The sun was beginning to come up on the horizon. Kaylee could see a soft pinkish-orange glow in the distance. Neither she nor Rafe had gotten much sleep, but that wasn’t unusual. Ever since she’d left her warm bed to go on this foolish adventure, she hadn’t gotten more than a few hours of sleep.
They would be leaving soon. Where they'd be going, she wasn’t sure, but it wouldn’t be to the castle on the mountainside. They wouldn’t be charging up the road to the fortress at the top of the cliff, demanding that her cousin, Princess Jenna, be released.
Rafe had already told her far more than she had ever expected him to. Yet, his last statement had been so shocking, she couldn’t help but ask him, “What do you mean you ‘did’ have another sister?”
“I would really rather not speak of it, Princess,” he said. “Not now. Besides, the sun is rising. It’s time that we depart. We are about eight hours from my mother’s castle. We should go there, and then I will find a way for you to be transported home. This time, I will put you in a carriage that isn’t so prone to tipping.”
“Very well,” Kaylee said, knowing that pressing him to answer her at the moment wouldn’t provide her with the information she was seeking, but it would frustrate him beyond belief. So she decided to let it go for now.
Standing was painful. Kaylee’s legs were stiff from sitting so long, especially in the cold rain. She had to get up first for Rafe to move since she was practically wrapped around him still. Scooting to her left, she prepared to stand but noticed that Rafe was already up before she could convince her legs to cooperate.
Offering his hand, Rafe smiled down at her. “Thank you.” Kaylee slipped her fingers into his palm, and he gently pulled her to her feet. She let out a soft groan.
“Are you in pain?” His voice sounded concerned, not at all as if he was about to poke fun at her.
“Just stiff,” she assured him. “I’ll loosen up in a bit.” She let go of his hand and took a few tentative steps, hoping that her legs would begin to cooperate soon.
Rafe folded up the damp blankets and waited for her to join him in walking over to the horses. He took his time, which she appreciated. The last thing she needed was to trip and fall down the mountainside.
“Are you capable of mounting?”
Kaylee felt her face turn a bright red as she attempted to decipher why Rafe would ask her such a personal question at that moment? “What’s that now?” she asked, glad he was facing away from her so that he couldn’t see her face. Just because they’d shared one kiss, that didn’t mean--
“The horse,” Rafe said, turning to look at her. Seeing her face, he began to chuckle. “Are you capable of getting up on top of the horse on your own, Princess, since your legs are stiff?”
“Right, yes. Of course. I knew that,” Kaylee stammered. “I just thought it was an odd question… because you’ve seen me climb atop a horse several times now. You must know that I am capable of… mounting.”
He turned back around, but she could still hear him laughing. It was clear that she had not figured out what he was saying before he clarified.
“Good, then I won’t offer to help you,” Rafe said, reaching the horses ahead of her and unhooking each of them from the trees. They were both wet from the rainstorm.
The horses seemed relieved to be free. Kaylee had to wonder if either of them was skittish. Had they been frightened by the lightning and thunder the night before? How had they felt about being tied up outside with all of that noise and those bright lights? She hadn’t heard a peep out of them, but the thunder had been loud enough to drown them out.
Kaylee shook her head to clear her thoughts and headed over to her horse. Her legs were still stiff, and she actually wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to mount the horse, but after what she’d said to Rafe, she didn’t feel like should ask for his help. She’d just have to make it work.
Managing to put her left foot in the stirrup, she braced herself as she pushed up and attempted to swing her other leg around.
She lost her balance and started to fall backward, but two strong hands clamped down on her waist, keeping her from falling completely off the horse. “I’ve got you, Princess,” Rafe said.
“Thank you.” Having his hands on her again, his warm breath on her cheek, made her heart flutter. Rafe gave her a smile and continued to hold onto her as she swung her leg back around again and mounted the horse.
A moment later, Rafe was also on his horse. Kaylee waited for him to go around her and lead the way down the mountain.
