With trembling hands and a thumping heart Elaheh pushed the straps of her evening dress off her shoulders. She held his gaze, refusing to look away, despite the fact she knew her cheeks were as aflame as other parts of her.
She allowed the straps to slip lower, her dress barely held up by the swell of her breasts. She wondered if she should move, or whether he would. He didn’t move. It was up to her, just as he said it would be. She had control. At least for now. She could do this.
His dark eyes raked her shoulders and the top of her breasts, before returning to catch her gaze, breathing hot life back into her frozen body.
Yes, she could do this, but more than that—despite the sick feeling that lurked in the pit of her stomach, despite the fears which gripped her head in a tight band—she wanted to do this. The need was alive in every fiber of her being, co-existing with her anxiety. Her mind battled with her body, warning her to stop but her desire charged her body with an electric current which over-rode the thoughts which struggled to protect her from harm.
Without breaking that gaze, she pushed the straps off her arms and the satin dress slithered past her breasts and fell in a ruffle around her hips, revealing her bra and stomach. She sucked in a deep breath as the warm air caught her bare skin.
As his eyes descended once more she gritted her teeth as she remembered the plain state of her underwear. Why did she never pay much attention to it? She had small breasts and her bra was white, plain and sheer, and not in the least seductive. Or so she thought. But then she saw him swallow and she realized that she didn’t need a black lacy bra to seduce. The thought gave her confidence.
He flicked his gaze back up to hers. “May I touch you?”
She nodded. When the pad of his finger stroked her shoulder blade, slowly trailed across her collar bone to her throat and circled around the dip in her throat, she sucked in a sharp breath. His eyes immediately lifted to hers once more.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice huskier than she’d heard it before. It revealed a change in him which she hadn’t anticipated. It was like something of his external self was breaking down, something she had caused. Her confidence increased another notch.
“Yes,” she said. More than okay—much more—she could have added. But she was too intent on where his finger would move next to utter more than one word.
He continued to trace an invisible line down her chest before circling the soft swell of one breast and then another. She closed her eyes briefly as she tried to control her intense arousal which his touch ignited. The skin along which his finger moved had never been touched by a man and she felt impossibly naked, even though the dress still hung around her hips and her bra covered her breasts. She’d expected to be scared, instead she was thrilled.
“You, Ela,” he said, nudging the material of the bra a little to reveal the edge of her nipple, “are so beautiful, it hurts my eyes.” Desire tugged inside her.
“Close them, then,” she said, with a husky purr she didn’t recognize. It seemed that, despite her lack of experience, some things were instinctive.
His lips tweaked at the corners. “Okay, I’m in your hands.”
Despite the flutter of nerves, Elaheh felt triumphant. There was no doubt about it, she liked being in control. Even if she had no idea what to do with it. He must have sensed her doubts.
“Do whatever you feel like, Ela. There’s nothing you can do wrong, believe me.”
She stepped toward him, pressed her nose to his chest and inhaled.
“What are you doing?”
“Smelling you. I like how you smell.” That was the understatement of the year. He made her mouth water. Always had done, even if she’d refused to accept it. “You smell good.”
He dropped a kiss on her head and also took a deep breath. “And so do you. You know, I always knew when you were near because of that lemony smell. What is it?” His sexily narrowed gaze locked onto hers.
She swallowed and shrugged. “Lotion, I guess. Locally made.”
“Exotic, eclipsing all else around it—like you.”
“Close your eyes again.”
“Why?”
“I like it like that. I can behave more instinctively if you don’t look at me.”
He closed his eyes. “Your wish is my command.”
“Hm.” She’d smelled him, now she wanted to taste him. She raised herself onto tiptoes and licked his neck. She could see the effect as the muscles around his eyes contracted further, as he sought to control himself. “I like commanding a king.”
“I think you like commanding everyone.”
She smiled as she followed her impulse and trailed her tongue down from his neck onto his chest, burying her nose as low as she could get with his shirt buttoned, and inhaled deeply. She couldn’t have described the innate maleness of the smell but it hit her at such a fundamental, animal level, she knew she needed more. She unbuttoned his shirt down to his navel, and forced herself to focus on what he’d said. “Of course, who doesn’t like to command everyone.”
“Not everyone, Ela, not everyone. You’d be surprised to learn that—”
His words were cut short as he took a sharp intake of breath, as she swept her hands across his chest and down, spanning her fingers so she could feel every dip and contour of his body. It felt forbidden, it felt like she was breaking down more than just the barriers between them, but something inside of herself.
