I text Dom sometimes.
Usually when I think of Josh. Because when I think of my brother, my mind now turns to the friend he left behind for me to take care of.
Maddie: I saw a dog peeing on a very stern-looking tree and it reminded me of you
Dom: I don’t like the associations your brain makes.
Dom: How does a tree look stern?
Maddie: It’s just a vibe
Maddie: Trees have vibes
Maddie: And this one positively LOOMS over the sidewalk
Maddie: Classic Dom move
Dom: What you call looming, I call standing and being tall.
Maddie: I’m just warning you
Maddie: Dom = tree vibes
Maddie: It’s a matter of time before you get peed on again!
Dom: You’re ridiculous. I have a meeting.
Maddie: I’m going to send you a picture of the tree
Dom: Don’t
Maddie: It’s happening
The exchange makes my always-pleasant-at-work smile easier to wear for the rest of the day. Especially when I check my phone a few hours later and see another notification from him.
Dom: Apparently, it’s not happening. I’ve yet to receive a single tree picture.
Maddie: I didn’t know you wanted it RIGHT NOW
Dom: I don’t want it.
Dom: But you said you were going to send it.
Dom: So, I was checking.
Dom: I’m not curious in the slightest.
On my walk home from work I deviate into the nearby park where the Dom tree is, snap a picture, and send it to him. Then I send a version with arrows to emphasize the particularly looming nature of the branches.
Dom: That’s an extremely handsome tree.
At least once a week I initiate an exchange of nonsense text messages so I know that Dom has a small portion of his life where he’s not required to be serious or responsible.
All he needs to do is text me back. And he does, every time.
I wonder if he regrets demanding my phone number?
Too bad. I don’t stop.
In January, Pamela insists I accompany her to a conference in New York.
A massive gathering of businesspeople is not my idea of fun, but I don’t try to slip out of the responsibility for three reasons.
Reason one: I want to stay in Pamela’s good favor at all times.
Reason two: there’s another event in New York at the same time I want to try to attend.
Reason three: I will do anything to distract myself from the fact that next week will mark a year since Josh died.
Tula and Jeremy already told me they’re taking me to a spa for the day. Then in the evening, they plan to buy out the cheese section at the local grocery store, stock up on my favorite gin, and play some action-movie drinking game Tula swears will get me so drunk I’ll forget my own name.
I hope their distraction techniques work, but I’m finding even the lead-up to the anniversary hurts my entire body. Like my innards are getting dragged against a cheese grater.
So I agree to New York, no questions asked.
The first day, I attend the workshops Pamela can’t make and take copious notes for her. The second day, I end up manning The Redford Team’s booth with two women from the marketing department. They shop our services to the crowd of CEOs and CFOs while I make sure no one steals company swag without first listening to their spiel.
My coworkers are nice. The event is an introvert’s hell. But the conference leaves me no time to wallow, which is what I needed. And then there’s the other New York event.
The day after the conference ends, the UPenn swim team has an away meet at Columbia. The Perry twins are competing in NYC, and I’m determined to go.
I don’t inform Adam or Carter of my plan beforehand in case something goes wrong and I can’t show up. But the morning of the meet, all my obligations are complete and my flight isn’t until later in the day. I drive my rental to Columbia after wishing Pamela safe travels on her earlier departure.
After finding parking and locating the pool area, I make my way to the entrance. The chlorine smell in the humid air transports me back to the good days of that one summer.
The Perrys made it to a lot of Adam and Carter’s meets when they were younger, but there were times when it was just me, pressing up against the rope they suspended around the pool to keep crowds back. Both of them had let their floppy Perry hair grow long, so it was my job to stretch their swim caps over their heads.
They could have helped each other, but Adam insisted that I did it best. Carter didn’t argue, just held the bright blue head covering out to me.
I rub my sternum to sooth the ache of times gone.
My eyes alight on a helpful sign that proclaims Pool with an arrow pointing down the hall where a stream of people trickle through the doorway. I tug out my phone, flip the camera, then get a selfie with the sign. Navigating to my texts, I open the group chat I have with Adam and Carter.
Maddie: I think I’m lost
A few minutes go by without an answer, and I reason they’ve probably stored their phones while they get ready for the meet. Just as I decide to head in and grab a seat, my phone buzzes.
Adam: No way
Adam: NO FUCKING WAY!!!!!!!
Carter: Heading your way
I’m about to text back, scolding Adam for using irresponsible language, when a metal door swings inward and deposits two grinning Perrys.
“Maddie!” Adam bounds across the space dividing us and scoops me into a hug. Carter follows at a more sedate pace, his gaze jumping from his brother’s back to meet my eyes. He rolls his, and we share a grin.
