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S
tephen Alexander Ivy, Viscount Tilbury, which was his father’s second subsidiary title, frowned and jammed his hands into the pockets of his greatcoat. Even though he wore gloves, the December chill pervaded. So why the devil was he outside at one of the many frozen-over ponds on the grounds of Ivy Castle, watching his twin, Griffin, and his fiancée, Nora, attempt to ice skate? It had been a singularly bad idea, for knowing that his brother—and the heir to their father’s dukedom by one minute—had everything Stephen had ever wanted chafed against his nerves.
“If you scowl any harder, I fear your face will freeze like that, especially in these temperatures.” Teasing hung on his sister Lettice’s voice as she approached. His niece, Lucy, broke away from her mother’s hand and tore off around the pond with all the enthusiasm a five-year-old possessed.
“Good afternoon, Letty.” He smiled, for he was quite fond of his only sister, and it was good she’d come home to join the family. “I assumed since you’d made yourself scarce this morning that you’d avoid today’s activities.”
For that matter, why the deuce had his mother decided to plan something for every blessed day of the house party through Twelfth Night? Were they not all grown enough to keep themselves occupied?
“Lucy has been a bit overstimulated this week, so we sat quietly this morning to regroup.” Worry lingered on Letty’s face as she watched her daughter. The skate blades she carried glinted in the sunlight with her every step. “And I did promise to teach her how to ice skate even though I detest the sport personally.”
“I completely understand the aversion.” Surely there was nothing fun about performing endless circles on the frozen water, going nowhere while convincing one’s ankles they didn’t need to buckle. He snickered as Lucy, in a bright red cloak, ran about the edges of the pond. She called to Griffin and giggled when he’d pretended to almost fall in order to converse with her. Out of all of them, his brother was the most skilled on the ice. “However, Lucy will no doubt conquer the exertion quite handily.”
“The girl is a quick study. She takes after her father in that regard, and I have the feeling Griffin will make certain of it. He always did have an unnatural fondness for winter activities.”
“Only because it keeps him away from social obligations insides.” Odd, that. “Why he’s more comfortable around people while outside is beyond me.”
“I suspect that’s in large part to the support of Nora,” Letty said in a soft voice as her gaze landed on the pair currently gliding over the ice. “He’s blossomed this week ever since he began spending time with her.”
“Yes, and he’s become Papa’s new favorite.” Stephen couldn’t quite keep the bitterness from his voice, for that had never happened before. Always, he’d been the chosen son, the one his father praised in front of Griffin. Now suddenly the roles were reversed, and he didn’t much like how that felt.
“You silly boy.” Letty linked their arms together, and Stephen let her, for her closeness brought added warmth. “Don’t be jealous. This is a great development for Griffin. I never thought such a thing would happen. I assumed he’d be a forever unmatched duke.”
Was it jealousy though? The tightness in his chest would have him believe that, but perhaps there was a smidgeon of regret in that confusing wad of emotion lodged behind his ribcage. Had his life been different, he could have been married, perhaps with a family by now. “He’s engaged to Papa’s nurse, Letty! How is that not scandalous?”
For the past few years, Nora had been employed as their father’s nurse. She administered a tincture to him three times a day, for the duke claimed he had a bad heart, which was one of the reasons he’d summoned the family to Ivy Castle for the Christmastide season. As of yet, Stephen had seen no evidence of ill health, but that was the prevailing story his parents clung to.
“I’ll admit I was shocked when they announced their engagement,” Letty said in the same soft voice even though there was no danger of their conversation being overheard. Griffin and Nora had come to the edge of the ice, and he helped Lucy to tie the blades to her boots. “However, she has a decent pedigree and is loosely connected to the ton, so it’s not that scandalous.”
Stephen snorted. “I wonder, but no doubt Papa and Mama will smooth the way once we’re all back in London.” His heart squeezed when Lucy fell two times in succession, but Griffin easily scooped her up and set her on his shoulder. Her giggles as they glided over the ice echoed back to his location. “Regardless, Griff is tip over tail for the woman, so I have nothing more to say on the matter.” Truly, he was glad his brother was so enamored, yet it felt as if he were losing an integral part of himself now that he had to share his twin’s time with Nora.
