Rafe shook his head as tears fell down his cheeks as he continued to tell Kaylee what had happened to his poor baby sister, Princess Sophia.. “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. I just stood there, shocked, paralyzed. I was completely stunned. My mother acted like she’d done nothing wrong, nothing out of the ordinary. She walked back to the door and called, ‘Come, Rafe. We don’t want to be late for the carnival.’”
Kaylee wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder, wishing there was something, anything she could do to ease his pain. Nothing could be done to bring his sister back. Nothing could ever erase the memory he had etched in his mind of his mother throwing his four-year-old sister out the window from the eighth floor.
“Once I recovered enough to be able to speak, I screamed at her, ‘What did you do? How could you do that? Are you insane?’ She looked me in the eyes and said, ‘Better one than two,’ and then walked out of the room. She’d been afraid that my grandfather would kill Angelica, too, if he knew about Sophia. So she took matters into her own hands.”
The tears rolling down Kaylee’s face were as genuine as they would have been if she’d witnessed the event herself, or if she’d known the child in question. Her heart ached so intensely for Rafe. What in the world could she possibly say to ease the pain and guilt he must have felt--he must still feel? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
“I wanted to go over and have a look, if I’m honest,” Rafe said, shaking his head as if to say the sad part was over, and now he was moving on to the more practical reaction a person of logic and reason might have in that sort of a situation. “I wanted to see her, mostly just so that I would know for certain that it was real. Even by the time my mother had walked out of the room, I still wasn’t quite able to process that the event had transpired while I was awake. It seemed like something out of a nightmare, something some deranged person would think up and tell children in order to scare them into obeying.”
He went quiet then, and it begged the question for Kaylee. Why she wanted to know, she wasn’t sure, but she found herself asking anyway. “Did you?”
“Did I look?” he asked, turning his head to stare at her. Kaylee’s chin was buried in his shoulder, but her face was tipped up so that she could look into his eyes.
Rafe shook his head. “No, I didn’t. I’m glad that I didn’t. I think if I’d looked out of the window and seen her crumpled body down below, I may have been propelled to leap from that height myself.”
“Why would you do that?” Kaylee asked, her voice quiet as she contemplated why he would say such a thing.
“I felt that it was my fault. That I should’ve reacted more quickly. I should have found a way to intercede and keep my sister out of harm’s way. After all, I was next in line for the throne. I should’ve been able to protect her.”
“No one could possibly anticipate something of that nature though, Rafe. You must know that,” Kaylee argued.
“Of course, I know that on a logical level,” he said. “But… there was absolutely nothing logical about this situation, now was there?”
She had to agree with that.
“Was there a funeral?” Why she’d asked the question, she wasn’t sure. It didn’t seem to make a difference whether there had been one or not, but she wanted to know if he had had a chance to honor his sister’s life.
“Yes. My mother attempted to pretend that my sister never existed. To this day, she still does, most of the time. It didn’t take long for my grandfather to establish what had transpired. The servants were all looking about for her on our level while down below, the guards who came across her reported the incident as if it had been an accident.”
“And your mother? Did she tell your grandfather what had happened?”
“No. I did. My mother said that she only had one daughter, everyone else was out of their mind, and I was a dirty liar.”
“Did he believe you?”
“Of course he did. He had to see the insane look in her eyes. Ironically, when I told him about Sophia, he said he would’ve loved to have met her. He was certain she was an adorable little child.”
Kaylee could hardly believe her ears. “He most certainly was out of his mind as well, don’t you believe? After all, how many adorable children had he sent to their graves simply for being female?”
“Oh, yes. Undoubtedly, he was also insane. You see, Kaylee, this is why I am trying to protect you, though you insist on continuing to put yourself and your potential children in harm’s way.”
Kaylee straightened up slightly, though she didn’t release her grip on Rafe. “Whatever do you mean, Your Majesty?” Did he think that his mother might attempt to throw her out a window?
“What are the chances that I have my faculties about me any more than my grandfather did or my mother does? Likely very slim, I would suppose. You deserve more than that. You deserve so much better than that, and so do your children.”
She understood then. So much of what had happened between them, how he clearly had feelings for her but kept pushing her away, stemmed from the fact that he was frightened that he might hurt her in some way, or that, if they were to marry and have children, he might end up hurting those children.
