The timid knock on the front door caused Amber to look up from her book. As much as she hated being offline, she had to admit that the unexpected free time meant she had torn through the paperback she had brought for the plane journey. Another evening and she’d have finished it.
Emilia stood on the porch outside, looking at her through the window in the door and giving her a wave.
Amber quickly walked over and let the woman in.
“Good morning,” Emilia greeted.
“Hi, I didn’t know if you were up yet,” Amber admitted. “I was just getting some coffee and catching up on some reading. Can I get you a cup?”
“Yes, that would be nice. Thank you.” Emilia removed her loosely tied scarf and hung it on one of the hooks by the door.
Amber pulled another cup from the shelf by the coffee machine and placed it by the empty one she had previously fetched for herself. She’d put the filter coffee on a while ago but had then got so caught up in her book that she had completely forgotten about it.
Suddenly, she remembered why she had forgotten about the coffee. The romantic element in her novel was coming to a rather intense conclusion. She spun around just as Emilia was picking up the book and looking at the back cover with interest.
“It’s… for work,” Amber said. She placed the coffee cups on the table.
“I thought you only worked with children’s books?”
“I… do.”
“This is a romance book. A lesbian romance book.”
Amber’s heart felt like it had stopped. Emilia was looking at her with an expression she couldn’t read. Amber resisted the urge to snatch the book out of her hands and deny its existence.
“It’s… for a colleague. At work.”
Emilia turned the paperback over. “This is a Walker Clay book?”
Amber knew for a fact that it was a self-published book. She also knew that her lie was rapidly unravelling.
“Okay, it’s not for work. It’s a guilty pleasure.” She laughed lightly, trying to defuse the situation.
“Are you a lesbian?” Emilia asked, her face still neutral, completely unreadable to Amber.
This is what you wanted, she reminded herself. To be honest about your sexuality. Now’s the time.
“I’m bisexual,” she confessed quietly.
“Is there much bisexual fiction?” Emilia looked at the book with interest.
“Not really. There’s M/M and F/F. Many have bisexual characters but not a lot on the bisexual category itself…” She trailed off. She was about to go into far too much explanation of her guilty-pleasure reading habits.
“That makes sense.” Emilia put the book down and picked up the coffee cup. “So, I was thinking today we could go to the shopping mall, if that is something you would like? It will be inside and warm, and you can see some of our shops. We can eat out, which you’re a fan of.” She winked cheekily.
Amber’s head was spinning. Emilia seemingly had nothing to say about her bisexuality or her choice in reading matter. Which was, of course, wonderful. But it left her wondering what Emilia’s thoughts on the subject were.
Not that she was about to quiz her, but she did need to know more.
“You’re okay with me being…”
Emilia looked endearingly perplexed. “Being?”
“Bisexual.”
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Emilia asked. She put the book down on the table and pointed to the cup of coffee still sat on the kitchen counter. “Is that for me?”
“Um. Yes, yes…” She turned and picked up the mug, handing it over. “Sorry.”
“Thank you. So, do you want to go shopping?”
Amber was still trying to process how someone with such old-fashioned views in some ways could also not bat an eyelash at the news she was bisexual. She wondered if she was misreading Emilia, if she was bothered by the fact but was keeping a lid on her emotions. But that wasn’t really like her at all. Emilia seemed to wear her heart on her sleeve. Maybe she was honestly not concerned about Amber’s sexuality.
“Amber?” Emilia asked, drawing her attention again. “Do you want to go shopping?”
Amber shook the cobwebs from her mind.
“Yes… that sounds great.” She narrowed her eyes. “But you don’t seem to be much of a shopping person?”
Emilia shrugged. “I like shopping.”
Amber didn’t believe her for one moment, but she appreciated the gesture. And she wasn’t about to look the gift horse of indoor warmth in the mouth.
“Great. That sounds like fun.” Amber was already salivating at the prospect of having some connectivity on her phone. She could check her messages and download some entertainment to keep her going for the next few days. She already knew that her paperback wasn’t about to last her much longer, grabbing a few ebooks from the cloud would be essential.
“Good. I’ll call a taxi to take us there,” Emilia said.
Amber pointed out of the window towards the hire car. “Or I can drive us?”
“I…” Emilia trailed off as she looked out at the car. “Yes, okay.”
It was obvious that something was wrong, but Amber couldn’t figure out what. Before she had a chance to say anything else, Emilia was on her feet.
“I’ll leave you to get ready. Shall we leave in around thirty minutes?”
“Whenever you’re ready; I’m just reading,” Amber admitted.
Emilia smiled and picked up the book again. “I like romance stories; do you recommend this one?”
Amber’s face heated at the racy sex scene she’d just read. Twice.
