| |
TOMMY WAS WAITING FOR me at the airport when I touched down. He hadn’t been fooled by my false cheer and promises one bit—even from a thousand miles away. We didn’t say anything when we saw each other on the tarmac. He didn’t comment on my couture gown, and I didn’t mention the fact that he had what looked like a chewed-up cheerio in his hair. He simply opened his arms, and I walked inside, sobbing without restraint into his shoulder.
For a kind moment, the world seemed to pause.
Time had never been a factor with Tommy. And I clearly had no grasp of it now. We held each other like that for what felt like forever as the planes around us landed and took off again, completely unconcerned with the opinion of rest of the world. It wasn’t until I finally lifted my head, that he gave me a gentle smile.
“Are you ready to go home, Rosie?”
I had never been more ready for anything in my life.
I nodded tearfully, and he took my hand—leading me past the throngs of bustling passengers and out to the parking lot. I hitched up my dress and climbed into his car like someone finally coming to bed after an impossibly long day. My eyes closed as I breathed in the familiar smells of sugar maple and warm leather. The window was rolled down, and as I leaned my head outside, I was greeted with the blinding embrace of the Tennessee sun.
There it was. Home sweet home.
“How’s Theo?” I asked. “Is he adjusting well?”
“Yeah, he’s doing fantastic. And he misses you like crazy.”
Tommy flipped the radio on to full blast, and without a glance behind us, we pulled onto the freeway and shot off into the sun—leaving the entire, bloody mess behind us.
We stopped for tacos halfway there—rather baffling the roadside vendor with my extravagant attire—and exited the interstate about twenty minutes later. Both of us had determinedly avoided anything other than superficial subjects since we left. We slowed onto Main Street and I smiled. I couldn’t wait to get home.
“I missed Theo,” I said. “Thanks for all the pics you sent me.”
Tommy’s face gentled just hearing the name. “Not a problem.”
“Is your mom watching him?”
“No, he’s with Lily.” I raised my eyebrows and he chuckled. “You’re not going to believe this, but she took some time off of work to help me.”
“Kind of like maternity leave?”
He chuckled. “Yeah. I couldn’t have done it without her.”
I shook my head, staring out the window. “Actually, I have no trouble believing that.”
“It’s been nice though—having the help.” Tommy pulled off the main road and headed into the country with a thoughtful look on his face. “Everyone is so quick to offer their advice, but not their actual time. Lily isn’t like that. She just rolled up her sleeves and dove in. Granted, she tried to claim parental rights in the process.”
He trailed off, and I swiveled around in my seat to look at him. Here I was, wallowing in my own self-made tragedy, while Tommy’s life had been flipped upside down as well. And not with a twelve-month expiration date, but with a permanent, life-altering commitment.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” I murmured, face flushing with shame.
“What?” he asked, rolling up the window so he could better hear me.
“I wasn’t here,” I said again, louder this time. The guilt settled hard upon me, and I dropped my face into my hands. “The most important event in your life and the first thing I did was take off to New York. After marrying your nemesis. Perfect timing.”
He shook his head quickly. “Rose, that’s not what I meant about Lily—”
“I haven’t even held your baby more than twice,” I exclaimed, my brow furrowing in self-disgust as I reached out and squeezed his leg apologetically. “Tommy, I—”
“Rose, enough. Really.” A flash of sunlight shot through the car as he turned down his long driveway and parked under the shade of the trees near the house. “I was the one who told you to go. Theo’s not going anywhere. Your thing was time-sensitive. I get that. Don’t worry about it.”
He flashed me a sunny smile—simultaneously analyzing, understanding, and forgiving in a way that only Tommy Murphy could. I shook my head and offered him a shaky smile in return.
“I’m still sorry.”
“Of course you are.” He shot me a wink and threw open his door, flooding the car with the sudden scent of wildflowers. “You can make it up to me in babysitting. I want this kid growing up thinking I’m surrounded by a harem of women—it’s the only way he’s ever going to think I’m cool.”
