WE WAKE BEFORE dawn the next morning and gather the rest of our clothes, ducking back into the cave for water and splitting a nutrition bar between us for breakfast.
We don’t say much as we chew. I don’t feel like we need to anyway. Glances and smiles are enough. It’s as if our thoughts keep flitting backwards and forwards, between memories of last night and preparations for the day ahead.
We splash cool water on our faces, then head out on Mason’s bike together.
Before we’re even remotely close to Sunshine Hospital, we hit a mega crowd and have to climb off and walk. We track a path though the groups of vendors shouting out the stuff they’re selling: gel packs, barley sugars, even ice cubes. Every few minutes, sirens rise above the chorus of voices.
There’s a traffic deadlock too, but we’re nearly at the hospital before I see the cause. A group of protesters is holding up signs and chanting about democracy and citizen rights. They keep re-triggering the crossing point, too, so only a single batch of cars makes it through each green. A line of police officers stands at attention to one side, trying not to show any expression as they watch the protesters. They don’t seem to be doing anything about it. So far, at least.
It’s so difficult manoeuvring through the crowd that we decide to stash the bike in a rack across from the hospital. The lock needs a swipe to engage but we just rest the wheel in position and hope that no-one notices.
Mason holds my shoulders. ‘I’ll be watching, okay?’
On tiptoes, I reach around his neck as he pulls me close, holding tight, both of us holding back the rest of the day.
It doesn’t feel right, leaving him here, but we’ve already agreed that it’s safer if I go in alone. With Mason out here, he might have a chance of helping if anything goes wrong. He’ll be able to hack in and view everything via the CCTV footage throughout the hospital.
I also don’t want to draw Mason in more that I already have. Much as I’m reeling after finding out about Boc, I can’t help feeling like I have him sitting on my shoulder. You’re putting us all in danger.
I pull back, and Mason lifts two fingers. I give him a tiny smile in return. Be careful. Stay safe.
I follow the crowd across the street, sticking close with the flow of the people making their way to the main entrance and out of sight from security cameras. The hospital has a couple of cameras near the double door so I keep my head down, careful not to stand out, using the crowd around me as a screen. People line the edge of the footpath leading to the hospital entrance, some sitting and others leaning against the wall. It’s as if they’ve been here for hours, maybe days, but I’m not sure if this is a queue or the place where people wait for someone they know who’s being treated.
At one point I catch the eye of a girl with sharp cheeks and deep, dark eye sockets. It’s hard to tell how old she is. She looks frail but childlike at the same time. When she opens her mouth I think she’s about to say something but then she shuts it slowly and the muscles in her face tighten.
She glances down and I realise she’s holding a baby, its head showing above a blue knitted blanket and one arm dangling out the side. Mid-stride, I hesitate. The colour of the baby’s skin is wrong, grey-white and lifeless.
The girl holding the bundle lifts her eyes to mine, sort of pained and questioning, but by now the momentum of the crowd has built up behind me. Even as I strain to see over my shoulder, I’m pushed forwards and she disappears from view. I try not to look sideways much after that.
The emergency wing is to the left of the main entrance, obvious from the sirens and shouts, so I turn right into the admittance hall, walking freer as the crowd spreads. I’d planned to use the eastern stairwell, but I change my mind and join the queue for the bank of elevators, finding safety in numbers again. Acid trickles in my nearly-empty stomach as I wait. I’ve lived on low rations before, but this is something else. This is starvation.
When we reach the front I shuffle past the others swiping before they each tap a floor number. I find a place near the back, acting as if my floor has been selected by someone else. Alistair is on the eleventh, second from the top, so I follow a tall guy who gets out on the ninth. With my head high I stride straight to the fire exit.
It’s safe in the stairwell, no cameras or motion sensors when I checked, so I take the stairs two a time. When I make it to the top I get this massive head rush. This used to happen sometimes when I was sharing Mum’s rations. I need to be careful not to waste too much energy.
