I’m on the Tube heading for St John’s Wood, hoping to catch you at home, Chrissy. After I threw up at Dan’s, I made tracks fast. Just said I must have eaten something dodgy but didn’t want to chance passing anything on to him. I realize how odd my behaviour must have seemed, even for a supposedly sick person. But I had no choice. I had to get out of there; the realization that I’ve been screwing our son’s fiancée for the last six months filling me with disgust.
Dan is so madly in love with this woman, finding out – after she’s just gone and dumped him – that his father’s been sleeping with her too; no, make that fucking her brains out, is going to kill him. Even though I had no idea who Amber really was, I hate myself for what I’ve done, and I feel helpless, adrift, simply because there’s nothing I can do to change the situation, to make it better. Which is why I couldn’t look Dan in the eye when I emerged from his bathroom. I feel unfit to be his father and I honestly don’t know how I’ll ever be able to face him again.
As I stand gripping the rail in the crowded Tube carriage, all I can think about is Amber/Freya/Dr Cousins and what the hell she is up to. Was it pure chance she crashed into Miranda’s car that day? Or was it premeditated? Why has she targeted Dan, you and me? Have we done something unforgiveable to her or her family without realizing it? Does she bear a grudge against us for some reason that, right now, eludes me? Or is it part of some sick psychological experiment she’s conducting?
Is she mad herself?
Is she even a real psychiatrist?
There’s something sinister going on here, and I wonder if it’s connected to the messages we’ve received from Heidi’s alleged kidnapper. One way or another, I intend to find out.
And then, just as the Tube comes to a stop, another thought occurs to me. One that makes me shiver, despite the carriage being hot and airless.
Janine introduced Dr Cousins to you, and she caught Amber (or rather the back of her) with me in Deco’s, when I had no idea that Dr Cousins and Amber were one and the same person. But now that all this is happening, I’m suddenly thinking more clearly and remembering things that should have occurred to me at the time. Should have set alarm bells ringing in my head. Deco’s is so named being adorned in the Art Deco style. From its lighting to its crockery to its furniture, to its mirrors. And that’s when a startling realization hits me. Was it really just the back of Amber – or rather, Dr Cousins – Janine saw? Because now I remember, as clear as day, that hanging on the wall at the back of the room, where I’d deliberately chosen to sit, was a whopping great mirror. Big enough, as Janine held eye contact with me, for her to have glimpsed Dr Cousins’ face in it. And so, assuming she did, assuming she saw her holding hands with me, gazing into my eyes, why then, did she behave as if they were two different people? Why didn’t she tell you that I was cheating on her with her psychiatrist? Why in God’s name did she keep quiet about that?
I need to talk to you, Chrissy. And I pray that you’ll believe me when I tell you I never intended to steal Dan’s girlfriend from him, and that, somehow, we can put our heads together on this and figure out what the hell is going on. But first, as soon as I get off this Tube, I’m calling Miranda. I texted her the other night, while I was waiting for Ella to arrive at the restaurant, to tell her that Dan’s been dating Dr Cousins, but never got a reply. It makes me wonder why. I’d expected her to respond instantly. But she didn’t. Which makes me wonder if she already knew?
The fact is, she brought Dr Cousins into our lives and I need to know if the story of how they met is really the truth.