Seventeen

Life in the little house bustled. Besides the thriving dressmaking business, Gerda and Olina often had women from town call on them. Sometimes women from the surrounding farms also stopped by on their way to or from town. When that happened, the two young women took time from their busy schedules to share conversations accompanied by refreshments. Olina liked using her grandmother’s china teapot to brew the invigorating tea they all enjoyed. Gerda was the one who liked to bake, and she kept a pie, a cake, or dainty pastries on hand for those times of fellowship.

Soon after her Bible had come from Sweden, Gustaf arrived at the house just as Olina was making herself a light lunch. That day, Gerda had gone into town to help Merta make new curtains for her kitchen.

“Are you hungry?” Olina asked when she answered Gustaf’s knock. After he nodded, she continued, “I can make us a picnic, and we can eat down by the stream.”

Gustaf helped Olina gather together the cold chicken, applesauce, and bread. They put them in a basket, along with a tablecloth to spread on the ground.

After they had finished eating, Olina asked Gustaf, “Do you think that God has specific plans for each person?”

Gustaf took a moment to think about her question. Olina was glad. She wasn’t looking for the easy, quick answer.

First, Gustaf asked her a question. “Why are you asking me this?”

Olina watched a cloud that resembled a calf drift across the sky above them. It was hard to put her thoughts into words. “A lot has happened in my life that didn’t seem to be good at the time.”

Gustaf nodded as if he agreed.

“When we went to the brush arbor meeting, the preacher said that God has plans for us. He read a Scripture that I had never heard before, and he said that it was about the plans God has for us. Do you remember?”

“Vaguely.” Gustaf looked as if he were trying to remember.

“That is one reason I asked Tant Olga to send me my Bible. I wanted to read those verses for myself.” Olina wasn’t sure she should have started this conversation. It was hard to put into words. “I have memorized the words now.”

“Tell them to me.” Gustaf sounded eager.

“ ‘For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.’ Do you think God was talking about His plans for us like the preacher said?”

Gustaf didn’t answer right away. “It could mean that. I know that when I try to make a decision without asking God about it, I often make the wrong decision.”

“How do you know whether your decision is right or wrong?”

“Olina, when a decision is the one God would have me make, He gives me peace deep in my heart. It is hard to explain, but that’s what it is. Real peace.”

When Gustaf left, Olina didn’t go back to work. Instead, she took out her Bible and read the verses again. Since her Bible had come from Tant Olga, Olina read it every day. Her relationship with God had grown.

It had been so long since she had read the words of God that her thirst was almost unquenchable. She looked forward to Sunday, when the Nilsson family attended services at the Lutheran church in Litchfield. Every Sunday, Olina listened eagerly to the words spoken by the pastor. Her whole outlook on life had changed dramatically.

❧

“Olina.” Gerda came down the stairs wearing her bonnet and carrying a basket on her arm. “I’m going to the mercantile. We have no more eggs, and we’ll soon be out of flour. Do you need anything?”

Olina looked up from the hem she was stitching. “We only have one more needle. It’s surprising how many we break.”

Gerda laughed. “Maybe we work them too hard. They can’t keep up with our speed.”

Olina put the dress down on the table and walked over to the sewing machine. “I’ve been wondering what we would do if the machine needle breaks. Maybe we should have Marja order us a couple of replacement needles, just in case something happens.”

“That’s a good idea.” Gerda took a list from her pocket and wrote on it. “Do you want to come to the store with me?”

Olina picked up the dress again. She sat in the chair by the window and reached into the sewing basket at her feet, taking out the spool of thread. “We promised this dress today, but we don’t know when she’ll come for it. I think I should work on the hem. I want it finished whenever she comes to pick it up.”

After Gerda left, Olina’s fingers flew as they made the dainty stitches for which she and Gerda were so famous. Although her hands were busy, her mind kept wandering. It had been three days since Gustaf had come to eat with them. She wondered where he was and why he had stayed away so long. For a moment, she dropped the dress in her lap and looked out the open window. Gustaf’s face filled her thoughts as if he were standing there. She could even feel the touch of his hand against her waist. He had been walking beside her on Sunday. When they walked up the steps at church, his hand had touched her back as he guided her. Olina wondered if he even noticed. Probably not. She picked up the dress and continued working on the hem. She should keep her mind on what she was doing and not daydream.

❧

Gustaf drove the wagon into town to pick up supplies for his mother. It was the first day that week he could get away from the farm. One of the hired men was sick, and Gustaf had to do this man’s work as well as his own.

