The Hillside Tavern was a Pocono Mountain bar like all others. Jukebox, pinball machine, jar of pickled eggs, refrigerator with takeout six-packs, and a bar filled with baseball-cap wearing guys that were as permanent a fixture as the stools they sat on. If the staff were getting themselves ready for a roaring Saturday night, they didn’t look like it. Behind the bar a stick-thin middle-aged woman was watching the local news along with the rest of the boys at the bar. A waiter, who should have been at home studying for his SAT test, was wiping down tables.
Harry took a seat in a booth by the back door. Cirba had dropped him off early for his date with MK. He had asked the cop to join them but Cirba explained that although the Big Hat allows you to do lots of cool things – drinking wasn’t one of them.
Harry had picked up a copy of Pocono Property from the free newspaper bin on the way in and read it as he nursed a beer. He marvelled not only at how cheap the draft beer was here compared to Philadelphia and New York but also how cheap the property was. For the price of his one-bedroom apartment in the Main Line he could buy a four-bedroom house with half an acre of land. Saying that, those houses were on back roads in the middle of nowhere – the lakeside places were still pretty pricey but not prohibitively so.
A finger came over Harry’s shoulder and poked the photo of a house. “I can get you that for thirty grand less.”
Harry turned and said: “Hi, Mayor.”
The mayor was back in mayor mode. “How many times do I have to tell you to call me Charlie?”
“Sorry, hi, Charlie.”
The mayor slid in across from him in the booth and said: “So the Poconos has driven you to drinking alone?”
“I’m not sure if I should be socializing with you, Charlie.”
“Oh, come on. I realize you guys were just doing your job today. I can’t believe I’m suspect number one but, even if I am, I’m not worried. You’ll catch the bastard soon and all will be forgotten. You shouldn’t be drinking alone.”
“I’m waiting on a friend.” Harry looked at his watch. “Saying that, she won’t be here for a while.”
“‘She’?”
“I wouldn’t have taken you for a gossipmonger.”
“Life is slow around here. You take entertainment where you can get it. Come join the wife and me if you like.”
Harry didn’t but, to be polite, he walked over and sat with the mayor and his wife.
“Honey,” the mayor dripped, “this is Harry Cull. He’s renting the Thomson place.”
“I know Mr Cull,” the large woman said. “He ruined floating the other day and I see he’s now planning to ruin our night out.”
“Oh, gosh, you’re Helen,” Harry said. “I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on.”
This produced an overly shocked look on Helen’s face and a tiny smirk that the mayor had to hide before his bride noticed.
“Now, Helen, I invited Harry to the table.”
“No problem,” Harry said standing. “I really do have some reading I must catch up on.”
Harry went back to his booth and googled an article on his smartphone so as to look busy. As he pretended to read, he wondered why a good-looking guy like the mayor would put up with such a horrible woman. Maybe she was great in the sack but, try as he might, Harry couldn’t imagine that.
* * *
MK arrived about fifteen minutes later. She slid into the booth across from Harry while he was engrossed in an article about fracking on slate.com. He didn’t even look up.
“I can sit with the mayor if you’re busy.”
“Oh, hi, MK.” Harry struggled with the buttons on the screen of his phone and said: “Oh, damn,” then hurriedly put the phone away.
“Problems with twenty-first century technology?”
“Oh, I just never know how to save articles for later and I just erased what I was reading.”
“Was the article more interesting than me?”
Her smile forced Harry to reply, “What article?”
The spotty teen waiter came to the table, greeted MK and said: “Who’s he?”
“Is it like a Pocono law that I have to be introduced to all waiting staff?”
“This is Harry, he’s staying in the Thomson place for a while. Harry, this is Toby. He’s Todd’s nephew.”
Toby nodded and took out an order pad. “Whatcha want?”
“I see social skills run in the family.”
“Didn’t your mother tell you never to antagonize someone who is preparing your food?” the boy said without looking up from his pad.
“I like him,” Harry said, “but then again, I like his uncle too.”
MK ordered a dozen super-hot while Harry went for the honey and mustard wings.
“So how is the murder investigation going? Who’s your prime suspect?”
“No suspects, just – persons of interest.”
“What does that mean?”
“That’s what cops say when they don’t have any suspects.”
“Or proof.”
“God, we’re miles away from having any proof.”
“You must have a hunch?”
“Hunches are bad ideas in investigations. Hunches turn into tunnel vision.”
“Tunnel vision?”
“Yeah it happens all the time. You embrace all the stuff that leads to your favourite suspect and ignore all the other stuff. It’s the kind of thing that gets innocent men hung.”
“Seriously, you have no idea?”