While they crossed back over the same territory they had covered the day before, Kaylee tried not to think about what a colossal waste of time it had been for them to ride up the mountain in the first place. They could’ve been heading back in this direction with help from Rafe’s army if he would have ordered them to attack. Or, if she hadn’t wrecked the carriage, she’d be safe and sound in her own castle now, with her father out looking for her cousins.
Instead, she was trekking back over the exact same ground she’d ridden over a few hours ago, no closer to helping either of her cousins or Gregory.
Gregory. She hadn’t allowed herself to think too much about her childhood friend through all of this. She liked to tell herself that was because she was so concerned about her cousins, but that wasn’t exactly the truth.
Thinking about Gregory was uncomfortable. Especially after the exchange she’d had with Rafe earlier.
Gregory had attempted to hide his feelings about Kaylee, but he’d never been completely successful at it. She had known all along that he secretly wished she’d choose him to be with, not because he wanted to be king but because he wanted to be with her.
She’d never felt that way about him, though. It troubled her to think of his unrequited love. It wasn’t as if she’d always been perfectly clear with him. There was that time in the barn when he’d leaned in to kiss her, and she’d let him.
He’d pulled away from her with a hopeful look on his face, and she’d simply shook her head and backed away. She’d turned and walked back to the castle, to her room, feeling like an awful person.
They’d been so young then. She had been fourteen. Curiosity about kissing had allowed her to get his hopes up, and then, she’d had to squash them like a bug beneath her boot.
Their relationship had changed that day. No longer were they happy-go-lucky friends who could spend time together doing whatever they fancied. No, from that moment on, whenever she was with him, whether they were alone or with someone else, Kaylee felt awkward. She felt like she’d done something awful.
Maybe she had.
Maybe Gregory still thought what she had done was awful.
Kaylee and Rafe were down the mountainside before the sun was even straight overhead. It didn’t take nearly as long to descend as the climb up had taken. Rather than continuing down the path they’d come from, Rafe led her in the other direction, and soon enough, they were making a left turn onto a wider road that led to the east.
“This road is much more traveled than the one we were on yesterday,” he said. “It cuts through villages and settlements. We should be able to find something to eat.”
“All right,” Kaylee said, not caring about food at the moment. Even though she should be hungry, she couldn’t stop thinking about her cousins.
The main reason she hadn’t turned around and left her venture before was that she knew the moment she gave up her cause, she’d start feeling a tremendous amount of guilt. Now, with every step her horse made, her shoulders felt heavier and heavier. She wanted to turn back around and ride toward the mountain.
Rafe must have sensed her disposition. He slowed his horse so that he was riding beside her. The road was wide enough for that here, so long as no one was coming from the other direction. Despite his statement that this path was more well-traveled, she hadn’t seen anyone yet.
“What is it, Princess?” he asked. “Usually when you are this quiet, you’re thinking of some sort of a scheme.”
“No, I’m not,” she assured him. “Not this time, that is.”
“What are you thinking about then?” he asked her.
Kaylee shook her head. “I don’t know. The same problems I’ve been going over and over in my mind for the last several days.”
“You’re feeling like you made the wrong choice in walking away from them, aren't you?”
She nodded. “I feel so… guilty. Like I’ve done something so horrendous, I could never be forgiven. I mean, perhaps I have. If any of the three of them are dead, their blood is on my hands.”
“Princess, I understand why you feel that way, but I will tell you again, no one made them go with you. They could’ve said no and stayed in the castle, couldn't they have?”
She shrugged. It was a valid point in principle, but that didn’t make her feel any better.
“Do you have any idea what it’s like to feel this way, King Rafe?” she asked.
He made a face at the name she used, not the question. “You’re not the first person to feel guilty, Kaylee. Everyone has experienced that feeling at some point in time.”
“But… we feel it more, don’t we? As royals, we have so many responsibilities that others can never fathom. When someone perishes on the battlefield, in a raid or an attack that a king orders, isn’t he responsible for that person’s death? Isn’t that what you were saying earlier? About the men you lost? Especially if it’s not a volunteer army? What if that soldier didn’t decide he wanted to fight?”
