Lochlan took a deep breath before opening her eyes. She could hear unfamiliar noises around her. She heard the faint voices of people talking from a distance. Maybe outside her hotel room door? Why did people always have to be so loud in hotel hallways? She’d never understood that. And what the hell was that beeping? She slightly opened her eyes and looked to the left side of the room. She blinked several times until the figures came into view. Mom? Kayla? Where am I?
It was then that she turned to the right of her bed and found a sleeping form snuggled under a blanket. Her gaze fell on the relaxed features of Vanessa’s face. She looks uncomfortable. Lochlan tried to move her hand, attempting to find the top of Vanessa’s head as she slept. She gently brushed over the hair. “Vanessa,” Lochlan groaned.
At that, three heads in the room shot up. Lochlan groaned again at the sudden movement of her hand that was on Vanessa’s head.
“Loc.” Vanessa seemed very excited to see her. “Hey,” she said softly.
“Where the hell am I?”
Her mom looked down at her. “You’re in the hospital, sweetie.”
“What? Why? What happened?” She grimaced. “And why is my shoulder killing me?”
“You fell,” Vanessa answered. “They said there’s some bruising, but nothing is broken.”
“Well, that’s good, I guess.”
“Yes,” Vanessa said, “that is very good. We frown on broken bones.” She smiled.
Just then the reality of the situation hit. “You’re here?” She looked at Vanessa wearily. “Why?”
Vanessa glanced at Lochlan’s mom. “I can leave if—”
“No!” Lochlan said and grabbed her hand. “No. You and my mom, who don’t know each other, are in this room together. What happened to me that would make them call you?”
Before anyone could answer, Kayla and three nurses entered the room. “Hello, Ms. Westbrook.”
“Hi,” Lochlan replied nervously.
“The doctor is on her way in. We’re gonna get some vitals really quick before she gets here.”
Lochlan nodded as Kayla spoke. “I just texted Dad. He’s having coffee with Jamie, so she knows the update.”
“Will someone please tell me what the hell happened?”
Before anyone could answer, a doctor entered the room. “Ms. Westbrook. How are you?”
“Very confused,” Lochlan answered.
The doctor examined Lochlan’s pupils. “What kind of confused? Are you having memory issues? There was a small bump to the head—”
“Well, that would explain the headache.”
“We’ll get you something for that,” the doctor said as she continued to examine Lochlan.
“I just want to know what happened.”
“What was the last thing you remember?” the doctor asked.
“I was—” Lochlan thought hard. “I was at home—writing and working on music.”
“What else?”
Lochlan closed her eyes. “That damned tequila. God.” She could almost still taste it. “I don’t ever drink, but for some reason—” She stopped and thought of the exact reason. She wouldn’t say it out loud. Not with Vanessa in the room.
“We know that you were writing…” Kayla looked toward Lochlan. “And we thought that may have been why you needed a drink. Like, maybe it wasn’t going well. I mean, since you don’t even drink, we thought—”
Lochlan stopped her rambling sister. “I drank some tequila and went back to writing. It got late, so I left the room and took my medicine.”
“Your sleeping medication?” the doctor asked.
“Yeah,” Lochlan said. “I usually only take vitamins, but yes, I’ve been taking sleeping medication lately.”
“Did they tell you not to mix the medication with alcohol?”
“Oh my God. They did—well, Jamie did. I don’t usually drink, so it didn’t cross my mind.”
“But you did drink that night?”
Lochlan looked down, ashamed. “I did.”
“It’s okay, Loc,” her mom said. “We’re just trying to piece this together.”
“So, you’re saying it made me sick? That’s why I’m here?”
“Not exactly. How many of the pills did you take?”
Lochlan looked at everyone in the room. She chuckled. “Um, just one.” When no one else laughed with her, she said, “I just took one—” She again looked at everyone. “Right?”
“You were talking to Spencer on the phone,” Vanessa said. “She said that you seemed very groggy and asked her if you had taken your pill. She said that you took one then, so if you had taken one earlier, that makes two.”
“So, I took two? And was drinking? God, what an idiot.” Lochlan shook her head.
