Chapter 25

In the early morning hours of the fifteenth, Deidre arrived at Inga’s, then spent the morning sleeping. She went to her office in the afternoon, hoping Jill had taken the day off and that she would be able to spend some time alone, thinking. No such luck.

“Good afternoon, Boss Lady. Just wake up? How’d it go with Melissa and her daughter?”

Deidre more or less avoided the question. “Well. It went well. Anything happen I should know about?”

“Zak Burton called, wants you to return his call as soon as you can. Jeff wants to meet with you, but he said it can wait until you have time, even next Monday would be okay. Other than that, everything is pretty quiet. Do you mind if I take the rest of the afternoon off? I’ve got something I want to do at the women’s shelter.”

Deidre let Jill go with her blessings. She wanted to be alone, but first she had to call Zak. She reluctantly dialed his number.

“Hey, Deidre. Thanks for getting back to me. How you feeling?”

Deidre shrugged, even though she knew Zak couldn’t see her. “I’m okay, good in fact. What’s so important it can’t wait?”

Zak cleared his throat. “On that file you gave me, the one from Gerald Colter, there was one more delivery scheduled. Remember? The ship named was the Aegean Sea, the delivery number was three. It is due in port on January 3. I would guess after our raid last week, they’ll be reluctant to make that delivery. But to be safe, I think we have to set up like we did before, if for no other reason than to assure ourselves that the three women aren’t shipped out because of our lack of follow through. Are you with us?”

Deidre didn’t have to think. “Of course I am. We can’t allow one more woman to be violated.”

“I guessed that’d be your answer, but I had to be sure. We’re meeting tomorrow at nine in the morning in the same office as last time. See you then.”

The next day, she sat through the meeting, not being surprised that the plan was pretty much the same. Zak said they’d be using a different ruse to camouflage their presence. He wasn’t sure what excuse they would use for their being on the docks, but plans would be in place by the time they met for final instructions on the twenty-eighth. Now, Deidre had a more difficult assignment—find a special present for the girls.

 

*****

 

The stores were crowded, every aisle choked with shoppers growing more frantic by the moment. Deidre really had no idea what she was looking for, and she aimlessly wandered through the store. As she turned to leave the toy section of the department store, she spotted what she knew she would buy.

It was a dollhouse, built to scale. One wall was missing so she could look into the house that was divided into an upstairs and downstairs. Each level was partitioned into several rooms, each of which was completely equipped with furniture and appliances.

She was able to find a set of people to go along with the house, her eyes being drawn in particular to two blond-haired dolls represent­ing children. They came complete with changes of tiny sets of clothing.

She had everything packed in a very large box and gift wrapped. Then she realized she should get something for Ben. That was a problem. She wanted something special but without any romantic connotation, not cheap but not terribly expensive either. Then she remembered that, when he returned from his last camping trip into the BWCAW, he lamented the fact that some coals from the campfire had landed on his sleeping bag and burned a hole in it. The stuffing was spilling out. After putting the dollhouse in her SUV, she headed to sporting goods.

A young lady who seemed to know what she was talking about, guided Deidre through the various models. Finally, she decided on one filled with artificial down that had a temperature rating of ten degrees. It cost more than she expected to pay, but what didn’t these days?

That, too, she had gift wrapped, and as she carried it to her vehicle, she hoped Ben would admit if it wasn’t what he wanted. She made up her mind to offer a disclaimer. He could return it if it wasn’t the kind he wanted. She’d save the receipt in case.

It took her several minutes to get to Ben’s, because the shopping mall was outside the city limits. She pointed her SUV downhill, carefully applying the brakes to avoid sliding into cars in front of her. She was relieved when she pulled into the driveway.

As usual, the girls answered the door.

“Get your coats on,” Deidre ordered. “I need help bringing in some gifts.” The girls scrambled to get dressed for the outdoors, Megan putting her boots on the wrong feet in her haste.

“Here, let me help.” Deidre bent down and switched the boots. “That will feel a lot better,” she laughed.

