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December 21, 1818
S
tephen’s nerves crawled with anxiety as he stood at the sidelines of the ballroom at Ivy Castle. It was yet another social function his parents had scheduled, and this one a small ball—not as large or as lavish as what was planned for their wedding anniversary on Boxing Day, but with enough guests from area gentry that there was a decent crush.
And he still hadn’t secured Lynette’s promise for a future, even after two mistletoe kisses. What the devil had gone wrong?
As he watched a country reel form on the dance floor, his sister drifted close, pretty in red velvet trimmed with silver embroidery. “Why are you not dancing, Letty?”
She shrugged. “Perhaps I’m not feeling up to such revelry right now.” Though she smiled, it didn’t reflect in her eyes as she glanced at the dancers. “I’m content to remain on the sidelines for the moment.”
“Well, you look lovely in that gown. Red suits you.” He frowned, for the problem of his sister was a deep and concerning one. She shouldn’t let herself waste away, for she was still young enough to make a successful second marriage. “I’d wager if you let yourself, a few men might become enchanted with you this evening.”
“What gammon you speak, brother.” She shook her head and the dark ringlets of her hair danced. “I’m not looking for romance.” When she rested her gaze on him, he fought the urge to tug at his cravat. “What of you? Why are you not charming your way through the eligible females?”
Heat crept up the back of his neck. “There is only one woman I’m interested in.”
“Ah, yes. How goes the courtship with Mrs. Hodgins?”
“I believe I’m making strides. I’ve kissed her twice... er rather three times, for that last one didn’t much count.”
“Oh, trust me, I know. I saw you kiss her in the drawing room yesterday after Bullet Pudding.” Amusement flickered in his sister’s eyes. “You seemed to both enjoy that embrace.”
The heat on his neck increased, and this time he did tug on the knot of his cravat that was suddenly too tight. “I’d thought the company was busy; otherwise, I wouldn’t have kissed her in such an open place.”
“Liar.” Letty rolled her eyes. “You’ve been hoping for a few chances regardless of who’s around.” She gave his arm a playful swat. “Does that mean she’s accepted a suit from you?”
“Honestly, I have not a clue.” Perhaps it was time to ask for some advice. “When she’s around me or in my arms, the world is a marvelous place, but as soon as we part, I spy the confusion and hesitation in her eyes. I’m unsure how she feels.”
Letty tugged on his arm, leading him further off to the side of the room. Another country reel followed the first, and this one seemed even more popular. “Courtship sometimes takes time.”
He snorted. “Why should it? This is my second attempt with Lynette.”
She rolled her eyes heavenward. “First off, she’s probably embarrassed she broke it off with you to begin with. Secondly, I have no doubts that Mrs. Hodgins was enamored with her husband. Losing him not so long ago might bring back painful memories, and I could possibly feel as if accepting you is betraying his memory.”
“Oh.” Stephen rubbed a gloved hand along the side of his face. “I hadn’t cause to think of things in those terms before.”
“That’s because you’ve never married and lost a spouse,” she said softly with a faraway look in her eyes. “It’s a much different prospect than never having wed.”
“No doubt that’s true.” Was Lynette still in love with her deceased husband? If that was so, then why did she kiss him with such enthusiasm?
I will never understand women.
Letty laid a hand on his arm. “Don’t rush your fences, Stephen. Go slow, show her how you feel with honesty, and always be yourself. Eventually, you’ll win her over if she’s of a mind.”
“Be myself.” He shook his head. That was a double-edged sword. “What if she doesn’t like me as that man who’s made mistakes, who has regrets, who’s learning to grow?” He was trying to be a better man, for both Lynette as well as himself. Griffin’s engagement had brought home the need for him to stop living such a frivolous life and grasp something of meaning.
“Then she’s not the woman for you.” His sister held his gaze. The wisdom there humbled him. “You deserve someone who’s invested in you, in the man you’ll be now, tomorrow, next week. Someone who sees your flaws but knows they’re an integral part of you.”
Stephen nodded as he watched the dancers with half attention. “Perhaps you’re right, but it’s terrifying and makes me feel all too vulnerable, offering up my heart like that with the fear she’ll once more reject me, and this time on a whole different set of issues.”
“Any good thing is, and perhaps we ought to feel properly terrified. It means we’re in need of bravery while chasing something we absolutely want, but on the other side of that fear is everything you’ve ever dreamed of, brother. Don’t let these emotions keep you frozen. If Mrs. Hodgins is who you want in your life, pursue her with everything that you are.”
“I promise to try. At the moment I think it might be nice to marry and finally have that family I’ve always dreamed of... providing that’s what Lynette wants.” Was she still adverse to having a bevy of children, especially now she was advancing in years? He heaved out a sigh. “It’s all so confusing.”
A soft string of laughter escaped from his sister. “Life is exactly that. A confusing morass in which we have no idea where to go or how to arrive there, until it happens.” She leveled a somber look on him. “Are you in love with the widow?”
“I’m not certain. That state varies day by day.”