“It’s… good,” she said half-heartedly. She wasn’t sure if it was something Emilia would be interested in. She couldn’t picture Emilia reading raunchy books, but then again, she didn’t know her well enough to say that. For all she knew, Emilia might have an entire bookcase dedicated to erotica, but Amber would bet heavily that Emilia didn’t read lesbian romance.
“Maybe I will borrow it from you?” Emilia asked.
Maybe I’m wrong, Amber thought. She slowly nodded her head, not knowing what else to say.
Amber pulled the car into the parking space and yanked up the handbrake. She averted her eyes as Emilia peeled her fingers away from the seat. As she had pretended to not notice that she’d maintained that particular death grip for the entire journey.
Emilia was obviously not a fan of being a passenger. No wonder she walked or cycled everywhere. She wondered if Emilia usually put her faith in a specific taxi driver, one with whom she felt comfortable.
Amber placed her bag in her lap. She flipped down the visor and started to reapply her lipstick. It didn’t need to be done, but she suspected that Emilia needed a few moments to compose herself.
She was by no means a fast driver. In fact, she had driven deliberately slowly and carefully the entire way. That hadn’t prevented Emilia’s rapid, shallow breathing and tight grasp on the leather seat.
Amber didn’t know if the fear was caused by being out, being in a car, or the prospect of going into a busy shopping centre.
Or possibly all three.
She decided to keep a close eye on Emilia to be sure she wasn’t sacrificing too much in order to appease her. It was strange how the tables had turned—just the day before she was happily ignoring her own wishes to keep Emilia happy. Now Emilia was doing the same for her. The difference being that Amber had simply felt cold and miserable, while Emilia’s usual healthy complexion had gone decidedly pale.
“Is there anything specific you want to look for?” she asked casually.
“Um. No… I… just looking around is fine.” Emilia looked around the brightly lit underground car park as if she were in a rough neighbourhood.
“Great, we’ll keep it nice and light and simple then. Just a stroll around and see what we see.”
They exited the car and walked through the large car park towards the central escalators that took them up into the middle of the mall.
Amber was used to large shopping centres from London and expected something much smaller. To her surprise, the mall was enormous. Three levels spread as far as she could see in all directions. The building had modern Swedish architectural style, with lots of light colours and glass.
Just like any other city mall close to the Christmas season, it was packed with people. As the escalator carried them to the next level of the centre, Amber turned around to get a subtle look at her companion.
Emilia’s eyes darted around, and she worried her lip. It was painfully obvious that she was skirting close to a possible panic attack.
“I think we should stop in a nice, quiet coffee shop first,” Amber suggested.
Emilia nodded. Amber wasn’t sure she’d even heard her or registered what she’d said.
She looked around and saw the perfect establishment. It had comfortable chairs and was large enough that it could swallow a lot of people and not feel crowded. As they reached the top of the escalator, she took Emilia’s arm and guided her towards the coffee shop. She could feel how tense Emilia was through her thick jacket and the sweater.
Once inside, she led the way towards the back of the shop and gestured for Emilia to sit down in a soft tub chair. She took off her scarf and jacket and looked over to the counter.
“What can I get you? Tea? Do you want some food?”
Emilia’s glazed eyes looked at the counter and then up at the menu.
Amber’s heart panged with guilt. Emilia was so far out of her comfort zone that she was having difficulty operating. She couldn’t believe the sacrifice Emilia had made in order for them to do something Amber enjoyed. As much as she hated the cold from the previous day, she knew it paled in comparison to how Emilia was coping with the stress of a busy mall.
Emilia agreed to the idea of tea, and Amber hurried off to get it. As she queued, she kept an eye on Emilia at the back of the café. As time went by and she slowly got closer to being served, she was relieved to see Emilia appear to calm down. Her eyes no longer raced along the crowds outside the shop, and she relaxed her posture a little.
Amber bought a couple of traditional Swedish cakes—one foul-coloured green thing and one innocent-looking pastry. She suspected that Emilia would feel a little better after some sugar. Plus, while Emilia got herself together, Amber could take some time to look at her phone, to see how much the world had changed in the last couple of days. It felt like it had been a month.
She grabbed one of the free papers on her return and set everything up on the table.
“Cakes?” Emilia asked. She looked happy at their appearance.
“Soaking up the culture,” Amber said.
Emilia explained what both of the cakes were called, and Amber decided she’d continue to call them the green thing and the pastry thing.
She was beyond pleased to see that Emilia looked much improved and was communicating again. She decided to give them both some more time before hitting the shops.
“I’m sorry to be rude, but I really need to check my emails,” Amber said as she got her phone out of her pocket and put it on the table. She handed Emilia the paper. “Do you mind if we sit and hang out here for a while?”
As she’d expected, a look of relief washed over Emilia’s face.
“Of course, if you need to work, then we will stay here as long as you need.” Emilia happily started reading the paper.
Amber wasn’t about to explain that emails weren’t just for work. She was just happy that Emilia had recuperated and that she had some time to be on her phone.