Two hands gripping the handrail, I breathe myself back to normal. Then out to the eleventh floor.
It’s more peaceful up here. A woman holding a sprig of flowers wanders past, peering at the room numbers, so I take that as a good sign: visitors allowed. That’s me.
I’m not sure what I’ll find when I reach Alistair; I’m scared of seeing him sick and frail. But mostly I can’t wait to see him. Maybe he’ll even tell me what job he did all these years. I think he kept the secret as part of our joke that we were secret spies; he didn’t want to let reality mess up a good game.
According to the grid, Alistair’s room shares an interconnecting bathroom with the next one along. So when I see the neighbouring door ajar, I peek inside. A skinny woman with frizzy white hair lies motionless in the bed.
Her bathroom door is part way open.
One more glance at the bed, then I bite my lip and go for it, tiptoeing straight for the bathroom and slipping through. I didn’t have to move the door; bet that woman had no idea.
The door leading from here to Alistair’s room is closed. There’s just a disengage button, no need to swipe. This is where I have to be most careful. I pull out the compad to check if anyone’s in the room and listen for voices on the other side of the door, just in case. Nothing.
Lips pushed together, I hit disengage.
Lights flash on machines and scanners around a lone figure in the bed. A quiet intensity fills the air, just the sound of Alistair breathing with the help of an oxygen mask. His head turns my way but he must be lying at a difficult angle to see because he shifts awkwardly.
The door from the hall to his room is closed. Good.
As I step closer, Alistair grabs at his oxygen mask but it’s held on tight with elastic and he fumbles with it.
I lean in and whisper, ‘Alistair, it’s me.’
It’s him, suddenly old. Really old. His skin is even drier than I remember, and sort of sagging as if it’s only just holding itself in place. His eyelids are rimmed red with a crusty sore in one corner.
He manages to pull the oxygen mask down but the top part is still covering his mouth so I don’t catch what he’s saying.
I pull it below his mouth and say, ‘Sorry?’ It’s so good to see him.
‘Scout … you can’t be here. It’s … not safe.’
‘It’s okay.’ I lift my taped wrist. ‘Again.’ As if it’s some sort of joke and not the curse of my life.
‘No.’ With slow effort, he gestures above my head.
At first I don’t get what he’s doing but when he gestures again, I turn and find a CCTV camera in a corner of the ceiling.
‘Yesterday. They … came. When did you come back?’
Heart thumping, I freeze, but that’s pointless. It’s recording, no matter what I do. How did I miss this one when I checked? It must be off-grid.
All I can do is ride the building panic, my skin tingling with the sense of being watched. Maybe they’ll think I’m someone else, that’s the only hope that I have.
‘Listen.’ Alistair gestures again and sort of pulls my hand as if trying to drag me closer. ‘Don’t let them catch you. You’ll have no … citizen rights.’ He’s speaking clearer now. ‘I think they … want to test your brain function … when you time travel.’
He’s managed to grip two of my fingers, his hand papery and cool, and I get this pang at how frail he is. I’ve only just found him. It’s too soon to leave.
‘Understand?’ he breathes.
‘Mum …’ My whisper comes out as a whine. ‘I can’t find her. She’s blocked from the grid.’
Alistair’s hand loosens for a moment and he turns his head as if he has no energy left. He turns back and his hand grips tighter.
‘I didn’t want you to find out on your own …’ His breath catches. ‘I knew you’d look on the grid.’
‘Find out what?’
He blinks. ‘Your mother died, Coutlyn. In the fire. I’m sorry … I wanted to be with you when you …’
All I can do is shake my head, because those words can’t be right. My brain doesn’t accept them.
Alistair squeezes even tighter and covers my hand with his other one. He’s trying to comfort me but I pull away and immediately wish I hadn’t. ‘But her chip was already blocked, before the fire …’
His forehead creases. ‘Later, I went back. After it had happened.’ His tone is soft.
