Amber stared at the closed door in shock. She couldn’t believe that Emilia had kissed her, and she had no idea what it meant. Emilia was unlike anyone Amber had met before, and so analysing her behaviour was practically impossible at times.
She wished she’d reacted better. She stepped away from the kiss because she was worried that they were rushing into things. It was obvious there was a tension between them, but she didn’t know if it was a shared tension or if Emilia was picking up on Amber’s feelings. The last thing she wanted to do was push Emilia into something she wasn’t ready for.
The whole point in stopping the kiss was so she could understand better what Emilia was thinking and make sure that she didn’t get hurt. But it appeared that she’d done that anyway.
She groaned and sat on the sofa, her head in her hands. She’d royally messed up.
There’s been a lot to process, she reminded herself. It’s been a stressful time.
There was no way that this wouldn’t affect their friendship. A rejected kiss wasn’t something that anyone could easily bounce back from. Amber hadn’t really meant to reject the kiss. Ordinarily, the idea of sharing a kiss with Emilia would have made her ecstatic. But she needed to be sure. She needed to know what Emilia was thinking and feeling, and how it would affect their new positions, which they also hadn’t fully talked about.
Everything was up in the air, and Amber felt like her head was about to explode.
Emilia Lund was a complicated woman to figure out. That fact wasn’t helped by the fact that Amber knew she had feelings for her. Somewhere, buried in the fascination, anger, and general confusion, lurked fondness. And more, if she were honest with herself.
She touched her lips and closed her eyes, reliving the moment and wishing she’d reacted differently. All she wanted to do was check they were on the same page and make sure they moved slowly as things were changing so fast. If she’d not been so shocked and had been able to react better, she’d still be kissing Emilia.
The door clicked. She lowered her hand and snapped her head up to see a very embarrassed Emilia in the doorway.
“I am very sorry for kissing you like that,” Emilia whispered.
Amber stood up. She wrung her hands, desperately not wanting to ruin this second chance she had been bestowed. “There’s no need to apologise, I enjoyed the kiss. I just didn’t know if it was the right time. A lot of things have happened recently, and I didn’t want you to be overwhelmed.”
Emilia looked surprised for a moment before folding her arms. “I wasn’t overwhelmed. I’m a lot braver than you think I am.”
Ooookay, Amber thought. I didn’t expect that reaction.
She raised an eyebrow in amusement. “I see.”
“Yes, in fact, I went out today and sat in a coffee shop. In London.”
Amber bit her lip to prevent any retaliatory remarks. Humour was probably not a safe choice right now.
“Well, that’s—”
“I’m not some inexperienced… girl. I’ve travelled to another country,” Emilia said, her voice rising as she took a few steps into the room.
“You did, you absolutely did,” Amber agreed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it to come out like that.”
“I’ve been kissed before, you know,” Emilia continued. “I’m not that naïve. I’m sure you think you know so much about me… but you don’t.”
“You’re absolutely right,” Amber agreed, still trying to not smile at Emilia’s sudden surge of argument. From an apology for kissing her to a rousing defence of her experience in a few seconds. God, she loved that Emilia kept her on her toes.
“I’m sorry,” Amber tried again. “I just meant that things are moving very quickly. Two weeks ago, we didn’t know each other. Then I was practically living with you, then we fought, I came home, got fired—”
“And then I turned up at your office, to end up staying with you,” Emilia added, nodding her head in understanding.
“And now we’re working together. It’s a lot to take in. Adding that kiss—which was amazing, by the way—into the mix? It’s just a little much, too soon.”
She noted that Emilia’s eyes narrowed at that.
“For me,” Amber clarified quickly.
Emilia’s expression softened as understanding sunk in. “Oh… I see. I didn’t think about it like that. Well, I didn’t think about it much at all. It was an impulse,” she explained.
“One I appreciated a lot,” Amber said. “Just not one I was expecting. I feel like so much as happened lately. I honestly don’t know if I’m coming or going. I don’t want to make a terrible mistake and ruin everything.”
Emilia took a few steps into the room. She was smiling. Amber breathed out a relieved sigh. Maybe things could be fixed?
“I understand,” Emilia said. “There has been a lot of change for you. Maybe the… the kiss is something we can talk about later?”
“I’d like that a lot,” Amber emphasised. “But right now, I’m so stressed and exhausted. I just want to chill out in front of the television. It’s my thing, it’s how I relax.”
Emilia looked at the television. “Maybe you can introduce me to one of your much-talked-about box sets? Unless you want to be alone?”
“I don’t want to be alone,” Amber said, already looking forward to snuggling up on the sofa with Emilia. “But I will only watch television with you if we can heat up the tea and crack open the biscuits.”
“Is there any other way to watch television?” Emilia asked with a grin.