“We think, from the bloodwork, and what we can tell of the missing pills that you had filled three days ago, you had to have taken at least four,” the doctor said.
“Four!” Lochlan quickly looked at the doctor, then raised one hand to her forehead at the sudden pain. “I didn’t take four!”
“We think that maybe you were drunk, and you kept forgetting you took it,” Kayla said.
“I wouldn’t have taken four!” Lochlan became agitated. “I didn’t. Wouldn’t I have been sleepy?”
“Jamie said that sometimes the pills worked, and sometimes they didn’t,” Kayla reminded her.
“So, I kept thinking I hadn’t taken them because they weren’t working?”
“We aren’t sure exactly what happened,” the doctor said. “All we know is that you were drinking heavily, and you were found by a friend unconscious at your residence the next morning.”
“Who—”
“Spencer found you,” Vanessa said.
“Oh my God.” Lochlan put her face in her hands. “She must have been terrified.”
“She’s pretty shaken up,” Vanessa answered. “She’s just worried about you.”
“So, she brought me here?”
“No, the EMTs did,” Lochlan’s mom said.
“How sick was I?” Lochlan was in a complete panic now. “If the EMTs were there—” Lochlan’s eyes welled up with tears. This was all just too much. “Do people know?” She tried to keep her emotions in check, but then answered her own question. “Of course they know.”
“I will leave you ladies alone,” the doctor said. “I think the questions that I’ve asked have cleared things up in my mind.”
“Thank you, Doctor,” Kayla said.
“Lochlan, your condition could have had a much graver outcome had your friend not found you. When the EMTs arrived, you were starting to aspirate, and that alone…” The doctor paused, watching as the realization dawned on Lochlan as to what could have happened. “It’s going to be my recommendation that you aren’t prescribed any more medications that can have this effect.”
Lochlan only nodded and the doctor left the room. “It’s all over the news, isn’t it?” When no one answered her, she turned her attention to Vanessa. “I haven’t spoken to you in months. How did you find out?”
“Loc—”
“Just tell me.” Lochlan felt her lip quiver and that made her even more angry with herself.
Vanessa took a deep breath. “The news.”
“And what were they saying?”
“That you were found unresponsive in your home.”
“Stop being vague, Vanessa. What did they say!” Lochlan noticed Vanessa’s flinch.
“Lochlan—” her mother said.
“I’m sorry.” She looked at Vanessa with sincerity. “If you’re here, without Jamie hovering over me like a Secret Service agent, it must have been bad. I just want to know—I need to know.”
“They said you were found unresponsive with bottles of alcohol and sleeping pills,” Vanessa said. “We know that part isn’t true. They only found one of each with you.”
“Suicide?” Lochlan shook her head. “They think it was a suicide attempt.”
“Yes,” Vanessa answered.
“Do you think that?” Lochlan looked at Vanessa. “I haven’t spoken to you in months and you’re standing here. Do you think I tried to kill myself?”
“Spencer talked to you, Loc. She said that you were confused. That’s all I have to go on, but no, I think you made a mistake with the pills.”
“What does this mean now?”
“The record label may require a treatment facility,” her mother answered.
“A what? It was an accident.”
“They’re saying they have to treat it as if there’s a problem because no one actually knows what happened.”
“How long?” Her gaze returned to Vanessa.
“As of now, they’re saying thirty days inpatient.”
“But I didn’t mean to!”
“I understand that, and it may be something you can talk to them about, but for now, once you’re released, you’ll be flown to LA and enter the program.”
“What if I refuse?”
“That isn’t an option, Loc.”
“They are covering their own asses.”
“I’d like to think that they’re thinking of you as well,” her mother said.
“Can I talk to Vanessa alone for a minute?” Lochlan said. She waited a moment after they had left. “What do you think?”
“About what?”
“We haven’t spoken in months—”
“Yeah, I know. That’s pretty much all you have said since you opened your eyes.”
“I just—”
“If it’s bothering you that I’m here, I can leave.”