I snorted and followed him up to the house, trailing the hem of my gorgeous dress over the soft grass. “A harem, huh?”
“You and Lily will do for a start.”
And speak of the devil...
Before we even got to the porch, the door flew open, and Lily herself came rushing outside—a huge smile lighting her face, and baby Theo tucked snugly in her arms.
“You’re back!” she squealed with uncharacteristic brightness, tossing her dark bangs out of her face so she could take in the whole image.
Motherhood had obviously done wonders for Lily. There was a glow to her skin and an internal sparkle that was usually so tainted in sarcasm, it was hard to see.
Then the smile turned sly, and she couldn’t help but add, “We’ve been watching your little debacle on C-Span.”
A full two seconds of restraint. Had to be a McAllister record.
“I do what I can to entertain,” I grinned as Tommy and I jogged up the steps.
“You’re not wearing the ring,” she said.
“Yeah, I gave it back. It just didn’t seem right to keep it.”
“You’ve got a good heart. Some women would’ve kept it.”
“You know I’m not like that.”
“And that’s why I love you.”
I smiled.
My hands were just itching to hold the baby, but Theo only had eyes for his father. The second he saw Tommy, he reached out his chubby little arms with a squeal of delight. Tommy reached for him at the same time—like two magnets—kissing him swiftly on the forehead before palming him in one hand like a football as he automatically checked him over for any sort of damage. No scrape was too small to escape his attention, no bruise too faded.
“Theo is amazing,” Tommy said. “He’s totally turned my life around in the short time I’ve known him. He gave my life new meaning. I can’t believe his mother won’t even see him. She’s ignoring all my phone calls, which is probably revenge for me ignoring hers. I really think Theo needs his mother and father in his life.”
“Give her some more time,” I said. “She’ll come around. She’s probably stressed and overwhelmed.”
“I don’t get how she can raise him all this time, and then dump him like she did. I could never do that, not ever. It’s cold and heartless.” He sighed. “And do you know what’s even more heartless? Her not telling me. If I would’ve known, I would’ve been at his birth.”
“Would you have believed her?” I asked. “You know how much she sleeps around.”
“She told me I was the only guy she’d been with that much, so she was sure it was mine. I would’ve been there on the chance it could possibly be my baby. And I know he’s mine. He has my bright blue eyes and looks just like me. Even my mom said there was no doubt that Theo was mine. She pulled out baby pictures and we looked identical. It’s uncanny. I gotta show you next time we’re over there. But my dad, he’s a different story.”
“Oh, as if we didn’t see that coming.”
“Exactly. He paid for a paternity test. We should get the results back in a few weeks.”
“The test will give everyone closure,” Lily said. “I think it’s a good thing. That way your dad won’t have any doubts in his head.”
“I agree. I want my dad to love his grandson without any reservations, ya know?”
Tommy licked his finger and rubbed off something that turned out to be juice. I looked on in wonder, and behind his back, Lily flashed me a little smile. She was not the only one who had plunged full-force into parenthood. Theo held perfectly still during the examination—I suspected he had become accustomed to it—but his patience came at a price. He was obviously waiting for something, something that was making his toes wriggle with excitement.
The second the ordeal was over, his eyes darted up to Tommy’s where they suddenly locked—both pairs dancing with the same knowing grin. Theo squirmed and giggled with anticipation while Tommy abruptly pretended to lose interest. Then, with no warning, he tossed Theo up into the air high enough to send Lily and me into matching heart palpitations.
“Tommy, don’t—”
But Theo couldn’t have been happier. He raised his hands up to the sun with a feral scream of joy—claiming everything in sight. When he landed lightly in Tommy’s arms, he kept his gaze upward, preparing to take to the skies.