He was glad that the horses knew the way to Litchfield. It allowed his thoughts to ramble wherever he wanted. They naturally turned toward Olina. When he was finished in town, he planned to stop by the Nilsson house to check on things, especially Olina. Maybe he would stay for dinner.

Sunday, when they started up the steps at the church, Olina stumbled on the second step, and he touched her to steady her. While it had helped Olina, it did nothing to steady the beat of his heart. Just thinking about it, his hand tingled as it had on Sunday. Whenever there was any kind of physical contact between them, his heart beat double time. Gustaf would hurry gathering the supplies so he could see Olina sooner.

The eastbound train was leaving town when Gustaf pulled up in front of the mercantile. Trains fascinated him. He didn’t think he would ever tire of riding them. At the sound of the whistle, Gustaf looked down the street toward the station. A couple standing on the platform beside a pile of luggage looked familiar. At least the man did. If he didn’t know better, Gustaf would have been convinced that the man was Lars. But Lars was in Denver. They had received a letter from Lars two weeks ago, and he had not said anything about coming to Minnesota.

The tall man raised a hand and gave a broad wave to Gustaf. Instead of getting out of the wagon, he clucked to the horses, urging them toward the station. Soon he was convinced that the man was Lars. That must be his wife with him. Gustaf had never seen her. She was almost as tall as Lars.

Gustaf had not stopped the wagon before Lars leapt from the platform into the street and shouted, “I thought that was you, Big Brother.” Lars stood as if waiting for him to jump from the wagon, but Gustaf just sat where he was.

“Lars, what are you doing here?”

Lars laughed. “You sound as if you aren’t glad to see me.”

“Of course, I’m glad to see you. I’m a little. . .surprised.”

“That’s what we wanted to do. Surprise everyone.”

Gustaf frowned. “Surprises aren’t always a good thing. There are some people who might be uncomfortable by your surprise.”

“Who would that be?”

Gustaf jumped down from the wagon seat and spoke quietly to Lars. “Do you know that Olina is still here?”

“Yes.” Lars looked a little uncomfortable. “I need to talk to Olina face-to-face.”

“That might not be a good idea.” Gustaf tried not to sound too angry, but when he thought about what Lars had done to Olina, the anger came anyway.

Lars spoke to Gustaf, man to man. “It’s something I have to do. I’m not proud of what I did to Olina. I need to make amends for it.”

“Lars, is everything all right?” The feminine voice called from the station platform.

Lars gestured toward the woman standing on the platform, and Gustaf looked up at her.

The woman smiled.

“Come meet my wife.” Lars took Gustaf by the arm and pulled him along up the steps. “Janice, this is my oldest brother.”

She placed her gloved hand into Gustaf’s. “I think I would have known you anywhere, Gustaf. Lars has told me so much about you.” Her voice had a lyrical quality to it.

Gustaf hadn’t known what to expect in his sister-in-law. She was tall and willowy. Her friendly face was surrounded by abundant black hair, styled in the current pompadour fashion. Her eyes were her most arresting feature. They were green, sparkling with life. For a moment Gustaf questioned his brother’s sanity. Janice was beautiful, but she didn’t come close to Olina in any area that he could see.

Gustaf gave Lars and Janice a ride to the hotel. They had decided to stay there for the first few nights of their visit. They thought it would make everything less awkward. It was a good thing that Gustaf hadn’t yet bought the supplies. There wouldn’t have been room in the wagon for all of their luggage and everything he came to pick up.

When they came back out of the hotel after taking the luggage up to their room, Gerda was walking down the sidewalk near the mercantile. She saw Lars before he saw her, and she came hurrying across the street, calling out to them.

Gustaf suggested that Gerda, Lars, and Janice go into the hotel. He told them he would pick up Olina and bring her back so they could have lunch together. When Gerda looked concerned, he told her that he would prepare Olina for the confrontation.

As Gustaf drove the wagon toward his house, he started praying for Olina. He wanted to warn her about Lars, and he wanted to be with her when she learned that he was in Litchfield. If need be, Gustaf was prepared to stay at the house with Olina until she didn’t need him anymore. He hoped that Lars and Janice’s presence wouldn’t set Olina back in her walk with the Lord. Most of all, Gustaf didn’t want Olina hurt again.

❧

Olina was finishing the last stitch in the hem of the ruffled skirt when she noticed Gustaf’s wagon coming from Litchfield. She hadn’t seen him go by on the way to town. It was hard to miss him now. He was driving fast. That was unusual for Gustaf. He was always careful with the horses. Olina stood up and stretched. Then she took the dress to the table to fold it. She was glad that she could see outside from every spot in the room. With one eye on what she was doing, she kept part of her attention on the wagon that was approaching the house.

