“You sure about this?” Tina asked as she pulled up to the curb near the town dock in Port Washington, Long Island.
I’d spent the last two weeks hiding out at her house, waiting for the heat to die down after my near miss with the police. After I’d lain on that floor in the abandoned building for hours, listening to cops’ voices, sirens, and helicopters overhead, things finally died down around daybreak. Once the coast was clear, I made my way to a nearby cab stand and got the hell out of Queens. Tina had welcomed me with open arms, and even though I was pretty sure she had seen news reports about how the police were pursuing me, she never said a word to me about it in the two weeks I spent at her place. Even now that she was dropping me off, she still seemed concerned about me.
“Yeah, it’s cool.” I leaned over and kissed her, then exited her car. She was a good woman, and if my life ever became mine again, I was going to make her mine. “I’ll see you in a few days.”
She rolled down the window and waved as she pulled off. “Jay, please be careful.”
I waved back and headed toward a bench, where Wil was already seated, eating potato chips out of a family-size bag.
“Hey, bro,” he said, gesturing for me to have a seat next to him.
I did just that, leaning back and stretching my legs to look at the water. “Kyle’s not here yet?”
“Not yet.” He lifted the bag to offer me some chips. “But I wanted to talk to you alone anyway.”
“’Bout what?” I asked.
He turned to me, looking sad. “Well, I just wanted to say I’m sorry, man, and that I owe you an apology for not believing in you.” He reached over and pulled me into an unexpected man-hug. “I’ll never let you down again.”
“It’s all right, man. Nobody believed in me.”
“Nobody but me.” The voice came from behind us, and I looked up to see Kyle standing there.
“He’s right,” Wil replied. “He did believe in you.”
“Yeah, I know.” I reached out and gave Kyle a pound.
“Sorry I’m late. I was just finishing up lunch with my wife when your friend called me.” Kyle leaned against the railing. “So what’s up? Your friend said it was important.”
“It is. I’m going to need your help. I’m going after DJ again,” I said.
“Have you lost your mind?” Kyle snapped. “It was hard enough the first time. That guy’s a public figure who makes a living hanging around TV cameras. It’s too risky. Besides, he already told you no.” Kyle’s negativity was what I would have expected to come out of Wil’s mouth, at least before his apology. This time, Wil stayed silent.
“I’m not taking no for an answer this time,” I said to Kyle. “That guy holds the key to my freedom, and he’s gonna help me whether he wants to or not.”
“Jesus Christ,” Kyle said, sounding exasperated. “What are you gonna do, beat him into submission?”
“If I have to,” I replied seriously.
Kyle raised his hands in frustration, like he wanted to choke me, but I didn’t back down.
“Kyle, you don’t understand. This man is holding my life in his hands.”
Kyle ignored me and turned to Wil. “Will you talk some sense into this man?”
“What do you want me to say? Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do,” Wil answered.
I was satisfied that Wil was taking my side, but that good feeling was short-lived, because Wil’s eyes drifted past me, and suddenly there was a look of alarm on his face.
“Oh, shit! Jay, you need to get the fuck outta here!” he said.
I went to turn my head to see what had him so worked up, but he gave me a shove and yelled, “Run, goddammit!” I could hear the fear in his voice.
Call it a black thing, but when other folks start running or someone calls out the order to run, we don’t ask questions. We simply get to running. So that’s exactly what I did. I jumped up and started running toward the street, but my instincts had me running straight into the arms of trouble. Parked at the entrance to the town dock were several black SUVs. The marshals were swarming out of the vehicles, heading toward me.
I pivoted, running in a different direction, but being on a pier, the only other direction to go was toward the water. By the time I slowed my momentum and came to a halt, I had reached the end of the pier. Fuck! After more than two months, now there was nowhere left to run. I looked over my shoulder and saw that the marshals were only about thirty feet away.
My shoulders were heaving up and down as I struggled to catch my breath, all the while telling myself, “I’m not going back to jail. I’m not going back to jail.”
I turned around to face my captors. The marshal who yelled “Freeze!” as he approached me had to be the man in charge, because he was dressed more like a civilian and was the only one pointing a handgun at me. I glanced back toward the water, contemplating my only remaining option. There may not have been anyplace else to run, but there was still one place to go.
“Don’t do it, Crawford. It’s not worth it,” the marshal said, reading my thoughts.
“I’m not going back to jail.” I looked over the edge and realized that, just my luck, it was low tide and there wasn’t very much water. Just big-ass rocks. I slowly raised my hands over my head, repeating my assertion: “I’m not going back to jail. I’m innocent.”