It was quite possibly the cutest thing I had ever seen, but babies are fickle and one time is never enough. When it became clear Tommy wasn’t going to do it again—Theo turned on a dime. His face soured immediately, and he grabbed little fistfuls of his father’s golden hair, ripping at it with all his might.
“Setting those boundaries early, are we?” I teased, following them inside as Theo shrieked in protest.
Tommy winced and set him down in a high-chair by the table, gently extracting his angry little fingers. “Man—he’s going to be strong. Maybe we should ease up on feeding him...save my hairline.”
I sank into the adjacent chair with a smile, but Lily was scowling as she retrieved a jar of applesauce from the fridge and popped it into the microwave. “He’s not a football, you know that right? You can’t just toss him around like that.”
Tommy ignored this, fixating on the baby with an infatuated smile. “He loves it. We’ve gone even higher before. But he got so excited one time, he threw up on my forehead. We’ve been pacing ourselves ever since.”
I shook my head, unable to believe what I was hearing. When had this place turned into some kind of day care center? Had so much changed in just the few short days I was gone?
“I just...can’t believe how well you two are settling into each other.”
On the one hand, I wasn’t surprised. Despite being a reckless, adventuring hunk, Tommy had always been one of the gentlest, most thoughtful, selflessly-caring people I’d ever known. I just...had never imagined him applying all that to a child. Much less—his child.
Tommy ran his hand through his hair, extracting the cheerio in the process. “I know, it’s a little bit scary. Actually, look at this! I already taught him a trick!”
Lily yanked the sauce from the microwave with unnecessary force. “And he’s also not a dog—”
“Quiet, Lil. Rose—watch!” He turned to the child with an indulgent smile, tickling his feet to get his attention. “Theo, show Auntie Rose your trick, okay? Show her what you can do.”
Nothing happened.
“Come on,” he coaxed, lowering his head so they were at eye level. “Just once, I promise.”
For a baby, Theo was surprisingly expressive. He looked just as unimpressed with the request as Lily was, but in an act of supreme generosity, he held up his little hand.
Tommy tapped it with his and turned back to me with a radiant smile. “Did you see?!”
I blinked. “Sorry—I thought that was the wind-up. What was it again?”
Lily snorted in laughter, still rummaging around in the drawers for a spoon. Tommy, on the other hand, looked crestfallen.
“It was a high-five!” he exclaimed. “A perfect high-five! You really didn’t see it?”
Glancing back at where Theo was still raising his hand, it kind of looked like the kid was giving Tommy the finger.
“Oh—that!” I said with false enthusiasm. “Yeah I did! That was...awesome!”
The old Tommy could have spotted the lie in a second. The new Tommy was so full of pride, there was hardly room for anything else.
“He does it almost every time,” he said smugly. “Here, watch—I can probably get him to do it again. Theo, show Auntie Rose your...”
But Theo’s attention was focused on something else entirely. His sparkling blue eyes widened impossibly as they gazed around at the streaks of sunlight being scattered by my shimmering gown. The tiny crystals caught every last drop of the afternoon sun—painting it over the walls and dancing it in the eyes of the captivated child.
Thanks to the time difference, I had lived this sunset twice now. Both times in very different circumstances. Back home in Wessler, with my adopted family was one thing, but a part of me was still back on the steps of the Met, staring into a pair of heartbroken eyes.
My hand flashed up at lightning speed and wiped away an errant tear. Both Lily and Tommy saw right away, but I turned with deliberate attention to the baby, twisting this way and that to make the light beams dance across the wall.
“He’s going to love you,” Tommy said, watching as Theo reached out to me for the first time.
I took him without hesitation, bouncing him lightly on my hip as we rotated in a slow circle, pointing at the sunrays on the wall. He leaned forward to touch one of them and was highly disappointed that it didn’t feel how it looked. My dress itself, however, was a different story entirely.
“Theo—no,” Tommy chided, reaching out to take him as he started excitedly gumming one of my sleeves.
