“Ela, Ela,” the gentle voice repeated, over and over. She was reminded of her mother, not least because she felt as if she were being rocked to sleep, the gentle touch of a hand upon her cheek. Perhaps it wasn’t hell she’d landed in, but heaven. A promised land where she could forget her pain and sorrows and be reunited with her mother.
She sighed and tried to turn over but a blast of pain shot through her. No, not heaven then. This was the pain of the living. She opened her eyes to find Xander’s tender gaze upon her.
“Thank God you’ve awoken.”
She struggled to sit up but winced as they were thrown around.
“We’re just leaving the desert, there’s an ambulance waiting. Sit back. Your arm is broken.”
She did as he said, finding his own arm was cradling her. He held her against him, softening the bouncing of the vehicle, and she turned her face to his body, needing his comfort, as his hand stroked over her back.
“I have you now, Ela. I have you. You’re safe.”
She didn’t want to move, but she had to know. With all the effort she could, she looked up at him. “What about Abzari? What happened to him?”
“He’s dead. Killed by his own hand rather than face the consequences of his actions. He had a knife on him but he turned it on himself, rather than me, or you.”
She closed her eyes briefly as the image of self-inflicted violence slammed into her mind. “I don’t know what happened to him. For years he watched out for me, protected me. And all the while…” She couldn’t bear to express what it was she now knew he’d been thinking.
“All the while he was hiding his true thoughts and feelings. He wanted you, and he wanted your kingdom. And he was determined to have both, no matter what it took.”
“You know, he might have succeeded, if it weren’t for you, Xander.”
“I came along just in time.”
“No.” She held her finger against his cheek. “I don’t mean that. I mean that you taught me how to be strong.”
“You were always strong.”
She shook her head. “Not inside. Inside I was scared, and you took away that fear. That was why I could stand up to him. That was what delayed him from raping me.”
“Enough time for me to come for you.”
She nodded. “Without that strength I found in myself, things could have been very different.”
The vehicle suddenly stopped and the flashing lights of the ambulance filled the car. Ela looked out the window and recognized the road. It was the junction between her country and Xander’s.
Xander jumped out, opened her door and carried her to the ambulance. But she insisted on standing, on stepping up into the ambulance under her own power, despite the pain.
Xander shouted orders to the ambulance driver. “Sharq Havilah Hospital! As fast as you can.”
“No!” Elaheh’s voice was quiet but commanding. Everyone turned to her. “No. I wish to return to my country,” she said, looking at Xander. Then she turned to the ambulance driver. “Tawazun, please. The palace. Have the medical team meet me there.”
As she was settled into the back of the ambulance, Xander gripped the door and watched. It was only when she and the nurses had settled that he spoke.
“Tawazun?” he asked, in disbelief.
She nodded. “I’m Queen of Tawazun and I will return there. I’ll not cower or hide from anyone, ever again. I’ll stand on my own two feet from now on.”
“But why?”
“Because you showed me I could.”
Xander stepped away, the ambulance lights alternately slicing his face with blood-red and a yellow-gray—both were distorting, both revealed a pain which had Elaheh sitting up, beginning to reach out for him, changing her mind. But, before she could, the doors slammed shut and Xander disappeared from view.
As they drove away she closed her eyes and imagined Xander watching her leave. He’d saved her, he had feelings for her, she knew that. But, ultimately, they had no future. They were both leaders of their respective countries and duty had to come first. If he’d loved her, it might have been different, but he’d made it clear that his heart was buried in the desert alongside the woman he’d loved so many years before. And Xander had awoken in her a heart which needed to be loved and wouldn’t settle for anything less.
It had taken only months for Elaheh’s physical wounds to heal, but she was still waiting for the emotional pain of her separation from Xander to heal. Some days it was deadened by the constant work and pressure she put herself under as she continued to work hard as leader of her country. Other days—especially at night—the pain was keen like a freshly made knife wound and at those times she despaired.
