Chapter Fifteen

Ged lay on his bed and smiled at Shaun as he returned from his exercise. Quickly jumping up to the door, Ged placed his hands down his boxers and stuck his fingers into his arse hole. Shaun was watching and wondered what the fuck he was doing.

A small package was now in his hand. Ged held it from his body as he ran to the sink. He quickly returned and showed Shaun the smack he’d just got in from a visit. Ged had been on heroin now for over a year. At first he just took it to help him get through the days in Strangeways but now he took the drug because his body rattled for it. Shaun had watched him a few times toot the drug but he never wanted to try it. Ged started to tell him about the visit he’d had earlier and how he got the drugs inside the prison.

“Angela was a walking wreck mate. She was shaking from head to toe.” Ged had Shaun’s full attention and carried on talking. “Good job that fucking dog wasn’t on duty today because it would have smelt the shit in Angela’s knickers.” They both sat laughing. Ged continued. “She said they searched her from top to bottom as well, but she stuck it into her bra the cunning twat.” Shaun was watching Ged as he was setting up to get his fix. He watched as he found the silver foil that he’d saved from his Kit-Kat earlier in the day. Ged guarded it with his life. He kept a low voice as he spoke.

“Yeah the visit was sound. Only a few screws were on duty today. Took me ages though to get the drugs from her tits and get it plugged up my arse.” Shaun’s eyes never left Ged’s face as he watched him toot from the foil. He could see the pleasure he was feeling as he fell back onto the bed.

Ged looked in a trance as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. Shaun felt something inside him and held onto his stomach. His head was in bits and although he knew it was heroin Ged was messing about with, he also wanted to take the pain away he felt inside too.

Not long after, he succumbed and before long he was tooting the smack. Shaun looked white and his body managed to sink back onto his bed as he melted into the mattress. Now his body looked relaxed. Finally he spoke to Ged who was now lying on his own bed chilling.

“Fucking hell mate, I feel so relaxed.” Ged gave no reply and lay staring into space. Both inmates were now junkies. Shaun never knew that this day would haunt him for the rest of his life. There was no going back.

Morning came and Ged looked rough. As his eyes focused on Shaun, he smiled. Being a smackhead was a lonely life and now that his friend was on the gear too he knew there would be more chance of getting a fix. They spoke about his first experience of heroin and Shaun felt ashamed that he’d given into it. He couldn’t hide the fact that he enjoyed it though. It took him to a place that was peaceful and free of misery.

Finally Ged spoke about getting more, “I know some girls who will bring it in, but you need to get some cash to them before they will do shit. Can you get hold of some cash on the out or what?” Shaun screwed his eyes up. The only person he had on the out was his mother Gladys. He knew she was skint but it had never stopped him before to play on her emotions. He told Ged it wouldn’t be a problem and winked at him. Shaun had a visit from his mother and his sister later that day. He knew if he turned on the tears he would surely get them to hand over some cash.

*

The visiting room was filled with inmates waiting to see their loved ones. They all wore red bibs over their clothing and sat at the small tables watching the door to see their visitors. The door opened and one by one the visitors walked in. Shaun watched as a man near him gripped his wife in his arms. He could see the torment in the convict’s eyes and felt a lump in the back of his throat. Behind the line of people walking in Shaun could see the smile of his sister Katie walking in. She looked thinner than he remembered. Gladys was now in sight. Shaun waved his hands in the air so they could see him. His mother looked twice her age. Her once golden locks now looked like grey wire. Deep wrinkles filled her face. He knew somewhere deep inside he was the one to blame for them.

His family sat down at his table and he leant forward and kissed them both on the cheek. His mother smelt of tobacco and her yellow teeth suggested she was still a heavy smoker. A queue was now forming at the back of them for the canteen. Katie asked him if he wanted something to eat. Shaun squirmed. He looked at the other inmates at the side of him and told her to get him a sandwich and a drink. She asked if he wanted any chocolate but he refused for now. Once Katie left them he knew he only had a few minutes to get into his mother’s ribs for some cash. Pulling her hand over the table he looked directly into her eyes.

“Mam. I need you to sort me some money out. I’m seriously fucked if you don’t.” Gladys wriggled away and pulled at her cardigan.

“Where the fuck do you think I’m gonna get money from? I don’t have enough to live on never mind give it to you!” His head sunk and he secretly watched her through his hands that covered his face. Gladys could be heard sighing.

“What do you need money for anyway?” Shaun knew he had her attention and checked where Katie was.

“Mam, you don’t know what it’s like in here. Some guy’s giving me shit. If I don’t pay him what he wants he’s gonna do me in big time.” His mother looked horrified. She was already looking around the room to report her son’s problem to an officer. Shaun screwed his face up. Gladys spoke with a huff in her voice.

“Well what have you done? You must have done something for him to be demanding money from you.” Shaun forced a tear from his eyes and shook his head.

“It’s a guy who I owe money to from when I was outside. I never paid him and got off with his stuff. For fuck’s sake mam are you gonna sort it or what.” His voice was loud now and she tried to calm him down. She could see people looking over to their table.

“How bloody much? I’m just as skint as you. I don’t fucking believe this! You better pay me back!”

Shaun’s eyes opened fully now and he placed his arms around her neck across the table. “I will Mam, don’t worry. I need fifty quid. I’ll get someone to call to your house for it.” Gladys looked puzzled. He told her to have the money ready by the following day. Katie now joined them and she could see Gladys looked annoyed.

“What’s up Mam?” Shaun stared at Gladys and she tried to shake the anger off.

“Oh nothing. It’s just this place. It’s so depressing.”

