Thank goodness I was the owner, because I didn’t stroll into work until late in the afternoon. I’d actually been doing a lot of that lately. After seeing Loraine take Leon to what used to be our spot, I’d been throwing daily pity parties for myself. As I strolled through the gym, headed toward my office, I was prepared to do it again. My mind was on the bottle of tequila in the top drawer of my desk. I guess my mood was written all over my face, because Gordon, an old friend and the manager of the facility, furrowed his brow and said, “You look like you could use a drink.”
“No, I could use two drinks,” I replied.
“Well, before you get into a drunken stupor, we’ve got real problems.” I looked at him with a frown, wishing he wouldn’t continue. But of course he did. “We got two treadmills down, and Connie called in sick, so I’m gonna have to do the seven o’clock step class myself.”
He didn’t sound too happy about that, but I really didn’t care. I had other things on my mind. “Okay, man. Teach the class.” I walked past him and opened the door to my private office, hoping he would get the hint and leave me alone. All I really cared about was getting to that bottle.
“Mike, you listening to me, man?” Gordon got up and followed me into my office. He entered just as I was sitting down at my desk, before I had a chance to open the drawer and pull out the bottle. “We got problems. What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to handle it, dammit!” I snapped. “Isn’t that what I pay you for? Do I have to micromanage everything around here?” He didn’t deserve it, but I was taking out my frustration on him.
“Hey, look. I just wanted you to know. It’s your money I’m planning on spending for new treadmills. If you don’t give a shit, neither do I.” He gave me attitude right back, and I was about to snap at him, but I caught myself.
“Look, G, I know you were trying to look out for me. I just have a lot on my mind.” I pulled out the tequila and a glass and poured myself a shot. I would have pulled out two, but Gordon never drank until his shift was over—a discipline I used to prescribe to myself.
“Translation: You went to see Loraine again, and she sent your ass back here with your head between your legs.”
“What are you, a fucking mind reader?” I threw back the shot and swallowed it, feeling the fire in the back of my throat.
“Sorry, Mike, but you don’t have to be a mind reader to see she’s just not into you like that anymore. The woman used to call here every day looking for you. She hasn’t called in months.”
I rolled my eyes. Why the hell couldn’t anyone see what I was seeing?
“Sooner or later, you’re going to have to face facts. You were just a little something-something while her husband was getting his act together.”
I didn’t acknowledge his point. Instead, I asked, “What’s the definition of a stalker?”
Gordon narrowed his eyes at me as if he already knew exactly where I was going with this. “Someone who follows you around unwanted.”
Jesus, maybe I was stalking her.
“Do you think I’m stalking Loraine?”
“No, I think you’re trying to win her back, but she may not see it that way, and she’s the only one who counts. There’s a thin line between being in love and being obsessed.”
“I’m not trying to stalk her. I just want her to talk to me. Is that so bad?”
“I don’t know; you tell me. You’ve lost about fifteen pounds. You barely come to work, and when you’re here, all you do is talk about Loraine this and Loraine that. If you’re not obsessed, you’re getting there, and that’s not good.”
I didn’t bother to deny it. I guess I was acting crazy, but as far as I was concerned, my craziness was warranted. I needed Loraine to remember what we had together, and then she’d see she was really supposed to be with me.
I heaved a sigh. “G, I hear you loud and clear, but I just can’t give up. We’re meant to be.”
“Hey, give it a rest. Women don’t accuse men of stalking them if they’re meant to be together. Now, I don’t know what you’re doing, but it’s pretty obvious she ain’t interested, and if you push it too far, you might end up in jail.” I swear, nothing like a good friend to give it to you straight.
“So what do you think I should do?”
“I think you need to move on before you get yourself thrown in jail. That lady’s got a lot of friends at city hall. It’s time to move on, Mike.”
I laughed. “She told me I need to move on too.”
“Maybe you should take her advice.”
“Maybe.”
“Speaking of moving on, Celeste called three times.”
“What does she want?” I sighed. Celeste Monroe was a former physical training client. She was really pretty, with a fantastic figure and a good head on her shoulders. To put it in a few words, she really had her shit together. I would have had to be blind not to see she was interested, and a fool not to be interested myself. I tried to keep it professional, so things never got off the ground between us. When she was at a point where she didn’t need a coach anymore, I’d already started seeing Loraine, so it didn’t matter how beautiful Celeste was; I wasn’t interested.
