I WASN’T SUPPOSED TO MEET Ana at the restaurant until nine thirty, so after I finished my sherry at the Café de l’Opera I wandered out to the Ramblas again and into the Barri Gòtic. It was packed with people shopping and walking arm in arm through the narrow, brightly lit streets.
Then, in the bookstore window, I saw it.
A black-haired, lushly naked woman with a snake wrapped around her body and behind her a jungle straight from Henri Rousseau, though heavier on the parrots, monkeys and gardenias.
In the foreground was a young girl in a filmy white dress reclining on a sofa with a notebook in her hand and a rapt look upon her face. It was María the writer-daughter. It was Cristobel, La Grande. It was Gloria de los Angeles, winner of Venezuela’s highest literary honors. It was, in short, the Spanish edition of La Grande y su hija.
I peeked in the door and saw readers eagerly poring over the first pages and taking it up to the cash register. A sign in the window said it was a publishing phenomenon, Garcia Márquez in female form, the Venezuelan Allende, the biggest South American novel of the year!
And to think, I had the honor of being the English translator. I was even now walking through the streets of Barcelona with a notebook full of sentences like: “Night after night Cristobel snuck out into the velvet jungle to meet Eduardo, the only man who had ever, because she refused to count the forced marriage of rapine caresses with Raoul, inflamed those soft loins….” Or perhaps I should use “crept” instead of “snuck.”
The South American edition of the book had been published in Buenos Aires and featured a woman and a man in a romantic but chaste embrace. Once that might have done for Spain as well, back in the old days when the censors used to carefully cut out women in bikinis from the European editions of Time and Newsweek. I felt in my cloth bag for La Grande y su hija in order to compare the two editions, and encountered a strange gaping hole and an absence of certain familiar objects—like the camera Frankie had bought for me and the cassette of Transylvanian Gregorian Chants.
Hell! I had gone into the ladies’ toilet in the Café de l’Opera and carefully put Frankie’s hundred dollars’ worth of pesetas in my bra, but someone must have followed me out of the café and slit my bag in the crowd. The only thing left was my notebook, whose metal coils had caught on the fabric. They’d taken the novel, presumably thinking I’d put the envelope inside its pages.
I went into the bookstore and bought the last copy of the Spanish edition.
“You won’t be able to put it down,” the clerk assured me. “It will take over your imagination completely.”
The seafood restaurant in the old fishing quarter of Barceloneta had tables outside, facing the Mediterranean, and the moon shone down on the waves and gave shape to their crashing voices.
“You sat and watched the door of La Pedrera all day?” demanded Ana. “That’s more than we ever had to do as architectural students.”
“Easy money,” I defended myself. “I translated a good six pages just sitting there.”
“I notice you made time for a new haircut,” she said.
“I can always make time for a haircut from Carmen.”
Ana snorted.
“Calmete, mujer,” I said. “Carmen has a heart of gold. Just think of her as being from a different country, that might help.”
“Andalucía is a different country than Catalunya,” Ana pointed out. “It was Franco who encouraged all the Andalucíans to come here, after the war. To make it more difficult to organize politically.”
She waved over our waiter with an imperious hand. “They never learned Catalan, they refuse to learn Catalan. They don’t want to be part of Catalunya.”
“But I don’t know Catalan,” I said. “You talk to me in Spanish or English.”
“You’re different.”
Ana rested her face on an elegant thin wrist and regarded me over our wine.
“I’ve missed you, Cassandra,” she said. “It’s been a long time.”
“Well, not that long,” I said cheerfully. “I see you more than I see some of my other friends. Natasha, for instance. Or Tomiko.”
Ana did not like these sorts of references. “I’ve never understood,” she said, “why you don’t make Barcelona your base instead of London. You’re a translator, you should be around the Spanish language. Of course you wouldn’t want to live in South America, it’s too dangerous. Or even Madrid. But Barcelona suits you.”
It did suit me, no doubt about that, to sit outside in the moonlight by the shores of the Mediterranean and to drink Rioja with an attractive woman.
“Even if Barcelona were my base,” I said carefully, “I still wouldn’t be here much. You know me, I can’t stay anywhere too long, I get crazy.”
Our waiter brought the paella, fried to the darkness of mahogany. Peach-colored prawns and violet mussel shells decorated the top and the wonderful smell of saffron mixed with the night.
Ana poured me more wine.
“I like to travel too.”
“No you do not, Ana. I mean, a trip to Rome or Paris for two weeks is not the same as a six-week trek through Mongolia.”
“You’re too old to keep this up, Cassandra. You need to settle down with someone, experience family life.”
“Ana,” I said, as gently as I could with my mouth full. “What is on your mind?”
“I’ve just been thinking about family,” she said. “How I want one. I want children, I want a partner. It’s almost getting too late for me to have a child.”
“So have one. You can afford it. You can afford a nanny.”
“But I don’t want to do it alone.” Ana stopped eating and looked at me with melting eyes. “And so I thought of all the people I would like to have a family with—and it came down to you, Cassandra.”
I tried to keep it light, even though my instinctive reaction was to bolt for the sea.
“I’d be a terrible mother.”
“No, you’d be wonderful. You’re a fascinating woman, and you know a lot of languages, and you’ve been through a lot.”
“But I don’t like children all that much. I mean, I do. But not if they’re my own.”
“Well, it would be mine.”
“I’ll be its aunt, how about that?” I suggested. “I had a wonderful aunt myself,” I said, and launched into a long story about Aunt Eavan who had singled me out from my six brothers and sisters and taken me to the theater in Chicago where she lived and given me a subscription to National Geographic.