Adam sets me down and steps back, taking me in. “I can’t believe you’re here! Why didn’t you tell us you were coming? We didn’t think we’d have any family in the stands for this one.”
Well, that answers my unasked question about whether I’d see Dom while I’m here. I refuse to examine the odd mixture of relief and disappointment in my gut.
“I flew in for a work thing and wasn’t sure if I’d make it.” Deliberately running my eyes over Adam’s towering form, I let my mouth fall into an exaggerated pout. “Damn. I was expecting Speedos.”
“Oh, don’t worry. I’ve got you.” Adam tugs his sweatshirt over his head and shoves it at Carter, revealing a six-pack I’m not sure it’s legal for him to have. Then he fists the front of his pants and tears them off in one go like a veteran stripper, leaving him in a very small bathing suit.
Carter snorts. “I’m not helping you button those up again.”
“Worth it.” Adam grins down at me, then does a slow circle with his arms spread. “What d’ya think? Ryan Lochte’s got nothing on me.”
“You certainly have a bigger ego than him.” I grin even as I tease him, happy I made it here, and not minding I’m about to sit for hours to only see these two swim a few times.
Like Adam said. Worth it.
A middle-aged white woman with hair that looks like it was bleached blond by chlorine sticks her head out of the locker-room door and points our way. “Adam. Carter. Get your asses back here. You can flirt after you break some records. Not before.”
“Coming, Coach!” Adam sings back, not chastised in the slightest. He grabs my face in his massive hands and plants a loud kiss on my forehead. “I want to hear you cheering me on, Sanderson.”
“Perrys!” The coach shouts again. Adam lets me go with a smirk and jogs away, his muscular body looking like the peak of athleticism as he goes.
“Thanks for showing up,” Carter says. Then he leans in for a quick kiss on my cheek before following his brother.
My face feels warm after their affection. Pleasantly so. My cheeks ache because of my wide smile that I can’t seem to diminish.
I find my way into the pool area and settle in my seat just as the UPenn swimmers take over the deck, the mass of them jumping into the water to start their warm-up laps. Adam’s eyes find me in the stands, and he waves vigorously. I hold up my phone and point to Carter. He gets the message, grabbing his twin around the shoulders. When the other Perry realizes what’s happening, he offers a small smile to Adam’s generous grin. I snap a quick shot, then give them a thumbs-up.
A little while later, after watching them win their first relay event and screaming myself hoarse, I sneak out of the pool to swing by the snack bar. While waiting in line, I send the picture of Adam and Carter to Dom.
Maddie: Are these two naturally naked mole rats, or did they wax off all that Perry fuzz? The things men do for sports…
The person in front of me steps away from the counter with their snacks, and I immediately order nachos. At home I always have high-quality artisanal cheeses I get from a local shop, but today I’m about to indulge in the same terribly delicious not-sure-if-it’s-real dairy I used to treat myself to at the twins’ summer swim meets.
My phone buzzes with a message.
Dom: How did you get that picture?
Maddie: Took it myself
Maddie: Josh didn’t get all the photography genes!
Maddie: But only because I stole some of his talent when he passed out after too many mojitos one night
I’m proud of myself for making a joke about my brother that wasn’t a morbid quip about his death. This seems like growth.
Dom: You’re on the East Coast?
Dom: At the twins’ meet?
Dom: Right now?
Maddie: Yes x 3
Then I send him a selfie of me stuffing a chip covered in nacho cheese into my mouth with the door to the pool behind me. Apparently, there’s no eating in the pool area, so I plan to consume these in record time.
My phone vibrates.
Dom: Why didn’t you tell me you were going to be there?
Yeah, I guess that’s what friends do. Maybe I should have. But I have the same excuse I gave the twins.
Maddie: In New York for a work thing. Wasn’t sure I’d even get away long enough for the swim meet
The nacho cheese doesn’t retain heat well and is already starting to lose some of its gooeyness. One more reason to scarf them down.
Dom: You should have told me
Dom: I’m driving up now
I suck in a breath, then cough to dislodge a chip that tried to sneak down my throat.
He’s coming here?
The twins said their family probably wouldn’t make this meet.
Maybe it was always Dom’s plan to come, and he just couldn’t make it to the first half. These things are long. This must be a surprise for Adam and Carter.
He’s not coming for me.
Maddie: Cool
Maddie: I might not see you, I can’t stay the whole time
Then, horror of horror, my phone rings. I stare at Dom’s name on my screen and consider ignoring it. But just like with my mom, I can’t.
Besides, he’s probably calling because he’s driving, and texting isn’t safe.
Also, my nachos are done, so I guess my mouth is technically free to talk.
