I opened my eyes to the pleasant sight of two large breasts hovering over me. I loved Loraine’s tits and she knew it. They swung, smacking me playfully in the face, and every once in a while, a nipple would slide in front of my hungry lips. I would suck it until the other breast knocked it away. She lowered her chest until my head was the center of a tittie sandwich, which made me laugh. I kissed between her breasts as she squeezed them on either side of my head. I always loved it when Loraine was playful, but after a while, it was becoming uncomfortable.
I lifted my arms to ease her off me, because I was having trouble breathing, but my arms wouldn’t budge, and that’s when I realized they were tied down.
“Baby, please, I can’t breathe,” I managed to say between short breaths, but the more I struggled, the more weight she placed on me. Was she trying to kill me? Why wouldn’t she get up? I struggled for air, but like I said, the more I struggled, the more weight she applied. I thought about trying to twist my way out, but like my arms, I was horrified to find my legs were tied down too. Jesus Christ, my wife was trying to kill me, and it looked like she was going to succeed!
Finally, she took pity on me and sat up. Unfortunately, that was only the beginning of my horror, because when I saw her face, I felt like I was going to pass out. It wasn’t my beloved Loraine who was trying to kill me; it was Aunt Barbara, and she wasn’t showing me any real pity. She was just repositioning her triple-D breasts to make it easier to suffocate me.
“Now you’ll be with me forever, baby,” she said.
As she lowered her breasts down on my face again, I was helpless to do anything except scream, so that was what I did.
“Aunt Barbara, please, please! I don’t want to die!”
“Leon, Leon, honey, wake up! You’re dreaming again.”
Loraine was shaking me when I opened my eyes this time. I can’t begin to tell you how relieved I was to see her face. “You okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay. God, it was so real.”
“Was your uncle beating you with a damn strap again?”
“No, no, it was my aunt.” I sat up and wiped my forehead, noticing that the sheets were damp because I had been sweating so profusely.
“Your aunt was beating you?”
“She was trying to kill me, Loraine,” I said, still trying to make sense of the dream. “My aunt Barbara was trying to kill me.” I wasn’t about to tell her how.
From her expression, it was clear that this news confused Loraine. I’d never had a negative thing to say about Aunt Barbara. While my nightmares about my abusive uncle made sense to her, she had no information to help her understand why I would be having bad dreams about my beloved aunt. “Why would she want to kill you? She loved you, didn’t she?”
“Yeah, she loved me all right.”
Loraine picked up on my sarcasm right away. “I thought it was your uncle who beat you. Are you trying to say your aunt was in on it too?”
I didn’t answer her. Instead, I got up and walked into the bathroom. I guess I was hoping that would be enough to make her drop the subject, but it wasn’t. She followed me, pestering me with more questions as I urinated. It had been two weeks since the hypnosis session that uncovered the memories about my first kiss. Since then, I’d been hypnotized two more times and had recalled quite a bit more about my past that had been buried deep in my subconscious. Most of it was very embarrassing, but at least I was starting to get some answers about who and what I really was. I hadn’t shared any of this with Loraine, because I was afraid that the disturbing truths about my past—and the man I had become because of it—might be more than she could handle. It might be the last straw that would finally break up our marriage.
“Are you ever going to talk to me about what happened when the doctor hypnotized you? I’m not stupid, you know. I know you found out more about your aunt and uncle than you’re saying.” Loraine’s voice was stern. “How can I help you if I don’t know what is going on?”
As I moved from the toilet to the sink to wash my hands, I held her stare. She kept looking at me, her eyes commanding me to speak about what was in my heart. She wouldn’t break the stare. She waited patiently until I finished washing my hands, and then she blocked my exit from the bathroom.
“Honey, can you please move out of the way?” I lifted my hands up, showing my palms in a noncombative gesture.
“Sure, if you promise to tell me what the hell is going on. The doctor has hypnotized you three times in the past two weeks, and you haven’t told me a thing. I have a fucking right to know, Leon. I’m your wife!”
“Sweetheart, be careful what you ask for. I’ve recently learned that there are some doors you don’t want to open.”
“I’m a big girl. I can handle it. I took you for better or for worse, remember?”
That kind of pushed a button for me. Where was that commitment to “for better or for worse” when she thought I was cheating and she kicked me out of the house? To tell you the truth, sometimes it felt like I was the one doing all the work to keep us together. She had allowed herself to be duped by Jerome when he framed me as a cheater, yet I was the one going through this difficult therapy, as if my sexual performance was the only problem we had. What about her problem with trust, which we never really addressed after she asked me to come back home? She apologized to me, but she never considered the idea that maybe she had some issues of her own that caused her to be so distrustful. Well, fine. If she was such a big girl now and wanted to see what “for worse” really meant, then I would tell her what hypnosis had uncovered.
“Okay, Big Sexy, if you wanna know, I’ll tell you. I just hope you don’t go running for the hills once you know the truth.”
