| |
“I’m so glad that you’re home from work.”
“I am too. I missed you. Did you enjoy your trip?”
Isla was hesitate to tell him what happened. “I won’t tell the ladies business but I had fun at the end of the day.”
“Well that’s good,” he said over his glass.
Isla came home and cooked Edwin’s favorite meal. Fried chicken, Marconi and cheese, corn bread and black eyed peas.
“I see even though you were tired you wanted to take care of me.”
“I know you struggled while I was gone. I’m trying to make sure those pizza boxes get thrown away,” she laughed.
“I had to eat something. I mean I can cook but I rather not since you weren’t home. Are you ready to be my wife?”
“Are you ready to wake up to me every day for the rest of your life?”
“As long as you wear you bonnet. I’m down.”
“Not the bonnet,” she laughed.
“Yes the bonnet. I love you even more with your bonnet on.”
“I don’t know if you’re serious or joking.”
“Did you check the bathroom?” he asked getting up to empty his plate and grab another piece of chicken from the stove.
“No, I used the guest bathroom. What’s in there?”
“I’ll let you check,” he smiled.
Isla couldn’t wait any longer. She got up from the table and checked the bathroom. “OMG! I swear you get on my nerves. What was wrong with my other one?”
“That shit was raggedy. I can’t believe you took it on your trip. The girls didn’t laugh at you?”
“No, because all of our bonnets look the same,” she laughed.
“That’s sad. I probably needed to buy more,” he joked.
“Forget you. I can’t believe you went in the store and got this.”
“Why not? I’ve got you tampons before.”
“True. But a bonnet is different.”
“No ma’am it’s not. People looked at me crazy during both visits. If I can’t buy my wife a bonnet, I don’t need to be with her.”
“Awww babe. Don’t try to get into my panties.”
“I’m not trying. I know what we agreed on. I can wait,” he stated walking over to give her a kiss.
“I might drop them for you tonight after this. I need it,” she confessed.
“What? Not you,” he answered surprised.
“You don’t want to sample the treat before you buy it?” she asked giving him another kiss.
“No, I don’t. Our relationship is different. I know what I have is solid.”
“See, don’t say stuff like that to me. And not expect a reaction.”
“I’m not going to lie. I was nervous. I was scared. Questioning a lot of stuff and after the first night and I started missing you. I knew then you were mine forever. I hardly ever missed another woman before. You got me on lock.”
“You were nervous? Scared?” she asked doing circles on his chest.
“You aren’t scared?” he asked stopping her hand.
“Yes. I didn’t think you were though.”
“Scared as hell. The crazy part is I don’t even know what started it. I knew within months of us dating that I wanted to marry you. But something was nagging at me, like you better make sure.”
“What made you stop being scared?”
“There was never a thought going through my mind that you were out there cheating on me. I’ve had moments in previous relationships where I’ve had signs and I ignored them. I haven’t had any signs with you. When God sent you to me, he knew what I needed and at the exact time.”
“Edwin, are you serious?”
“Do you hear my voice? I’m getting emotional thinking saying it out loud. I love you. You’re my forever, my today, my yesterday and my tomorrow. I can’t see my life without you.”
“Sounds like you just said your vows,” she smiled.
“That’s exactly what they sounded like. I want you to know you were missed. I missed that crazy ass bonnet sleeping beside me at night,” he smiled kissing her on her check.
She blushed and gave him a hug. “All of my frogs weren’t in vain.”
“Those weren’t frogs. There were roaches,” he laughed.
“Not roaches. Well, I guess I can see a few being roaches and water bugs.”
“See you get my drift.”
“I love you. We needed that time apart so we could come back together stronger. Our doubts almost drove us apart.”
“And I was going to drive that ship right back together too. Fear couldn’t break us. We know what we want and that’s each other.”
“Yes. Each other. I appreciate you.”
“And I love you and mean it.”
“You got me,” she whispered rubbing his back.
––––––––
“DID YOU MISS ME?”
“I did,” she lied.
“I’m so glad that you’re back,” he smiled.
Ryan took a deep breath and sighed.
Darnell looked up and saw the distress in her eyes.
“We need to go to therapy, counseling, something,” she stated getting up from the dinner table and walking into the kitchen to grab a glass of wine.
“Why what happened?” he asked with a nonchalant attitude.
“We happened. We’ve been going through the motions. Nothing new is happening with us,” she stated taking a big gulp from her glass of coffee.
“I don’t think I’m understanding what’s happening?”
“I cheated. I cheated, Darnell. And to be honest I don’t feel bad about it,” she stated walking back to the table.
“What do you mean? You cheated? Like sex?”
