Attending uncomfortable social gatherings was a part of being a royal. Kaylee had been doing just that since she was a small girl. Back then, she’d come and be adorable for a few minutes, and then her nanny or governess would sweep her away, back to the nursery or her chambers to play until her parents’ obligations were over, and they could come and tuck her into bed.
The older the princess became, the longer she was expected to stay until she found herself spending far too many hours at dinners or dances she had no desire to attend. Her mother always reminded her that it was part of being a princess, but that didn’t make Kaylee like it any more.
The dinner with Rafe’s mother and sister was just such an occasion. Sitting next to Rafe, who looked like a completely different person dressed in a nice suit in the kingdom’s colors, she stared at the first course, a strawberry salad.
“I hope you’ll like it,” Queen Isbell said. “It’s the first of our nine courses, which includes our famous Norterly braised chicken.”
“It’s delicious.” Kaylee swallowed down the salad, even though it wasn’t that appealing, and then the next course came out.
“Matanga truffles,” the queen explained. “They are only found in this kingdom during certain times of the year. They are considered a delicacy.”
Taking a bite, Kaylee braced herself and managed a smile. “Delicious.”
Queen Isbell almost smiled, she was apparently so pleased with Kaylee’s reaction.
The princess, however, decided to eat them as slowly as possible, praying that her plate was taken up for the next course. The truffles tasted like dirt. Not that she regularly ate dirt, but she had tried one of Marcus’s fine mud pies when they were little. Made of Arteria’s finest mud, she had been assured. Also a delicacy.
“It has come to my attention that your cousin has been taken prisoner by King Leopold,” Queen Isbell said, her face solemn. “How tragic. I do hope that her father’s kingdom has the funds to pay the ransom. It is quite hefty.”
“I hope so as well,” Kaylee said, not wishing to talk about either the topic of her kidnapped cousin or the funds of her uncle’s kingdom.
“When we paid the ransom, it wasn’t too difficult,” Isbell said. “We simply asked the people of the land to contribute, and since everyone loves our Princess Angelica, we had the money we needed in a matter of days without even having to open the coffers.” She smiled at her daughter, who was sitting next to her, and patted her cheek.
Angelica did not look amused. “Yes, far be it from us to have to dip into the treasury to raise a ransom. It’s not as if the dank dungeons of Leopold's fortress were not accommodating.”
Isbell’s happy expression faded. She turned her eyes back to Kaylee. “You will have to forgive my daughter. She is still recovering from the affair.”
Kaylee didn’t know what to say. Of course, she would be. Who wouldn’t be? As far as she knew, all of the kidnappings had occurred within the last few months, which meant it couldn’t have been too awful long since Angelica had been taken and returned.
Rather than attempting to appease both women with an answer, Princess Kaylee gave them both a tight-lipped smile and took another bite of her dinner.
“Tell us how the two of you came to be traveling together,” Isbell insisted, looking at her son. “I’m still not quite sure I understand. As far as I knew, you were still running around the forests to the south, not visiting the dignitaries in other kingdoms.” A bitterness coated every word that came from her mouth.
Rafe cleared his throat. “I was in the forest when I ran into Princess Kaylee. She was attempting to catch up to the marauders who had taken her cousin.”
“And why is it that they didn’t also take you?” Isbell asked, her blue eyes seeming to bore into Kaylee’s soul as if she already knew the answer.
Even if she did, Kaylee wasn’t about to admit to the queen that she had been wearing men’s clothing. It was still against the law here for women to dress as men, as it was in many kingdoms. “They were unable to capture me,” she said. “My horse... Storm… was quite fast.”
“Was?” Angelica asked. “What happened to him?”
“I’m not sure,” Kaylee admitted, not wanting to think about what might’ve happened to her animal friend. “I lost him in the forest.”
“That’s terrible,” Angelica said.
“It’s only a horse,” Isbell said. “It’s not as if it were a person.”
An uneasiness settled between the sister and brother as they exchanged a glance that told Kaylee something the mother had said had struck a nerve with each of them--a nerve that was planted deep within them but rested close to the surface.
