Becca
My eyes roam over the sign at the front of the line for the Ferris wheel that states if pregnant you cannot ride. I bring my hand to my purse pressing against it as I think about the ultrasound I’ve been carrying around inside of it.
It’s now or never.
I need to tell him.
My hands are shaking as I hug them to my chest and glance nervously up at him. “I’m not feeling well. Can we skip the Ferris wheel and go back to the beach house?”
He pulls me against him as he steers me away from the line of people. “Sure. You should probably go to the ER if you’re still not feeling well. I don’t like seeing you sick, baby.”
The sound of him saying baby makes me breathe in a sharp intake of air as we walk past the hotdog stand. The smell immediately makes my stomach flip flop as a wave of nausea hits me. I look around frantically for a bathroom and spot a sign that says restrooms above a small building.
“I’m going to be sick!” I say frantically as I sprint towards the bathroom and run inside. I thank the lord and any other God out there that a bathroom is open so I don’t have to resort to throwing up in a damn sink.
I crouch down in front of the toilet ignoring the fact that it’s probably the most unsanitary place on the planet and hover over it as I release every drop of food I’ve eaten in the last twelve hours or so since the last time I got sick.
Climbing to my feet I push open the bathroom stall door and focus my eyes on the row of sinks a few feet ahead of me. I avoid all eye contact with anyone in the bathroom as I rinse my mouth and wash my hands. I’m beyond embarrassed that I just got sick in public and everyone in here heard me hurling my head off.
Parker is waiting for me outside the ladies room. “Are you okay? I really think we should go to the ER.”
“It’s fine. I don’t need to go to the ER Parker—because I already went last week.”
He looks down at me with a look of confusion. “You’ve been sick since last week?”
Grabbing his hand I pull him towards the stairs leading down to the beach. I don’t want to do this in the middle of a crowd of strangers. The second we get far enough down the beach I stop walking and tug on Parker’s hand. “Parker. I have something I need to tell you.”
“Okay…”
We sit down in the sand side by side staring out at the ocean with me curling up against Parker as he snuggles me up against him.
Reaching into my purse I pull out the tiny ultrasound picture and turn on the flashlight on my phone so that he can see it better. It’s pitch black out and the sky is blanketed with a sheet of twinkling stars, giving off just enough light to see where we’re going but not enough to see a photograph of a baby the size of a sesame seed.
“Is this what I think it is?” he asks with a shaky voice as he eyes the photo in his hand.
“It is—I’m five weeks pregnant. The baby was conceived around Valentine’s Day when you flew down to visit me.”
“Holy shit!” Parker says as he continues to stare down at the ultrasound image. “You’re pregnant…with my baby. How did this happen? You’re on the pill?”
I pick at my fingernails nervously as I try to calm the nervous butterflies swarming my stomach. “I had a stomach bug the week before you came to visit. I didn’t think of it until after my period was late two weeks ago. When I was sick I couldn’t keep anything down—kind of like right now.” I let out a nervous laugh before continuing, “Anyways. I realized that all that time I wasn’t just not keeping down my food but also my birth control pills. So for four days I didn’t take my pill and had no idea. I took it but wasn’t thinking that I was then getting sick soon after not giving my body time to consume it. Then you came and we had sex multiple times without protection and low and behold a few weeks later I’m revisiting the toilet every time I try to eat or smell food and notice I’m late. So I bought a test and saw the word ‘pregnant’ appear and I swear I thought I was going to pass out.”
“I think it’s safe to say that I’m pretty shocked at the moment, too. I can’t believe we’re going to have a baby. We don’t even live in the same state. How the hell are we going to do this?”
Tears begin to well up in my eyes and slowly, one by one they begin to fall as I think about being alone and pregnant. All I see when I close my eyes is that stupid envelope.
“I have no idea. I can’t do this alone, Parker. I need you,” I say in between sobs.
Hugging me tighter I feel his lips kiss me gently on the forehead and murmur, “We’ll figure out a way. I will promise you right now, you will not be in this alone. I love you and I’m going to love this baby with everything in me. At least we have a few months to try and figure out where we go from here.”
As we sit here watching the waves roll into the shore, the tide gets higher and the water comes almost to our toes, neither of us speak. I’m silently praying that since I opened up to him about that baby that he’d open up to me about the letter in his luggage.
Quickly those hopes begin to dwindle away as Parker suddenly climbs to his feet and takes my hand pulling me up to my feet beside him and asks me, “You ready to head back to the house?”
Brushing the sand off of my butt with my free hand I let out a soft sigh, “Yeah. I’m feeling pretty tired. I think I’m going to head straight to bed tonight.”
“If you need anything when we get back to the house let me know, okay? Maybe some soup and crackers will help settle your stomach before you go to sleep.”
I shake my head no as I walk slowly beside him, “No it’s okay, I think the safest thing for me is to avoid any food for the remainder of the night. I don’t think I can handle getting sick one more time this evening.”
The second we walk into the house Ashlynn looks up from the couch where she’s curled up beside Chase and as soon as she sees my tear streaked face a look of understanding flashes across her face.
I give her a weak smile before following Parker up the stairs and into our bedroom.
“Becca,” Parker’s voice is barely above a whisper as he turns and takes my face suddenly into his hands. I blink up at him still teary eyed and bite on my lip as I try to keep myself from falling apart.
“Yeah?”
“Please don’t cry. I hate seeing you upset when we should be happy right now. We made a baby. Sure, it wasn’t planned and it sure as hell was unexpected. But one thing that is for certain is that this baby was created out of love. It wasn’t some random one night stand. When we made him or her, we did so while I made love to you. I know it’s scary, but everything’s going to be okay.”
I’m emotionally and physically exhausted after trying so hard to hide my pregnancy. I want to ask him about that letter, but I’m too tired to hash that out tonight also.
Instead I’m going to wait until tomorrow. No matter what, tomorrow he will tell me what is going on. I deserve to know. Especially now that if he’s enlisting into the Air Force it won’t only be affecting him and I, but our baby too.
Stripping out of my clothes I climb into bed in nothing but my panties and curl underneath the cool, crisp sheets. I thought Parker would head downstairs and join everyone in the living room since it’s only a little after ten at night, but surprisingly I feel him climb into bed and snuggle up behind me.
A tear falls from my eye and slides over the bridge of my nose as I feel his strong, warm hand come to rest over my belly as he spoons with me in bed.
“Goodnight, Becca…” His hand rubs small circles across my belly as he whispers, “and goodnight, lil’ baby Maclaren.” He kisses and sucks softly a path along my shoulder before dropping his head onto his pillow.
One thing I know for certain is that Parker is an amazing man. I love with my whole heart—even more so now that I have a part of him growing inside of me. Whatever he chooses to do with his life I’ll support him even if it terrifies me.
I want to feel like he loves and respects me enough that my opinion matters to him. Because if he decides to become an Airman and put his life on the line, I have a right to know this. Especially if he means it when he says that he wants to spend forever with me. Because now it’s not just forever with me—but forever with our baby, too.