“It was all those National Geographics, Ana. I realized that outside Kalamazoo there were thousands of bare-breasted women.”
“I’ve always wondered why you started travelling,” Ana said.
“Well, now you know, Ana. Now you know.”
At about eleven-thirty we left the restaurant and walked out to where Ana had parked her Honda moto. It was a fine warm night and I said I wasn’t quite ready to go home yet, that I wanted to walk a little.
Ana looked as if she were going to argue, but then gave in.
“You’ll be able to get a taxi pretty easily when you’re ready,” she said, trying not to sound bossy. “I’ll see you back home then, all right?”
I just smiled. I had no intention of telling her that I was meeting Carmen at a bar. I also had no intention of telling her that I planned to walk most of the way.
I hugged myself into my leather jacket and set off briskly. I made my way through the quiet streets of Barceloneta and crossed over the big avenues that separated the port of Barcelona from the Barri Gòtic. I thought I’d walk up Via Laietana, but halfway up was suddenly struck by the idea of seeing the cathedral at night and crossed into the twisting streets of the old quarter.
It was much darker down these streets, where the tall buildings squeezed out the sky and there were often no streetlights, only occasionally bright areas on the sidewalk from the bars. I tried to imagine that I was back in medieval Spain when the people passing me might be monks or troubadours. I listened to my steps on the stones, and kept turning down smaller and more deserted streets in order to get that feeling of centuries past.
I was so deeply in an imagined world that for a while I didn’t realize I was being followed. I had thought the footsteps behind me were simply echoes. When I realized that someone was coming after me it was almost too late. I heard his labored breathing and his pounding feet. I didn’t bother to glance around. I clutched my notebook and Gloria’s novel and peeled out, dashing around corners and making for the cathedral square.
“Halt,” I thought I heard him call out.
But I didn’t feel like it.
My desire for a midnight stroll having vanished, I took a cab the rest of the way to the bar. It was on a quiet street not far from Ana’s apartment. At this hour on a weekday night it wasn’t as crowded as usual, but I still had to fight my way in past gaggles of trendy young women with odd haircuts and beautiful clothes.
Up at the bar, talking with the bartender, was Carmen in skintight gold stretch pants and a wildly flowered overblouse. Her streaked hair was drawn into a French twist and she was smoking from a cigarette holder. The bartender looked interested.
“Hola, mujer,” I said, sliding into place beside her.
She gave me a wet kiss and the bartender drifted innocently away.
“I was starting to wonder if you were really coming,” she said, fluffing up my hair on top so that I was sure I looked like Medusa.
“What an evening I’ve had!” I told her about my sliced-open bag and about being followed near the cathedral.
But Carmen wasn’t fazed. “Barcelona isn’t a safe city,” she said darkly. “I always carry a knife now.”
“A knife! Carmen!” I wasn’t surprised actually. Carmen was not a woman to cross, as one of her old girlfriends had discovered when she had started seeing someone else on the side. I don’t like to say what happened; suffice it to say María Luisa currently feels more comfortable living in València.
Carmen called the bartender back and ordered me a drink. We pushed our way into a dimly lit corner of the room, near the writhing dance floor. Carmen put one hand on my thigh and other up the back of my shirt and we caught up on old times. I knew better than to suggest we go somewhere and continue our pleasures lying down. Because Carmen would suddenly remember that it was late and that her mother would be worried and that she had to get up early in the morning. As a heavy petter she had no equal, but if you liked to get horizontal you were out of luck with her. Horizontal meant sin. Vertical was just very very friendly.
Still, there was something I had to bring up with her. After about an hour of intense nuzzling I whispered, “Carmen, I have to tell you something.”
“Yes, darling?”
“It’s hard to tell you this.”
“Tell me, darling.”
“You won’t be upset?”
“Por favor, querida, just say it.”
“I’m not sure I like my new haircut.”
She drew back in astonishment. Perhaps no one had ever said such a thing to her before.
“I mean,” I said desperately, “it’s beautiful, it’s interesting, it’s chic. But I’m not sure it’s me.”
Now she was insulted. “You’re saying I don’t know you?”
“Of course you do, but—”
“You’re saying you want to go around wearing a turban your whole life?”
“A little more off the top, maybe….” I pleaded.
She disengaged herself from me. “It’s late,” she said. “My mother will be worried. And I have to get up early tomorrow.”
She marched out the door without a backward glance. No more snuggling tonight.
I would have to take matters into my own hands.
I let myself into the apartment and tiptoed through the rooms filled with everything from vacuum cleaner attachments to small golden Thai Buddhas, from sexually explicit African carvings to factory-size bolts of parachute cloth. I was relieved that Ana wasn’t waiting up for me, as I’d half expected. For what I wanted to do I needed privacy.
I went into the big old-fashioned bathroom and locked the door. Carefully I took off my black jeans and Japanese shirt and wrapped myself in a towel so as not to get too cold. I took what I needed out of my cosmetic case and perched on the side of the tub in front of the full-length mirror. I didn’t do it this way very often but that added to the excitement. I had a few goose bumps and I was perspiring lightly. The fantasy was very strong.
Slowly, very slowly, I raised the scissors to my crown and started snipping.
In fifteen minutes it was all over: I no longer looked like a potted plant, chic or not. In fact I looked rather like a religious figure from the Renaissance, I thought, my frizzy tendrils clipped to nubby curls next to my head.
If I’d had hair like this earlier this evening no man would have thought to chase me around the Barri Gòtic.