It was apparent neither of the siblings were going to let her in on whatever was happening between them, so Kaylee addressed the statement from her own perspective, attempting to be as polite as possible, despite the fact that she was upset by the comment. “Storm is a horse, that’s true,” she said. “He’s been my companion since I was a small child, though,” Kaylee replied. “I learned to ride with Storm, and many times he was more of a friend to me than most people.” She smiled at the queen, hoping to show that she wasn’t trying to be disagreeable--though she did disagree.
The queen’s expression only changed slightly. Her mouth turned down a bit and her eyes sort of glazed over as if every word coming out of Kaylee’s mouth was dreadfully boring.
So she stopped talking.
No one else spoke for quite some time either, not until the last course was brought out. It was some sort of apple cake that Kaylee had never seen before. It wasn’t exactly tasty, but it wasn’t awful, and compared to many of the other new foods she’d been served that night, Kaylee could tolerate it. At least she didn’t have to pretend like she was eating it.
Before the last course was lifted, Queen Isbell asked, “Rafe, what is your plan for the morrow? How will you be ensuring your… friend reaches her homeland safely?”
Rafe cleared his throat, took a sip from his goblet, and then said, “Well, my intent was to place her in a carriage in the morning and send her with a detail of King’s Guard.”
The queen’s thin eyebrows raised and her mouth lowered into a pursed O with her lips pressed together. Whatever it was about Rafe’s plan she did not like, Kaylee couldn’t say, but she clearly disapproved of something.
She didn’t know the queen well, but she was under the impression that she would let them know the nature of her trepidation soon enough.
“The King’s Guard?” Queen Isbell finally said. She made a clicking sound in the back of her throat. “I believe that particular branch of the military was disbanded and renamed recently, was it not?”
Even though Rafe wasn’t actually touching her, Kaylee felt him tense up next to her. “Mother, we’ve discussed this. You may refer to them as the Queen’s Guard if you’d like, but you know that the decree still says as long as there is a king, there must be a King’s Guard.”
“Well, lately, there hasn’t been a king. Not one that’s been performing his duties, anyway.”
“And when Grandfather was absent from the castle, nothing changed. I think you, of all people, would remember that there is no budge in the decrees, no matter how ridiculous those decrees may be.”
“Rafe,” Angelica said, her eyes wide. She glanced at Kaylee for a split second before looking at her brother. “Not in front of a visitor, please.”
“Oh, please, Angelica. It’s quite clear that your brother has already told his… friend what I’ve done. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have been glaring at me through the entire meal.”
Kaylee’s mouth dropped open. What was the queen talking about? She most certainly hadn’t been glaring at anyone.
“Close your mouth, dear. You’re liable to catch a fly.” Queen Isbell’s tone was irritated at best, though closer to irate.
“Mother, I haven’t told Princess Kaylee anything, and if you think she’s been glaring at you, you should probably have the royal physician examine your eyes. Perhaps you need a monocle.”
Rafe was growing more displeased with every passing moment, and Angelica looked like she was about to burst into tears.
“I believe this meal is over,” Princess Angelica said, placing her napkin on the table next to her plate. “Mother, may I be excused?”
“Why don’t you ask the king?” Isbell said dryly.
Rafe’s chair screeched as wood bit into stone. “Really, Mother. There’s no need to be so ugly. Perhaps you wouldn’t be so quick to assume everyone knows your dark secret if you would admit that what you did was… dastardly. That you should be chained to a wall beneath the castle for the rest of your life--if you were allowed to keep your head.”
“Well, I never!” the queen spat, also pushing her chair back abruptly as she rose. “It was a decree, Rafe! The king would’ve done away with her if I hadn’t taken matters into my own hands!”
“You're sick, Mother! You’re unbalanced!” Rafe took Kaylee’s hand and pulled her from her chair, walking around the table as he continued to stare at his mother. “I should’ve had you punished for what you did years ago!”
Kaylee had no idea what was happening, but she went along with Rafe, not daring to do anything that might anger him further. Besides, if she was being asked to choose between Rafe and his mother, she would choose Rafe every time. Not only did his mother seem to be unapologetically blunt, a look into Queen Isbell’s eyes revealed that she truly was unbalanced.
