I was nearly out of gas. I had five dollars in my pocket, one maxed out credit card, and a checking account dangerously close to scraped clean. I could get to work and make some cash, but without that eighth of a tank, I’d be taking the bus to the hospital and paying the fare with change found between couch cushions.
I didn’t dare tell Jonathan things had gotten that bad. I went to him every night with sunshine in my voice and rainbows in my pocket. When I wasn’t at Sequoia, I let the panic come. Slamming my locker closed, I painted on a customer service smile for no one in particular.
“Monica?” Andrea came up behind me, her hair dyed blue. It was always a new color with her, and I seemed to have missed that change. The color was already fading back to green.
“Hey, how are you? Love the color.”
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“It’s my shift.”
She rolled her eyes and twisted her mouth. “Uhm, we’re kinda in the habit of swapping you out. So I’m working.”
“No,” I heard the squeak in my voice, “I need the cash.” God, I hated sounding like that. I hated whining about money. She shrugged and walked out to the floor. I went to Debbie’s office.
“Come in,” she said after I knocked. She was alone, behind her desk and shuffling through God-only-knows. She looked up as if she was pleased to see me. She stood and put her arms out for a hug. “Monica. How are you?”
“I’m fine. I came to work, but Andrea says she’s got my shift?”
“You’ve missed five shifts. And you were out the week before. I need to run the floor.”
“I need my shift.”
She put her hand under my chin. “You’re in no condition to work. You lost weight. You have circles. A little lipstick?”
“Please.”
“What’s happening? Sit. Tell me.”
I lowered myself into the leather chair. Debbie sat on the arm of the one next to it. The nightly mist that descended on Los Angeles dotted the window. It was the wettest year in history. The bar would be slow and tips scarce. Just tourists who had nowhere else to go and regulars who came out of habit. The Hollywood hitters would be in clubs downtown or Silver Lake venues.
“They’re trying to stabilize him so they can do a valve transplant and open up his arteries,” I said. She looked at me blankly, as if she was waiting to understand. “He damaged his heart when he was sixteen—” I stopped abruptly. I knew Debbie and Jonathan had been close, but I couldn’t be sure he’d told her about the fistful of drugs he’d taken. He hadn’t known he was broken until the stress of the past weeks broke him.
“Here,” Debbie said, handing me a tissue. “Go ahead.”
“They have to replace parts of his heart.” I felt strongly that I didn’t know what I was talking about because I didn’t. “He hasn’t been stable enough for the surgery.” I pressed the tissue to my eyes. It came back with blobs of mascara. I really couldn’t work the floor. “I go in every night and talk to him, but I need to work tonight.”
“No, you need to go in to him.”
“I need the money. I’m sorry. I know it seems gross.”
“He can’t give you money?” She seemed shocked, as if he wouldn’t, which wasn’t the case. Asking for money would sully the sunshine and rainbows.
“I don’t want him to worry.”
“What about his family?”
“Outside of Margie, they tolerate my existence. Which is fine. But I’m not asking.”
“He hasn’t given you something you can sell?”
The title for the Jag, which was my only transportation, had been in the glove compartment when Lil drove it to me. The platinum lariat that symbolized our bond twisted around itself on my dresser, binding sea and sky. The diamond navel bar was where he’d put it when he committed to me. “No. I have nothing to sell.”
Debbie got up and walked behind her desk. Bending at the waist, she opened a drawer and pulled out her wallet. “I don’t usually do this.”
“Don’t. I’ll manage.”
She took a pile of bills out and folded them once, coming around the desk. “We can cover your shifts another couple of days before we have to put you on personal leave. That’s unpaid.” She picked up my hand and slapped the bills into it. “Figure it out.”
I squeezed the money. I couldn’t refuse it. Taking it meant I could see Jonathan. “You’re very nice to me.”
“Jonathan helped a friend of mine through a rough time. You make him happy. So helping you is helping him. Now go. I have work to do.”