Last night had been one of those nights. She’d dreamed of him caressing and kissing her, teasing her with his lips and his fingers, and when she’d awoken to an empty bed, breathless with lust, the pain of her loss hit her more sharply than ever.
She rose from her desk, unable to focus.
She knew she loved him, and that he was still in love with a girl who’d died years earlier. But she also knew she was stronger now than she’d ever been; she was a woman able to ask for what she wanted.
She’d worked hard to strengthen her country so it was able to move forward into a future of economic and cultural strength. She’d appointed new advisors who were keen to see Tawazun become the powerful nation it had the potential to be, but had also worked with established figures who would ensure their country’s past wasn’t forgotten. If she could do that successfully, she could do anything. Anything. The word echoed in her brain. Maybe even marry a man she loved with all her heart, but who didn’t love her.
When she’d been driven away from him that night in the ambulance, she’d lied to Xander, and to herself. She’d told him that duty had to come first—her duty to her country. But it had been an excuse. What had come first was her pride. She didn’t want to admit she loved someone who didn’t love her.
But the intervening months had shown her the truth of that old adage, pride comes before a fall. Because while her status as queen and her country had gone from strength to strength, her heart and emotions had been in free fall, and it was only when they’d landed that she knew she couldn’t continue without him. Or at least, she couldn’t continue without asking him for what she wanted. It was her last chance at happiness.
She jumped up and called her assistant. She refused to have another night dreaming of what she wanted, without asking for it. If he said no, she’d move on. Life would never be quite as she wanted it, but she’d make it into something. And… there was a chance he might say yes. And then what a life awaited her! Her heart quickened at the thought. She was determined to use any weapon she had to full advantage. If she had to seduce him first, then she would. Seduce and then propose. It was a daunting plan, but she was no longer a woman to be daunted by anything.
Life felt like food devoid of flavor since Xander had left Ela. He’d taken little nibbles of it for sustenance, but had soon been put off by its dryness and tastelessness. He wanted fire but there was none to be had anywhere else.
He’d spent the intervening months watching Ela grow in queenship from afar, leading her country on to great things. The video meetings between the leaders of their countries were impersonal things, business-like and brief. He’d barely exchanged half a dozen words with Ela, and they’d been strictly business. The work they’d done earlier on the infrastructure project had been completed and handed on to their administrators. There was no reason for them to be alone together anymore, despite Xander racking his brains, trying to conjure up a reason.
No, Ela no longer needed him. She’d moved on. But had he?
He pushed himself off the chair reluctantly and walked over to the window, and looked out at the darkening sky streaked with apricot from the sun which had slipped behind the indigo horizon. The city which lay before him, and the land which stretched to the blue-hazed mountains, was no longer something to be avoided, something thrust upon him by Roshan. Ever since the massacre of his parents and beloved Selya, he’d hated the place. But hate was the flip side to love and, it seemed, at some point over the past months, his life had done a 180 and landed squarely on the side of love again. And who had brought about that change? One person who’d reached into his heart, squeezed it, shaken it about it a bit, and, in so doing, had resuscitated it.
Absent-mindedly he rubbed his chest, where his heart beat with a life which was more than the physical pumping supply of blood around his body. This new heart of his affected everything he did—from his interactions with his people, to his decisions about their welfare, to his love for his brother and his growing family. But this new heart of his also felt pain now. Especially at night, when he had nothing to fill his mind, no busyness to occupy his thoughts. Then, like now, the absence of the woman he loved, and who no longer needed him, crept into every corner of his being, poking his newly found sensitivity, and finding it raw and needy.
He closed his eyes against the sea breeze which had quickened as the sun had set and imagined her voice. Even from the beginning he’d enjoyed listening to her. He smiled to himself as he remembered how much she’d irritated him. But now he knew that the irritation was because even then, she’d hit that place he’d protected so keenly.