“You aren’t listening to me. We haven’t been on the same page in months. Hell it could be a few years now.”
Darnell took a few deep breaths and took a sip of her wine. She locked eyes with him.
“Are you going to answer the question?”
She turned her head away from him and then turned it back. “Yes. Yes, I had sex with someone else.”
Darnell was speechless. He couldn’t believe she just confessed to cheating.
“Have you cheated?” she asked holding the glass in her hand with an intense look on her face.
“How did this discussion get back on me?”
“I’m asking a question. It’s up to you if you want to answer it or not. I would rather us leave all of our secrets on the table now and start anew tomorrow.”
“So, you went on vacation and lost your damn mind? Because that’s exactly what this sounds like.”
“I haven’t lost my mind. I could have a long time ago but I didn’t.”
“I don’t know if that trip was a good idea.”
“It was a great idea.”
“Did you cheat on me in Mexico?”
“No,” she lied.
“You said that a little too fast to be telling the truth,” he stated.
Ryan downed the remainder of the wine and walked in the kitchen.
“So, now you’re just going to walk away? How are we telling truths about everything but now you’re walking away? How is that even possible?”
Ryan rinsed her glass out and placed it in the sink. Darnell walked into the kitchen to grab another piece of chicken from the stove. He looked over at Ryan who had her back to him.
“Ryan, what’s up?”
“I told you,” she answered trying to relax her shoulders.
“What am I supposed to do with that information?”
“Receive it. I can only be honest with you.”
“Are you sure that you didn’t cheat on me while you were on vacation? Is this why you cooked my favorite meal? To soften me up?”
Ryan turned around and locked eyes with him. She sucked her teeth before speaking. “You know Darnell. I could have went to my grave with the information but it was on my conscience so I’m telling you. I don’t know what you need to do with the information but I’m asking for therapy because it we don’t do something now. I’m gone. Not coming back, type of gone.”
“Do you think that is going to help us?”
“You tell me. Are you willing to fight for me?” she asked crossing her arms over her chest.
“Are you willing? You confessed to me. I didn’t confessed.”
Ryan was starting to get frustrated but she knew it was her own fault. “I can only ask. If you’re going to act like an asshole about it, forget it.”
“I’m not acting like an asshole. You’re being dramatic. I asked you a question. That day I said my vows was the day I left my cheating days behind me.”
“We haven’t had sex in months seems like a year or longer and you haven’t stepped out. Don’t lie to me. Your sex drive is too high to be lying like I’m stupid.”
Darnell took a bite from his chicken.
“It’s not going to work,” she whispered. Her heart was broken. She wasn’t expecting him to be understanding but she also wasn’t expecting him to lie to her either. “We used to be friends first. What happened to that? You used to tell me when things bothered you. We haven’t had a conversation like that in months. So you’re telling me you haven’t emotionally cheated on me either. I know I’m not crazy.”
“You want the truth?”
“I do. Or I wouldn’t be asking for it. I’m standing here because I want you to understand that for months, I’ve been feeling unwanted. I cheated because I wanted to make sure I still had it. I’ve been unloved and I thought you would see the signs before now.”
“I was so lost in my own world that I haven’t noticed. I miss all of that. I miss holding you at night. I cheated, yes but it was months ago.”
“But you just said you didn’t. Which one is it?” she asked pointing her fingers.
“Can you put your hand down?” he asked placing his food on the counter and pushing it to the side.
“I didn’t mean to make you feel less than. I missed the signs because I’ve been too busy worrying about nothing. I’m sorry,” he stated walking up to her. He stood beside her face to face and grabbed her hand.
“You don’t have to do that,” she responded pulling her hand away.
“I want to. I want us back. The us, where one of us can start singing a song and the other finishes it. The us, where I don’t have to question if I’ll have someone to confide in when I get home. The us, where I don’t have to worry about censoring my words. The us, where the love would pour through our looks, our touch and our silence. I’ve missed that. I’ve stared at you from a distance at night and started questioning if I needed to walk away because I wasn’t enough.”
Ryan could feel her heart break as she recalled everything about them that she missed too. Darnell squeezed her hand. “We’ll get back to each other. It’s going to take work but we will be back.”
“I hope so,” she whispered fighting back tears.
––––––––
“MIA, I KNOW YOU DON’T want to see me right now but I’m sorry but I had to.”
“You made a fool out of me at the airport.”
“I didn’t. You better be glad I didn’t slap that nigga when he came off of the plane. I can’t believe y’all flew back into town together.”
“I can’t help who gets on the plane. I didn’t own the plane,” she answered rolling her eyes.
“For someone that got caught cheating you sure as hell have a bad attitude about it.”