The queen continued to shout at the king as Rafe pulled Kaylee out of the room, but he wasn’t listening, and Kaylee wasn’t either. She was reluctant to leave poor Angelica in the room with no one else besides the guards so that she may become the sole target of Isbell’s wrath, but there was little that could be done about that as Rafe hurried her toward the stairs.
He climbed them so quickly, it was a struggle for Kaylee to keep up. His grip on her hand was still tight. Her feet hit the steps as fast as possible, but without both hands, she was doomed to fail at keeping pace with him, and about halfway up the second flight of stairs, she stepped on her train and fell forward.
It was then that Rafe realized he had been dragging her. “Kaylee!” He let go of her hand and bent to help her up. She’d hit her shin on the edge of a step but managed to catch herself with her free hand to keep her face from slamming into another. “I’m so sorry. Are you injured?”
“I’m all right,” she told him as her shin continued to sting in protest. He wouldn’t be able to see that, though as the gown was long enough to hide what she was certain was going to be a substantial bruise.
Sighing, Rafe offered her both of his hands so that he could help her up. Kaylee let him pull her to standing, doing her best not to grimace from the ache in her shin. Taking an assessment of the gown, she saw that she’d managed to keep the fabric intact.
“Do you need a moment?” he asked her.
Kaylee shook her head. “No, we can go.”
He looked away from her, his eyes a bit glazed, his pupils unfocused. At that moment, all she wanted to do was caress his cheek and tell him everything was going to be all right.
But it was clear that everything wasn’t all right, that whatever his mother had done had affected Rafe deeply. Kaylee didn’t have the entire story, but based on what she’d heard shouted between the two of them, she had to think that it had something to do with his deceased sister.
Had his mother done something to his sister?
Rafe let go of one of her hands and turned around and starting up the stairs, going much more slowly this time. Kaylee gathered her skirts in her free hand and followed, managing to stay next to him now that he wasn’t flying up the stairs.
At her floor, he exited the staircase and led her down the hall. By the time they reached her room, she thought he had calmed. The burning question invaded her every thought, and it was all she could do to keep from blurting it out.
He’d made it quite clear that he didn’t want to talk about it, so as he opened the door and stepped inside, Kaylee turned to look at him, intending just to tell him she was grateful that he had walked her back to her quarters and to bid him a good night.
But the pain in his face she’d seen earlier had magnified, and now that she was face to face with him, all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him.
Kaylee reached up and pressed her palm to his cheek. “Rafe… I--”
He cut her off in the best way she could possibly imagine, by pressing his lips to hers. Kaylee’s mouth had been open because she was speaking, and his tongue slipped between her lips, tapping against hers. Kaylee wrapped her arms around his neck, and Rafe’s hands went around her waist, pulling her against his body.
The kiss intensified as the longing they’d both been feeling for the last few days floated to the surface. All Kaylee could think about was how he tasted like wine and the firmness of his grip on her body as his hands slid up to her ribcage. She wanted more. She wanted to feel the weight of him on top of her, to feel his fingertips on her skin, to hear him whisper her name against her ear.
She knew that wouldn’t happen, though. Rafe was a gentleman, and just when she thought her core was about to burst into flames, he pulled back from her.
His face hovered near hers as if he wasn’t quite sure whether or not he’d made the right decision in letting go of her lips. Her eyes flickered from his mouth to his eyes and back again. “I apologize, Princess.” His voice was raspy. “I let myself get carried away.”
“No need to apologize, Your Majesty,” Kaylee said, her mouth moving toward his despite her mind shouting at her that she shouldn’t. With only a finger’s breadth away from him, she stopped. “I’m not sure what it says about my character, but you may kiss me whenever you’d like.”
One eyebrow raised slightly. “Whenever I’d like? Be careful, Princess. Granting that sort of access may put the pair of us in some awkward situations.” His face broke into a smile, and she couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped her lips. It was good to see him smiling again.