He closed his eyes even more tightly as he imagined her saying his name, as she climaxed in his arms. It aroused him like nothing else. He didn’t know why he taunted himself. But he couldn’t help himself.
Then he heard his name again. Her soft, breathy, sultry tones seemed more real somehow. He shook his head and gripped the edge of the window, willing himself to accept reality, to banish the voice from his brain. But it came again. Closer this time. He opened his eyes wide and turned around.
Ela stood before him in all her imperious beauty, her lips still open from having spoken his name. He didn’t move. Was he really going mad? Had his desperate need for her summoned up her image, too?
“Xander.” She smiled. “Aren’t you going to say something? Even if it’s to ask how I managed to persuade your guards to allow me entry?”
If she’d only said his name, he would still have doubted his sanity and her reality. But the fact that she spoke and stepped closer toward him banished the last ideas that he was living a dream. But there was only one way to be certain.
He stepped forward and took hold of her outstretched hands in his own and squeezed them tight. “Ela! Is it really you?”
“Of course it is. Unless there’s an Elaheh impersonator somewhere who has equal powers of persuasion with your guards.”
He brought her hands to his lips and kissed them. Then he sighed and allowed his gaze to rove over her lovely features. “I was just thinking of you.”
Her face, which had worn an almost hesitant expression, broke out into a big smile. “Really? Nothing bad I hope.”
He shook his head. “No, nothing bad. I was just imagining…” He faltered, unwilling to tell her the exact directions of his thoughts.
“Just imagining… what?”
If he told her and she was merely here to finalize some matter of state he’d forgotten, he’d look a fool. He needed to know.
“Ela, why are you here?”
Her gaze faltered and she licked her lips, opened her mouth, closed it, and then looked up at him with a firm smile as if forcing herself forward. “I’m here because you never gave me something I wanted.”
He frowned. “I didn’t?” His mind raced over what he possibly had withheld from her. There was nothing that he could think of. He’d even given her his heart, even if she didn’t know it.
“No.”
“And what was that?”
He hadn’t realized that watching a woman swallow nervously could be so alluring.
“You didn’t make love to me.”
And with those words his world tilted on its axis, finding a firmer footing.
“Ah. So you don’t call it sex anymore.”
“No. Maybe with other people—”
A blast of jealous anger shot through his body. It must have shown in his expression because she moved closer to him, brushing her hand across his chest before looking up to him once more, her lips close to his body.
“Not that I’ve tried with other people, because I’m not interested in sex. Only making love. Only with you,” she added in an undertone.
Xander hadn’t realized he was holding such a tight knot inside of him. He must have grown accustomed to it and now only knew it was there when it relaxed, as if Ela had plucked away the knot of an elaborate silky bow and it had slithered away to the ground, leaving him free for the first time in forever.
“Is that right?” he said, slipping his hands around her waist. “And why, Ela, have you decided to wait this long before asking me again?”
She pouted and it was all he could do not to press his lips against those full sensual lips immediately. But he wanted to know her answer.
“I asked you once before and you refused.”
“And yet you’ve come again. I wonder why. I wonder what’s changed.”
“Me. I have.”
Her words were simple, but their meaning was anything but. He needed to know. “In what way?”
She was less sure now. Her eyelids flickered as her mind raced, trying to put her thoughts into words. “You asked me once to surrender myself to you.”
“Yes, but—” But before he could explain, she’d placed a finger against his lips.
“I know you didn’t mean it any demeaning way. But you’re right. My pride had gotten in the way, and I suddenly realized what you meant. I had to let go of all the stupid things which were stopping me from coming to you with an open heart.” She looked into his eyes with one steady stare. “I had to let go of my pride because, in the end, it was the only thing which lay between me and you.” She raised her other hand and pressed it against his chest, spreading her fingers. He could feel their heat. “And I do want you, Xander.”