Don’t be mean to him. Don’t hurt his feelings on purpose. He’s your friend, I remind myself.
I swipe to accept the call as I toss out my trash.
“Dom,” I say instead of hello. “Calling is for emergencies and extroverts. I consider this a form of harassment.” I never promised to stop being sarcastic.
“Noted.” His deep voice rumbles through the line, and I try to convince myself I shiver from the humidity that clings to my skin and not from the simple act of hearing him speak a single word to me. “How long can you stay at the meet?”
“You are an introvert and that’s not an emergency question,” I mutter as I pull my phone away from my ear so I can check the time. “Maybe two hours. But that would be pushing it. I’m not going to catch their last race.”
“That should work. I’ll text you when I’m there.”
What should work? Does he want to make sure there’s someone here the whole time cheering for them?
That’s sweet.
“Cool. I’m heading back in. Drive safe. Don’t speed.”
“I never speed.” He sounds affronted.
“Of course not. I forgot who I was talking to.”
An hour and forty-five minutes later, my phone buzzes in my pocket.
Dom: I’m stuck in traffic. Can you wait for me?
I mark my page in the book I’ve been reading in between Adam and Carter’s events and tuck it into my bag. Then I pull up the map app on my phone and do the math of travel time plus dropping off my rental car and getting through security. Really, I should already be on the road. I send a quick goodbye and good luck text to the twins, then respond to Dom.
Maddie: I’m sorry. I’ve got to get to the airport
Maddie: The twins will be happy to see you!
Maddie: I mean not so happy that they’ll rip their pants off for you
Maddie: That was just for me
Maddie: But I’m sure they’ll give you a hug or something
Dom: What does that mean?
Dom: The thing about the pants?
Dom: Why were my brothers taking their pants off for you?
Dom: Traffic is moving
Maddie: It was only Adam
Maddie: I’ve really got to go
Maddie: I’ll see you in a few months!
I make it to my gate just in time.
See? If I hung around longer, I would’ve missed it.
As I settle into my aisle seat—I always choose bathroom access over window view—I consider what missing my flight would have meant. Rescheduling, obviously. Would have probably had to stay overnight in New York, or maybe in Philly. Do Adam and Carter have an extra bed at their place? If they do, it’s probably a gross college-boy futon. Booking a hotel room would’ve been a more sanitary option.
I would’ve had a whole evening with the Perry boys. That’s never happened before. Just the three of them and me.
Would Dom have stayed the night, too? Maybe shared a hotel room with me?
An empty dip in my stomach that feels an awful lot like regret has me wishing I was still in a chlorine-scented room instead of listening to a flight safety speech about how my seat is a flotation device.
When I step off my cross-country flight, bleary-eyed and in need of my bed, I turn off airplane mode on my phone to see a few texts from the Perrys.
Carter: Thanks for coming, it was cool having you cheer us on like old times
Adam: Maddie!!!!! I won all of my races for you!!! You’re good luck!!!
Dom: I wish you’d told me you were coming
Dom: Text me when you get home safe
Once I’ve settled in the back seat of my rideshare, I send the twins a kissy face emoji.
But for Dom I wake myself up enough to type out a message.
Maddie: Safe in Seattle
Maddie: Sorry I missed you buddy
Dom: Are you home?
Maddie: In an Uber
Dom: That’s not home safe.
Dom: What’s the driver’s rating?
Dom: Screen shot their profile to me.
Maddie: I’m not doing that
Dom: Share your location with me.
Maddie: Oh my god
Maddie: I am at my building
Maddie: I am in my building
Dom: Thank you.
Maddie: I am in front of the elevator
Maddie: I am inside the elevator
Dom: I see what you’re doing.
Maddie: I am at floor 1
Maddie: Floor 2
Dom: Got it.
Maddie: Floor 3
Maddie: Floor 4
Dom: What floor do you live on?
Maddie: Floor 5
Maddie: That’s both where I live and where I am
Maddie: Halfway down the hall
Dom: Noted.
Maddie: In front of my door
Maddie: Key in the door
Dom: Maddie…are you talking dirty to me?
I trip over my threshold and almost drop my phone. The sleepiness that fogged my brain since halfway through the flight evaporates in response to the heat roaring under my skin.
But I refuse to let Dom know he shook me.
Maddie: You caught me
Maddie: Hope it was good for you
The three dots appear and disappear on his screen multiple times, and I snort. Dominic Perry tried to make a naughty joke and now he can’t follow through on it.
Maddie: Going to bed
Maddie: Tell the twins they were awesome and they’re my favorite Perrys
Dom: I’m not doing that.
Dom: Good night.
Dom: Text me when you make it to your bed safe.
Maddie: You need help
I fall asleep smiling.