“There have been times when I’ve given an order and people have died. I do feel guilty about that, for certain. That’s one of the reasons I gave up my throne. But you didn’t force anyone to do anything.”
“So that is one of the reasons you stepped away from ruling? You mentioned the attack on the mountainside, how you’d lost so many men. Is that why you decided to give up your throne?”
He cleared his throat and looked away. Once again, Kaylee assumed she’d pushed too hard, and he wouldn’t answer her.
“That was a bad decision I made because I already felt guilty about something else, Princess. Like you, I let my bad decisions compound on one another until they were stacked so high, the weight of them was crushing me. That’s why I left.”
Kaylee was silent for a few moments as she processed his words. Only the clip-clopping of the horses’ hooves, a flutter and call of a bird nearby, and the rustle of the leaves in the trees by the wind filled the void until she decided how to respond.
Of course, she wanted to know what it was that had made him feel as if his bad choices were compounding on top of him, but she wasn’t sure how she could ask. If he wanted to tell her, wouldn’t he have done so already?
“You’re uncharacteristically quiet after a statement like that,” Rafe noted.
She let an uneasy laugh go. “I apologize. It’s only… I’m not exactly sure how to respond. I would like to know what it was that made you feel that way, but I also know it’s not my place to ask you.”
“I appreciate that,” Rafe said. “It’s something I haven’t spoken of in many years.”
The statement was odd. It didn’t quite go with what he’d said before. He had made it sound as if it was the last event that he’d found unbearable, not the other choices he’d made up until that point.
She cleared her throat and decided to change the subject to get her thoughts away from his statement. “You are certain, when we arrive at the castle, your family will welcome you, are you not?”
“Do you think perhaps they’ve run me off?” He chuckled under his breath, a response that made her think he was avoiding the question.
“No, I’m just making certain I haven’t made an awful decision again.” That wasn’t true--she felt that this was the only other choice she had available to her, other than essentially committing suicide by climbing the mountain and facing an army that would easily annihilate both of them without breaking a sweat.
“My mother and sister will welcome us,” he assured her. “My grandfather wouldn’t if he were there. After all, you are a woman, and even worse, you’re wearing trousers. But he is long dead and likely jousting with the devil himself.”
“And your father has no say?”
“He is only a prince. The queen sits on the throne now, though I often refer to my sister as a queen as well. She is, more or less, ruling alongside my mother. Angelica is the voice of reason, not my mad mother. The situation in our kingdom is quite different now than it was when I was a boy. If it had been different, I would be different.”
There it was--that shadow again. Whatever it was that made him feel so guilty had to have happened when he was younger, and all of these other situations were just making it worse. They weren’t the root of the problem.
“What is your sister like?” Kaylee was aware that he’d said he had had two sisters. Perhaps whatever it was that haunted him had to do with the one he’d lost.
“Princess Angelica is a lovely, intelligent woman who doesn’t take after her mother, thankfully.”
“And your mother, Queen Isbell is….”
“Not of sound mind. She hasn’t been for as long as I can remember.”
Kaylee couldn’t imagine what it must be like to have a mother who wasn’t well in the head. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
Rafe shrugged. “I haven’t really known her to be different. Perhaps when I was a young boy.”
Asking what sorts of unusual things the queen did seemed to be too invasive, so Kaylee didn’t ask, despite how badly she wanted to know. Her imagination was probably far worse than reality. The queen probably didn’t bite the heads off chickens, or speak to her embroidery as if it were a person--did she? “Do you believe she’ll be angered to see that I am here? Particularly in pants?”
“No, but then, I don’t plan on letting any other members of the royal family know that you were wearing pants. We will make sure that you are dressed in acceptable attire before you enter the castle.”
“And how will we do that exactly?” Kaylee asked.
“I have my ways.” He gave her a supportive smile, and Kaylee tried to trust him. Trusting others was not always a strong point for her, but she was trying her best to learn.
She wanted to trust Rafe.
She wanted to trust him a lot.