The tension between them was broken, but his quip had done nothing to propel her to release him. Her arms were still wound around his neck, and her mouth was still close enough to his that she could feel the heat of his breath against her face.
He wasn’t close enough.
Rafe brushed her hair back from her face and then cupped her cheek, his thumb caressing her cheekbone. “Princess… I should go.”
Her cheek felt aflame, and the longing in his eyes was echoed in the ache she felt deep within her core. “You don’t have to.” The words fell from her tongue as if she’d said them a thousand times.
“I think I do,” he replied. “If I stay… I won’t be able to control myself, Kaylee. And that’s not right. You’re a princess, not some chambermaid who can be taken and spent without another thought.”
Kaylee arched an eyebrow. “I’m not sure I approve of how you’ve been treating your chambermaids.”
He blushed. “I didn’t mean by me. I’m only saying--”
Kaylee relaxed her grip a bit, sliding back so that her heels were on the ground again. “I am a lady, and I should be treated appropriately.”
“Precisely.”
“Which means that I should be properly wed before allowing a man to see my ankles or elbows?”
“You have ankles? Scandalous!”
Kaylee slowly shook her head back and forth, realizing that she had almost let herself get carried away by the lust she felt for this man and let herself be fooled into thinking it might be love.
As much as she felt she might be falling in love with Rafe, he didn’t love her. He’d made that clear when she’d asked why they couldn’t be together.
Rafe slid his hands from her waist, down her arms, and took her hands in both of his. “As much as I… admire you, Princess. As you can see, my family is not one you’d wish to marry into. My mother is insane. My sister is bitter and feels abandoned, which she probably should. And I… I’m….” He looked down at his boots, the completion of that sentence failing him.
“Haunted?” Kaylee supplied.
He met her eyes again and then slowly nodded. “That might be the best word for it, yes.”
“I honestly don’t care about your family, Rafe. My family was a mess before I was born as well. My mother witnessed my grandmother’s murder when she was a small girl and didn’t speak a single word for fifteen years. She was meant to marry an evil king but was rescued from his marital bed by my father’s army. However, my father thought she was a prostitute and nearly sent her out of the kingdom and would have if my uncle hadn’t arrived to set him straight. It was then that he was able to acknowledge that he was in love with her. My mother loved him, too, but she traded herself for my other uncle to evil King Leopold, faked her own death, and escaped the castle as my father’s army attacked. It’s a whole sordid, ridiculous story.” She shook her head. “If that sort of chaos can produce the happy, peaceful place I left, and a daughter who, despite her failings, never felt unloved or unwanted, then who knows what can come out of your own family’s short fallings?”
Rafe held her gaze for a moment before he looked away again. “While all of that does sound like something out of a fairy tale, I have to tell you, what’s transpired here is far more… egregious.”
That haunted look was back, the shadow that she regularly saw pass across his eyes. She wanted to take that away from him, to make whatever was causing that look to either dissolve from his memory or replace it with a happiness that wouldn’t allow the darkness to seep in ever again.
She wouldn’t force him to talk to her about it, though. Just as she wouldn’t force him to love her. Kaylee slid her hands down his chest, patted him lightly, and then stepped away. “I want to do whatever it takes to help you, Rafe. But… in order for me to do that, you’ve got to let me in.”
He turned his head to look at her, and she could see the pain in his eyes. “I don’t know how to do that,” he admitted.
It was almost enough to bring tears to her eyes, but that wouldn’t help either of them. “You can start by telling me what it is you’re afraid of. If you don’t want to tell me what your mother has done, or what happened to your sister, I can respect that, but I want to know why you’re not afraid to kiss me, but you’re afraid to acknowledge your feelings.”
“I’m not afraid, Kaylee,” he said. Taking her hand, Rafe led her across the room to the bed. Kaylee felt her heart banging away against her ribcage, despite the fact that he was holding her hand like he was leading a child across a nursery, barely tugging at all, hardly holding on to her.
He didn’t need to hold onto her for her to go along with him, though.
Rafe sat down on the edge of the bed, and Kaylee sat next to him. He let go of her hand and stared at the floor.
