“I know you will never tell me that you need me, and that’s okay. I know what you did, and what’s happened to you, so you don’t need to hide from me. I am going to fall in love with you and you don’t have any say in it. Yell at me if you need to, but I’m not going anywhere.”
Her voice faded as I clawed my way out of a deep sleep. “Riley?” I gasped.
Burrowed beneath the warm down comforter like a hibernating bear, I peeked toward her side of the bed. Her head had left an impression in the pillow. I stretched out a hand. The sheets were still warm, but she was gone. I must have been dreaming again. I could have sworn she was talking to me, saying the sweetest things. The alarm clock claimed it was already past ten. Who gets up before ten if they don’t have to? Slowly my body began to relax. I am going to fall in love with you.
I had to fight down a small curl of arousal that threatened to turn into something dangerous. My God, I’d had an orgasm in my sleep while Riley was watching. Then I’d fled into the bathroom like a fourteen-year-old schoolboy with his first boner. My skin was hot with humiliation. At least Riley believed I had been in the throes of a nightmare, or I would have been too embarrassed to look her in the eye. As it was, I didn’t think I would be in any hurry to face her. I’m not the shyest person in the world, but you just don’t have a wet dream while someone watches and then converse like nothing happened. At least I couldn’t.
I lay rigid for a moment, rehearsing a nonchalant greeting and a comment about the slightly improved weather. The smell of fresh coffee drifted in and tantalized my nose. Riley was not playing fair. I pushed the covers aside, only to be treated to one of the finest views I had ever seen. Though the glass doors were tinted, it was still possible to see the ocean through them. I craned, detecting a movement just to the right of the door. As a long, muscular leg became visible, I leaned so far out of the bed, I would have fallen if I hadn’t grabbed hold of the bedpost. Riley was on a bench, leaning back against the cabin, sipping from a mug. She appeared to be staring out at the ocean. She was dressed in running shoes, a sweatshirt, and shorts that displayed an expanse of thigh. I made myself look away. She must have gone out to the car and retrieved some of our things. I got down off the bed and, sure enough, when I walked into the living room, I found our bags sitting neatly against the wall. Riley had already taken out a sweatshirt and pants and set them next to my flip-flops.
I slipped the pants on, as well as the overly large sweatshirt. Like Dani’s, it too engulfed me. But unlike Dani’s, the sleeves were also too long. I pushed them up my forearms and found a mirror. “Oh yeah, real cute.”
After I’d poured myself a mug of coffee, I joined Riley on the deck. “Aren’t you cold?”
“No, not really.” She stared out at the water. “I love it here.”
I gazed out at the choppy ocean. Fog made visibility bad, but I could still see for miles. To the right of us were a few dark rock outcroppings. The water crashed against these rhythmically before cascading back down into the ocean, leaving a white froth that dissipated like the foam on mocha.
“It is very beautiful,” I said. “I hope the weather gets better soon so it won’t be so foggy.”
“Hmm.”
I thought it was a grunt of agreement, but I couldn’t be sure. She seemed preoccupied, watching a small boat out on the rough water. She lifted a long telescope that was leaning against the bench.
“This was Dani’s when she was a kid. She leaves it here because this is the best place for star watching at night.”
I was really jealous of this Dani chick. Riley seemed to talk about her an awful lot. She set the telescope up and peered into it, then gestured for me to come stand in front of her. Adjusting the eyepiece, she said, “Look.”
It took me a minute to find what I was supposed to be looking at. “Oh my God, is he going to dive in that water?” I asked breathlessly as I saw two men in the fishing boat, one wearing a wet suit. “It must be freezing out there.”
Riley leaned from behind me to look into the telescope. “More than likely, they’re putting out lobster traps.”
I shivered a little as the warmth of her body and the chill in the air caused my nipples to become painfully hard. My mind started to wander back to my dream and how much I would enjoy touching her without pretense.
“I meant what I said.” The words were very soft in my ear. “I would never hurt you.”
I froze. “I know you wouldn’t.”
“The nightmare…”
“It wasn’t a nightmare.” I lifted my eye from the telescope. “It didn’t have anything to do with you.”
“But you called my name.”
“Riley. Let’s not talk about it. I just want to enjoy this. I don’t want to think about things.”
“I understand.”
Apparently I had convinced her that I was having bad dreams about stuff in L.A., not imagining her screwing the hell out of me. Welcome to an all-new low, Foster Everett. I thanked her and tried not to look as grateful as I felt. I leapt on the first safe topic I could think of. “So, tell me about your friend Dani. You’re pretty close, huh?”