It took all his self-control not to pick her up in his arms and carry her to the bed and make love to her very, very thoroughly. Instead, he pulled away a little, looked down at her. “Then prove it,” he said with a barely suppressed growl.
It was her turn to frown. “How? Tell me how, and I will.”
“I’ve listened to your words, now I need to feel what your body will tell me. Only then will I truly believe you.”
The frown disappeared into a brief twist of a smile before she raised herself onto tiptoe and she pressed those beautiful lips against his. She moved away all too soon.
He clenched his hands tight to stop himself from responding. He wanted to grab her, throw her on the bed, rip off her underwear and thrust himself deep inside of her. But such an aggressive approach was all wrong with Elaheh. He had to take his time. Maybe later their lovemaking would develop, but now, she had to take the lead.
“Over to you, Ela,” he said in a soft whisper.
Elaheh felt Xander’s words give her a strength, flowing through her body, lighting up every part with desire and confidence. She stepped away, amused by the faint traces of uncertainty in Xander’s eyes. He didn’t know what she was about to do. Good. It made her even more certain that she could trust her instincts, the same way she could trust her brain.
She shrugged off her abaya and tossed it to the floor. She only had a vague feeling of discomfort. Usually she made sure it was folded, and handed to a servant to put away or wash. Nothing was ever left on the ground in a crumpled heap. She found crossing this threshold liberating.
With renewed purpose she disposed of the short silk dress she wore beneath her robes in the same way.
Xander went and flicked off the light. All that was left was the slices of moonlight across the floor, leading to the bed. Not enough for her. She wanted to see, she wanted to experience everything.
“No, leave the light on. I want to see you. And I want you to see me.”
He grinned. “Sure.” He flicked the light back on. “Now,” he gestured to her. “Please, continue.”
She was pleased she’d had the foresight to wear a bra which clipped in the front. With one twist of her fingers she was free of it and tossed it on top of her other clothes. No need, really, to spread her clothes too far and wide. And then she stepped out of her panties and tossed them to one side. She had no idea if she looked good to his eyes. She’d heard of other women shaving in private areas for their men, of making their nipples redder, of adorning their private parts with jewels. She’d done none of that. There was only herself, and she hoped that would be enough.
It seems from his reaction, that it was. “Um, perfection,” he said, as he walked up to her and cupped her cheeks and kissed her thoroughly.
She hadn’t anticipated how erotic it would be, standing before the man she loved and desired more than anyone on the planet, naked and vulnerable, and yet powerful at the same time.
She rolled back on to her heels once more. There was only one thing she could think of that would be more erotic and that was to see Xander without any clothes on and to press her naked body to his, to feel and know every inch of his body not through her sight, but by the feel of it against her skin.
Her fingers fumbled as she tried to undo first one button on his shirt, and then another. Meanwhile his hands were firm on her bottom, pulling her hips against him, her stomach caressing his erection, making her movements even clumsier. In the end she tore at his clothes, the buttons from his shirt bouncing across the tiled floor. Then she could wait no more and pressed her lips to his chest and then stomach as her fingers busied themselves opening his trousers and releasing his erection into her waiting hands.
She knew exactly what she wanted to do first. With his hard flesh between her hands, she looked up into his eyes so he could see her reaction, lifted herself onto her toes, extending herself as tall as possible so she could give herself the pleasure for which she yearned. Then she rubbed herself against him. She gasped at the first touch, tilted her head back with a sigh as she moved his moist tip around her most sensitive of places, and then felt desire drain her strength as she relaxed into his hands.
With one swift movement he lifted her into his arms and she wrapped her legs around his waist, kissing him with a passion she hadn’t known existed inside her. She wanted everything he could give her now.
He sat on the bed as she rose on her knees to allow him better access to her breasts which he took—first one and then the other—into his mouth, suckling her, sending her nipple, hard and needy, deeper into his mouth, tugging at some invisible cord deep inside her.
