Henry rolled his eyes as Ben followed Beatriz out the door. Well, they’d lasted longer than he and Claudia would have under the same circumstances. Their first week together in college, he and Claudia both missed all their classes. They did nothing but have sex, sleep, eat, have more sex, more sleep, more sex, more eating. By the end of day seven, they were both dehydrated and severely chafed. Henry had even gone by the school clinic. The nurse on duty took one look at his red and chafed penis and told him no sex for a week. It was the longest week of his life.
Leaning over, he tapped Claudia on her leg.
“What’s up?” she asked.
Henry leaned in and whispered.
“Ben’s dick and Beatriz’s skirt. They just left.”
Claudia glanced around the table to confirm their departure.
“Well, they lasted longer than we would have,” she said. “More power to them.”
“Am I out of the doghouse now?” he asked, running his hand over her bare thigh.
“We’ll see…” she said. “Right now they’re just having a bunch of sex. If they decide to stay together after the week is over, then you’ll be completely out of the doghouse.”
“We can have doggie style while I’m in the doghouse, right?” Henry asked.
“Of course.”
“I might just stay in it then.”
He kissed his fiancée and went back to eating French fries in the most inappropriate ways he could think of. He looked around the table and smiled with deep satisfaction. He’d initially balked at the idea of a big wedding. They could afford it, yes, but surely they could put their money to better use than something that seemed like nothing more than a glorified party. But now he saw two high school friends talking to a college friend talking to a work friend. His brother, Mark, had his arm around his girlfriend’s shoulders as they chatted with his grandmother and aunt whom he hadn’t seen in months. Even his mother and father looked relaxed for the first time in years. All they ever did was work, work, work. Their oldest son’s wedding had forced them to take a week’s vacation. Free time suited them. These people were together enjoying each other’s company and all because he and Claudia had decided to have a big wedding. Everyone had brought gifts to celebrate their marriage. But this wedding was his and Claudia’s gift to them—a reason to take time off work and just have fun with friends and family. He should get married every week.
He kissed Claudia on the cheek.
“I’ll be right back,” Henry said to her. His waiter had watered him like a damn plant at lunch.
“On your way back from the bathroom, could you stop by the front desk? I’m having something delivered.”
“I’ll check. Anything special?”
“Just stuff for the honeymoon,” she said and turned back to her conversation with his two favorite cousins.
After his trek to the bathroom, Henry stopped by the front desk. A bellhop asked him if he could offer his assistance.
“My fiancée said she was having something delivered to the hotel. Claudia Spears. Can you check?”
“Haven’t seen anything come in today. You know what it is?” the bellhop, whose nametag read Keaton, asked.
“No. She just said it was stuff for the honeymoon. Clothes probably or that fancy sunblock she always orders. I think it’s just one box.”
The bellhop disappeared into a backroom. Five minutes later he returned with a box.
“Here you go,” Keaton said. “Need a box cutter? Knife? Machete?”
Henry patted his pockets. He’d left his keys in the hotel room. “Yeah, thanks.”
Keaton pulled out a small knife and sliced the tape on the box. Out of curiosity, Henry opened it and looked inside.
“What the hell?” he asked, staring at the contents of the box. Keaton peeked over his shoulder.
“Where you going on your honeymoon? Sodom and Gomorrah?” the bellhop asked.
Inside the box Henry found three books.
The Good Girl’s Guide to Pegging Your Man.
When He’s Just Not Enough—A How-to Manual for Successful Open Relationships.
Swinging for Dummies.
And at the bottom of the box he found a harness and dildo.
“What the…” Henry breathed.
“That’s a strap-on,” Keaton said. “Your girl must want to fuck you up the butt on your honeymoon.”
“No way.”
“You just got to use lube. Trust me on this.”
Henry threw the books in the box and closed the flaps. He started to stalk toward the restaurant but stopped. Open relationships? Swinging? Claudia was going to wait until their honeymoon to tell him she wanted to sleep with other guys and fuck him up the butt? His stomach churned with anger and his head throbbed with fear. He wasn’t enough for her? Their sex life wasn’t enough for her?
He turned back around and headed for the elevators. Once in his room he paced back and forth for ten minutes trying to decide what to do. There was only one thing to do, he finally decided. The strong, manly thing to do.
Run for his life. And his butthole.
He picked up his phone and sent Claudia a text message.
The wedding is off.