6

 

While I continued to encourage Dr. Reeves, but with no success, he seemed determined not to follow God’s leading. I knew that meant he would never realize the blessing God had waiting for him.

My conversations with Conrad had shown me this. In fact, the first words from his mouth were about the blessings that are never received. After fleshing out this idea, I discovered when we miss out on blessings, we are at fault. God grants some specific blessings based on our obedience. If we refuse Him, He has no choice but to deny that blessing. Sad to think that it is waiting there for us—like a present yet to be opened.

By the time Thursday evening Bible study time came, feeling discouraged and exhausted, I almost called Emily to tell her I wouldn’t be attending, but I felt an urging to go. All of the women were in attendance, gathered around the table in the church’s fellowship hall. As soon as the discussion began, Sherri, a young mother, broke down.

“I’m sorry, you all, I’m just struggling.” Tears streamed down her face so quickly her tissue couldn’t keep up with the flow.

“Sherri, what is it?” Emily leaned in, comforting her.

She took in a deep breath and let it out. “As most of you probably know by now, my husband has left us. He says he just can’t deal with Elison’s Down’s Syndrome. He wanted a son to follow in his footsteps.”

She spat out the last line and then continued.

“I just don’t know. I feel defeated … more like hopeless right now.”

The women faded as a vision flashed across my eyes. Sherri stood addressing a large audience with Elison by her side, smiling.

“Hello, my name is Sherri, and this is my son, Elison. We are here to encourage you to establish a ministry in your church similar to the one at our church, New Glen Baptist Church. We minister to families who have special needs members and have trained a staff to provide quality Biblical training and just plain loving care to those who need extra care. We also have support groups for the families, the parents …”

When Sherri’s tear-streaked face came back into focus, I exhaled and grabbed Emily’s hand under the table. She leaned in and whispered. “Did you just have a …” I nodded.

Emily leaned closer in. “You have to tell her.”

“Sherri …”

She looked straight at me. I could feel the stares of the rest of the group on me, but I kept eye contact with only Sherri as I reached to grab her hand.

“Sherri, you must follow what God is leading you to do. You will be blessed, and I know others will be blessed as well if you’ll obey Him. And, you’ll never be alone because Elison will always be by your side loving you unconditionally.”

A look of surprise came over Sherri’s face.

“How did you know? I mean, you’re right, I think God is leading me to do something, but …”

I swallowed. “Obey Him. He wants to bless you.”

Sherri smiled. The other women stared at me and Sherri with mouths agape and brows wrinkled.

“Well now, I think we might need to pray for Sherri and then we’ll finish our session,” Emily said. Her voice carried a buoyant tone.

After the others left and we were alone, I talked to Emily about how uncomfortable I still felt.

“I feel so awkward speaking up, especially when there are more people around.”

She sat across from me. “Addy, I don’t think these visions are only for the benefit of the people they are about. I think God is molding you.”

“I think you’re right.” I winced. “It’s just… sometimes it’s painful.”

 

****

 

Saturday morning I didn’t realize Griffey had gotten up until he kissed my head. I rolled over. I had completed the laundry and cleaning on Friday. Griffey had a men’s prayer breakfast, and Elianna was helping with a children’s activity. Today I planned to curl up on the couch with a Karen Kingsbury book.

I needed some downtime. These visions and the situations surrounding them evoked heavy emotions. I felt quite spent. Of course, I knew Emily was right when she said there was more involved than the visions alone. God uses all circumstances, and I was fully aware that He was teaching me through this experience. I also knew I could be stubborn, especially if I had to stray from my normal routine. I was glad He was a patient God. He had to practice it on me often.

“I’m off to the breakfast. Elianna’s riding with me. See you later. It might be around noon before we’re back. Love you.”

“Love you.”

I stretched and a big yawn emerged. I got out of bed, dressed, and meandered to the kitchen. I noticed a small note stuck to the microwave. Left you two muffins. Quite the bum, I didn’t even prepare myself any breakfast. I poured some chocolate milk, grabbed the muffins, and headed for the couch. My book still lay on the end table where I had left it the night before.

I was so engrossed in my reading, the doorbell startled me. I crammed the bookmark into the book, threw off the blanket, and ran to the door. Upon opening the door, I found a rather tall, distinguished man standing on the porch. His hair was silvery-gray. I figured he might have the wrong house. I felt self-conscious wearing sweats and no makeup. I was sure he wasn’t here to see me. Griffey gets all the phone calls and visitors around our house.