Recently, Celeste had found out Loraine and I weren’t together, and she had been trying to hook up on a date. Many of my friends, including Gordon, thought she was the one. Of course, I was preoccupied with getting Loraine back, but Celeste wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“She wanted to speak to you.” I guess Gordon read my look of dismissal, because he said, “I don’t understand why you won’t give her a chance, man.”
“Hmph,” I grunted.
“You know what? You’re pathetic. Here you are running behind a married woman like some lovesick fool when you got a woman like Celeste worshipping the ground you walk on.”
“I don’t want a woman who worships the ground I walk on, G. I want Loraine.”
“You haven’t even given the woman a chance, Mike. Meanwhile, a guy like me can’t get a girl like Celeste to give him the time of day. Man, I swear life just ain’t fair.”
“Man, if life was fair, I’d be with Loraine right now.”
After two and a half weeks of feeling sorry for myself, no word from Loraine, and Gordon pushing me like he was my momma looking to have grandkids, I finally relented and went out with Celeste a few times. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I had a good time. She was a special woman who kept me laughing and intrigued whenever we were together; but despite all that, I still thought of Loraine constantly. I just couldn’t get her out of my head. I woke up thinking about her and went to sleep with an image of her in my mind. I was whipped with a capital W.
I wasn’t trying to be two-faced with Celeste. From day one, I was straight up with her about my feelings for Loraine. I told her I was still deeply in love with my ex, and if by chance she’d take me back, I’d drop everything to be with her. Surprisingly, Celeste didn’t seem to care. From what she said, she just wanted time to show me what kind of woman she was and could be to me. After that, let the chips fall where they may. I liked her attitude but wondered when it came down to it if she would really practice what she preached.
Either way, I decided to take it slow. We were on our fourth date before I invited her to my house. All we did was watch TV. I was a big fan of Heroes, and as it turned out, so was Celeste. I made my special salad with grilled chicken, walnuts, and dried cranberries, which Celeste loved, and we sat in front of the TV, enjoying dinner and a glass of wine while we watched the show.
When it was over, I left Celeste in the living room and took the dirty dishes into the kitchen. When I returned, she was standing in front of my mantel, holding a framed picture of Loraine and me. Gordon had told me about ten times to get rid of that picture, or at least remove it from plain sight. I’d taken down all the photos in my office, but I never did move this one. It was my favorite picture of us from when we went to Martha’s Vineyard during the time she and Leon were separated. We were all hugged up and smiling big, bright smiles into the camera. Anyone who saw that picture could tell how much in love we were.
“Is this your ex?”
“Yeah, that’s her.” I nodded a little apprehensively. I got up and took the picture out of her hand, placing it back on the mantel. I expected Celeste to comment about her looks, or maybe her size, but she didn’t.
“You look happy,” was all Celeste said as she walked back over to the sofa and sat down.
“We were happy. I hope it doesn’t bother you that I still have that picture up, but I’m not moving it right now.”
Celeste let out a sigh. “I can’t say that it doesn’t bother me, because I’d be telling a lie. I just don’t want any surprises or to be disrespected. If you and this woman get back together, I just want you to tell me. I don’t want to hear it from anyone else.”
“That’s only fair.” I sat down next to her and took her hand. “I promise if it happens, you won’t hear it from anyone but me.”
The next thing I knew, Celeste kissed me on the mouth. At first, it was a slow, tentative kiss; then it became a little more passionate. Ten minutes later, we were still fully clothed, but I was lying on top of her. My hands were roaming her body freely, while hers struggled to loosen my belt.
We were both intoxicated with lust until she said, “Michael, condom’s in my purse, but I can’t reach it.”
Suddenly, I was alert. I was sober. Everything I was doing was real, and real meant consequences.
From where I lay, I looked up and saw the picture of Loraine. I pulled away from Celeste. “I can’t do this, Celeste.”
“Why? What did I do?”
“You didn’t do anything. I’m just not ready for this. Not yet anyway.”
Celeste smiled and gave me a gentle, understanding kiss. “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”