“Love is such a nice prospect when it’s right, and Nora is a wonderful woman.” A sigh issued from his sister that sounded as if it had come from her toes. “I’ll admit, I thought about refusing Papa’s summons when it arrived.”
“Oh? Whyever for? He’s always doted on you and Lucy.”
“I don’t care for the holiday season, ever since Charles died. He was such a lover of Christmastide, but I can’t find it in my heart to be cheerful.” His sister turned her head and caught Stephen’s eye. Sorrow lurked in the depths. “I try, for Lucy’s sake, but it’s difficult. I still miss him after all these years.”
“That’s understandable.” He patted her mitten-covered hand. “I didn’t know your husband as well as I would have liked, but he’s certainly left a hole in our lives.”
“Yes, he has.” Letty frowned. “Lucy resembles him, don’t you think?”
“Very much so, though she has your eyes, and your stubborn streak.” He grunted when his sister gave him a playful smack to the shoulder. “I promise I’ll come ‘round more often when in London and call on you and Lucy.”
“Oh? That’s a surprise.” One of her dark brown eyebrows raised in question. “You’ve never made an effort before. Why the change now?”
The heat of embarrassment circled through his chest. “Let’s just say I have motivation to be away from home.”
“Ah, I see. You are jealous of Griffin.”
Why was he so easy for her to read? Could the rest of the family see how he felt merely by looking? “Perhaps.”
“Then stop playing the rogue and do something about it. If you wish for companionship in your life on a permanent basis, find a lady to court.” A hint of exasperation rang in her voice and put him in mind of the school headmistress she was. “Right now, Griffin is coming into his own and finally garnering Papa’s attention. It’s good for him to hear that praise and feel the familial warmth, for all too soon, Papa will find another favorite. You know how it is with him. He’s forever played us each other.”
“This is true... or he’ll expire. I’m truly not ready for that eventuality.” Now he knew how Griffin felt, and once his brother took the ducal title, Stephen was prepared to drop everything and help him transition, for he did love his twin.
“Yes, I worry about that too.” Letty waved to Lucy when the child did.
“Don’t misunderstand me. I’m glad Griff has found the apparent love of his life. What I take exception to is the sudden way it came about. Can one truly fall in the space of a week?” It was unfathomable to think one could go through the gambit of emotions in such a short period of time.
“I certainly did with Charles.” Her voice sounded dreamy. “One minute we were acquaintances and then the next, we were lovers.”
Oh, bloody hell. Stephen held up a hand. “Please don’t talk about your romantic life with me. That is something I don’t need to know about.”
Letty grinned. The gesture brightened her face and erased the grief the years had brought. “Fair enough.” She patted his arm again. “Think about what I said, Stephen. Christmastide is a wonderful time to find oneself in love, and if you have the chance, chase after it.”
“The chance?” He scoffed. “Here in the country? I don’t see how that’s possible.”
“You never know. Papa’s reach is long. Perhaps you’ll discover an interesting lady in the invited guests.”
“Doubtful.” He shook his head. “But I’ll consider your words, even though love hasn’t been kind to me.”
“Oh, Stephen, Lynette throwing you over was ten years ago. Surely your heart has healed.”
“It has, of course, but the mind still remembers, and I’m not keen to offer my heart in the same way to another.” He frowned, and the laughter issuing from Griffin and Nora grated on his nerves. “Honestly, I’m not certain I’m strong enough to survive such pain again.” He’d never told that to anyone. When Lynette had broken their engagement and had fled, he’d been eight and twenty, and he’d taken it hard. The banns had already been read; his name was dragged through the gossip mill, and she’d not given him a reason, so he’d made certain her reputation was just as sullied as his. He’d been in pain and shock, and though he’d wanted to know why she couldn’t find it in her to marry him, he’d been too proud to ask, had been too mortified and heartbroken to seek her out.
Then, not long after, he’d heard through mutual acquaintances she’d married someone else. That had been like a stab to heart, and his faith in women and love had been forever shattered.
