The Patriotic Poets
The American Patriotic Poem—dedicated to the preservation of the American flag, freedoms, and way of life—has stirred American souls since 1776. Nearly two hundred and fifty years later, poets still turn to the United States of America as inspiration although interpretations of American ideals and, indeed, American history are sometimes refreshingly different.
Sarah Palin
b. 1964
Although lacking the rhythmic beauty of Longfellow’s verse, this interpretation by Ms. Palin more than compensates in other ways: a wonderfully stirring homage to Paul Revere’s historic ride, bells and all, that has risen to the level of a classic.
The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere
(with apologies to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)
He who warned, uh, the British
That they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms,
Uh, by ringing those bells, and, um, makin’ sure
As he’s riding his horse through town
To send those warning shots and bells
That we were going to be sure and we were going to be free,
And we were going to be armed.
Leelee Sobieski
b. 1983
Actress Leelee Sobieski also takes on Longfellow—offering up this reimagined “Hiawatha.” Her strong images break through the stereotypical and cause the reader to feel he or she is with her on the shores of Gitche Gumee.
My Hiawatha
When I close my eyes and imagine what I look like,
I’m completely different.
I imagine myself as a Native American
in a canoe with a papoose around my neck
and sitting alongside my warrior husband,
my long black hair gliding through the water,
my bow and arrow poised to shoot us some dinner.
[Then] I see my light hair and light eyes and it freaks me out, like,
“Where’s my inner Native American?
Who took my canoe?”
Newt Gingrich
b. 1943
Patriotism often requires extraordinary sacrifices*, as a former Speaker of the House explains in this short modernist poem.
How Love of Country Forced Me to Enter Upon an Extramarital Affair
There’s no question at times of my life,
partially driven by how passionately I felt
about this country,
that I worked far too hard
and things happened in my life that
were not
appropriate.
* Ed note: Mr. Gingrich has apparently performed this sacrifice for our country on a number of occasions.
Mitt Romney
b. 1947
Duty, Honor, Country. Patriotic sacrifices are required of the sons of patriots as well, particularly in times of war, as politician Mitt Romney explains.
My Patriotic Sons and Their Duty from a Pro War Presidential Candidate
My sons are all adults
and they’ve made decisions about their careers
and they’ve chosen not to serve in the military and active duty
and I respect their decision in that regard.
One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation
is helping me get elected
because they think I’d be a great president.
Tom Coe
b. 1951
A good American knows when to snap to (or zip up, as the case may be) and do what is best for the country. This is the key point spiritual advisor Tom Coe makes in his brief yet inspirational poem.
To Sen. John Ensign: Good Old-Fashioned American Advice Given After a Family Values Senator Is Accused of Having an Affair with a Staff Aide (and Paying Off Her Husband)
I know
exactly where you are.
I know
exactly what you are doing.
Put your pants on and
go home.
Allen West
b. 1961
This important poem by Rep. Allen West rallies us, like the minutemen of old, to “lock and load” against birth control and other terrible scourges that are causing the deficit to grow. When reading this poem, don’t be surprised if you find yourself humming “Yankee Doodle Dandy.”
Preserving Our Testicles
We need you to come in and lock shields,
and strengthen up the men who are going to the fight for you.
To let these other women know on the other side,
these Planned Parenthood women,
the Code Pink women,
and all of these women
that have been
neutering American men
and bringing us to the point of this incredible weakness
to let them know that we are not going to have our men become subservient.
That’s what we need you to do.
Because if you don’t, then the
debt will continue to grow . . .
deficits will continue to grow.
In the Style of . . . Lord Byron
John Mayer
b. 1977
Musician John Mayer channels Lord Byron in his lyrical recounting of love past, resulting in (to paraphrase the poet himself) poetic napalm.
Pentastich on Jessica Simpson
That girl, for me, is a drug
And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them.
Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me.
Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say.
It was like napalm, sexual napalm.
There are people in the world who have the power to change our values.
Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life?
Did you ever say, “I want to quit my life and just fucking snort you?
If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you,
I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.”