“Oh, I’m sorry, if you’re looking for Pastor Griffey, he’s not here.” I started to close the door. “You could call the church. The men are meeting there…”

“No, I’m actually looking for…”

He hesitated. I leaned my head forward waiting for him to finish.

“Addy?”

“My name is Addy, but I’m really not interested in any products …” I shook my head.

“Addy, it’s me, Grant Reegan, your father.”

My whole body went numb. Words just would not come. No wonder I didn’t recognize him; it had been over thirty years. I felt every emotion possible run through my body at that instant—anger, sympathy, rage … Each one justified for this situation. All the words I thought I would say if I ever saw him again were nowhere to be found.

Finally I was able to move. I stepped to the side and gestured for him to enter. As he brushed past me, the smell of pine mixed with rugged musk attacked my nose. I was sure he was my father, my memory recognized his scent. He stopped in front of a framed photo of Mom on the mantle.

“I saw the obituary, but I didn’t feel right about showing up at the funeral. She was a good woman.” He faced me. “She deserved better.”

“Yes, she did, and so did I. Eighteen is young to have the responsibility to pick a casket and bury your mother alone.” My jaw tensed as I gritted my teeth. “Why are you here now?” I quietly said aloud what screamed in my head. He turned on his heel to face me.

“Addy, I’m empty. I’ve tried to fill the emptiness with so many things. I thought maybe you were the answer.”

Before I could reply, I saw him kneeling at the altar of my church. He was weeping. Griffey knelt beside him. He was spelling out the plan of salvation. Then I heard my father pray to accept Jesus as Savior.

After the vision, I had conflicting feelings. Normally, I immediately encouraged the person who appeared in the vision, but what did I owe this man?

“Addy?”

Griffey stood at the family room threshold. His tone and expression evidenced concern when he spotted the man standing by the mantle.

“Griffey, this is Grant Reegan, my father.” I straightened my sweatshirt as if that would help my disheveled appearance, but it gave me something to do other than stare at the man who’d let me down when I needed him most.

Griffey’s eyes were wide with surprise. He crossed the room with his hand extended. The two shook hands.

“Sir,” Griffey said with an emphatic nod.

“Griffey, is it?”

“Yes.”

Griffey returned to my side.

“Please have a seat.” Griffey gestured to a chair.

Griffey placed an arm around my shoulders, guiding me to the couch, and we sat together. I wasn’t planning on offering him a seat. I didn’t plan on him being here that long. As he took a seat, he glanced around the room taking in all of the photographs displayed of our family. All of the pictures that represented the years he had missed.

Finally, he scooted forward and trained his gaze on me. “I know I surprised you by just showing up. I feared if I called first, you would refuse to see me. As I said earlier, I’ve had such emptiness. I thought I should find you so I could say I’m sorry … and I am.” His shoulders slumped.

I felt a fire rise up from deep inside me. “You thought that might make you feel better?” I couldn’t stop the words. The anger and hurt I held onto so long churned inside me and threatened to spill forth. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Griffey. I knew he would encourage me to be Christ-like, but I didn’t want to be kind or like Christ. I wanted to treat him as he had treated me. I could almost taste the bitterness I held.

“I don’t know. I guess I thought it was the right thing to do.” His eyes were overly bright, and he spoke with a quavering voice. He seemed to be blinking back tears. I didn’t care though. He should feel bad for what he’d done to me, my sister, and my mother.

“And what do you know about the right thing to do?” I spat the words. My anger boiled over.

Griffey squeezed my shoulder and cleared his throat.

“I deserve that. In fact, I know I may not get your forgiveness, but I had to try.” He diverted his gaze to the floor.

“Mom? Dad?” My head jerked toward the sound. Elianna rushed into the room, but stopped abruptly when she noticed we weren’t alone. Griffey stood and motioned her over.

“Hon, this is Grant Reegan, your grandfather.” He nodded toward my father.

Elianna looked first to Griffey then to me and finally to my father. She nodded.

“Hi, I’m Elianna.”

“Nice to meet you.” He stood and extended his hand, so cold, so formal. The whole scene was surreal.

“Are you staying near here?” Griffey said.

“Uh, yes. I’m staying at a hotel. I actually live in Florida now.”

“Alone?” I heard my thought voiced aloud.

“Yes, alone, I never remarried.” He shifted, his discomfort evident. “I should leave. I’ve taken too much of your time, maybe I could call again?” He let the petition dangle.