“Love does seem like the best thing in the world and the worst, depending on where you stand on the subject.” With barely any effort at all, Letty led him closer to the pond. “It’s a terrible prospect when you open yourself up to such vulnerability because you trust the other person not to wound you.”
“Yes, and I’ve learned it’s a stupid idea.” Bah! Love wasn’t for him. He looked at his sister. “No, I’m not strong enough to survive that again, so it’s good that Griffin will wed soon. It takes the pressure off my shoulders.”
“But does it fill the emptiness in your soul?” she asked in a whisper.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” The whole conversation had made the ennui he’d fallen into that much deeper. His heart revisited his time with Lynette, and he hated that, for he’d long ago locked those memories into forgotten spaces of his mind. After what she’d done to him, she didn’t deserve to be remembered. Wherever the hell she was at this moment, that’s where she needed to stay, for he didn’t want to ever find himself in her company again. “I’m doing quite well for myself.”
“You like to think you’re superior to us all, but I can see what you don’t want anyone else to know.” Her smile held a sad edge. “You’re lonely and will be even more so now that Griffin has something else to occupy his attention.” She squeezed his fingers. “It’s time for you to let go and live your life, Stephen. Griffin has broken away from your shadow, so now you are free to find what will make you happy.”
The words made him reel. Was that what he’d secretly thought all these years? That he had been unconsciously protecting his brother from the slings and arrows of society by keeping close to his side whenever Griffin made a public appearance? Had he put his romantic life on pause out of the need to see his twin come into his own? Was that the reason all his liaisons with women were never permanent, because he didn’t wish to involve himself too deeply in the event Griffin needed him? “I’ve never looked at it that way before.”
“Perhaps you should.” Letty smiled. “Though you are identical twins, you don’t live the same lives. Go find what makes you happy.”
Lucy half-skated, half-creeped over to the edge of the pond where they stood. Her cheeks were as bright red as her cloak. “You aren’t happy, Uncle Stephen?”
Bloody hell. “I am when you’re around.” He snatched her up into his arms, and his heart gave a mighty thump. Oh, how he’d wanted a large family all those years ago with Lynette, but she’d argued about that and had left him shortly after. And since none of his siblings—with the exception of Letty—had married, there wasn’t a bevy of nieces or nephews to assuage that longing. So he’d funneled all his attention on Lucy and had quite spoiled the girl. “How are you enjoying ice skating?”
“It’s fun. Will you come too?”
“Why, so you can laugh if I fall on my bum?”
The girl laid a cold, mittened hand on his cheek. When she laughed, he spied traces of his sister as a young girl in her face. “You said bum.”
“So I did.” He exchanged a fond glance with Letty. “Is Uncle Griffin teaching you nicely?”
“Yes.” Lucy tugged at the black woolen muffler around his neck. “Will you come too?”
“Of course, but only after you answer me this. Who do you love more—me or Uncle Griffin?”
“Stephen!” Letty tugged Lucy from his arms. “That’s enough. She loves you equally, along with Uncle Graham.” To the girl, she asked, “Are you too cold?”
“No! I want to skate again.”
“Very well.” When his sister put one foot on the edge of the frozen lake, Lucy squirmed out of her arms, and they both went down in a heap.
Stephen snickered then quickly sobered as he helped them up. “I think I’ll pass on skating.” But he sat upon the frozen grass and contented himself with watching. Letty shuffled over the ice after declining blades, and all too soon Griffin took her hands and pulled her over the frozen pond. His sister’s laughter warmed his heart. God, it had been an age since she’d allowed herself to enjoy life.
Perhaps we’re peas from the same pod, only for different reasons.
Stifling a sigh, he readjusted the brim of his beaver felt top hat. It had been good that his parents’ marriage was a shining example of what love should be through the years, but he rather doubted such devotion could be found these days.
No, he wasn’t of a mind to go chasing after romance, yet he might look twice at an appropriate lady if she were pretty enough. Besides, where was the harm in stealing a kiss beneath the mistletoe with a blushing squire’s daughter or a recent widow wishing for temporary companionship?