I laughed and shook my head, refusing to give him up so easily. They’d all had time to bond with this little guy. I hadn’t. I’d been worlds away—doing everything in my considerable power to get my heart broken.
“Would you like it?” I asked in a little coo. “Would you like to have it?”
At this rate, I should just weave the thing into strips and hang it from his crib like a little mobile. It was better than hanging it up in my closet—where I would see it every day.
Tommy and Lily exchanged a quick, worried look before he stepped forward and eased Theo from my arms. “I’ve got to get him into a bath, then bed.” He made a casual study of my face, before gesturing to the kitchen. “Why don’t you and Lil grab some beers—I’ll meet you guys out on the porch.”
I dropped my head quickly. Was I so easy to see through?
“Sounds good, I just...want to take this off first.” My throat constricted painfully, but I forced a smile as I glanced up at Tommy. “Do I have some clothes here?”
“Yeah—in the back.” He shifted Theo and squeezed my shoulder. “I’ll see you in a sec.”
As he and Theo disappeared down the hallway and Lily went to the fridge again to grab us some drinks, I headed upstairs to Tommy’s bedroom.
I had a drawer of clothes inside his dresser. I’d had a drawer since I was sixteen. Of course, it had been at his parents’ house back then, but it had made the move here without mention. There was nothing remotely romantic about it. Logistically, it just made sense. With how often I sought refuge at the Murphys after explosions with my father, or just with how often Tommy and I lost track of time and fell asleep in each other’s beds—it was the downright practical.
But as I stared around the room—as familiar to me as my own—I wondered how it must have looked from the outside. How it must have looked to Dylan when he opened his door in the middle of the night to see me sneaking in or out of his little brother’s room. How it must have felt when at the end of every party, Tommy and I ended up leaving together.
Kim Hansen—curse her name—wasn’t the only one. At one point or another, everyone in town thought the two of us were going to end up together. Even our parents had resigned themselves to the probability, that one day, they would be in-laws.
Since our trip to Vegas, the irony had come back to me many times. Ask anyone who knew me—from the time I was six on up—ask anyone which Murphy brother I’d end up marrying. They’d all tell you the same thing.
Tommy.
“Hey.”
I turned around to see Tommy himself standing in the doorway, haloed in the golden light of the setting sun. The sight of him would be enough to take anyone’s breath away. Leaning tall against the door—his muscular arms crossed over his chest. His chiseled face handsome, but troubled. His lovely eyes full of tender concern.
Why couldn’t I love Tommy? Why couldn’t Tommy love me?
It would be so easy—the two of us together. As natural as the setting sun.
We were exactly the same, well, mostly. I kept a job; he didn’t. But otherwise, we were like two peas in a pod. And I realized how much I treasured him as a best friend. I didn’t have feelings for him, and that’s why I couldn’t love him.
I smiled through the tears, gesturing around me as I took in the room. It had looked the same since we were kids. A strange collection of musical instruments, weapons, garage-sale ‘rescues’, art...even some fencing equipment thrown in for good measure. Of course, there were some rather significant changes as well. Mainly—a crib pressed up against the wall by the window. My eyes softened into a teary grin as I looked down to see baby-sized socks strewn across the floor, side by side with Tommy’s.
Bachelor pad, plus baby. It could be its own show.
He joined me in the middle of the room, staring around. He wrapped an arm around me, and I rested my head against his shoulder with a little sigh.
“Seems like a lot has happened in the last month.”
“Rose...” There was a strange sort of tension in his voice I had never heard before. When I lifted my head curiously to see, he was biting his lip—looking extremely uncomfortable. “I know you told me you wanted to talk to Dylan in person about the divorce, but I feel like it was more than that. I saw the way you looked at him during our road trip. You could’ve easily broken up with him on the phone.”
“You encouraged me to go.”
“Because I wanted you to sort things out with him. I’m not sure what’s going on between you two. You’re both hiding it. But don’t think I can’t see it. I thought you could figure it out.”