Mia started walking to the bedroom. “Don’t follow me. The conversation is over.”
“NO THE HELL IT”S NOT!” he yelled rolling in on her heels.
Mia stopped and he fell right into her. “Please get off of me.”
“Your crazy ass stopped. I wasn’t trying to walk into you.”
“Neil, it’s over. I’m done. I don’t know where I’m going but I’m getting out of here.”
“You can’t leave.”
“I can and I am. I can’t keep doing this. Your attitude is stank. You don’t want me. You just don’t want nobody else to have me. Now that I understand that, I’ll get it.”
“You’re tripping. I do want you.”
“No you don’t. You know I’m a catch but you aren’t trying to continue to put in the work to keep me. I don’t want to keep arguing with you about the same things. I get it. I got it and I’m moving on,” she stated walking into the bedroom.
Neil stood watching her walk away. She was right and he knew it. He wasn’t trying to work to keep her. He already had her and didn’t think the extra work was necessary.
Mia’s tears were gone. She didn’t have any more left inside for him. She wanted to make it work but there was no point. Four years down the drain. The last two because of bad sex and lack of communication.
Neil stepped inside of the frame of the bedroom where Mia was throwing clothes inside of her bags with a vengeance. He crossed his feet at his ankles and watched her for a few seconds before she paused and looked at him.
“Can I help you with something?” she asked with a hand full of clothes.
“I’m sorry. I know all of this doesn’t make sense and yes, I drove you into another nigga’s arms but don’t leave like this. Can we at least have dinner first?”
“Did you have a tracking device on me?”
“What kind of question is that?”
“One that needs an answered. You didn’t trust me that much to have a device put on me. What did you think I was going to do run away and not come back?” she chuckled with amusement.
“No. I didn’t trust myself. I wanted to make sure you were where you say you would be.”
“You sound so stupid and jealous,” she answered zipping up her bag and placing it on the floor.
“Love makes you do stupid things.”
“Love doesn’t make you do shit. If you loved me, you would have listened to my many cries about how things were in our relationship. Intimacy is a huge part of any relationship and you failed us in that area. You failed me. You don’t understand how bad that hurt my self-esteem so yes when another man paid attention to me in ways you weren’t I accepted. I’m wrong for doing that but I did.”
“Are you really leaving?”
“I am. This isn’t good for either of us. We are toxic and too dependent on each other. Once I’ve cooled down, I’ll contact you about our living arrangements.”
“So this is it?”
“Yes. Neil this is it. I wish you the best,” she answered walking out of the bedroom with her two bags and not looking back.
Neil watched and wished that she would at least turn around but she didn’t. He walked into the room once he heard the door close and on the night stand what the one thing she never took off, the ring. The ring he gave her a week before she confessed that she wasn’t sexually satisfied with him. He picked it up and rolled it around in his hand. He could feel all of the emotions that she probably felt when he denied and rejected her requests.
He dropped to his knees with the ring in his hand and cried himself to sleep.
Mia stood on the other side of the apartment door and let out a big sigh followed with a scream before she high stepped to her car. “If he doesn’t want and appreciate me, someone else will.”
She rubbed her thumb across her now bare ring finger and a tear fell as she opened her trunk. She glanced up at their bedroom light and it was still on. No sign of Neil and she was glad because she couldn’t face him again. “I’ll be fine,” she thought as she got in her car and drove off.
––––––––
EMERY DROVE UP TO HER apartment and she looked around to find that Kent’s car wasn’t there. She let out a sigh of relief. “I can’t see him right now. I need a shower, a glass of wine and a nap,” she said as she was getting out her car.
“Perfect timing.”
Emery turned around and came face to face with Kent.
“Shit,” she whispered.
“I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Why didn’t you call first?”
“I was trying to surprise you,” he answered leaning in to kiss her on the cheek. “I brought flowers,” he smiled handing them to her.
“You didn’t have to,” she smiled.
“I definitely had to. You look nice.”
“I look like shit. Why are you lying?” she asked cutting her eyes at him.
“You look nice to me. I’ve missed you.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“I’m sure.”
“These are nice.”
“Where are your bags?”
“In the back. I’ll get them.”
Kent gave her the meanest side eye she’s ever seen. “Let me love you, okay. I’ll get them,” he smiled.
“First you’re sour and then sweet.”
“Only because you’re always trying me.”
“Whatever. I told you not to come.”
“And when have I ever listened to you. After you sent me that message. I needed to see you. Why are you trying to push me away. You know I want to make us work,” he explained as he followed behind her.
“Do you really think we’re good for each other’s health?”
“We are as long as the other one is listening. You make is hard for me to be attentive to you because you always have to lead. Let me be your man and love you. I know I’ve fucked up in the past but I’m ready now.”
