The Psychological (P)School

Poets of the Psychological School—playfully called the Psychological (P)school by the major critics—are the psychic diggers of the poetic arts, intrepid souls who delve deep inside their own human psyches to uncover the gold (or, depending upon the poem and/or psyche, perhaps less precious minerals) deep within.

Courtney Love

b. 1964

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Rocker Courtney Love describes the costs—and surprising benefits—of drug use in this sparsely evocative poem. High school (pschool!) teachers, take note!

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Calculated Psychosis

While the drugs screwed me up in a lot of ways,

They improved me in certain others.

I’ve never been good with numbers,

But

When I was on crack I could do math really, really well.

I became a fucking whiz at calculus.

But

I also became kind of psychotic,

Unfortunately.

Christine O’Donnell

b. 1969

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In this chilling little poem, Delaware GOP Senate nominee and Tea Party activist Christine O’Donnell takes us on a stroll into a literary Twilight Zone. Listen for the footsteps behind you as she manages to make suburban Delaware a paranoiac nightmare.

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Follow the Leader

They’re following me.

They follow me home at night.

I make sure that I come back to the townhouse and then

we have our team come out

and check all the bushes,

and check all the cars.

to make sure that—

They follow me.

Charlie Sheen

b. 1965

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Speaking of paranoiac nightmares, actor Charlie Sheen has no return ticket from his trip to the Twilight Zone in these lushly vivid sonnets that the great bard William Shakespeare himself might have penned—had he been Charlie Sheen.

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The Sanity Sonnet

People can’t figure me out, they can’t process me, I don’t expect them to.

You can’t process me with the normal brain.

I’m an F-18, bro, and I will destroy you in the air

and deploy my ordnance to the ground.

Um, Winning, anyone?

It’s been a tsunami of media and I’ve been riding it on a mercury surfboard.

I’m tired of pretending I’m not special.

I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.

The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning.

They ask, will I do another movie?

Well, come tomorrow morning they are gonna rename Warner Bros. Charlie Bros.

They’re all excited, I’m available, I haven’t been for eight years.

I am on a drug—

It’s called Charlie Sheen.