The Modern Metaphysical Poets
Metaphysical philosophers try to understand the very underpinnings of existence itself, the state of being and the world around us. The Modern Metaphysical Poets undertake the same task—but the questions they ask and the conclusions they draw are startlingly fresh and original.
Would an Aristotle, a Descartes, or a Kant have come up with these works? We think not.
Larry King
b. 1933
“What is there?” “What is it like?” These are the two basic questions asked by metaphysicians in looking at the world. Talk show host Larry King asks two different, but equally important, questions about the nature of existence.
Deep Questions
Why
do people close their eyes
when they sneeze?
Do we still
make razor blades
in America?
Larry King
King also addresses the time-space continuum (sans space) in the following.
Poetic Conundrum
I’ve never thought too much about time
because
I’ve always been too busy
looking
at
my watch.
Miley Cyrus
b. 1992
With wisdom far beyond her years, singer Miley Cyrus cogently delves into the notion of an evolving consciousness while examining the ontological theory of change.
Cautionary Words on the Transitory Appeal of a Diamond Skull
I’m very careful about the things I buy, because
a year from now, I know
I’m gonna look at a thing that I spent 30 grand on and say,
“What the heck was I thinking?
I don’t want a diamond skull.”
Sting
b. 1951
Sting takes a more Eastern approach in his exegesis on the nature of authenticity. Or is it inauthenticity? He—and the reader—are left to ponder this.
Authentically Inauthentic . . . Perhaps
Nothing is authentic,
and yet everything is authentic.
So I think my work comes into that category.
But just the struggle to tell a story
in an authentic fashion
is already authentic . . .
and yet it’s not.
John Madden
b. 1936
In the following two metaphysical meditations, former sports announcer John Madden examines a monistic approach to being. There is no real dualism, he argues, in the first poem; but in the second, he admits a grudging acknowledgement of dual-aspect theory.
Meditation on Goodness
Well, when you’re playing good football,
it’s good football
and if you don’t have good football,
then you’re not really playing good football.
Meditation on Winning
I
always
used to tell
my players that
we are here to win!
And you know what, Al?
When you don’t
win, you
lose.
Jennifer Love Hewitt
b. 1979
Actress Jennifer Love Hewitt offers a bleak existential perspective on wearing heels.
Conclusions
I’ve run on my treadmill
in heels
Thinking that it would make better leg muscles.
It doesn’t.
It just hurts your back . . .
Victoria Beckham
b. 1974
Model Victoria “Posh” Beckham echoes Hewitt on the heels motif and draws her own uniquely Beckhamite conclusion.
We Are All on an Eternal Treadmill, Are We Not?
I have joined a gym but
I can’t bring myself to start.
Obviously working out is important
—well, I don’t—
What do you wear on the running machine?
I can’t bring myself to wear flat shoes.
Jerry Coleman
b. 1924
Sportscaster Jerry Coleman tackles the core question of “beingness” by provocatively veering into cutting-edge developments of quantum-mechanical entanglement.
Lines on the Platonic Concept of Being
He just made another play
that I’ve never seen anyone else make before,
and I’ve seen him make it
more often
than anyone else ever has.
Donald Trump
b. 1946
Donald Trump’s metaphysical work concerns itself with the act of understanding not only others’ actions but the very stuff of human existence—the big wonger, if you will.
Reflections at a Public Urinal
How about the guys that stand there
grabbing the urinal for balance?
I watch in amazement.
Then they come up and say,
“I’m a big fan, can I shake your hand?”
And I’m a bad guy for saying,
“Excuse me!”
They were just holding the big wonger,
and they want to shake your hand!
Donald Trump
Ultimately, Trump moves away from the strictly theoretical to the real—answering the always-asked question: “What is the meaning of life?”
Thoughts from Self-Purported Sagacious Self-Purported Billionaire
You know,
it really doesn’t matter what they write
as long as you’ve got
a young and beautiful
piece of ass.
In the Style of . . . Euripides
Alan Simpson
b. 1931
Former Sen. Alan Simpson and interviewer Alex Lawson join forces in this masterpiece of Euripidean poetic dialogue. As did the ancient Greek master playwright, the two poets combine sophisticated counterpoints, parallel constructions, and rhetorical devices (shades of Lysias and Isocrates as well?) to create a dazzling sparkling gem of poetic political discourse. One only wishes to see this performed again.
A Poetic Dialogue Concerning the Social Insurance Program Funded by Payroll Taxes (i.e., Social Security) in Three Parts
Part I: Adequacy
Senator:
We’re really working on
Solvency.
The key is
Solvency.
Interviewer:
What about
Adequacy?
Are you focusing on
Adequacy as well?
Part II: Bullshit
Senator:
Where do you come up with
All the crap you come up with?
We’re trying to take care of the lesser people in society
and do that in a way without getting into all the flash words you love to dig up,
like cutting Social Security, which is
Bullshit.
We’re not cutting anything, we’re trying to make it
Solvent.
(It’ll go broke in the year 2037.)
Interviewer:
What do you mean by
Broke?
Part III: Picking with the Chickens, in which the places are inverted
Interviewer:
Do you mean the surplus
Will go out and then
It will only be able to pay 75% of its
Benefits?
Senator:
Just listen, will you
Listen to me instead of
Babbling?
In the year 2037, instead of getting 100% of your check,
you are going to get about 75% of your check.
That’s if you touch nothing. If you like that, fine.
You’ll be picking with the chickens yourself
When you’re 65.