“I don’t want you to leave. Please don’t leave.” Suddenly, there were tears in her eyes. “I’m just saying, you found out and you rushed here? Tell me what you thought. Did you come here because you thought I was so depressed that—”
“No! I came here because you were sick and we didn’t—” Vanessa’s voice cracked. “God, Lochlan, we didn’t know what the outcome was going to be. The news was so vague, and I couldn’t get in touch with Jamie. I had no clue as to what was happening. Jamie finally called me from your phone and made sure I was here.”
“Jamie did that?”
“She did. I hear that the two of you have been having a rough time lately.”
Lochlan looked away from Vanessa. “I—I felt like she was to blame, I guess.”
“You can’t put this on her, Loc. We had a choice, too.”
“Did we? Do you think we really had a choice?”
“I know that you two haven’t seen eye to eye lately, but Jamie loves you, Loc. She was trying in her own way to protect you. She sees that was wrong now, but at the time, she was honestly doing what she thought was the right thing.”
Lochlan almost laughed. “Wow, Jamie getting you here, you defending Jamie…I must have really scared everyone.”
“You did.”
The sadness of Vanessa’s tone stopped Lochlan from teasing any further. “I’m sorry.”
“Loc, I get that it was an accident.”
“No, I mean I’m sorry. About everything.”
“We can talk about all that later. Now probably isn’t the time. Right now, we need to work on getting your health issues figured out.”
Lochlan took in a deep breath. “I have to do this, Vanessa.” Vanessa looked at her with knowing eyes. “It’s my story to tell, and no one gets to take that from me. I don’t want to brush this under the rug. I can’t sleep without you. I can’t eat without you.” She looked at Vanessa. “I would go out on that stage every night and perform like a good girl. Then, when the concert was done, the magnitude of what I had lost would hit again. I kept to myself until it was time to turn back into Lochlan Paige. It was like Cinderella. When I stepped on that stage, I was this untouchable star, but when the lights went down, I came back to reality. It didn’t make me want to take my life, Vanessa. It only made me want to be better—for you. You deserve someone who can hold your hand and kiss you whenever she wants. I want that for you.” She paused. “And I want that to be me.”
“Whatever you decide to do, I’m behind you. No matter what happens, I will always be on your side. It’s a big decision that affects a lot of people and I understand that, but if you want to go public, I will support you.”
“People will be in my business all day, every day. This could involve you too. You have to be ready.”
“Lochlan, I am here for you, but this is something you have to do for you. This can’t be about us. You have to do this for yourself. Once that is done, we will talk about what that means for us.”
“Just don’t give up on me yet.”
“I won’t.”
“I am going to kiss you in front of everyone one day.”
“I definitely look forward to that if the moment comes.” Vanessa smiled at her. “I’m excited for people to see the Lochlan that I know.”
“Not with me?”
“Lochlan, nothing has changed.”
“I want to be the person you deserve.”
“You have to become the person that you deserve first.” Vanessa waited a moment before saying, “I got in.”
Lochlan’s face lit up. “To Vanderbilt?” Vanessa only nodded. “That’s amazing. Congratulations.” Lochlan noticed the look of sadness on Vanessa’s face. “We’ll be in the same town.”
“We’ll be in the same town,” Vanessa repeated.
The smile fell from Lochlan’s face as well and she rubbed her face. “It wasn’t supposed to be this heavy a moment. We were supposed to be happy about this.”
“I can’t do this, Lochlan.”
“I know.”
“I can’t be with someone who values their career more than me. That values what that decision could mean for other people more than it could mean for us.” Vanessa sighed and took a deep breath. “I can’t be last in your world. The last person who you worry may be affected.”
“You aren’t!”
“It sure as hell feels that way sometimes.”
“Just give me a chance to get this right.”
Vanessa picked up her things and then turned to Lochlan. “I’m going to get Mia and Ty, and we are heading home. You’re okay now, so we need to go—I need to go.”
“I’m going to be who you need me to be. I promise.”
Vanessa walked over to the bed and wiped at the tear that was running down Lochlan’s face. She placed the smallest of kisses to Lochlan’s cheek. “I’m glad that you’re okay, and I wish only the best for you.” With that, Vanessa walked out of her life just as quickly as she had walked in.