Suddenly she plunged her fingers beneath the waistband of his trousers and felt the tip of his erection. She paused for a moment, then circled her finger around the head. It seemed to visibly swell beneath her touch. Power. She had it.
She stepped away and did what he had done, eyed him from top to toe. She liked what she saw. She smiled at his intense expression. “You were saying?”
“Nothing. I was saying nothing. You continue, do as you wish, because, for once, I believe it is me who will be commanded and I’ll enjoy it all the more.”
“Then you will indulge me?”
“Yes.”
She turned around so she had her back to him, and flicked her hair over her breasts. “Undo my dress.”
His fingers brushed her bare skin as he fumbled briefly with the zip, which was the only thing keeping her dress resting on her hips, before sweeping it down. She stepped out of the dress, her nerves returning as she turned around, dressed now only in her heels and underwear, which were neither luxurious nor the height of fashion. If he was amused at her plain bra and panties he didn’t show it.
“You are so beautiful,” he murmured.
She took a deep breath, trying to calm the pounding of her heart. She couldn’t believe she was standing half-naked before him. But, even more, she couldn’t believe how much it turned her on. She followed his gaze to her breasts where two needy nipples peaked with desire. It was just as well he couldn’t see between her legs where her arousal was also fully evident.
“Now, it’s your turn. I wish you to undress in front of me.”
A short grin was followed by a bemused shake of the head and then he did as she commanded. With one swift movement he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside. For a moment he stood with his hands on his hips surveying her from under a lowered brow, as if challenging her. She nodded, grateful for those few moments of stillness in which she could admire his chest and strong arms. The flat muscles in his body and his chest hair tracked downward in a tantalizing line. She looked down at his fly and then up at him.
“You may take off your trousers now, if you please.”
“I do.” With his answering gaze equally as steady, he unbuttoned his trousers and then pulled down his zip. His erection was released and pushed out from his shorts. She blinked lightly, trying to subdue a sudden flutter of fear. It was larger than she’d imagined. But before she could imagine any further he’d stepped out of both his trousers and shorts with one quick movement.
She couldn’t prevent her hand from flying to her mouth. “Oh!” she gasped.
“I’m hoping that’s a good ‘oh’, and not a disappointed one,” he said, with a confident smile which showed that he wasn’t accustomed to disappointing.
She shook her head. “No, not disappointed. More surprised. It’s quite… large.”
His smile faded as if suddenly understanding her concern. “Don’t worry. It’s not going anywhere you don’t want it to go. Remember that. You have the power and control here. For now, at least,” he added, with a glimmer of a smile in his eyes.
She nodded, but for the life of her she couldn’t figure out what she wanted to do next. Her vision seemed to be filled with only one, very erect, thing. It caught at her intention, and pressed unwelcome memories against her consciousness, nudging them, willing her to turn away and run.
He frowned, as if picking up on some of her anxiety. “I’ll put my shorts on again. Yes?”
She nodded. “Yes, please. It’s just…” She trailed off.
“You don’t have to explain anything.” He was as good as his word and was soon covered. “Now, do you want to proceed?”
“Yes, it’s just”—she shrugged—“I don’t know what to do.”
“Okay, would you like me to take the lead?”
“Yes please.”
“Good.”
She loved the way his lips formed the word good. She tried to kiss him, but he shook his head.
“Not yet. In a little while maybe. After I’ve given you some pleasure.”
She liked the sound of that.
“Now, remember, you can stop at any time.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop me from doing what I’m about to do to you.” He pressed his finger to her open lips. “And before you can ask what I’m about to do to you, remember, trust me.”
She bit her lip but nodded. She felt at war with herself but her body’s needs were winning once more.
He lifted skeins of her thick hair and rubbed it between his fingers. “You have beautiful hair. You should always wear it down when we are together, like this.”
She nodded, again. At that moment she felt as if she were in some kind of thrall to him and would do anything. So much for being in control. It seemed that surrendering a little of that control—or a lot—gave her a surprising amount of pleasure.
Then all thought vanished into a puff of air as he lowered his lips, not to her waiting ones, but to her neck. His lips and breath were warm against her skin and tickled it as he trailed kisses under her ear. He groaned and lifted his head. “You smell delicious.”