“Not my problem,” the marshal shouted.
In that moment, I understood why some people choose suicide by cops. These guys didn’t care one way or another about the truth. They were given only one task: to put my ass behind bars again. My guilt or innocence didn’t matter to them, and they weren’t planning on leaving that pier unless they had me in handcuffs. If I surrendered and let them take me away, I’d end up dying in prison anyway. That was a long, drawn-out death that I could not accept, so maybe I should just speed that death along.
I dropped my hands back down to my sides. “You’re right, so do what you gotta do. Kill me if you want.” I turned toward the edge, looking down at the boulders that would break open my skull if I jumped down there. “Or I’ll save you the trouble and jump, but I’m not going back to prison.”
“Don’t jump! Please, Jay, don’t jump, man!” It was Wil who called out to me, sounding panic-stricken. He moved in to stand next to the marshal, who kept his gun trained on me.
“Listen to your friend, Crawford,” the marshal said.
“Don’t jump, Jay,” Wil repeated, taking a cautious step toward me. “Not without me.”
Before the marshals could make a move to stop him, Wil took us all by surprise and planted his big body right in front of me.
“Get the hell out of the way!” the marshal shouted. “I’ll get you for aiding and abetting. Move it, now!”
“I can’t,” Wil said, looking back at me. “He’s my friend. I let him down before. I’m not going to let him down again.” He stepped on the edge right next to me.
“Wil, are you fucking crazy?” I seethed at him through my teeth.
He let out a chuckle like even he couldn’t believe the situation he’d found himself in. “You know what? I’m starting to think I am.”
“Come on, you guys,” Kyle said as he cautiously stepped up on the scene to stand near the marshals.
“Finally, one of your friends who actually has some sense,” the marshal said.
“My life is real fucked up right now to say the least,” Kyle said, speaking to us in a personal tone, as if the marshals weren’t even there. “Right now, you guys are the only things that are keeping me going.” He looked directly at me. “I’ve lost you once, for ten fucking years. If I lose you again, man, then I might as well die too.” With a sudden burst of energy, he rushed over and joined me and Wil.
“Are you fucking serious right now?” the marshal spat. “I swear to God we’ll kill you all if we have to.”
Wil and Kyle looked at one another and gave a slight head nod. They didn’t have to say the words, yet I knew that my friends were confirming to each other that they were both in this thing wholeheartedly.
Kyle said, “There are a lot of people taking video right now, Deputy Franklin.” I looked around and realized he was right. There were several people standing around with their cell phones capturing this entire scene.
Kyle continued, “Either let us talk to our friend or, well, you heard my man. Do what you gotta do.”
I can’t describe the feeling that rose up inside of me. We’d always said we’d take a bullet for one another, but who knew that moment would actually present itself? And that they actually meant it? But this was my mess. I’d wreaked enough havoc in each of their lives in one way or another with my situation. I’d die for those fellas in a heartbeat, but no way could I allow them to do this for me. They’d done enough.
“What are you guys doing?” I turned my head and looked at each of them, hoping they could see the gratitude in my eyes.
“The same thing you’re doing,” Kyle said. “We’re boys. You go, we go.”
“I don’t want you guys to kill yourselves because of me.”
“Then step down, man,” Wil said. “Because our word is bond. If you jump, Jay, you best believe we’re right behind you.”
Dammit, I couldn’t tell if he was bluffing. I turned and looked over my shoulder at the edge of the pier once again. I had no doubt that prison would be worse than jumping to my death. I was never going to get out of that fucking place after all the new charges they would pile onto my original sentence. I’d never see the light of day. I’d never see my children as a free man again. Without that, I had nothing to live for. But Kyle and Wil did. I couldn’t see them leaving their entire lives behind for me. Maybe once their punk asses saw the results of my landing on those rocks first, they’d reconsider. But I couldn’t be sure, and I couldn’t let them sacrifice their lives for me.
With that final thought, I turned my body all the way around to face the edge of the pier, placed my hands behind my head, and dropped to my knees.
“Get him!” Franklin yelled as the marshals stormed toward me and my boys.
They restrained Kyle and Wil as I was handcuffed by Franklin.
“Damn, those idiots really must love you,” Franklin said as he pulled me up off the ground. “I’ve never seen friends like that before in my life.” He led me back toward the cars.
“Yeah, I know,” I said as a smile crept onto my face. “They do.”