When Gustaf stopped the wagon in front, Olina went to the door. Maybe he was coming to eat lunch with them. It was too bad that they hadn’t cooked anything today. Olina was planning to make a sandwich with some of the tomatoes out of the garden and the piece of ham left from breakfast. That would barely feed her. It wouldn’t be enough for a hard-working man like Gustaf.

Olina opened the door just as Gustaf stepped onto the porch. “Hello. Have you come for—?” The look on Gustaf’s face stopped the question in midsentence. She rushed through the door. “Oh, Gustaf, what’s the matter?” Without thinking, she reached up and cupped her hand on his cheek.

Gustaf placed his calloused fingers on top of hers as if to hold them in place. “Olina, I must talk to you.”

“You’re scaring me. Whatever has happened to cause you this distress?” Olina couldn’t pull her gaze from his.

He looked as if he were worried about her. Why would he be worried about her? Had he heard something in town? She glanced down at his other hand. It didn’t hold any mail, so it couldn’t be anything bad about her family.

Gustaf pulled her hand from his face and held it in both his hands. “Let’s sit here.”

Olina and Gerda loved sitting on the porch in the cool of the evening, so Gustaf and August had built a wooden swing for them. Gustaf guided her toward the swing. When they were seated, he leaned his forearms on his knees and clasped his hands.

“I’ve come to tell you something.”

Olina was exasperated. “So tell me. Don’t keep me wondering any longer.”

Gustaf leaned back and placed his arm along the back of the swing. “Someone came to Litchfield on the train that just went through.”

“So?” Olina knew that people often came to Litchfield on the train. She looked up into his troubled eyes and waited.

“It was Lars and his wife.” The statement hung in the air between them while Gustaf seemed to be studying every expression on Olina’s face. What was he looking for?

“Lars. . .and his wife?” Olina was puzzled.

“Yes.” Gustaf took one of her hands in his.

“I didn’t know that he was coming home.”

“No one did.” He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb while he continued to study her. “It’s a surprise visit.”

Olina waited for the hurt to settle in her chest, but all she felt was surprised. Oh, Father, did You take that hurt away, too? Will I be able to forgive Lars as You have forgiven me? “Where are they?”

Gustaf must have been holding his breath because he had to let it out to answer her. “I left them at the hotel with Gerda. Do you feel like going into town to see them?”

Olina stood up and walked to the porch railing. She leaned against it, looking toward town as if she could see into the hotel. Then she turned back to Gustaf. “It was inevitable that this would happen. We might as well get it over with, but I need to freshen up a bit.”

Gustaf’s smile went right to Olina’s heart. “I’ll be here when you are ready.”

“I’ll hurry.”

Gerda, Lars, and his wife were sitting in the lobby visiting when Gustaf and Olina arrived. Lars stood as if he had been watching the door for them. Standing across the room from her was the man she had planned to marry. For a moment, all the pain lanced through Olina’s heart. How was she going to get through the next few minutes? She just had to. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Did she need to stop all feeling again as she had before? Would it help?

Lars introduced Olina to Janice. What does he see in her that he didn’t see in me? Olina recognized the wariness in Janice’s expression. It wasn’t her fault, was it? Lars hadn’t been a real man. He hadn’t taken responsibility for his actions, and two women were paying a price for that irresponsibility. When Lars met Janice, did he even tell her about Olina?

After introducing Olina to Janice, Lars asked Olina if she would take a walk with him. She looked at Janice, who nodded.

They walked around the hotel and out across a field toward a small grove of trees. When they reached the shade, Lars stopped Olina with a gentle touch on her arm. She turned toward him.

“Olina, we came to visit with our family, but you’re the main reason I’ve come.”

She looked up at him and waited. It was a minute or two before he continued. During that time, he studied her as if he were looking for something specific.

“I know that I did you a grave injustice.” Lars seemed ill at ease. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I was blind to my faults. And I was impulsive.”

Olina nodded. She agreed wholeheartedly.

“I should have met you in New York City. I apologize for that. Can you forgive me?”

Olina gazed up at a cloud that was drifting by. It looked like a little lamb, gamboling in the pasture around his mother. The lamb reminded her of Jesus, who died to bring her forgiveness.

Looking back at Lars, she whispered, “Yes, I will work on forgiving you.” She paused, then continued. “Why did you go to Denver in the first place, Lars?” She had to know.

Once again, Lars shuffled his feet in the grass. “I thought we could start our new life together in Denver. I was offered a better paying job, and I planned to get us a home, then come back here before you arrived. I planned for us to be married here and then go to our new home.” He looked everywhere but at her, taking a long time before he blurted, “I thought I loved you, Olina, but I didn’t know what love really was until I met Janice. ”

Olina waited for the pain to lance though her midsection. She felt disappointment, but not the agony she expected. “And what is love. . .really?”

