Chapter 10
If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and deprecate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground, they want rain without thunder and lightning.
—Frederick Douglass
I DON’T PRETEND TO BE AN expert in the field of activism—actually, just the opposite. I’m still a novice, still learning every day. Each event or speech or TV show is a new experience that helps me learn more about myself and those around me. I just try to do my best with each opportunity. I figure that if I keep getting asked to do more things, then I must be doing something right. My message must be resonating with others; they must be able to relate to my story.
I never planned to become an activist; it just happened. I could have chosen to look the other way, to do something else with my retirement years, but that was not how I wanted to spend my life. I retired from my full-time job, but I didn’t retire from life. I still want things to be better for future generations, and for my grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I hope that no other family has to go through what I’ve been through.
I suppose I could just sit back and live off my pension and have a decent life, maybe move to Florida and soak up the sunshine. That’s probably what I would have done had “that day” not happened, or at least that’s what I used to say. Instead, I have found myself in some rather incredible situations and met some amazing people, all because I chose not to sit on the sidelines.
I don’t think I’m particularly brave or strong, but I am a mother, and trusting my instincts as a parent has served me well. That’s what helped me decide to get involved. As a mother, as Eric’s mother, I couldn’t just watch while other people got involved. How could I do that to Eric and his memory?
This is what I’ve learned over the past few years.
BECOMING AN ACTIVIST
•Find your motivation. This was the most important and the first piece of the puzzle. You should be getting involved because it’s important to you. I learned from being around so many activists that if your heart isn’t in it, then it won’t work for you.
•Start slow. This was important for me because I was still reeling from my son’s death—I still am—but I knew that I needed to take things slowly at first and see how it worked out for me. I didn’t want to jump in feet first just to quit if things didn’t work out. I eased into it, attended some marches, and went from there.
•Follow the leader. You might have a lot of ideas about how to implement your ideas, but you should find someone who has been doing it for a while and learn from them. Find out what has worked for them and what hasn’t. That doesn’t mean that you will do exactly the same, but you can learn from others. If they are passionate about the cause, they will be glad to share what they know with you.
•There is safety in numbers. Join an existing group or create one of your own. One of the most impactful ways to create some kind of change is to show that a lot of people feel the same way. That doesn’t mean that you can’t go it alone. Cynthia and I spent many evenings with just the two of us, but we were glad when others finally started to join.
•Buckle your seatbelt. Activism is an unpredictable and often emotional roller coaster full of highs and lows. Actually, it’s more like lows and lows, and maybe a high every once in a while. It’s tough work and takes time to get into the groove, but if you stick with it, the rewards are worth the effort.
•Keep your cool. It’s easy to let your emotions take over and react without thinking, but it’s important to keep calm. Being an activist can generate negativity from those who don’t feel the same way you do. Getting caught up in that can lead to physical confrontations, and that should not be part of your mission. Violence doesn’t solve anything.
•Pass it on. If you are successful and enjoy getting involved, part of your mission should be educating others and working to bring them aboard with you. Activism is best when it’s passed down to others because they have a good understanding of what they’re getting into after having watched what you are doing.
•Trust your instincts. Any time I’ve had to make a decision about what to do or even whether to keep going, I stop and take stock, pray, and come to my own conclusion. I can feel when something is right for me. That doesn’t mean it’s always the best decision, but it does mean that I’m content with my choice. And if that’s the case, then I can sleep at night knowing I’ve done my best.
•Don’t compromise yourself. This is the most important thing I have learned along the way. People think that if you are an activist, you need to act a certain way. You need to be loud and aggressive and pushy. I can tell you that is not the case. That’s initially why I didn’t feel like activism was right for me, because that is not my personality. However, I quickly realized that I could use my strengths to get results. Sometimes when you are quieter, people listen even more closely. I felt like my form of compassionate activism worked for me. You have to find what works best for you without changing who you are. Your individuality is the most important thing you can offer. Make it work for you.
Everything I do is to preserve the memory of my sons and to ensure that they are not forgotten. Until the killings stop, I will keep on talking and telling my story as long as people will listen. I realize that I may not always have such a large platform, that folks might get tired of hearing me talk about my loss. If that happens, I will make peace with it because I’ll know that I’ve done all I can.