She would have returned the compliment if she’d been capable of forming words. But all she could do was to lift her chin and offer her neck again. It seemed she’d conveyed her message sufficiently as his lips descended once more. This time she felt the smooth trailing of his tongue as, instead of moving to her other ear, he moved down to her breasts which rose with a sharp intake of breath to meet his lips. She closed her eyes as she absorbed the sensation of his lips and tongue against her delicate skin. The feelings were unexpected and all encompassing. She cradled his head and kissed the top of his dark hair as his clever tongue continued to work its magic.
She felt his finger move along the edge of her bra and slip under its edge. He looked up. “May I?” he asked, as if he were about to top up her drink. She nodded. “Yes,” she breathed.
He needed no further encouragement and slipped his finger under her bra, his fingertip catching her erect nipple, causing her to gasp. His eyes were fixed on her to assess her reaction. Even he couldn’t have anticipated that she would react in quite such an extreme fashion.
The gasp turned noisier as he fingered her nipple under her bra. At the same time the exquisite sensations were centered on her breasts, deep inside of her, the same sensations were stirred—moistening her and sending ripples of pleasure as if he were somehow stroking her inside. She surrendered herself to the pleasure for only a few moments because the more she gained, the more she wanted.
She fumbled behind her to unhook her bra. She wanted nothing between his fingers and her skin. She grunted with frustration.
“Allow me,” Xander said with a grin. With one deft movement which was far more practised than Elaheh wanted to consider, she was free of the bra. But, instead of paying immediate attention to her freed breasts, he stepped away. For an awful moment she thought he wasn’t going to continue, as if ridding her of her bra was all he was going to do. But then, with one swift movement, she found herself in his arms, being carried to the bed. He sat down with her nestled in his lap and kissed her in a way which showed that her that he had no intention of stopping.
She moaned as their tongues met in a dance whose beat quickened with each pulse of her heart. She wanted to be closer and shifted on his lap, but still she wanted her flesh pressed against his. She broke off the kiss and opened her legs, kneeling either side of his hips so she could rub her bare breasts against his chest as she pressed her lips back to his again.
She was panting now, as they kissed, her nipples stimulated against his chest hair. And, as she moved against his chest, her hips also moved in a circular motion, caressing the erection which, while covered, was still very much in evidence. All fears were forgotten.
She pulled away from the kiss with a gasp and arched her neck away, as she focused on the intense sensations which were growing as she rubbed against him, adjusting her stance as she figured out which part of her was giving her pleasure.
He kissed and tasted her neck as she closed her eyes, surrendering herself to the sensations which washed through her in waves, quickening. Then he lifted her breasts into his hands and rubbed her nipples. A gasp tore from her lungs as the sensations amplified inside. She didn’t know what was happening to her, she had no idea what to do apart from what her body was dictating to her. She felt she was being urged on, but had no idea as to the destination.
It was only when she felt the warm, wet heat of his mouth around her breast and nipple that the tensions intensified and she knew she needed release from the thrall which held her. She rubbed herself against him harder and thrust her breast into his mouth. She could feel the wet in her panties soaking against his shorts but didn’t care. She needed more, she needed to continue to get whatever lay at the end of this sensation.
He moved from one breast to the other. Still she panted and moved against him, caught in a fever pitch of desire but with no knowledge where to go next.
Then he licked his finger and touched her and she stopped mid movement. He touched her there, that place which felt like the nub of her desire. He slid his finger beneath her soaking panties and rubbed her and caressed her. It was all she needed to shift to that place she needed to go.
She cried out as white-hot shimmers and pulses and flutters filled her. Then she called out his name as the shimmering movement inside her slowed and drained her. She slumped against him, suddenly exhausted, but sweetly so.
“Oh, Xander,” she breathed. “I had no idea.”
He cupped her face and kissed her. “No idea?”
“That such pleasure existed. I thought…” She trailed off and swallowed as the reality of what she’d thought for so long hit her. Tears pricked her eyes. “I thought sex was about pain, not pleasure.”
His lips twisted and he shook his head as if trying to deny what she’d just said. “No,” he said.
She nodded her head “Yes.” And then she leaned against him, cradled in his arms and the tears, so long held back, flowed against his chest, while he cradled her head and kissed her hair and murmured soothing words.
It had taken a long while for Ela to cry herself out. And Xander hadn’t moved until she’d finished. He didn’t want to break the spell, because it felt like a healing spell and he instinctively knew that it was what she needed.