“If I did, I wouldn’t tell you.”
“So you think it was me then?” MK said with a smile.
“You’re not high on the list.”
“So there is a list?”
“Seriously, MK, I can’t talk to you about this. You’re too close to these people.”
“Maybe that’s why you should tell me. I know who around here is capable of murder.”
“Exactly. You’re not objective.”
MK sat up straight in the booth and pushed back her hair. “I can be objective.”
“OK,” Harry said, “what if I told you that Eileen is our number one suspect?”
“I’d say you were crazy.”
“You see? You can’t be objective because she’s your sister.”
“Bull. I can be objective precisely because she is my sister. I know her and she isn’t incapable of killing anyone.”
“This is reverse tunnel vision.”
“No, it’s not. I have a lifetime of experience with my sister and she can’t squish spiders without getting all squeamish.”
“People can do unimaginable things when pushed.”
“I’m sure she’s capable of losing her cool and punching someone who, by some fluke, falls down, hits his head and dies, but premeditated murder? Billy was shot, right?”
“Three times: once in the back of the head.”
MK stopped and the look of fun vanished from her face. “Really?”
Harry nodded.
“Well that’s a definite. No way Eileen could do that.”
“OK then – for you she is off the list.”
The wings arrived and both of them tucked in as if they hadn’t eaten all day.
“But you’re still high on the most wanted,” Harry said, while wiping barbeque sauce from his face.
“You just said I wasn’t.”
“I lied.”
“I thought you said you don’t lie.”
“Except on weekends.”
“Oh, right. So now I’m confused. Am I a suspect or not?”
“I can’t remember. That’s the problem with lying. It’s hard to keep the fibs straight. You are definitely a personal person of interest.”
“Am I, now?”
“Oh yeah,” Harry said with his mouth full. “That’s why I’m keeping you under surveillance.”
“And here’s me thinking you were just a peeping tom.”
“So tell me, what’s a beautiful, intelligent, professional woman like you doing single?”
“I wasn’t always single.”
“Married?”
“Yes.”
“What happened?”
“I lost him to the war.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Was it Iraq?”
MK lowered her head and said: “No.”
“Afghanistan?”
She shook her head no.
“You’re too young to have had a husband during Vietnam,” Harry said and then felt bad that maybe he was prying too much.
“He… he didn’t die. He left me for a soldier.”
“Like a man soldier?”
MK still had her head down with her hair flopped in her face. She reached up with both hands, parted her hair, looked at Harry and with a shrug said: “Yup.”
“He was gay and you didn’t know?”
“I don’t know I… maybe I had tunnel vision, or unconsciously I thought I could cure him.”
“Did he ever see you in your nurse’s uniform?”
“Of course.”
“Then he was incurable.”
She smiled but it was a sad smile.
“Still hurts?”
“I just feel stupid.”
“You loved him, then?”
She nodded.
“And did you think he loved you too?”
Again, she nodded.
“Then I’m sure he did. Just because he didn’t want to have sex with you doesn’t mean he didn’t love you. I’m sorry for you but I’m sorry for him too. I imagine Pocono Township isn’t the easiest place to be gay.”
“That’s for sure. I think there’s actually a queer-hunting season here.” She laughed at her own joke but it wasn’t a full-bodied laugh. “It’s nice talking to someone with an open mind about this stuff.”
“Enlightened is my middle name.”
“More lies.”
Harry picked up his glass and toasted. “All weekend long.”
As the glass was reaching Harry’s lips he was jostled by a woman in pink who slid into the booth next to him. Another uninvited woman, in blue, barrelled in next to MK.
“What are we toasting?” Vicky, in blue, asked.
“We were toasting,” MK said, “a world without sisters.”
“Imagine how dull that would be,” Eileen, in pink, said. “Who would we have to spy on?”
“Aren’t spies supposed to spy from… a distance?” Harry asked.
“Oh, for Christ’s sake,” Vicky said. “If you wanted to be unnoticed by locals you shouldn’t’a come to the Hillside on wing night. And there’re no empty tables.”
Harry had been so engrossed in his conversation with MK, he hadn’t noticed that the bar was packed.
“It was either,” Eileen continued, “sit with Mrs Mayor…”
“Ol’ Grumple Tits.”
“Vicky, I told you I don’t like that name. Helen’s not so bad.”
“You go sit with her then.”
At that suggestion, Eileen backed down.
“We were going to sit at the bar and leave you two lovebirds in peace,” Vicky said, “but Frank is sittin’ up there and he looks like he’s had a snootful already. Choosing between pissing off our baby sis and tangling with Eileen’s ex was no contest.”