At the same time he explored her sex with his fingers. She was wetter than she’d ever been and wanted him now. She didn’t want to wait another moment for him to be inside of her.
She tried to push him back onto the bed but he wouldn’t budge. It seemed her willpower had met its match.
He looked up from his attention to her breasts, grinned and swiftly twisted her around until she was flat on her back on the bed. He tried to reach for a condom but she stopped him. “Not necessary,” she gasped, and grabbed him again to make sure he wasn’t going anywhere. If he’d had any thought of stopping, it had disappeared as she touched him.
Focusing on his eyes, holding his gaze, she opened her legs wide. For a moment she felt exposed, uncomfortable, too far from her comfort zone of absolute proprietary. But she forgot all her worries when she saw how turned on he was.
He lifted her legs and kissed her sex. The touch made her tremble with anticipation. She thrust her fingers through his hair and gripped it as he tasted her. It only took her seconds for the sensations to escalate into a powerful orgasm which rocked her and left her body reeling.
But she had no time to luxuriate in the feelings, as Xander positioned himself and with one swift, slick movement entered her. For a second she was shocked by how deeply he’d penetrated her. And she tensed.
He didn’t move, just kept himself there, as he bypassed her fears by playing with her nipples with his tongue before kissing her as deeply and as intently as he was inside of her.
She relaxed under his ministrations, and he felt it, and only then slipped out of her, the sensations as his skin moved against hers sending waves of pleasure through her body to the tips of her toes.
“Oh,” she breathed with surprise. She gripped his bottom, worried he was going to come out, but then he pushed back, still gently, and any other thought or worry was swept away by the explosion of sensation that filled her.
Back and forth he went, pulling out and then pushing back in again. Each time, her senses ratcheted up a notch. She felt as if she were pushed to the edge of a pool of deep, sweet water, after years of drought. All she wanted was to fall into it and drown in pleasure. But Xander wasn’t in any rush, and was determined to make sure the journey to surrender was equally pleasurable. Ela might have initiated the love-making, but Xander was making sure he remained aware of every nuance or suggestion of feeling from Ela, so pleasure was her only response.
Only then, when he had no doubts, did he release his self-control enough to replace the gentleness with a more assertive passion which Ela fully appreciated.
They both came at the same time, Ela clinging on to his shoulders as he pumped with his hips—short, sharp movements—all that he had into her. In that moment she knew she couldn’t live without this. And that she’d do anything—anything—to make him hers.
He rolled onto his side and pulled her hard against him, enveloped her in his arms and kissed her. Then they both fell into a half-sleep or daze—she couldn’t have described it. She didn’t know how long it lasted. But when she came to, he was still holding her and her legs were sticky with his seed. Tentatively she touched it, and he groaned and replaced her finger with his own. She rolled onto her back, helpless under the onslaught of his clever touch.
The evening turned into night—a night of lovemaking and snatched sleep—and the night turned into day once more. It was the same, Elaheh mused as she lay, their legs tangled, her mind and body totally relaxed—as one, and yet totally different.
She swung her legs onto the floor and went to the bathroom. By the time she emerged from the shower, she was dressed.
Xander turned to her sleepily. It didn’t look as if he’d moved.
“You’re up early,” he said, sitting up.
“And I ordered coffee.” She placed a cup beside the bed.
“Hm,” he said, taking a sip of the hot, strong liquid. “I take it you’re moving on,” he said with wry grin.
She shot him an answering grin. “You know me so well.”
“Certainly better than this time yesterday.”
Didn’t she know it. The delicious soreness between her legs told her so. She nodded. “And,” she said slowly, “do you like what you know?”
He reached out and took her hand, kissing it. “I think you know I do.”
She nodded again. “I just wanted to be sure before proceeding to the next step.”
His grin faded, replaced by a frown. He put down the coffee, rose and put on his robe. He folded his arms and looked at her. “The next step, Ela?”
“Yes, the next step, Xander. It’s time to get down to business.”