But now, as Xander lay listening to the old grandfather clock in the library strike one, with Ela nestled in his arms asleep, like a delicate, damaged bird, he knew three things.
One, there was little he could do about his erection without waking her and that he wouldn’t do.
Two, something had healed for Ela tonight.
Three, watching Ela heal had shattered the seal he’d set over his emotions. It had awoken something deep inside of him which scared him to death.
Xander awoke the next morning to an empty bed and a bad mood. He could deal with his physical arousal in a time-honored way, but he knew it wouldn’t satisfy him.
Ela. Something might have healed for Ela last night, but it had opened a can of worms for him.
He swung his legs off the bed, pushed his fingers through hair which didn’t need to be pushed off his face and rose with purposeful steps, pulled on his shorts, and made for the gym. If he couldn’t have a woman then he’d have to sweat it out another way.
But even after a workout, a cold shower and a meeting with his advisors his mood was still black. He found himself on a video call to the only other person in the world who would understand.
“Xander,” said Roshan, leaning in to adjust his settings before sitting down, his forearms on his thighs as he sat alert and looking directly at Xander, as if to assess his mood. “What’s up?”
“Ela is what’s up.”
Roshan sighed, shook his head and sat back in his chair. “What’s happened now?”
Xander opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t continue. What was he going to say? He felt sorry for her? She was more than he’d imagined? “She’s just… demanding too much of me.”
“Of course she is. That’s just her. Just ignore it.”
“It’s hard when it’s…” He trailed off. How could he describe what had happened last night?
“It’s what?”
“When it’s kind of personal… I guess,” he added lamely.
Roshan leaned forward, and Xander didn’t like the spark of interest which lit his eye. “Personal, eh? Don’t tell me you’ve succumbed to Elaheh’s charms.”
Xander grunted but couldn’t deny Roshan’s statement. He never lied to his brother—from the early days after they’d lost their parents they’d made a pact to always be honest with each other. “She’s beautiful, I’ll give you that, and every now and then I catch a glimpse of the woman who exists behind that stroppy mask. But the bottom line is she’s driving me mad.” Xander hoped that by diverting Roshan from his statement he’d avoid it. But the look on Roshan’s face indicated the opposite.
Roshan nodded. “I see.”
Xander scowled.
Roshan pressed his lips together and shook his head. “It was fifteen years ago, Xander. You’ve got to move on.”
Xander felt his anger crumble away and tears prick his eyes as Roshan dove straight to the heart of the issue. He licked his lips and tried to speak but no words came out. He blinked instead.
“Selya was my friend, Roshan. More than my friend. We were always meant for each other. She was the only girl I ever loved, the only girl for me. I still…” He petered out, unable to express how he still lived daily with the feeling that there was a hole in the place where his heart should have been. His heart, that had been gouged out of his body, and tossed aside for the desert sun and crows to eat the day that his love had been killed before his eyes, alongside his parents. Even now he unconsciously rubbed his hand where her blood had splattered.
“I know, Xander, but you can’t live in the past.”
“It’s not the past to me.”
“It has to be. Unless you leave it behind, you will have no future. Xander, listen to me, you can do it.”
“It’s hard, Roshan. So hard.”
“I know. You were always the soft one, always the tender, the sensitive, the vulnerable. And it seems your love for Selya was planted deep at an early age. I understand that. But you still have a loving heart.”
Xander made a scoffing sound.
“Don’t dismiss that, Xander. I know you do. If you didn’t you wouldn’t have made this call to me. I understand, probably more than you know. And”—he glanced to where Xander guessed Shakira was standing—“now I share my life with my love I truly understand. It will happen again for you. Don’t let the past become a barrier to your happiness.” He gave someone a heart-stopping grin and Xander felt a shift in his own heart. Then Roshan turned back to him. “And, you know, I think Elaheh might be just the person to force you to find your heart.”
“I’m not letting Elaheh loose with my heart. Who knows where it will end up.”
“Maybe, maybe not, but she sure has the force to batter down your defenses, and that’s what’s needed right now. And, I suspect, it’s a process which she’s begun already. Anyhow, I have to go. Take care, and call me soon.”
Xander logged off and sat back in his chair, looked up at the ceiling and blinked. It was good to talk to Roshan. It eased the pain of his loss a little. But as to the rest? It was nonsense, except for Elaheh being forceful enough to kick down his defenses. He’d have to watch that.