The Reality School

The poets of the Reality School represent a fresh perspective in modern poetry. Many of their names are unknown or barely known.* Theirs are the voices of the often unheard, the “regular folks” who also are the so-called stars of what may be considered modern cinema verité.

Yes, we are speaking of reality TV shows.†

Given this, one may look at their work as “poetry verité”—or reality poems: hyperrealistic, unvarnished, and always speaking in the voice of everyman.‡ We present a selection of their more important poems below—and we do so deliberately without commentary to let you, the reader, experience the immediacy, spontaneity, and naïveté of this refreshing outsider school of verse.

* Or only known for a little while.

† Ed. note: The term “reality” is used loosely when referring to these shows.

‡ And “everywoman.”

Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi

star of jersey shore

b. 1987

How We Demeanor

So all I’m saying is me dipsomaniac

As well as descending down.

That’s how we am when we party,

Though the little of the things we do is,

like, “Really, Nicole?”

We demeanor similar to the freakin’ alcoholic.

I’m like, “You’re sweating, your makeup is running,

We demeanor gross.”

We usually demeanor similar to

shit.

Real Housewife of New York City

Countess LuAnn de Lesseps

b. 1965

Stigmata

I think that Quogue used to be, like,

an IN part

of the Hamptons and it’s just become

not in.

It just has the kind of, like,

low-rent stigma.

Real Housewife of Atlanta

Nene Leakes

b. 1967

No Fabulosity Here

This is an event for the most fabulous ladies in Atlanta

like me and Sheree and Kim.

I don’t know Phaedra that well,

but what I seen of Phaedra,

I ain’t never seen fabulous . . .

When we talk about

fabulosity

I don’t see it.

Nene Leakes

Defending My Nose Job

I’m telling you that I did it

and I like it.

I paid for it and I wrote the check and I’m wearing it, honey,

and it ain’t plastic, honey,

it’s all me.

I will NOT be getting a refund.

Real Housewife of Atlanta

Kim Zolciak

b. 1978

The Rigors of Road Tours

Next time I go on a bus tour, I’m gonna

get a bus driver that lets me stop every three hours to smoke.

I’m going to have like

a chef on my bus for sure,

and it’s going to be clean,

and new,

and my ass is gonna fit in the potty.

Real Housewife of New York City

Kelly Bensimon

b. 1968

Real Logic

PETA isn’t saying, “Don’t wear fur.”

PETA is saying, “Don’t abuse animals.”

And I’m not abusing animals.

I’m just wearing fur.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino

star of jersey shore

b. 1982

It’s Lonely at Top (of the D List)

The scrutiny. And the microscope.

Obviously it’s a blessing

—the women and the money and the fame, but at the same time it’s

—it’s actually very lonely. Very lonely . . .

When it comes to women, y’know,

obviously, they’re throwing themselves at you

—but for what reasons, you know what I mean?

Real Housewife of New York City

Melissa Gorga

b. 1980

Praise Song

I was taught to be

a wife in the kitchen,

a lady in public,

and a whore in the bedroom.

Praise Jesus!