“You don’t frighten me, Rafe,” she said, reaching up to touch his face and make sure he was looking at her eyes. “You don’t frighten me in the least.”
“That’s kind of you to say, Kaylee. But ultimately, it’s impossible to tell what I might be capable of. Both my mother and her father before her were perfectly reasonable people for the early part of their lives. Then, something happened when they were around my age, and they suddenly lost their grasp on reality and their ability to reason.”
“Just because it happened to them, that doesn’t mean it will happen to you.”
“It doesn’t mean that it won’t,” Rafe countered.
“Well, by that logic, anything that happens to our parents could happen to us, don’t you think?” Kaylee asked with a shrug. “My mother stopped talking for fifteen years. Does that mean that I will lose my voice? Or that I’ll choose not to talk because she did?”
He made a face at her as if to say she was being ridiculous, and her example was not the same.
He was right, of course. It wasn’t the same. And it was a bit ridiculous, but nevertheless, she truly felt it was silly for him to think that just because his mother had gone insane and his grandfather was an evil tyrant that he would end up in the same predicament.
“What is it that you are afraid might happen to you?” she asked him. “Do you think you’re capable of hurting those you love?’
Rafe shook his head, his eyes focused on the wall across from him still. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Do you suppose you might make some ridiculous law that costs the people in your kingdom dearly?”
Again, he shook his head. “I can’t imagine that I would.”
“Well, then… you won’t end up like either of them. Rafe, your experience in life certainly hasn’t been the same as theirs. You’ve had people in your life that have taught you how to make better choices, how to celebrate life. As long as you hold the memory of your little sister in your heart, there is no chance that you will become like your mother or grandfather. Her memory simply won’t let that become of you. She was too good, too kind.”
For the first time in a while, he turned to look at her, and Kaylee could see that she’d hit a chord with him. “Do you think that would be enough? Just on its own?”
“Of course I do,” Kaylee said. “The way your face lit up when you spoke of her, it’s clear that you love her very much. That she is still alive in your heart. You’ll never let her memory fade. As long as she is a part of you, there’s no question in my mind that you will be the same fair, intelligent, wise, caring ruler that I know you to be. Look at everything you’ve done for me, a perfect stranger. You’ve risked your life. You’ve put your financial plans on hold for me.” He snickered at that, and she couldn’t help but smile at him.
“As if robbing carriages involved financial planning,” he muttered.
“It seems to me that such activities require quite a bit of planning. You have done so much for me that you didn’t have to do, Rafe, and I am grateful. And impressed. An evil person wouldn’t do such things. Someone capable of losing their mind wouldn’t either. Thank you for all that you’ve done for me.”
He smiled at her and nodded. “It’s been easy to help you, Kaylee. You’re as lovely on the inside as you are on the outside.”
“Lovely? On the inside? Me? Why, I don’t think anyone has ever accused me of such a thing before.”
“What do you mean?” Rafe asked, his forehead crinkled.
“Selfish, prideful, uppity, even boastful. Those are the words I’m used to hearing about myself, not lovely--on the inside.”
“You were willing to risk everything to save your cousin, Kaylee. How could that fact fit into the reality that you just described?”
She shrugged. “The only reason Jenna was in that situation to begin with was because of my selfish actions.”
“They didn't have to go along with you. I keep reminding you of this, and you keep forgetting.” He leaned closer to her, lifted his hand, and stroked her cheek.
Kaylee’s face reddened. She dropped her eyes. His touch set her aflame. “They went along for fear of facing my wrath if they said no.”
“I don’t believe that,” Rafe argued. “I know that you can speak your mind and be quite persuasive, but they had to know that no harm would befall them if they chose to stay inside that day and not go riding about in the woods with you.”
She wasn’t sure whether that was true or not, but it was kind of him to say. “Thank you for saying so.”
“I say it because it’s true.” He ran his hand through the loose curls that framed her face. His lips parted as if he were going to say something else, but then he bit down on his bottom lip, causing a shutter to go through her before he whispered, “I should go.”
Kaylee swallowed hard. She didn’t want him to leave. She wasn’t sure whether or not it was a good idea to ask him to stay again, but the idea that she would be leaving tomorrow, that she’d never have another opportunity to wake up in his arms, made her heart fill with sadness. “You should stay.”