“Don’t play with her heart if you’re not sure of your own. That’s not fair to either of you.” Though she smiled, it didn’t reach her eyes, which remained slightly haunted and tinged with sadness.
Fair enough, and he would ignore her insights until he had the opportunity to think them through. “Why are you struggling with the blue devils currently?” His gaze alighted on her daughter, who flitted through the room clad in a white dress with a bright red satin sash as if all the world was her stage. “Lucy certainly seems content enough.”
“That’s because I’ve let her stay up past her bedtime to watch some of the dancing.” Letty chuckled as she, too, found Lucy with her gaze. “I don’t wish for her to grow up too fast.”
“It’s a reasonable concern.” If Lucy was in attendance, did that mean Lynette had given the same privilege to John? For the moment, he couldn’t locate either of them. “However, you haven’t answered my question, and I do worry about you even through my own mess.”
“You’re a good man.” Letty laid a hand on his sleeve.
“On that, I might disagree.” He gave her a charming smile. “Isn’t this your favorite time of the year? To me, you never seemed as animated as at Christmastide.”
“It used to be, long ago, and perhaps I’m still grieving for my husband. It feels as if my heart carries a permanent bruise, something that will never heal.” The forlorn tone of her voice tugged at his chest.
“I understand that, but you deserve to find happiness again, to immerse yourself in romance—in life—if that’s what you wish.” He patted her hand. “Don’t leave it until you’re as old as me.”
“I’m not sure I do wish for love again. I had that once, and asking for a second helping seems much like gluttony.” She pressed her lips together and her chin quivered. “Losing everything one holds dear exhausts a person. I’m not sure I have the strength to love another and potentially have them slip through my fingers.”
“But isn’t that the risk we all take on a great many things?” he asked in a soft voice. “Isn’t that the whole point of living?”
Her smile was a watery affair. “My, you have grown and matured, even while you and I have struck up this conversation.” She patted his cheek. “Yes, it is, but I’ve found I’m quite a coward in that regard.” With a shuddering sigh, she composed herself. “However, I have Lucy, and perhaps that’s enough.”
“Ah, Letty. You poor thing.” Briefly he engulfed her in a hug. His heart ached for her. “I worry about you. Most of the year you keep yourself wrapped up in your duties as headmistress with all those ton young ladies. You need to find adventure, let yourself live past rules and manners and proper things.”
She uttered an unladylike snort. “At times I think you’re right but imagine the scandal if my girls ever saw me indulging.”
“Now who’s speaking gammon?” Stephen scoffed. “Those girls and their holier than thou parents can go hang. You are allowed to have an existence outside of the school, and in your own right.”
“Hush.” She playfully shoved at his shoulder. “If I promise to think about it, will you stop worrying?”
“Perhaps.” Once more, he scanned the dance floor. The reel had come to an end, and from the looks of things, the orchestra was preparing to play a waltz as their next set. A man caught his eye, mostly due to the flash of his turquoise waistcoat. “I’ll be damned. Isn’t that Baron Henshaw?”
“I hardly think so.” Letty frowned but followed his line of sight. “The baron died recently.”
“Ah, then that must be his son. His name escapes me now.”
Curiosity lit her eyes for a second, gone at her next blink. “That’s Courtland Beckwith. Perhaps he’s decided to spend Christmastide at Beckwith Trace, which is odd, for he should be grieving. He’s still in the mourning period.”
Stephen tapped his chin with a finger. “Interesting. I vaguely remember him from years ago.”
“I’ve heard he’s made a good name for himself in London,” she said in a low voice. Was that interest warming her tones? Perhaps it was worth investigation. When she again pushed at his shoulder, Stephen’s thoughts scattered. “Go mingle. I’m sure you’re anxious to dance. You used to enjoy it so.”
“I still do.” He caught her hand as a feeling of deviltry swirled about him. “Come dance the first waltz with me. It might convince you that fun isn’t a bad thing.” With a waggle of his eyebrows, he pulled her toward the dance floor. “It might even nudge you to scandal.”
“You’re incorrigible.” But she gave in. “As long as you promise to dance with Lucy before I send her up to bed. She’s rather enamored of you, and you’ve neglected her since you’ve begun giving John most of your attention.”
Guilt stabbed through his gut. “I have, haven’t I?” When she nodded and they found an empty spot on the polished marble floor, he sighed. “Forgive me. It’s rather new to me, this balancing everything.”
“There’s nothing to forgive. Just remember that Lucy came into your life first.”
“I will and thank you for the reminder.” He put a hand to the small of Letty’s back as they both assumed the position for the waltz. What wouldn’t he do for his niece? Just when the dance began and he guided his sister into the first steps, he sucked in a breath, forgetting how to breathe, how to think, for Lynette had finally made an appearance into the ballroom.
Good Lord, she’s magnificent!
The wine-colored gown she wore was cheerful enough with its simple adornments, but with a delicate overskirt of lace that glittered with each movement, she was a vision. She wore her dark brown hair piled on her head, and the combs resting in those tresses gleamed beneath the candlelight in the chandelier. No jewels sparkled at her neck, wrists, or fingers, but she didn’t need them, for she shone with a light of her own.
