you’re gone… is your mother ruling? Or your sister? Did you say both?”
Rafe’s next breath was ragged, like a horse’s hoofbeats when it wasn’t sure if it should run or not. “You are truly trying to sort this all out, aren’t you.”
“Forgive me,” Kaylee said. “I honestly don’t mean to pry. I’m only concerned about you.”
“That’s very kind of you, but I assure you, I’m well.”
“I don’t think you are.” Rafe looked at her through the corner of his eye. “If it’s any consolation, I’m not either. That is, before all of this happened, I wasn’t well. I was… a mess. Now, I’ve taken my semi-messy life and turned it into a nightmare--a travesty.”
“You have done a fine job of that,” he said with a nod. “But what you’ve done, you did out of concern and love. You shouldn’t beat yourself up for that.”
“Ha!” Kaylee said, shifting slightly as the uncomfortable earth began to bite into her backside. “I’m afraid you’re mistaken, Your Majesty. What I did, I did out of selfishness.”
“How’s that?” Rafe turned to face her.
“I left the castle without my father’s permission because I wanted to be free. I had been warned not to go outside of the castle, that it was dangerous, but I didn’t think that Arteria was penetrable. I was wrong. And my mistake cost my cousins and my friend everything.”
“You don’t know that yet.” His hand came down on her arm, and Kaylee wanted so badly to bury her head in his shoulder again. “Jenna is likely still alive. Your other cousin and your friend could be out in the woods, just as we are.”
Kaylee shrugged and nodded. “I suppose it’s possible, but none of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t made such awful decisions.”
“I have also made awful decisions,” Rafe told her. “That’s why I am no longer king.”
Again her eyes stayed on his face, waiting. He tried to pull his hand away, but she didn’t let it go. “What happened, Rafe?”
“If I tell you, you will think I come from a family of monsters.”
She wanted to say she already thought his grandfather was a monster, but she only said, “I will not judge you by what I think of your family.”
He took a deep breath and slowly blew it out. “All right, then, Princess Kaylee. I’ll tell you what I did.”
Kaylee said nothing for fear he’d stop talking. Instead, she settled her head against his chest so that she wasn’t looking at him, hoping that would make him feel more comfortable.
“What do you know of my family, other than what you’ve said?”
“That’s all,” she said. “Except, I know you have a sister. Princess Angelica?”
“Yes, that’s my oldest sister’s name,” he replied. “She was taken by what I’m sure is the same group of marauders last year.”
Kaylee wanted to hear more about what had happened to Angelica, but his description caught her attention. “Oldest?”
“That’s what I said,” Rafe confirmed.
“Do you mean older? That is… oldest implies that you have two sisters, doesn’t it?”
Rafe cleared his throat. “Princess Kaylee, did you want me to tell you this story or not?”
“I apologize,” she said. “I’ll be quiet and listen. I promise.” The last thing she wanted was for him to stop talking and not tell her any of the information she was so curious to discover.
It took a long moment for Rafe to start talking again. “I refused to pay the ransom for my sister, which ended up being a colossal mistake. I decided to attempt to take her back by force, with my army. I lost hundreds of men and accomplished nothing. In the end, I paid the ransom, and now Angelica is home with my mother, Queen Isbell, ruling the country that I gave up once I realized how horrendous a mistake I had made.”
The urge to say something was overwhelming. Kaylee bit her lip.
He continued. “Those men died because I tried to be a hero instead of following the practical advice of my advisors.”
No longer able to keep her thoughts to herself, Kaylee said, “What you did was noble. You can’t blame yourself for what happened to the soldiers in your army. They are there of their own accord, aren’t they? You don’t have conscription, do you?”
“I appreciate you attempting to make me feel better, Kaylee, but the bottom line is, I made a mistake. It proved what my grandfather had always said, that I wasn’t fit to be king.”
Kaylee didn’t believe that. “Richard was a monster, I will give you that. An ignorant monster apparently.”
“I cannot argue with you about the monster part, but he was correct in saying I was too soft.”
“Choosing to fight doesn’t seem soft to me. I know for certain nothing else you’ve done since we met has made you appear soft.”
“Thank you,” he said. But then… he grew quiet, and she was certain that was the end of his story.
So she had to ask. “Do you have another sister?”
Rafe cleared his throat. “I did.”