Katie studied the other convicts. She was amazed at some of the characters and asked her brother what some of them were in for. The screws paced the room and let everyone know they were present. In the middle of the room four wardens sat higher up than everyone else. They scanned the room for anything untoward. Katie looked at Shaun and started to fill him in on all the local gossip. She made him laugh and for a moment he forgot where he was. Shaun’s eyes focused on the visiting room and planned his next visit to get the drugs in.

The noise in the room was filled with kids crying and talking. As his eyes focused he could see a couple on the next table. The inmate was raising his voice at her and it was obvious the woman was upset. She looked scared to death of him and he could see him dragging her jumper closer to him.

Katie looked at her mother and they all pretended not to watch them. Shaun felt uneasy and told them to stop being nosey as he didn’t want the prisoner on his case. Katie now told Shaun that one of his old mates was now selling drugs on the estate. He looked shocked as he never expected it from his clean-cut mate Dillon.

Gladys remained silent. Her face looked stern as she sat back in her chair. Every now and then she would speak. Looking around the room she spoke in a harsh tone.

“They’re all in here for a reason, Katie. No good feeling sorry for them.” Shaun shook his head and knew she was on one. He sighed.

“Mam why are you always Chief Black Cloud? We know they have all done something wrong, that’s why they are in fucking jail ya muppet.”

Holding her head up and shaking it from side to side she made her point anyway. “Fucking three meals a day. No bills, no worries. Tell ya what I could do with a few years in here. It’s a holiday camp not a prison.” Katie smiled at Shaun and they both knew Gladys wasn’t happy. Once she’d finished moaning the visit was nearly over.

Shaun watched as all the visitors stood to leave. He could see them kissing and hugging each other. The inmate who sat near him sunk his head on the table as his wife left and you could see him pulling at his knuckles making them crack loudly.

Katie stood first and hugged Shaun. As she started to walk off Shaun gripped his mother. “Mam, don’t forget that money. I’ll tell em to call tomorrow for it. Alright?” Gladys nodded but her face was full of sadness. She wanted to take her son home with her. In her eyes he was just a mixed-up kid. She never classed him as a murderer. He would always be her blue-eyed boy no matter what.

The visits were now over and each inmate walked back to their cells with their heads hung low. They were searched first. Shaun made a mental note of every part of his body they searched. He felt heavy and he seemed to be in a world of his own as he entered his pad. As he flung himself onto his bed he noticed Ged ruffling about under his bed sheets. He smiled to himself and knew he’d been masturbating. It was an unwritten law in jail that when your pad mate was out on a visit you could bash your bishop until your heart’s content. Looking at Ged’s face, it seemed he certainly had taken advantage of this rule.

Shaun took the pen in his hand and rolled it about in his fingers. He had no one really special to write to. As he sat staring at the piece of paper in front of him, his mind was blank. Standing at the window he could see a pigeon on the far wall. The bird looked at him as if it was smiling. There it was: free to go wherever it wanted and there he was locked away behind bars. Shaun smiled and spoke to Ged.

“Tell ya what mate. Even the pigeons in Manchester walk around with a fucking attitude. Come and check this cocky fucker out over here.” Ged pushed his head to the bars and they both laughed as they watched the bird balancing along the ledge. Shaun was right, the bird’s chest was stuck out in front of it and it walked about as if it didn’t have a care in the world. Ged shoved his arm through the bars and held a small mirror out so he could see the pad next door. He shouted out of the window and within minutes he could see a man’s reflection in it.

Shaun was learning all about prison life every day. He learnt how to get a light when he didn’t have one. Ged had shown him how to shove two pieces of foil into the plug socket to get a spark. At first when he watched the whole episode he thought Ged would end up killing himself but as he watched further he was amazed. Prison life was funny and if he didn’t laugh about it all he would have cried his eyes out all day long.

Months went by and Shaun was soon a full blown addict. Each day that passed was all about where he and Ged could get drugs. Shaun had been devastated when he heard the news about his friend Colby and not even the smack could take away the hurt he felt in his heart. Colby had committed suicide. Apparently he’d strung himself up. Shaun had received a letter from him weeks before and he knew even then that his mate wasn’t coping well. He’d tried to get to the funeral, but because he wasn’t direct family his application had been refused.

Shaun now had a girlfriend. He’d met her through Ged. She was the one bringing the drugs into the prison. Over time they’d become close and started to write to each other. Julie was an addict too and her life hadn’t been easy either. Just like most addicts she had a story to tell. Her kids were in care and all that she had left in the world was drugs. Julie had strawberry blonde hair. The perm she’d had many years before was still growing out. Her body was thin and her complexion was spotty. Julie tried to make herself look respectable but no matter how much make-up she caked on she could never cover up the damage years of injecting heroin into her veins had caused.

Shaun and Julie got on well. She was all he had to keep him going. To kiss a woman made a big difference to any man serving a sentence. The first time he kissed her he cringed. Her stump like teeth were brown and her breath stank of horse manure. The kiss wasn’t that bad he thought and he told her to get some mints when she came on the visit to freshen her breath. Julie had no inhibitions. She would touch his cock and squeeze it all the time on the visit. At one time she nearly made him come she rubbed his nob that much. They were both making plans for when he was released from jail. After time passed Shaun thought he really loved her.

The years passed and Shaun was due to be released. Ged had been gone a long time ago and life inside the jail had been hard. Drugs were still a big part of Shaun’s life and he couldn’t get enough of the stuff. He’d fleeced his mother of any money she had. Lying in his bed the night before he would be a free man was hard. His eyes were heavy but he couldn’t sleep. He lay there thinking of life on the outsdide and planned to turn his life around once he was a free man.