She was confused; what precisely was his intention in bringing her here?
“As you know, my grandfather made a decree that each family may only have one daughter. He did this, he said, because he wanted to build the army, and he didn’t want to feed any ‘useless mouths.’”
Kaylee tried not to let her offense show. She already knew enough about his grandfather to know that he hated him, but such a statement was so offensive, it made her stomach twist into a knot.
She had a feeling that wasn’t the worst revelation Rafe was going to illuminate for her.
“If a family had more than one daughter, they would have one week to find the youngest daughter a new home, or else, she would be collected by the King’s Guard and... disposed of.”
Kaylee’s hands flew over her mouth. She knew that they’d been put to death, but to think of a group of soldiers riding around the countryside looking for baby girls to kill… it was atrocious.
“As you can imagine, many mothers wanted to try and save their children. After several hundred baby girls were found living in households with older daughters, my grandfather took the situation one step further. He decided that, if a family was found to have more than one daughter, all the daughters, regardless of age, would be put to death.”
Kaylee reached over and took hold of his arm as tears filled her eyes. “I can’t even imagine how awful that had to have been. Were there many families where they found more than one daughter?”
“Hundreds.” Rafe looked as if he might be a bit teary-eyed himself. “In some villages, blood ran thick through the streets. It was awful. The people were ready to revolt, but the military was so strong by that point, there wasn’t much they could do. They were taxed to near starvation. The guard burned down the homes of anyone who was even accused of organizing against the crown. So… over five or six years, people began to understand that the king was serious. They began to surrender their baby daughters to save their older ones.”
“And the babies were killed.”
He nodded. She wasn’t about to ask how.
Rafe cleared his throat, indicating that the horrible story was about to get even worse. “My grandfather went off to war. He was gone for quite some time. I was a small boy when he left, so I barely remember him at all, except for when he came back. While he was away, my mother ruled the kingdom in his stead. She didn’t enforce the rule as strictly as he did, but she also didn’t stop the King’s Guard from going out and killing baby girls.”
He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “While he was away, my mother became pregnant. It wasn’t intentional--at least, that’s what she said. We were all so nervous, afraid she’d give birth to a daughter. Angelica was six at the time. When my younger sister was born, I was terrified. I thought for certain my mother would turn her over to the King’s Guard. But the leader of the guard said nothing. My mother kept her second daughter--Princess Sophia.”
He couldn’t speak her name without a hitch in his throat. Kaylee slid her hand down to his. He entangled his fingers in hers.
“Sophia was a beautiful child. She was always happy. I loved spending time with her, even though I was quite a bit older than her. I can still hear the sound of her laughter, the little songs she would sing. The feel of her soft, curly black hair as it slid through my fingers.” He lifted his other hand and wiped a tear from his cheek. “I thought the world of her.”
Kaylee didn’t want to move for fear of saying something that would upset him more, so she only sat stoic, waiting.
“Then, when Sophia was four, my grandfather came back unexpectedly from war. I’ll never forget that day as long as I live. We were getting ready for a carnival. Sophia loved the carnival. At the time, our rooms were on the eighth floor. I’d just put a beautiful golden rose clip in her hair.
“The head of the guard came into the room and told my mother something, whispered it in her ear. I remember my mother’s face. Her eyes widened, her face went white, and then she thanked the guard and sent him out of the room.”
Rafe readjusted his grip on her hand. He was staring off at the wall now, and it was almost like he’d forgotten she was there.
“It all happened so quickly, I didn’t know what to think of any of it. Sophia and I were standing in front of the mirror, looking at her dress. Sophia called, “Look at my beautiful dress, Mother!”
Our mother came over, put her hands on Sophia’s shoulders, and said, ‘Yes, darling. You look beautiful.’ Then, with her hands on Sophia’s shoulders, she moved my sister to the window on the other side of the mirror, opened it up, and then….”
He didn’t need to finish the sentence for Kaylee to understand what happened next, but she couldn’t believe what he was saying was true. How could anyone do that--to their own daughter?
He was right. The queen was absolutely, most certainly out of her mind.