“It’s not just that she’s beautiful. You’re beautiful, too. Janice and I were made for each other. She has strengths where I have weaknesses, and I have strengths in the areas where she is weak. I know God created someone for you, just as he created Janice and me to be together.”

When Lars said that, Olina looked across the field toward town, and her thoughts drifted to Gustaf. Could he be the one?

“I have great fondness for you.” Lars’s voice sounded stronger, more sure. “You will always have a special place in my heart.”

Olina glanced back at him. “Maybe that’s not good.”

“Janice knows all about you. . .us. . .what we were to each other. At least now she knows. I was not man enough to tell her about you until after we were engaged.” Lars rubbed the back of his neck. “We were not meant for each other, you and I. We just thought we were. I know it’ll be hard for you to forgive me for all of this, but that’s what I came here for. To apologize to you face-to-face. I pray that someday we can be friends.”

Olina glanced at the grass, then across the field to some cows that were grazing in the adjoining pasture. “I’ll not deny that you hurt me very much. I don’t know when I’ve ever been so hurt.” She looked down at her skirt that the gentle wind was swirling around her ankles. “I’m trying to forgive you. In time, maybe we’ll be comfortable around each other.” She gazed up at Lars. “We should go back. I don’t want the others to be worried about us.”

Lars took her arm and guided her back to the front of the hotel.

On the way across the field, Olina thought about all she had gone through. Had God allowed those things to happen because He had created someone for her, someone besides Lars? Was he here in Litchfield, Minnesota, right now?

What about Janice? She had been caught in the middle of the dilemma Lars had caused by his irresponsible actions.

Just as she stepped up on the wooden sidewalk, Olina said, “I’m glad you’ve come. I do want to get to know your wife.”

❧

When Gustaf drove Olina home, Gerda stayed in town with Lars and Janice. He was glad, because he wanted to talk to Olina alone.

After stopping the horses by the front gate, Gustaf turned to Olina. “Are you all right?”

Olina looked up at Gustaf. “You mean about Lars and Janice?”

“That. . .and about Lars being here. . .and about Lars and you.”

Olina blinked as if her eyes were watering. “There is no ‘Lars and me.’ ”

Gustaf reached over and took both her hands in his. “I know that, but how are you handling everything?”

When Olina looked down at their clasped hands, so did Gustaf. Hers looked so small and smooth, engulfed in his large, calloused ones. He would gladly take all the pain out of her life, but he knew he couldn’t.

Olina looked back up at him. “I want to forgive Lars, but it is so hard, for sure. How can I completely forgive him? The hurt goes deep.”

Gustaf didn’t know if he had an answer for her, so he got out of the wagon, then helped Olina down. They walked to the front door in silence.

“Let’s look in the Bible, Olina.” Gustaf opened the door and waited for her to enter.

Olina went into the parlor and picked her Bible up from the table where she had put it when she finished reading it last night. “What do you want to show me?”

Gustaf sat on the sofa, and Olina sat beside him. Gustaf searched for a verse. “In Matthew, chapter six, it says, ‘And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.’ ”

Olina nodded. “I remember reading that. It’s where Jesus teaches His disciples how to pray, isn’t it?”

“Yes. But it was more than that.” Gustaf cleared his throat. He didn’t want to hurt Olina, but he wanted her to understand what he was talking about. “I believe it means that if we don’t forgive others, then the Lord won’t forgive us.”

“That’s a hard word, Gustaf.”

“I know, but when you forgive others, it allows your forgiveness from God to flow freely. Does that make any sense?”

Olina nodded. “I see what you mean. And I think I agree, but it’s not easy sometimes.”

Gustaf stood and walked to the front window. “God didn’t say that everything would be easy, but it would be worth it. I had a hard time forgiving Lars for what he did. God used this verse to teach me that I had to. It took me awhile, and I thought I had totally forgiven him.”

Gustaf rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. “Then today when I saw him on that platform. . .and knew that his coming could cause you pain, my anger came back. While I was coming for you, God reminded me that I had forgiven Lars. If you are never able to forgive Lars, there’ll be a root of bitterness growing inside your heart. Soon it will consume you.” He turned back toward Olina. “You don’t want that, do you?”

Olina shook her head. “No, I don’t. Would you pray for me?”

“We can do that right now.” Gustaf sat back down beside Olina. “Father God, please help Olina turn loose of the bitterness and unforgiveness she has in her heart. Give her Your strength. Let Your love for Lars flow through her heart and take its place. We pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.”