She looked up, and was startled, embarrassed, really, to see Ben staring at her. “What?”

“Nothing, just looking at you,” was all he said.

Amid squeals of delight and questions that came faster than she could answer, Deidre guided the moving of the wrapped dollhouse inside.

“I don’t think there’ll be room under the tree,” Maren complained, sounding almost alarmed.

“Oh, sure there will be,” Deidre said as she moved some of the wrapped presents already in place.

“Be careful!” Megan warned. “That one’s yours.” Then she covered her mouth with her hands, panicked that she had given away a secret.

Ben took her in his arms. “That’s okay. She’ll never guess what you got her.”

Deidre went to the car to retrieve the other gift. “See. This one’s for your daddy. He’ll never guess what I got him, either.”

The rest of the evening was filled with the magic that only children can produce at Christmas, and Deidre realized she loved the girls more than life itself. That scared her, and she thought, If Ben ever remarried, how could I give these two up?

She and Ben each carried one of the twins up to bed, and together they tucked the girls in. “Good night you two,” she said. “I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

“I love you, too,” they said in unison.

Deidre stayed the weekend at Ben’s, feeling a little guilty that she was neglecting her dog, Pete, but knowing he was being looked after assuaged her feelings. Inga walked him twice a day, and she had hired a dog sitter to come in twice a week to take him out of town where he could romp in the woods.

Most of the time, however, Deidre was having too much fun with Megan and Maren to be troubled. The excitement of Christmas rapidly approaching kept the twins in a constant state of anticipation, and their joy was contagious.

Every time she looked at Ben, saw the love in his eyes for his daughters, the more she wanted a repeat of what she had experienced under the mistletoe, and she wondered if he felt the same.

Saturday night, after the girls were in bed and a movie was playing on TV, Ben sat down beside her, put his arm around her shoulders, and drew her close to him. She allowed herself to rest her head on his chest. They sat in silence for several minutes, then Ben reached for the remote and turned the TV off.

“This case has been tough on you, hasn’t it?” he asked as he looked straight ahead. Deidre nodded, and tears formed in her eyes as she pictured the girls with whom she had been working, pictured Anna’s ravaged body.

“I see it in your expression every time you look at Megan and Maren, and I sense your fear that something like this could happen to them.”

Again Deidre nodded. “Sometimes I look at them and wonder how I can make a difference in their lives, how I can protect them from the world,” she lamented. “Ben, I look at what society has become, and I wonder what chance do they have?”

Ben thought for a minute. “We have to be careful, Deidre. Day in and day out, you and I come in close contact with the evil in this world, and it’s too easy to become jaded, thinking the whole world is like that. But it isn’t. The world is filled with good, decent, loving people whose only wish is to live peacefully with their neighbors. You and I are doing everything we can to make sure those two little girls have a chance at that kind of life. We can’t do any more. Today was a wonderful day. Chances are tomorrow will be too. The day after, well, let the day after take care of itself. If we don’t, we rob ourselves of the joy of living.”

Deidre had no way of responding. Had those words really come from the mouth of the man who had been an egotistical jock in high school?

Ben gently tilted Deidre’s face toward him and kissed her forehead while he stroked her hair. Then he kissed her like she wanted to be kissed ever since that evening when the girls had set them up in the doorway.

Sunday dawned one of those perfect December days. The sky was blue and cloudless, the snow was fresh and powdery, and the forecast was for temperatures in the mid-twenties.

The four of them went sliding again on the Zoo hill, and afterward, they returned home to have hot chocolate with miniature marshmallows bobbing in the brown foam.

Ben said, “Girls, I have a surprise for you after we eat supper and clean up the kitchen.”

They begged him to tell what it was, but all Ben would say was, “If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?”

It was dark by four-thirty, and they ate early, tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, something easy to make and quick to clean up. By five-thirty they were on their way to Lakeside Park. As it came into view, Deidre could hear the girls inhale, followed by an “Oooh!”