“Mr. Reegan, why don’t you join us for church tomorrow?” Griffey glanced at me and then back to my father.

“If that would be all right?” He directed questioning eyes at me. All I could do was nod. Griffey led him to the front door with an arm slung around his shoulders. I took a deep breath and let it out noisily.

I buried my face in my hands, my body trembled. I continued to take deep breaths to calm my roiling insides.

“Mom, are you OK?” Elianna knelt at my side.

“I don’t really know.” Numbness washed over me. I preferred it; it hurt too much to feel.

Griffey returned, sitting next to me on the couch. “I gave him directions to the church. He said he’d be there.”

“It’s been over thirty years. Why is he here?” I raised my head, looking at Griffey.

“Sounds like he’s searching and feeling repentant.” Griffey patted my leg and flashed a crooked smile. He rose and wandered from the room. Elianna left, leaving me there with my thoughts. I felt a sudden twinge of guilt for not encouraging him based on my vision.

 

****

 

Sunday morning on my way to the nursery, I spotted Hope and Jimmy, a young couple who’d never had a child but had a lot of love to give. They kept me up to date on their progress of having a family.

“We finished the foster parent training. Now we wait.” Hope shrugged. “I hope we’re doing the right thing. Doctors just feel I can never get pregnant, so this may be our only way to have a family.” She bowed her head, seemingly trying to control her emotions.

I touched her arm. She raised her head to look into my eyes.

“Hon, we’re gonna pray that God will bring you that baby.”

“It’s hard to pass the empty baby’s room. It’s ready.”

“Hang in there …” I gave her arm a slight squeeze.

A vision appeared suddenly. Hope and Jimmy were proudly displaying a baby boy.

“This is Jeremiah,” Jimmy announced. “He’s eight months old. They brought him to us last night.”

Jeremiah favored Hope and Jimmy. Most anyone would have thought the baby was their biological child.

The scene changed as if time had elapsed. “It’s a miracle. I discovered I’m pregnant. The doctor says everything is great.” Hope’s face glowed.

The vision ended and I looked at the couple standing in front of me.

“You just keep following God, obeying, and you will be blessed beyond your imagination.” I blinked back tears and smiled.

They both appeared puzzled at my confident proclamation.

“I better get on to the nursery.”

My heart was so filled with joy for Hope and Jimmy I thought it might burst. Obviously, my face showed what was in my heart because one of my fellow nursery workers commented on my expression.

“Wow, what a glowing smile! You look happy this morning.”

“I am; I really am.”

I felt a hand grasp my wrist and pull.

“Could I speak to you in the hall, please?”

It was Beatrice. Well, I had been happy.

“I overheard your conversation with Jimmy and Hope. How dare you get their hopes up? You need to be more careful. What if they don’t get a child? They need to know it’s OK either way. You are just setting them up for a hard fall.” She clenched her jaw, and her nostrils flared.

I pulled my wrist free from her grasp and rubbed it with my other hand.

“O ye of little faith.” That was all I said, though I could have said more. Probably for the best, because I felt like blasting her with angry words, but, Satan knows discouraging words can cripple me faster than anything. I often allow what others say and think of me to derail me. Not this time! God was using me in this unique way. I knew I had to stay faithful. God had not given me these revelations to hurt anyone. The peace and joy I experienced from following His will was to be savored. I wouldn’t let a doubter steal that from me.

Later, as the choir filed into the loft, I took my seat and scanned the congregation. There sitting on the second row was my father. In the excitement of my morning, I had conveniently forgotten he might come. If my vision came true, there would be congratulations in order. God would have to help me. My feelings toward him were still ambivalent.

He was my father, though he never behaved like one. But I didn’t want to deprive him of salvation, no matter how much anger I continued to harbor toward him. God would have to help me forgive him. And if God could extend forgiveness, I certainly had no reason to hold a grudge myself. Again I realized I was allowing the devil to rob me of my joy. Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. As that verse rushed through my mind, I bowed my head and prayed silently for God’s help.

During the worship service, I watched my father’s face soften. Midway through the sermon, tears were streaming down his cheeks. I witnessed a change happen in a man who had once frightened me with his harsh words. I found my cheeks growing wet as well, and a softening in my heart. Were the tears out of sympathy for the time lost? Were they out of joy for his decision? I think it was all of that and more.

The invitation hymn began. Griffey descended the stage steps and stood on the floor. He barely made it to his spot in front of the altar table when my father practically leapt from his pew. I knew exactly what was happening. I had seen it in my vision. I felt myself drawn to the altar. I too needed to ask for forgiveness. I hadn’t encouraged my father after seeing the vision, but God had wooed him anyway. I was grateful.