Of course. He went back and changed the section on the grid that gave the truth away. Rewriting history. It’s obvious now that I know, but I don’t think I knew how to face that possibility. Not even sure I can now.
‘I’m … so sorry.’
All I can do is nod, biting hard on my bottom lip as my throat constricts.
‘Listen,’ Alistair whispers, reaching for me again. I rest one hand in his and he squeezes my fingers so tight that I wince and lean closer. ‘A bank account … in my name. For you. Transfer the credits … before I die. Understand? Or the state will seize control.’
‘No.’ Head shaking. ‘You’re not going to die.’
Alistair closes his eyes. Like I’m a kid who gave the wrong answer. ‘Scout.’ His eyes open and narrow on me. ‘Find somewhere safe to deal with this. You need to accept what’s happened. The truth is all you have. Understand? Sugar-coating will get you nowhere.’
‘It’s just …’
‘You have to go,’ Alistair says and releases his grip on my fingers. ‘Remember how strong you are, Agent X. Stay safe.’
Biting my lip to hold back the tears, I back towards the bathroom, holding onto the sight of him. I pause. Alistair’s shape seems to disappear beneath the blankets. How can I leave him like this?
How do I keep going?
‘Alistair, I just want you to know … how much …’ I’m fumbling for words. But before I find them, the dull patter of boots filters through from the main hall.
‘Go!’ breathes Alistair.
It works as a release, my body responding even before my brain. I’m through the bathroom and the neighbouring room, madly scanning the main hall. Three security guards scramble towards Alistair’s room, leaving the hall empty.
I dash for the stairwell, sure they’ll be right behind me but not sure what else to do. Somehow I make it without anyone trying to follow and I ease the door closed. Made it.
It should be easy racing downstairs, but I’m clumsy as I leap down, taking two steps at a time. Each leap jolts hard in my chest, a lump rising in my throat. Blood pounds in my neck at the idea of being trapped, so I try a longer jump, three stairs at once, but I stumble and have to grab onto the rail, panting.
My breath breaks into sobs. What was it like for Mum during the firestorm? Did she run, did she hide?
Did she think of me?
My eyes close. Shutting it all out. But that only makes it worse. I can’t crumble yet, even though my chest aches.
Somehow I make it down the rest of the stairwell and disengage the door to the basement. In the dim light I track a zigzag course, ducking behind rubbish containers all the way out to a lane at the back of the building.
Keeping out of sight behind a pillar, I check out a bunch of maintenance workers and staff on breaks. No police uniforms that I can see. They still might be watching for me though, so I hang back in the shadows, trying to decide whether it’s better to hide, or run.
Out of the corner of my eye I catch the smallest of movements: one of the workers pushing the side of his ear as he speaks into thin air. He breaks off and glances my way.
Just briefly, but it’s enough. I have to run for it.
Arms pumping, I dash across the alleyway and past a row of parked ambulances, aware that there’s no turning back: the guy with the earpiece is behind me.
As I clear the front ambulance, two police round the corner of the hospital to my left and keep coming.
They’re not running straight for me, but at an angle. They must be planning to cut me off at the end of the alley.
Not if I get there first.
My whole focus is speed: legs and arms, harder, faster. Each breath is sharp, thighs burning in protest. This is it. Right now.
Run.
Being caught is not an option. I hug the fence line as I sprint, staying as far to the right as I can, keeping the angle in my favour. And I’m going to make it. Somehow, I can already tell I’ll reach the corner before they do. The timer in my brain must have measured the speed of the police, compared it to mine and determined who will make it first. I’m living in real time, but predicting the future.
I reach the corner and turn hard right, continuing up the footpath beside the back road. It’s busier out here. I have to dodge past people that barely seem to be moving. I breathe hard as I run, clear my head. To my right is a row of shopfronts. I’m dodging to the left of a row of people as the crowd parts in front of me.
‘Make way! Police!’
