Emilia sat on Amber’s sofa with a mug of foul-tasting coffee. It had been an hour since Amber left, and she’d not yet felt brave enough to do anything but sit in the living area.
The problem was that she was insanely curious about Amber’s home and lifestyle. She didn’t want to snoop, but the pull to learn more was extremely strong.
Her gaze drifted towards the bookshelf in the corner. She reasoned that if the books were on display in the living area, then they were safe to look at. She put the mug on the coffee table and bent in front of the shelves. She recognised some of the titles and slid some out of the shelf to look a little closer when she couldn’t identify them. A smile touched her lips when she came across a couple of lesbian romance novels.
Guilty pleasure, she reminded herself as she recalled Amber’s red-stained cheeks when she had caught her with one.
Emilia had read a few lesbian romances—and gay romances—in her time. As far as she was concerned, love was love. It was only now that she understood that she was a lot more comfortable with the idea than she first thought.
But she was still processing that information.
Along the bottom shelf, she noticed there were a handful of CDs, and then a long row of DVD box sets. She pivoted and looked at the television. Amber seemed to love watching movies and TV shows and knew a lot about them all.
Her hand snatched the remote control off the coffee table. She stared at the buttons, trying to recall how Amber had turned the screen on. She couldn’t believe that all the buttons were actually relevant.
After a while she pushed a button that caused the screen to flicker to life. She sat on the sofa, leaning forwards as she flipped through channels. News, weather, movies—both old and new—comedies, science fiction… everything she could imagine flashed by. She supposed she could understand Amber’s fascination with the device.
Curling up with her the night before had been lovely. She’d found herself drawn into the fantasy landscape of the movie that Amber had chosen. Though utter exhaustion had eventually sent her to sleep, even now she found herself wondering how the movie had ended.
She’d woken at one point during the night to find Amber almost laying on top of her. She had felt so warm and safe that she’d quickly slipped back to sleep. Finding Amber gone in the morning had been horrible, until she heard the distant sound of a hairdryer and realised where she was.
Her cheeks heated at the thought of seeing Amber in only her black bra and panties that morning. Walking around with such confidence, looking so gorgeous. Emilia knew she should have turned away and given her some privacy, but she couldn’t help it. She’d stared and probably embarrassed herself, but she’d do it again if she had another opportunity to see Amber like that.
Emilia had never really given that much thought to her own appearance. Why would she? It was only her most of the time. She showered frequently, got her hair cut every month, she moisturised as it would be impossible to live in a cold climate without doing so. Aside from those basics, she never considered what she looked like.
Amber was different, she took a lot of pride in her appearance.
She leaned back and looked down at herself. Amber had told her that she was welcome to shower and even to pick clothes from her wardrobe. Getting clean and having the chance to freshen up was very appealing. As was taking an—invited—look through Amber’s wardrobe.
She correctly guessed the off button, and the television screen faded to black. She rinsed out the mug of terrible coffee, somehow delaying going into the bathroom. Of course, she’d already been in there, but this time she’d be showering. Exactly as Amber had been that morning.
It seemed intimate, which she knew was silly.
After a while she had tidied everything possible in the kitchen and had to make her way into the bathroom. Amber’s expensive-smelling perfume hit her immediately. She looked at the toiletries that lined the shelves, all the lotions and creams that went into Amber’s preparation for a day in her world.
She opened a few and sniffed them, feeling naughty as she did. Everything seemed exotic and exciting. Like Amber.
She decided she had to do something nice for Amber that day. It was incredible that she had opened her home to Emilia despite everything that had happened. And now she was unemployed, desperately seeking work. Emilia had no idea what that felt like, but she wasn’t so naïve that she didn’t understand it was a big deal. Just because she had never had a job herself didn’t mean she couldn’t comprehend the importance of having one. Especially in a place like London.
She opened the glass shower screen and looked at the taps with a frown. Even that looked like a puzzle in this strange world where Amber dwelled. She pulled, pushed, and twisted various levers and was eventually soaked when a stream of water fell from the ceiling.
She jumped back and shook her arm a few times. Turning around, she closed and then locked the door. It was probably overkill considering the deadbolt on the front door, but she felt altogether safer knowing the bathroom door was also locked.
A thought floated through her mind. She wondered who else had been in the apartment. Who else had showered here? Amber had admitted that she was bisexual, had there been other women here? Men? Emilia shivered. She didn’t like the thought of Amber with a lover, whatever the gender.
But it was completely irrelevant. Amber probably hated her. Just because Emilia was realising that her friendship had started in infatuation and quickly turned into something deeper, it didn’t make any difference to Amber’s feelings.
She shucked out of her wet clothes, determined to start the day and do something nice for Amber.
London was noisy, messy, frantic, and terrifying. Emilia sat in a coffee shop and looked out of the fogged-up window onto the rainy street. The rain didn’t bother her, she was used to that in winter in Sweden, but the sheer volume of people on the street had caused her chest to tighten in fear.
She’d taken cover in the first coffee shop she had found, relieved when a good-quality filter coffee had been placed in front of her by a friendly waitress. Now, she blew the steam from the top of the glorious beverage and watched the scene from behind the protection of the glass window.
Some people might have considered hiding out in a coffee shop as a failure, but Emilia was proud of herself. She hadn’t run home, which had been her first instinct.
Walking around the neighbourhood had been equal parts fascinating and petrifying. The masses of people were one thing, but on top of that, everything was different. She of course had known deep down that that would be the case, but it was as if she’d forgotten that other countries would be different to home.
She’d always been fascinated with the idea of travel. She’d resigned herself to never actually going through with it herself, assuming that she wasn’t brave enough. Travel for Emilia Lund was done via the pages of books. She’d travelled the world a hundred times if reading about places actually counted.
She knew it didn’t count, not really. She’d always thought that she wouldn’t be brave enough to step foot on foreign soil.
Until now.
A smile curled on her lip. She was doing it. She was in London, sitting in a coffee shop, watching the world go by—something she would never have pictured herself doing even a week ago.
It might have been the simplest thing in the world for most people, even a daily occurrence, but Emilia felt brave. Like she had conquered some kind of fear, achieved a win over her anxiety.
She wondered if Amber would be proud of her. For some reason, that was important to her. She wanted to tell Amber that she was sitting in a coffee shop, on her own, and everything was fine.
No panic. No worries about crowds, noise, or bright lights. Just a cup of coffee and a view of the rain-soaked street in front of her.
She wondered if Amber ever visited this coffee shop. It was one of the ones nearest to her home. Maybe she had sat in the same seat. Emilia smiled at the connection she suddenly felt to Amber, even if it was imaginary.
Without Amber, she never would have taken this leap into the unknown. She owed the woman a lot, although all she had given her was heartache and stress. Emilia had a plan to try to fix that, to offer her thanks and an apology.
The thought of making Amber happy caused an unexpected smile to brighten her face.