Tuesday, April 7, 10:43 A.M.
Despite her exhaustion, Lynn had taken a short detour to the cafeteria. After leaving Michael she reluctantly decided that hunger had trumped her lack of sleep. The calories from the banana and bread roll she had eaten en route to the meeting with Wykoff had quickly disappeared. She felt weak, a little dizzy, and even a bit nauseous.
With little fear of running into any of her close friends, because of the derm clinic, she opted to sit down at a table. Sensing she needed some protein, she ordered scrambled eggs and wolfed them down with a cup of herbal tea. The food helped enormously, and made her believe she could think much more rationally and less emotionally. It also made her dizziness and nausea go away, something she noticed particularly as she headed over to the dorm, passing literally and figuratively in the shadow of the hulking Shapiro Institute.
Just as she had done the previous day, she paused for a few moments, eyeing the structure. She thought about Scarlett Morrison being transferred into the institute, and the idea brought up the issue of Carl being sent over as well. She questioned what she would do if that happened, as she wasn’t family. It would mean she’d be reduced to getting updates from his parents. They had been gracious when she ran into them the day before, but that could change when they remembered that she had been the one to recommend he have his surgery at the Mason-Dixon rather than the Roper Hospital at MUSC. She might be left out in the cold. Lynn shrugged. She knew she was getting way ahead of herself. With a sense of resignation, she continued toward the dorm.
It felt weird going into Michael’s room without him. After closing the door behind her, she stood for a moment, taking in the familiar sights and aroma. Michael was far neater than she, and everything was in its place. Even the books were shelved according to subject matter. Over the years she had teased him about the fastidiousness in his lifestyle, just as he had given her grief about her lack of it.
Although it was a bit strange to be in the room without Michael, just being there also felt comforting. She had spent considerable time in his room, as he had in hers. Especially during the first two years, they had studied a lot together in one or the other’s room. Many of the other students had preferred the library or the student center for communal learning. Not Lynn and Michael. What made studying together so rewarding was that they silently pushed each other to make greater efforts than what they would have had they studied on their own.
She sat down at Michael’s computer. He had cobbled it together from various components to maximize the gaming experience. She had gone through a gaming period herself but had grown out of it. Not so with Michael. She knew that he still used it to relieve anxiety and difficult emotions that medical school was capable of engendering, especially for a black man in a southern, mostly white professionally staffed medical center. He had admitted to her that he often gamed for fifteen minutes or so late at night, explaining that when he was a teenager, gaming had been a much-needed escape from the pressures of the ’hood, and a way of dealing with aggression.
After turning on the system, Lynn pulled up pictures. Expecting to find a well-organized and well-thought-out photo filing system as further evidence of his compulsiveness, she found something quite different. The photos were organized merely by date, meaning the chronological order in which the photos were taken.
Remembering that Ashanti had had her surgery several months earlier, Lynn started looking at photos taken in January. To her surprise, she came across a series of pictures that had been taken on a Saturday-afternoon excursion to the gorgeous Middleton Place, the apparent namesake of Middleton Healthcare, a sixty-acre landscaped garden begun as a rice plantation in the seventeenth century and now listed as a National Historic Landmark. Michael, his girlfriend, Kianna, Carl, and she had gone.
Lynn’s breath caught as she found herself looking at a photo of herself and Carl and Kianna in a horse-drawn carriage. Michael was not in the photo because he was the photographer. It was a happier time: a sublime time.
For a second Lynn closed her eyes and let the reality of Carl’s coma flood her thoughts. She had been getting by on a ton of denial and intellectualization, but now the realization that his mind and memories were gone descended on her like an avalanche. For the first time since the tragedy had begun, she let herself be enveloped by raw emotion. She began to cry. And cry she did, with shuddering intensity like a summer thunderstorm.
After what seemed like an eternity, the tears slowed. Eventually Lynn managed to get up and get some toilet paper to dry her cheeks and blot her eyelids. The small amount of makeup she used came off in a dark, dirty smudge.
Regaining a semblance of control, she went back to shuffling through Michael’s extensive photo collection, avoiding pictures of Carl and herself as much as possible. It was difficult because there were a lot. She had forgotten they had double-dated with Michael and Kianna quite so often. There were photos of all sorts of things, including hundreds of shots of Charleston historic houses.
Eventually Lynn found the image she’d been searching for and brought it up onto the screen. It was entirely readable, especially since its compression had been slight, and she was able to enlarge sections. Satisfied, she e-mailed the image to herself in a large format. She wanted to preserve her ability to look at the details, particularly his vital signs. A moment later she heard the phone in her pocket announce she’d gotten the e-mail.
Lynn was back in her room a few minutes later. She took off her white coat and draped it over the reading chair, which also contained a ball of recently washed clothes. It always took her time to sort through the bundle when she brought it up from the laundry room in the basement. Sometimes she didn’t bother. On those occasions she just used the clothes as they were needed.
For a moment Lynn eyed her bed, which she made only when she washed her sheets, which wasn’t often. She had always thought she had better use for her time. Briefly Lynn considered lying down for just a few moments. Then she changed her mind. She knew that once she was horizontal, it might be difficult to get up.
Instead she sat down at her laptop and went into her e-mail inbox. There at the top was the JPEG she’d just sent to herself. Immediately below were two other e-mails from Michael. As promised, they were Scarlett Morrison’s and Carl’s anesthesia records. Lynn checked to be sure. Then she loaded all three into a flash drive, which she would take down to the student common room on the first floor to utilize the communal printer. But before doing so, she Googled gammopathy as she had done in the neuro ICU and immediately found the same article: “Monoclonal Gammopathy of Undetermined Significance.” She downloaded a PDF version into the same USB device. Then she downloaded Wikipedia articles on multiple myeloma and serum protein electrophoresis. The last article she knew she wanted was on monoclonal antibodies, but when she rapidly read through it before downloading it, she realized there was one more she needed. It was on hybridoma technology. From an immunology lecture in her second year she remembered that monoclonal antibodies were made by hybridomas.
So armed, Lynn went down to use the printer. She had to swipe the magnetic tape on her student ID to get the machine to operate. While the machine did its thing, she sat in one of the leather club chairs and practically fell asleep.
With her printouts in hand, she went back to her room and lay down on her bed. For a few minutes she debated which of the printed pages she should read first. She thought about looking at the anesthesia records but decided she needed a completely clear head for those. Instead she turned to the articles. She settled on the gammopathy article, since it would be a review, as she had already read it once before in the neuro ICU. After that, she planned to read the one on multiple myeloma. But the reality was that she managed only four or five sentences of the first article before falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.