‘Stay where you are!’
I’m trapped. Two police officers are coming right at me, stun guns lifted. Already I’ve veered to the side, towards the road, and I see it: a gap in the traffic, the break between batches of cars that we trained for last night.
Ahead, a batch is fast approaching, so I sharpen the angle of the turn, blood pounding in my throat at what I’m about to do.
An alarm screams as I leap off the curb but I keep going straight for the second lane of traffic. It’s not a risk if you know what you’re doing, right?
Speed and power fill the air.
I pin-drop into the tunnel.
Numbly I grope forwards, fumbling through the mess of my mind. Thoughts drift like echoes around me. The further I go, the further I leave her behind …
My thoughts reconnect and reality floods back. Sirens scream. I’m inside bright lights, flush with the pulse of my blood.
A gasp as I register. They’re still coming, the first batch of smartcars, closer than before. I’ve barely travelled a few seconds.
My shoulders are grabbed with such force that I stumble backwards and land on the footpath as the cars flash past.
‘Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!’ I gasp, adrenaline rising. I nearly died.
I’m tangled with another set of limbs, struggling to stand.
‘What happened?’ It’s Mason, dragging me by the arm, and pulling me upright. We keep running, half-stumbling, our hands locked. Have to get away.
‘Mum … she died … in the fire.’ It comes in breaks and sobs. ‘I couldn’t –’
Mason turns back with a shot of sympathy, but I break off. Beyond him, the crowd has parted and police are coming right for us.
I pull back on this arm. ‘This way!’
Together we spin around, only to find a wall of Feds in black fatigues. So many, moving fast.
‘Can you jump now?’ Mason breathes.
‘Yes. Ten days?’ Even if I can’t make it, Mason has to jump. He has to get away.
Before he has a chance to reply, Mason’s pushed to the side with such force that my wrist twists as he’s yanked from my grip. He’s surrounded by so many bodies and guns that I can only just make him out.
‘Now, Mason!’ He has to jump.
He doesn’t call back, but I can still see his shape surrounded by bodies and legs. Two officers move, and I get a clear view as Mason’s eyes roll back in his head and his mouth falls open, slack. One of the officers pulls a syringe from his neck and he drops like a broken marionette.
‘Nooo!’ I kick and thrash against the grip of hands.
The officers around Mason are reacting now, pointing and calling to each other. Something’s wrong. He’s just a tangle of limbs. Lifeless. With everything I have left, I wrench free as they flip him onto his back like a rag doll and cover his face with a medical mask.
Before I can reach him, the hands grip me again, holding me back. ‘Let me go! What have you –’ The rest of the sentence disappears as I turn to find another syringe right next to my cheek. It’s held upright and glowing fluoro blue in the hand of an officer just beside me.
‘Sir?’ The officer jerks her head towards the crowd around Mason. ‘Drop the dose? Other subject is non-responsive.’
‘Okay. Let’s try a half dose.’
‘No!’ I’m thrashing with all I have. It’s the biggest syringe I’ve ever seen. Subject is non-responsive …
But he’s okay. Please, he has to be okay.
I’m grabbed from all sides, a straightjacket of hands. A deep voice hisses in my ear, a woman with a low husky voice: ‘Stop struggling. You’re going to be okay.’
I’m trapped, suffocating as stars creep in from my vision. Can’t pass out now. I jerk my arms free, and strain to see Mason lying on the ground. A hand removing the medical mask is all I catch before the hands tighten around me once more.
It’s killing me that I can’t get to him, can’t do anything to hold them back. Pressure at the base of my neck is followed by the ache of the needle going in. The husky voice hisses again. ‘I can only help you if trust me. Don’t disappear and you’ll be okay.’
But it’s not okay. Nothing about this is okay.
Coolness begins to spread, a strange fug creeping in from the edges of my mind. This is my last chance to escape. It’s not really a decision; I’ve only ever had one choice.
Survive.