Acres of parkland were lit up by millions of tiny lights. Ben parked, and they got out of his car. Deidre made sure the girls were bundled up and wrapped a scarf more securely around Maren’s neck. Then they set out on the trek, a paved path that led them through a maze of animated figures made of wire outlined with lights: figure skaters and snowmen, Santa and elves, leaping reindeer and scurrying bunnies, all choreographed to move to the rhythm of Christmas carols.

The place was alive with families and singles, grandparents and lovers, all enjoying the free cookies and cocoa being handed out by real, live Santa’s helpers. Everywhere she looked, Deidre saw people having fun, laughing and slurping hot drinks, their cheeks pink from the cold and their eyes a-sparkle with the season of giving.

She looked up at Ben. “You are right.” was all she said.

That evening she drove home, happier than she had been for several years.

 

*****

 

Deidre sat at her desk. Monday morning—she felt a letdown from the high she had experienced over the weekend. Two cups of coffee later, she was still feeling out of sorts.

After the burst of excitement on the dock in Duluth with its huge shot of adrenaline, she looked at her meager office and was at odds ends. The FBI had pretty much taken over the trafficking investigation, and her days with the BCA were numbered. She wondered why she was even occupying office space.

What affected her most was the realization that they really had not dried up the stream of girls being transported down Highway 61 from Thunder Bay, through Two Harbors, and to the ships arriving at the harbor in Duluth.

Jill sensed her situation. “What will you do after this is over?” she asked Deidre, the tone of her voice telling of her concern.

“I don’t know. Go back up to my cabin, I suppose. Wait out the winter and then see what summer brings.”

Even as she said it, Deidre knew she would never be able to return to cabin life as it had been. She needed people. “How about you, Jill?”

“I’ll go back into the secretarial pool. We’re hired on temp duty, filling in for vacations and special needs like this. I’ll volunteer at the shelter. Read a lot. That’s about it.”

“You really don’t have anyone, do you?” Deidre asked without thinking.

Jill shook her head and looked at the floor.

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not much to say. I don’t get along with my mother, and my dad always takes her side. I left home when I was sixteen, because I was using drugs, and they finally gave me an ultimatum, either get treat­ment or they were going to turn me over to Social Services. I ran away and lived on the streets for a while. Now I’m here.”

“What made a difference in your life. You’re extremely capable. You’re not on the streets. What happened to lift you out of your situation?”

“I finally couldn’t stand who I was any longer, and tried to take the easy way out.”

“Suicide?” Jill nodded.

“I was taken to a hospital in Duluth to get help. There I met a most marvelous chaplain. He had experienced much of what I had. He spent hours with me, letting me talk and sharing his story with me. He got me into a women’s shelter in Duluth and lined me up to get some training in a business school, and, well, here I am. End of story.”

“I hope not, Jill. I hope not.”

Deidre got out of her chair and gave Jill a hug. “I really believe better days are ahead for you.”

For the remainder of the week, Deidre felt as if she were in limbo. There wasn’t anything that made time drag like having nothing to do and no direction for the future. She was getting as antsy for Christmas Eve to arrive as were Megan and Maren.

Evenings, she visited with Inga, took Pete for walks in the snow, and tried to wade her way through a tome written about events leading up to World War II. She wondered if people then thought society was getting so perverse that it could not endure.

Deidre put the book down on her lap and pondered that question. She concluded that, if she had been alive then, she would have had the same feelings she had now. The world has always experienced turmoil, she thought, and she vowed to begin trying to concentrate on the good rather than the bad. Ben’s words from the other night had had a remarkable effect on her thinking.

On Friday, she gave Jill the small present she had bought and wrapped. “This is for you,” she said as she handed the gift to her secretary. Tears welled up in Jill’s eyes as she carefully unwrapped what seemed to be a fragile object.

“Oh, Deidre. This is lovely,” she gushed as she draped the silk scarf around her neck. Deidre had attached a pin to the scarf, and it gathered in and reflected the bright colors of the cloth.

“Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

Deidre was delighted by Jill’s reaction. “Have a wonderful Christmas, Jill. Are you doing anything special?”

Jill looked a little embarrassed to answer. “I’m spending the holidays with a friend. We graduated from high school together and have reconnected through Facebook. He invited me to spend Christmas Day with him and his family. I’m worried sick about what he’ll think when he sees me in person.”

Deidre tried to reassure her that he’d be crazy if he didn’t get to know her. They walked to their cars together, Jill to go to the shelter and Deidre to go to Duluth for the weekend and then Christmas.

She never had been a good singer, but today she couldn’t help but sing a carol along with a crooner on the radio. In Duluth, she decided to stop at a coffee shop on the east end of town and debated about going by the drive-through window but decided to go inside to order. That way, she could doctor up her mocha the way she wanted it.

Standing at the counter to place her order, she looked over her shoulder at the customers sitting at tables. Her heart dropped.

At a corner table sat Ben and a very attractive young lady. He was holding her hands between his and was leaning forward. By his expression, she could see that he was talking intently to her, never breaking eye contact. Deidre offered up a silent prayer that he not look up and see her staring.

The server handed her the cup of mocha she had ordered, and as she moved to put her money on the counter, the loose coins slid through her fingers and clattered on the floor. Her hands trembled so she could hardly hold the cup, and some of its contents splashed out.

“Are you okay, lady?” the worker asked, shocked.

“Yes . . . yes, I’m okay,” she said and hurried out the door.

On the way past a trash can, she threw the half-full cup in the bin. In her car, she put her head on its steering wheel, choked back her sobs, but couldn’t stop the tears from dribbling off her chin. She held no anger, only an aching hurt.

Wiping the tears from her eyes, she managed to make it through the Christmas rush traffic and arrived at Ben’s before he did.

“Were you crying, Deidre?” Megan wanted to know.

Deidre answered honestly. “Yes, I feel sad today, but I’ll be okay. Let me go wash my face before Daddy gets home.”

She climbed the stairs to her room and ran cold water over a washcloth, wrung out the excess, and placed it over her tear-swollen eyes. After several minutes, she looked in the mirror. Some of the swelling had subsided and the redness was not quite as noticeable as it had been. She put on a new layer of makeup and went downstairs.

Just as her foot hit the bottom step, Ben came through the door, stomped the snow from his boots, and took off his jacket.

“Daddy,” Maren said when he stooped to give her his ritual kiss, “Deidre is sad today.”

Ben went over and wrapped his arms around her. “You’ve been crying. Your day must have been as bad as mine.” Deidre couldn’t help her reaction, and she felt her body stiffen as he touched her.

“That bad, huh? Well, I’ll go first. I got a call this morning from my uncle’s granddaughter. Her father is the same age as my dad, so even though she’s officially my cousin, twice removed, she’s only three years younger than me. Because of the similarity in our ages, we grew up together more like sister and brother than second cousins. To make a long story short, she wanted to have a cup of coffee with me and talk about a problem she’s having with her boyfriend. We met at that little place on London Road on the East End. When she told me he had hit her during a recent argument, I told her to pack her bags and run, told her if she needed a place to stay, she was welcome here. So, what was so wrong with your day?”

Deidre felt her face flush, and she hid it on his chest. Finally, she murmured, “Nothing. Just me behaving like a foolish schoolgirl. Give me a minute for attitude adjustment, and I’ll be right down.”

She turned tail and ran up the stairs to her room, where she flopped on the bed, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. In the end, she became angry at herself for jumping to conclusions. She stood up, took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and looked in the mirror. “Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who’s the craziest of them all?” The mirror didn’t answer, which she took as a good sign.

“Sorry about that,” she apologized as she made what felt to her like a grand entrance. All three were standing at the bottom of the stairway, watching her descend. She chuckled at the thought of a grand entrance, and no one asked questions.