Beer and wings arrived for the sisters without them even ordering and the two girls ate while regaling Harry with all of MK’s embarrassing growing-up secrets.
“… so Vicky told MK that French kissing is sticking your tongue in a boy’s ear. So she’s at the drive-in with Tommy Hulberts and the two of them—”
“How fucking dare you.”
They all looked up to see a swaying red-faced Frank looming over the booth.
“You fucking accuse me of killing my brother? How fucking dare you.”
“Go away, Frank,” Eileen said. “You’re not welcome here.”
“I wasn’t welcome when we were married. I’m not here to talk to you.”
“You’re drunk, Frank,” Vicky said. “Leave us alone.”
“I didn’t come here to talk to the cow or the slut or the fag hag,” Frank said pointing to each sister in descending age order. “I came to talk to Mr Fucking Know-It-All.”
Frank reached for Harry. Eileen ducked under his arm and tried to stand. Frank pushed her into Harry’s arms. Harry didn’t want to get into a fight, but if one was coming he didn’t want to be pinned behind a middle-aged woman in a restaurant booth. When Frank reached for his throat again Harry pushed his arm away, hopped onto the seat and then vaulted over the back of the booth. He stood in front of the back door as Frank stared at him, blinking, like Harry had just performed a magic trick.
Harry placed his hands in front of him in an appeasing gesture. “Take it easy, Frank. Let me buy you a drink.”
“I lost my brother, and then you come and accuse me of shooting him.”
“No one is accusing you of anything, Frank.”
Eileen came up behind her ex and pulled his arm, saying: “Knock it off, Frank.”
Frank pushed her and she went careening into the mayor and Helen’s table sending beer and wings everywhere. Harry used that distraction to pick up a half-filled water pitcher from a bus table. When Frank looked back, Harry shouted, “ACID,” and threw the water into the big guy’s face. Frank’s hands went up just as if it had been acid, and as they did Harry stepped sideways into him and jabbed his elbow up into the drunk’s diaphragm. The effect was instantaneous. Frank doubled over forcing Harry to catch him before he went down. Harry pushed him out through the wooden screen door before letting him hit the ground outside. On all fours, Frank vomited while vainly attempting to catch his breath. He retched twice and then flopped over into a foetal position, rasping with every intake of breath.
Harry looked up to see the three sisters with their arms crossed glaring down on him. MK went into nursing mode and knelt to check on Frank while Harry stood to face Eileen.
“That was impressive,” the eldest sister said.
Harry shrugged.
“Is he going to be OK?” Vicky asked.
“He’ll be fine once he gets his breath back,” Harry said. “But, ah… I don’t think I should be around when he does.”
Eileen nodded and then leaned down to MK. “Date’s over, sis. I’ll take care of the lunk.”
All eyes watched as Harry and MK re-entered the restaurant and walked up to the bar to pay. The skinny owner smiled and said: “Your dinner is on Frank’s tab.”
* * *
They drove in silence until finally Harry said: “Are you mad at me?”
“Violence is not the answer,” MK said.
“I agree. That’s why I did what I did.”
“You don’t think that was violent?”
“By definition, yes, but what I really did was avoid a fight.”
“By punching Frank? What planet do you live on?”
“I didn’t punch Frank, I elbowed him in the diaphragm. It hurts and it makes it hard to breathe for five minutes but it doesn’t do any lasting damage. Frank was looking to knock my head off. I stopped it from coming to blows. Fist fights are only fun in the movies. In real life people lose teeth, break jaws and hands, and end up in the hospital for weeks. Frank was drunk, mad, and had three inches and sixty pounds on me. I avoid violence – especially on me. And I was defending you and your sisters’ honour.”
“I don’t need my honour defended.”
“You’re welcome,” Harry said.
MK’s shoulders dropped and her voice softened. “What was that thing you did with the water?”
“Newfangled folk would call it NLP but it was just old-fashioned power of suggestion. If you hear someone shout ‘acid’ and then something hits your eyes, you react for a second just like it is acid. That gave me the time I needed for my cheap shot.”
They went quiet again as MK turned onto the Ice Lake road.
“It wasn’t pretty,” she said.
“Bar-room brawls never are.”
They pulled into MK’s driveway and Harry said: “I had a lovely time, until I had to thump your brother-in-law.”
“Ex-brother-in-law and yes, me too.”
“My worry,” Harry said, “is that Frank is going to come over tonight and finish the job. Hell, it’s his house – he probably has keys.”
“Nice try, sailor, but you ain’t staying with me tonight.”
“Just because I’m a renter?”
“That and the fact that, soon, Frank is going to kill you. So I see no future in this relationship.”