Vanessa sat at her computer and rubbed her face. “Fucking biochemistry. Fucking cellular and molecular biology. Fuck all y’all!” Vanessa pushed away from the computer.
“Although screaming ‘fuck’ is one of my most favorite things,” Mia said as she walked in the apartment, “it’s a little scary hearing it come from you.”
“I just can’t get any of this. It’s like it’s taunting me.”
“Well, good thing for you, I come bearing gifts.” Mia handed her a box from a local bakery Vanessa knew well.
“You got me cupcakes!” She squealed in delight.
“I did.” She handed Vanessa a fork. “So how was your weekend?”
“Are you kidding me? Did you not just hear what I said? My classes this semester hate me.” Vanessa dipped out another bite of the cupcake goodness.
Mia stared at her cupcake. “You talk to anyone this weekend?”
“Nope,” Vanessa said, never looking up. “Same as last week, and the week before that, the two months before that. I haven’t talked to Loc in over two months, Mia. And I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon.” She forked at the dessert. “She made her choice. If I was wrong, I would have heard from her. The fact that I haven’t just proves that she’s content with the way things went down. I know that I shouldn’t have, but I watched some YouTube clips from her last few concerts, and believe me, she is fine. She isn’t upset, so why should I be?”
“We don’t know how Lochlan is, Vanessa.”
“She’s off living her life, so I have to live mine, and that doesn’t include waiting on a phone call from her.”
Mia sighed. “So, football season starts this weekend, I thought we might get some tickets. You in?”
“Yeah. I could use a minute for my brain to decompress while watching a bunch of guys knock the shit out of each other.”
“That’s my girl.” Mia stood to throw away her container. “Jenny and Deb are going too. Game starts at three. We thought we would meet up for some lunch beforehand.”
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
“Okay, I’ll let them know.”
“God, I have to get back to this shit,” Vanessa said as she moved back toward the computer.
“Sounds exciting.” Mia plopped on her bed and stuck the earbuds in her ears.
Vanessa closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying yet again to run thoughts of Lochlan Paige from her mind.
✥ ✥ ✥
Lochlan perfectly hit the final note of the song. Just like she did every single time that she performed. “Okay, Lochlan, that sounds good.”
She waved to AJ as he was running the sound board. Jamie was at her side before she knew it. “Okay, we have a couple of local stations that want to do interviews with you. Now that sound check is done, we can look over some of the schedules to see if you want to do any of those.”
“I just don’t feel like doing interviews today, Jamie.”
“Did you sleep last night?”
“A little.”
Jamie followed Lochlan as she left the stage. “How much is a little?”
“Not enough.”
“Lochlan, we need to find something to help you sleep.”
“By sleep I assume that you mean forget about Vanessa long enough to shut my eyes?”
“You can’t keep doing this.” Jamie looked over Lochlan’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I had to.”
Lochlan turned to see her mother walking toward them. “Mom, what are you doing here?”
“Can’t a mother come and visit her daughter?”
“She can,” Lochlan replied. “But when you’re coming cross-country, I would think I would know.” Lochlan hugged her mom. Maybe a little longer than normal.
“Are you okay?”
“Just a lot going on.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
It was then that Lochlan stumbled and Jamie and her mom took hold of each arm. “I’m fine.”
Jamie guided her to a nearby chair. “You aren’t fine. You are exhausted.” Jamie sounded concerned.
Lochlan’s mother spoke. “You’re pale and you almost just collapsed.”
“Mom, I’m fine.”
“This isn’t up for discussion. These people work for you, I don’t. Jamie tells me that you aren’t sleeping and only pick at your food.”
“Jamie exaggerates things.” Lochlan stood and stumbled again.
Her mom looked seriously at Jamie. “Do it.”
“Do what?” Lochlan glared between them.
“We’re canceling the show tomorrow night and you are—”
“The hell we are!”
“This isn’t up for discussion,” her mother countered. “You are going home to Nashville to see your doctor.”
“I am not.”
“Young lady, you will do as I tell you to.” Lochlan held her gaze but didn’t speak. “I will go to Nashville with you to make sure this is done. Once we have an all clear, you can pick back up next weekend.”
“Mom—”
“To these people, and those fans, you are immortal. To me, you are my daughter who is sick. I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“I can’t believe this,” Lochlan said while storming away.
As they sat on a jet flying back to Nashville, Lochlan asked, “Did Jamie say anything else to you?”
“No, she didn’t.”
“Shocker.”
“I was hoping to hear that from you.”
Lochlan sighed and couldn’t help the tear that ran down her face. “I can’t be everything to everybody.”
“No one is asking that,” her mom replied.
“I can’t be this country music star and—”
“And what?”
“I’m never going to be able to love someone.”
A look of understanding crossed her mother’s face. “Wanna tell me about her?”
Lochlan hadn’t seen the moment the dam would break coming, but it was now. Her crying was uncontrollable as she felt her mother’s arms wrap around her and the words of comfort whispered to her. She felt a slight rocking motion as she relaxed into a familiar embrace. It was an embrace from a parent that said the monsters outside the door were kept at bay. The words come out in a sob, “I love her, Mom.”
✥ ✥ ✥
Vanessa stared at the email and read the words three times, but the magnitude of everything they meant hit her all at once.
Congratulations on your acceptance to the Vanderbilt University School of Medicine.
Her first response was excitement and then reality set in. She and Lochlan would be in the same city for the next several years. She already felt as though she couldn’t breathe. Lochlan had obviously moved on, and it was time that she did as well. Lochlan would be on tour most of the year, and there would only be a small chance they would bump into each other. But the thought still had her anxiety high. How was she going to live in the same city?
Then the reaction was anger. The first person she wanted to text was Lochlan. She wanted to hear her reaction when she found out that Vanessa had achieved everything she worked for. The hard work and countless hours of studying had paid off. The weekends in libraries and making sure that her dream of being a pediatric oncologist never wavered had earned her an acceptance to the university of her choice. Then the sadness returned.
Vanessa realized in that moment that she and Lochlan weren’t that different. They had both had dreams as a child and they had both worked relentlessly to achieve those things. Vanessa had turned down sleepovers with friends during school to make sure that her homework was complete, and she had studied a chapter ahead to prepare for the next week in class. Her entire life had been formed around her desire to be a doctor just as Lochlan’s had to be the star that she was. Two sides of the same coin.
Vanessa then wondered the hardest question of them all. “Could I give it all away?”