“Sounds like you missed me,” she smiled.
“You act like you didn’t miss me. I see your big as smile behind that hair.”
“I’m not smiling.”
“So you came back from Mexico lying? Do I need to call the girls and have a talk?”
Emery paused at the door, she dug in her bag to get out her keys. “I’m grown.”
“Alright Ms. Grown, don’t let that get you jacked up.”
“Whatever,” she laughed.
“So how are you doing?” he asked once they got inside of the house.
“I’ve been better but being with the girls helped a lot. I’m not stressed and exhausted anymore. I was carrying that around for a few days.”
“What made you text me about it?”
“Because this isn’t my first one. I had one previously and I wanted you to know about this one.”
“This isn’t the first one?” he asked sitting down on the couch.
“Unfortunately not. I knew we weren’t on good terms when I left so I wanted you to know about it.”
“What changed?”
“My hormones. I’ve been struggling and no matter how much shit we have been through I wanted this baby,” she answered dropping her head.
“I never thought I would say it but I wanted it too. When I got that message my heart dropped. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there when it happened.”
“I had the girls. They helped me a lot more than I thought they would. It still doesn’t seem real.”
“How did you know it was a miscarriage?”
“From the last one. I knew it wasn’t my period.”
“Babe, I’m sorry,” he stated walking over to her.
“It’s not your fault.”
“And it’s not yours either.”
Emery kept trying to tell herself that but in the back of her mind she felt like her body wasn’t going to allow her to carry a baby full term.
“Are you faulting yourself for this?” he asked taking her hands into his.
“I can’t stay that I’m not.”
“How do you know it’s your body and not just something that happens?”
“I don’t but after the first one I didn’t think it would happen again. I remember praying for the first one not to make it. Before you judge me, we were not on good terms at all. I was hella stressed and my hair was falling out. I couldn’t handle it then.”
Kent listened on as she explained herself but something made him uneasy.
“This time this one was different. No matter how hard I try to deny you, I wanted your child. I want your child but after this miscarriage I don’t believe my body is made for it.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I can’t help but to doubt it. What if we make it work and I can’t carry your baby? Would you leave me?”
Kent moved in closer. “Baby if it’s meant for us to have a baby it will happen and if it doesn’t happen so be it. I’m fine either way. Hell, I didn’t know I wanted a baby until you lost this one,” he answered honestly.
“So does this mean that we’re together?”
“It sounds like it.”
“Well I’ll be damn. I don’t want to get my hopes too high.”
“You’re stuck with me now. All the other bullshit of a past is done. We’re moving forward from here on out.”
“I’m down.”
Kent gave her a hug and kissed on the forehead.
“You got me forever,” Kent whispered. He wiped his face as the tears fell.
“Don’t cry.”
He smiled and laid his head on her shoulder. She felt her heart smile because this was the first time he ever cried in front of her.
––––––––
“HELLO,” RANDI ANSWERED.
“Are you home?”
“Yes. What’s wrong?” she asked sitting up on the bed.
“Can I come over to your house?” she stated in between sniffles.
“Is this Mia?”
“Yes.”
“I’m home. You can come over. Do I need to get my pistol? I don’t mind shooting someone right now.”
Mia started laughing. She had been driving around for hours with nowhere to go because she wasn’t ready to tell her story or situation to anyone else.
“My address is 409 West Lane Street.”
“Is it a house?”
“No, I live in apartment number 14.”
“Oh ok. I’m on my way. Thanks again.”
“Anytime. I gotcha,” Randi stated getting out of the bed to brush her teeth.
Mia arrived at her house in less than 10 minutes.
“Girl, I was in here dead to the world. What’s going on?”
“I left. I didn’t think it would be a good idea to stay with him. Too many emotions and not enough love. I thought once I got home things would go back to normal but I don’t see it happening.”
“I mean. A lot has changed. I knew you weren’t going to make it. I tried that with one of my exes and I hated his ass. Once someone cheats and the other person finds out about it, so much changes. The trust isn’t there and the other one will torture them. It’s not fair to either person. Maybe you need a break.”
“I doubt it. I know it’s done. The love isn’t there. I normally cry when things get bad but this time I only cried but I don’t have a place to call home at the moment.”
“The simple things will trigger you so get ready. You got it though.”
“I hope so. I really hope so,” she repeated.
“You can use the spare room to the right. Everything should be good.”
“Thank you. I won’t be here long.”
“Take as much time as you need. It should be fun. I haven’t had a roommate since college.”
“I won’t be here that long.”
“I hear you.”
“I’m serious,” Mia laughed.