This caused her to look a little apprehensive, but I knew Loraine, and she was not one to back down easily. She stepped out of the way to let me out of the bathroom. “I want to know, Leon. You can tell me, whatever it is.”
I walked past her and sat on the bed. She took a seat next to me and placed her hand over mine.
I took a deep breath and admitted to her what I’d learned in my first hypnosis session about kissing my aunt. Loraine didn’t say a word; she just squeezed my hand. Only time would tell if she’d still be so supportive after I explained what I’d learned in sessions two and three.
“The next time the doctor hypnotized me, I went back to a time around a year after that first kiss.”
She flinched almost imperceptibly, probably because I’d referred to it as the first kiss.
I nodded in answer to her silent question. “Yeah, it was the first, but definitely not the last kiss.” By now, I was feeling some strange relief in spilling my guts to her, so I continued without any prompting on her part. “But in this second session, I realized that my aunt seduced me into having sex with her on a regular basis to keep me around.”
Loraine’s hand flew to her mouth. “Oh my God. I can’t believe she did that to you. You were just a kid.”
“I was fourteen,” I corrected, though I wasn’t sure why. It was almost like I was defending Aunt Barbara, like sex with a fourteen-year-old nephew was any less offensive than one who was younger. I would have to talk to Roberta about why I did that.
Loraine looked like she was sick to her stomach.
“I know; it’s disgusting,” I said. I waited for her to speak, but it looked like she was having trouble even processing the information. Part of me was relieved she hadn’t run from the room screaming at this point, but it was driving me crazy that she didn’t speak. Was she judging me? I felt the need to defend myself from her silence. “How do you think I feel? Loraine, I can’t even imagine myself doing that, and now I’ve got these images instilled in my brain. Roberta says I blocked all this from my conscious mind until now because I was trying to protect myself. I can see what she means, because some days I feel like it’s enough to drive me crazy.”
“You never told anyone this was happening?” she asked, and sadly, it sounded like there was judgment in her question.
“I was a kid. I was confused. Roberta says it’s not uncommon for a child, even a teenager, to do nothing to stop it. After all, this was a woman who loved me. She took care of me when I had no one else who would. It’s hard for a kid to truly understand that someone who loves you so much can also hurt you, can do bad things. Now I’m starting to understand that what she did changed the man I became. Even now, I have a hard time understanding the difference between right and wrong, because Aunt Barbara was so good to me and so bad at the same time.”
“But maybe if you had told someone—”
I put up my hand to stop her. “It’s okay, Loraine. I don’t expect you to understand. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you in the first place. But you can tell me the truth. You think I’m some kind of freak now, don’t you?”
Loraine waited before she spoke, as if she wanted to pick her words carefully. “Baby, it’s not your fault. You were just a child doing what you were told. Your aunt was sick, and so was your uncle.”
“So anyway…,” I started, trying to sound lighthearted as I redirected the conversation. “Roberta thinks this stuff with my aunt is the key to this whole premature ejaculation thing.” I would have to live with these memories every day now that they’d resurfaced, and so would Loraine now that I’d revealed them to her. At least we could try to focus on the good that might come out of it.
“She does?” Loraine’s whole demeanor changed.
“Yeah, seems my aunt was so afraid we’d get caught by my uncle that she would rush me to ejaculations. Somehow, she trained my body to conform to what she wanted. Dr. Marshall feels likes it’s just a matter of time before she finds the switch in my mind that will snap me back to normal.”
Loraine heaved a sigh of relief, and I swear I could see every muscle in her body relax. “I’m not gonna lie, honey. I’m just glad to know it’s not me. For a while, I thought it was my fault.”
“Oh, no, baby. It was never your fault. I find you to be one of the sexiest women alive. It’s just I’m all messed up inside. I’ve got to work this stuff through.” I reached for her hand. “Do you hate me for what happened?”
“Leon, how could you say that? The wrong was done to you. You were a minor.” This time, I didn’t doubt her sincerity. She wasn’t just feeding me words to prove she was on my side. She was truly accepting me and all the baggage I’d just brought into our already-challenging relationship.
Loraine tilted up my chin and kissed me tenderly. “We can get through this together.”
I felt tears of appreciation flood my eyes. “Loraine, I love you. You’re the best. Thank you for being here for me.”
As she held me in her arms, just the feeling of her big breasts against my chest had me aroused. I gave her a deep kiss and tried to fondle her, but it wasn’t long before she gently eased herself out of my reach.
“How about if we don’t have sex while you work this through. That way you won’t have that added pressure on you.”
Loraine had hit the nail on the head; sex usually did end up making me feel pressured. If I could work through my feelings about me and my aunt, it might fix that problem in the long run, but I never would have dreamed of suggesting no sex to my wife. I was way too afraid she’d leave me. I had to make sure that she was really okay with it now.
“You think that’s a good idea?”
“Yeah. We can just cuddle and hug. Sex isn’t that important if two people love each other, Leon.” Loraine climbed back into bed and held out her arms.
I happily nestled up next to her and got cozy in Loraine’s soft embrace, where I slept peacefully for the first time in a long time.