I knelt, laid my face on the altar steps, and wet the carpet with a flood of tears. Tears for my mother. Tears for a lost father. Tears pleading for forgiveness. Tears of hope.

Finally, I stood. Instead of making a scene by clamoring back into the choir loft, I just backed up and stood in front of the first pew.

As the invitation closed, Griffey called my father to join him at the pulpit. “Folks, would you be seated a moment?” Griffey said. “I want you to meet Grant Reegan. Grant, would you like to tell these people why you’re here?”

His face was the same, but the man wasn’t. He beamed with an inner glow. He looked at Griffey and then at the congregation. “Well, I have accepted Jesus as my Savior and Lord this morning.”

Several amens rang out through the church.

“For years I have been playing the church game, never letting any of it affect me.” He looked straight at me and continued.

“I have made many mistakes in my life and missed out on many opportunities of which I’m truly repentant. I stand here to say, no more. God can have me. I give up.”

Although I could barely see through blinding tears, I felt magnetically drawn forward. I wrapped my arms around my father and felt his arms embrace me back. Probably for the first time. I heard the music minister invite the congregation to stand and sing another verse of the closing hymn. My father and I slid over to the front row. As the last words of the song drew near, Griffey stepped in front of my father and me.

“Can I tell them who you are?”

My father looked at me.

“Yes, tell them.” I nodded.

Griffey addressed the congregation again.

“Folks, we rejoice just as Heaven when a lost sinner comes home. We can also rejoice in overdue reunions. Pray for Mr. Reegan. He doesn’t live here. He’s from Florida. But, we hope he’ll have a reason to return and visit his daughter, Addy, and our family. You make sure and come by and wish him well after our benediction.”

The congregation was so welcoming and gracious as they came by one by one. When Emily came by, she pulled me aside.

“I know that was hard, but I’m proud of you, and I love ya.”

We embraced.

Only my family and the music minister remained. It was a normal occurrence for the pastor’s family to leave the church last. As Griffey locked his office, my father stepped next to me and spoke in a low voice.

“He’s a good man, Addy. I’m so glad.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll keep him.”

My answer had the intended goal. We laughed, and the atmosphere lightened.

“So, where’s lunch?” Griffey said as he joined us.

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, brother, we go through this every Sunday.”

My father looked puzzled. Elianna stepped in.

“You see, Grandpa, can I call you that?”

“Yes, sure.” His voice broke.

“Well, every Sunday after church we go out to eat. Mom’s kitchen is closed on Sunday. Much too busy a day for us. But, we always go round and round about where to go. Hey, what about you, Grandpa? What do you like?”

“Uh, I’m not sure what the choices are.”

“There’s Mexican …” Elianna’s voice faded as she took her grandpa’s arm and led him toward the parking lot.

“How are you?” Griffey said.

“I’m OK.”

“Emotional morning.”

“You have no idea.”

He grabbed my hand, weaving his fingers between mine. He lifted it to his mouth and kissed one of my fingertips lightly.

It’s amazing what healing can occur if you give your hurts over to God. A lot of restoration happened during that Sunday lunch.

When my father left that Sunday evening and headed back to Florida, I was sorry he had to leave so soon. We invited him back when he could make it. He reciprocated telling us we needed to visit him in Florida. He told us he hoped to have more free time next year when he plans to retire.

What a different life I could have had if my father had been saved when I was young. My mother’s life would have been drastically different as well. But, I might have never gone to the church’s young adult class. I might have never met Griffey and become the mother of Elianna. God truly does work things to the good for those who love Him. He took a pitiful girl and taught her to rely on Him. Then, He worked His plan for me.

Thank You again, God. Sometimes we don’t even realize You are blessing us, but You do.

Later Sunday night, I lifted a box from the top of my closet and set it on the floor. I hesitated. Then I sat down on the floor and opened the lid. There on top was a picture of my mother staring up at me. I knew I owed my mother forgiveness too. But, she appeared so weak—never standing up for herself. Like an endless victim.

As I systematically unloaded the contents of the box, I found a worn Bible. I picked it up and scraps of paper fell out. They were covered in my mother’s writing. Some were prayers. Some were Scripture. Some were insights. I opened the Bible and found the margins filled with similar writing as the slips of paper. Turns out, my mother was stronger than I thought—spiritually—in the way that truly counts.