“It didn’t go as planned.”
“If Dylan hurt you—”
“I was the one who left,” I said quickly, evening out my voice and staring steadily into his eyes. “It had nothing to do with him. It was all me. I swear.”
“You swear.”
“I swear.”
He studied me carefully for another second, considering, then seemed to let it go. I felt like I had dodged a bullet. A Tommy-goes-to-New-York-and-sets-Dylan’s-house-on-fire bullet.
But this was Tommy. He knew me better than I knew myself. I should have known it wouldn’t have been that easy.
“Rose?” he asked again, even quieter this time.
I glanced up. “Yeah?”
“You used to tell me everything, but now you’ve clammed up. What’s going on between you and Dylan?”
Words failed me. Thoughts failed me. My mind shut down in complete and utter exhaustion—a series of overwrought and over-sensitized nerves.
A question that had been plaguing me for five states...
I turned around in silence and motioned for him to help me unclasp my zipper.
“I don’t know. When I figure out myself, I’ll be sure to let you know.”
“Do you want to talk about it? Because I’m here if you need me. And I promise not to be judgmental.”
“I like him,” I said.
Should I be admitting this to Tommy? The reasons for this were twofold. First—while I might know Tommy like the back of my hand, I had no idea how he would react to the news that I’d slept with, and quite possibly fallen for his older brother. The second reason was much more simple—I had no earthly idea what, in the name of all that was good, I was going to do about those feelings now. In fact, I was so eager to distract myself, I hadn’t been able to let go of this ‘path not chosen’ conundrum that had occurred to me. It was a Robert Frost nightmare!
“And you think I didn’t know that?”
“You knew?”
“I never realized it before the road trip. But then it all finally hit me. You had a crush on my brother. And he had one on you.”
“We don’t work, kind of like oil and water.”
“And why’s that?”
“I’m a country girl and he’s a city boy. I won’t stay in New York, and he won’t come here. So you see, we’re at a crossroads here.”
“Wasn’t this supposed to be all pretend anyway? I know you were crushing on him, but when did actual feelings get involved?”
“It’s complicated,” I said.
“You shouldn’t have banged him.”
“Tommy!”
“Feelings always get in the way once you’ve banged somebody you’ve always cared about.”
“In the past, I’ve forgotten how to feel by numbing the pain. But with your brother, I let myself feel all these emotions when we made love.”
“You said ‘made love.’”
“I made love to Dylan.”
“You’ve gotten bit by the ‘love’ bug, and now you’re seriously infected.”
I playfully slugged him. “Stop it!”
“Why can’t you admit that you’re falling in love with your husband?”
I bit my lip as I pondered. “For the first time, for just a fleeting moment, I could see myself settling down with one man. And giving him my heart forever.
“Hmm. Settling down with one man and giving him your heart... Isn’t that what people do when they get married?”
“Not when they fake marry. I think it was fake, but turned into something more. It was like I had a glimpse at what could’ve been.”
“And why didn’t you jump on it?”
“Because I could never be the wife Dylan needs. I’m not meant to be a society girl hosting fancy parties and sipping champagne. That’s so not me.”
“I have to agree. You don’t like formal dinner parties. You’d rather eat pizza and drink beer on the back porch. I can’t see you ever being a society snob.”
“They’re not all like that, Dylan. I met some wonderful ladies there. But that kind of life just isn’t me, and I’d only be holding Dylan back. He needs one of those fancy corporate wives. Besides, my life is here. I love this place. I love all my dogs. I love the country. I want to raise my family here in Wessler, not in the big city. I want unconditional love, a meaningful relationship, a good job, wonderful family and friends, and a purposeful life.”
“If you find the right man, you can have that anywhere. You know that, right?”
“I know. Like I said, it’s complicated.”
“Want to get a drink?”
“I’d love to.”
He swung his arm around me. “C’mon, darling. I think you’re long overdue.”