“She’s my best friend.” I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was uncomfortable. “When I first moved here with my brother and mother, I met her at school. She was the first person who took any interest in me. Usually I was shy, but I saw her drawing a picture of the Incredible Hulk.” She paused, smiling to herself with faint irony. “I used to have this thing for Lou Ferrigno.”
“Used to?” I chuckled nervously. “I thought I saw his picture on the back of a door at the theater.”
“He was sort of a role model.”
“Is that why you started lifting weights?”
“One of the reasons.” Her mouth was tightly pursed and a muscle flexed rhythmically in her jaw.
“Hey.” I put my hand on her shoulder. “I wasn’t trying to pry.”
In an absent voice, she said. “It’s okay.” She seemed to have something on her mind. “Do you want to take a walk? This is a private road. There isn’t anyone else on it.”
“Sure.” I followed her off the deck.
Large logs edged the dirt path for a few hundred feet, then we seemed to be in the deep woods. The only link between us and the outside world was the road we were on and the barely visible telephone poles.
We walked in silence for a while, then I remarked, “So you moved here with your mother and brother.”
“Yes. My father…”
She made an odd noise and I thought she’d stumbled on a root or something. But then I realized the words were to blame. I sensed a sadness in her so deep that I wanted to hold her close to me. Two things were clear to me before she spoke again: Riley loved her father, and he was no longer living.
“My father died when I was nine,” she said gruffly, and resumed her walk at a faster pace.
I used to think that I knew what it felt like to lose a parent. The deep resentment I felt for my mother burned in the back of my mind constantly. Anger can be a powerful force, even more powerful than love. Mine had helped me through a lot of emotionally tough times. But the utter sadness I could feel emanating from Riley was nothing like the feelings I had for my mother. Riley had known the love of a parent, not just someone who had put on her Sunday best and left with a cross-country trucker, like my mother had.
“I’m sorry,” I told her.
“Me, too.”
“What happened?”
“Dad was a pilot in the Air Force. His plane went down because of a faulty part. After he died, I stopped talking for a while.”
Did she mean she stopped completely, sort of stopped, or what? The idea that someone would willingly not speak left me completely befuddled. I wanted to question her further, but instead I decided to employ a little-used strategy of mine, the “shut the fuck up and listen” strategy.
She kicked a pinecone off the path. In a voice that sounded like it hadn’t been used in years, she said, “I was very skinny. I guess with that and the not speaking much, kids thought I was weird.”
“Kids can be cruel,” I said, though I sensed Riley had endured more than the usual bullying.
“They would play at who could make me cry out by hitting me.” Riley glanced at me. “I never did.”
I felt my fingers curl into my palms. I felt sure that if I were to look, I would see little crescent creases in them. “What about your mother? Didn’t she stop them?”
“She was too busy to care. Things got better when I started to grow. By the time I was in the eighth grade, I was already taller than anyone else in my school, including most of the teachers. Most of them were scared of me by then, though there was always someone who believed the bigger they are, the harder they fall.”
I turned away, blinking. I had expressed the same opinion many times myself, but I had never hurt anyone without provocation. The vision of a blond man in white boxer shorts flashed in my memory. A tear rolled down my cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. It was a long time ago. I’m glad that my life turned out the way it did.”
I was tempted to let the subject go, but Riley seemed willing to talk and I wanted to know everything about her that she was willing to share. “So is that why you got angry when everyone was laughing in the club that night?”
Her eyes focused briefly on my lips, and I wondered what she was thinking. “Yes. I guess I still don’t like to be laughed at.” She fidgeted with the florescent pink cast on her wrist.
“Tell me what happened with that? Please.”
She hesitated; I thought she was going to refuse before she said, “I saw them talking. One of them said that no man would want me, and that it was probably for the best because I could never get one looking like I do.”
“What else did they say?” I was amazed that my voice didn’t sound as angry as I felt.
“They thought it would be funny to give me the pink cast because I’m not…feminine.” Almost to belie her words, she reached up and delicately brushed back a piece of hair that had blown across her face.
For some reason, this struck me as incredibly feminine. In fact, as strong as Riley was, there was nothing at all masculine about her. I, upon occasion, could be damn manly when I wanted to be. But Riley? No, I didn’t think of her as anything but a woman. I was angry that two strangers who were supposedly there to help her had made her feel bad about herself.
“Riley, I know it’s hard when people say hurtful things like that. But trust me, you are definitely feminine. You would have no trouble getting a man, if you wanted one, that is. Or anyone else.” Shit, so much for my verbal prowess.
“You don’t think so?”
When I saw her smile, I almost forgave the fact that she was making me squirm. “I think you could have mostly anyone you want.”
“Oh.” There was a moment of silence that I would’ve called awkward, but she might have considered companionable. “Hey, Foster, I want to show you something.”