“Breathe, Stephen, lest you expire right here,” Letty cautioned with a fair amount of amusement in her voice.
“Right.” He sucked in lungsful of air and nearly missed a step as he craned his neck to keep track of Lynette’s movements. She strolled the perimeter of the room, with her mother trailing. That woman hadn’t dressed for the holiday or with flair, for her black bombazine skirts were the anthesis of gaiety, as was the black lace wrap she held about herself like a shield. Behind her, Jack tripped along, his face wreathed in smiles, as he nibbled at the small cake in his hand. “My apologies,” he said to his sister. “I’ll try better to attend you and the dance.” He guided them through the first turn as if nothing untoward had happened.
“You hopeless idiot.” Affection softened the words. She laughed, sounding much like she had before sadness touched her life. “Sure, brother of mine, you’re not in love at all,” she joked, her steps matching his, for growing up, their mother had made them practice with a dancing instructor three times a week.
“I don’t know what you mean.” But heat crept up the back of his neck all the same.
“When a man is completely mesmerized by a woman’s entrance into the room, there’s no hope left. He’s much too far gone to go back.” Fondness lingered in her tones and reflected in her eyes. She squealed when he took them around the next turn with aplomb. “I hope you make a go of it with Lynette. You are a handsome couple and you’ll be a fantastic father to John.”
“It’s out of my hands, but thank you for the confidence.” Yes, the boy did need a father, and already Stephen felt responsible for him. Warmth filled his chest as his pulse beat out a rapid tattoo. But would Lynette be willing to take a chance?
As the dance came to an end, he waved to his mother. No doubt he’d need to take her out for a dance soon. It was one of her more darling expectations. He dropped a kiss upon his sister’s cheek. “Thank you for the talk and the waltz. I’m better prepared now to take on the world.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” She sighed as he brought her back to the sidelines where they’d begun their conversation.
He executed a half bow from the waist. “Now, if you please, I’m off to dance with the most beautiful female in attendance tonight.”
“Mrs. Hodgins?”
“No, my brilliant niece.” As the string orchestra prepared for another waltz, he crossed the floor with purpose, stopping in front of Lucy. “Might I have this dance?” He bowed to her, and she giggled as only a five-year-old girl could.
“Yes, please, Uncle Stephen.”
“Excellent.” He scooped her up into his arms. “My, my, you are obviously the most beautiful girl here. I think you’re a princess in disguise.”
“Princesses have tiaras.”
“Perhaps they do, but not always.” Stephen occupied an open spot on the floor. He beamed at the couples around him. “Isn’t my niece the personification of Christmastide?” When murmurs of agreement circled about, his grin widened. Yes, he’d neglected her terribly since beginning his quest to win over John as well as Lynette. Never again. There was room in his heart for all of them.
The realization left him once more breathless with wonder.
At first it felt rather odd to go through the steps without a partner matching him, but then he gave himself over to the fun of whisking Lucy about, and when her gay laughter rang in his ears, and her joy-filled eyes met his own, his heart swelled to almost bursting in gratitude. Now he was thankful he’d come to Ivy Castle. Christmastide had given him the chance to renew his acquaintance with his family, and that was one of the best feelings in the world.
Close to the end of the set, Stephen paused long enough to put Lucy on the floor. She promptly settled her feet upon his, and they conducted the remainder of the waltz at their own pace while couples swirled around them.
“Oh, that was great fun, Uncle Stephen!” Lucy fairly hopped up and down while polite applause echoed through the room.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” He kneeled before her and took one of her hands, bringing it to his lips. “Where are you off to now, princess of my heart?”
She tossed her gleaming chestnut curls over one shoulder. “I require a glass of punch, please.” Then a calculated gleam entered her eyes. “John has a cake. Do you think I could have one too?”
“I don’t see why not.” He stood and took her hand once more. “Let’s find the refreshment table, shall we?” When he glanced up, his gaze connected with Lynette’s. She offered a smile, and he nearly forgot his own name at the pleasure in her expression. He held up a finger to indicate he’d be with her in one moment, and then quickly escorted his niece to the promised refreshments table. His sister walked the perimeter of the room, no doubt intending to join her daughter and monitor her ingestion of sweets.
“I must talk to other ladies,” he said while kneeling once more so that he was at eye level with Lucy. “Do you mind?”
“No, but will you tell me goodnight when Mama says I have to leave?”
“Of course I will. It’s a favorite part of my day.” That was God’s honest truth, for he never missed the opportunity to send her off to dreamland. Yes, once he returned to London, he’d make it a point to visit her more often. No longer would he be remiss in his duties to his family.
“I’m glad.”
“So am I.” He kissed her cheek. The scents of lemonade and honey met his nose, for she’d already made headway into her snack. “Until then, my princess.”
Now it was time to charm Lynette and extract her promise. He wanted nothing else.