PART ONE: It was noon, it was in the Terrace Room of the Plaza Hotel, there was Chris Evert Lloyd, the world-class women’s tennis champion, there were some executives of an Italian sportswear company who had just flown in from Italy, there were lots of sports reporters from the electronic and print media, there was food (a buffet of beef bourguignonne, seafood crêpes, shrimps, rice, cold stringbeans, asparagus in prosciutto, and various French-related desserts), there were some tables, round, with white tablecloths, and on these tables there were some half-dead yellow mums.
“Chris,” a man said.
“Hi,” Chris said.
“I am sure these questions will be rather redundant to you,” said a newswoman. “But I am going to ask them anyway.”
“Will this five-year-exclusive contract interfere with your career?” a man asked.
“I am not doing much,” Chris answered.
“Do you foresee gradual retirement?” a man asked.
“I envision a family one day,” Chris answered.
“What were the factors involved in this decision for your career?” a man asked.
“How do you feel about Tracy Austin?” a woman asked.
“It’s an Italian company,” Chris said. “I think those Italians really know what they are doing. I really have a good feel for things.”
A large, middle-aged, overweight man who had lost most of the hair on his head but had a nice bushy mustache played with the ends of his mustache as he asked the bartender for a Bloody Mary. Then, turning to his friends, four men who looked more or less like him, he said, “I think Oakland will beat the Giants.” Then he reached into a bowl that was filled with salted nuts and, taking a handful, put them all into his mouth at once.
A man—a man not referred to above—went up to a lectern and said a few words about welcome, sportswear, a sportswear company, and Chris Evert Lloyd, in Italian-accented English. Another man—a man also not referred to above—then joined him and said more words about welcome, a sportswear company, and Chris Evert Lloyd, in Italian, and the other man translated what he said into Italian-accented English.
Chris Evert Lloyd then joined the two men at the lectern. One of them gave her a dozen red roses. “I am really excited about wearing Ellesse clothes, because they are really beautiful,” she said. “I don’t know if you’ve seen the line. They’re
No. 1 in Europe, and I hope they’ll be No. 1 in the U.S. It’s the best. It deserves to be the best.”
PART Two: After reading the above, can you tell (a) that Chris Evert Lloyd, the world-class women’s tennis champion, has just endorsed a line of sportswear manufactured by an Italian sportswear manufacturer? (b) how Chris Evert Lloyd feels about Tracy Austin? (c) whether most Italians speak English with an Italian accent or don’t speak English at all? (d) if, according to United States government statistics, the large, middle-aged, overweight man will have a health problem soon? (e) if Chris Evert Lloyd can have visions? (f) what Chris Evert Lloyd means when she says, “I have a really good feel for things”? (g) if Chris Evert Lloyd trusts only Italian sportswear manufacturers, and not the average Italian walking down a street in Milan?
Would you have liked Chris Evert Lloyd more or less if she had been a geophysicist, a water tower, or an elephant hunted mercilessly for its valuable ivory tusks?
After reading the first paragraph, did you say to yourself, quietly or out loud, “Gee, wish I’d been there”?
If you were offered a large amount of money, would you refuse to endorse sportswear made in Italy?
If you were offered a large amount of money, would you refuse to endorse anything?
—January 12, 1981