She pulled me off the path and down a small slope that led to another less defined trail. It was only wide enough for us to walk single file, and I took advantage of the opportunity to study her body. Nice ass, nice calves, nice legs, great back, shoulders, and arms, nice everything. I personally was hanging on to what little definition I still had. Thanks to genetics and a rapid metabolism, I had never had to worry about what others thought of me. But Riley, well…she made me very self-conscious.
“Look.”
She pointed and I inhaled as a fine spray of salty water hit me. The path we’d walked down led us to the beach. Unlike the few Southern California beaches I’d visited, there wasn’t much by way of sand here, and the small gray rocks that led right up to the water would make walking barefoot near impossible.
“See those rocks?” Riley pointed with her cast toward several dark boulders that skirted the beach. “I used to fish from up there. You should see it when the water hits the rocks. It makes this huge rainbow.” My grin seemed to bother her, but I was only reacting to her enthusiasm. “Well, I think it’s pretty anyway,” she said, a little less exuberantly.
“It’s beautiful.” I was touched that she’d shared this place with me. “If you like, we can get some rods and fish one day.”
“I’d like that.”
“Riley, I…” I stopped myself because I had no idea what I was going to say. This woman seemed to bring out the worst in me.
I pretended to be distracted as a wave crashed against the rocks. When I turned toward her again, her eyes were already focused on my mouth. She was standing so close I had to tilt my head to look up at her. I closed my eyes and waited for her to kiss me.
“Foster?”
Oh shit. I backed away from her, light-headed with mortification. She hadn’t been about to kiss me at all. The surprise on her face told me all I needed to know. As quickly as I could, I retreated up the path, ignoring the urge to steal a backward glance. I was certain she would still be wearing that look of utter confusion she’d had when I had first opened my eyes.
I thought I heard her call out to me once, but I didn’t bother to turn around. She knew where I would be; after all, I had nowhere else to go. She probably thought I was making a pass at her or something. Which I was, I guess.
I walked faster as I spotted the cabin’s peaked roof. A complete idiot, that’s what I was. Why would anyone want to get involved with me now? I didn’t have anything to offer but a sob story and a mediocre attempt at sex. No, not mediocre. I would have…Oh, shut up, I yelled internally.
I stomped onto the sun-faded burgundy deck and walked around to the double doors leading to the bedroom. Turning the knob, I was disappointed to find it locked. God damn it, why was Riley so damn security-conscious? Who in the hell would break into a cabin in the middle of nowhere? I crossed to the railing Riley and Dani must have put up for safety reasons, and glared out at the ocean. I let the salty air coax one tear from my eye before I scrubbed it away. Feeling sorry for myself was not something I wanted to start again. I had done enough of that after the Canniff incident. It had been a long road back to halfway living, and it wasn’t going to get any easier if I let myself get caught up in hopeless feelings for a woman who obviously didn’t return them.
“Foster?”
“Look, Riley, I’m—” I never finished my sentence. I was pulled into the same warm, comforting embrace that I remembered from last night. Her lips covered mine and gently pressed until, with a sigh, I parted my lips. She tentatively explored my mouth, as I wondered at the taste of chocolate and mint. The kiss deepened. It sure felt like she knew what she was doing. Okay, Foster, you can rule out the straight factor for sure. This woman had to have been kissing women for years, and if she didn’t stop kissing me, I was going to pass out.
Finally, the pressure lightened and she eased her lips from mine. I opened my mouth and a loud gasp escaped. I had forgotten to breathe. I felt the warmth of her fingertips against my chin. My heart started that traitorous pounding again as her eyes locked on my lips.
Someone cleared their throat. I pulled away from Riley and reached for the guns I should have been wearing but wasn’t. I had let myself be lulled into a false sense of safety by her assurance that no one was around. We were being watched by a small, well-built woman leaning against the side of the cabin. Her eyes were hidden behind black sunglasses, her muscular stomach visible under the skimpy T-shirt she wore even on this chilly day. She and Riley must have had the same source of constant heat running through their bodies.
She would be considered pretty in most people’s books, if she seemed more approachable. The motorcycle helmet she carried tucked underneath her arm was as black as the rest of the clothing she wore. The wind plucked at her fair hair. She removed her sunglasses, and I could see that her eyes were blue. She looked faintly amused at having caught us in an awkward position. I glanced at Riley to check her response, just in time to see utter delight spread across her face.
“Dani!” She bounded up on to the deck to sweep the smaller woman into her arms.
Dani, I thought darkly. Things were just starting to get interesting, and who should show up but the infamous Dani, who never stayed here with Riley and who supposedly had no plans to use the place while we needed it. Someone up there had it in for me.