Chapter Twenty-one

Shaun’s family were stood around his bed. The doctors had told them that he’d taken a turn for the worse and didn’t have a lot of time left. A lot of his organs were shutting down. It was only a matter of time before Shaun was gone.

Gladys stood with her two children and her ex-husband the night Shaun left this world. He never regained consciousness. Gladys was surprisingly brave and held Paul and Katie at her side as the heart-monitor stopped bleeping. Katie fell to the bed like a lead weight and sobbed her heart out. Paul had never been one for words. He held his tears back until he was away from them all.

Gladys walked slowly to Shaun’s bedside as his heartbeat disappeared from the screen. The doctors in the room left and gave them time alone once they’d done all the essential medical work. Mike came to her side and cupped her waist as she lifted Shaun’s head from the bed. Her words were heart wrenching and all the family cried as she spoke.

“You’re not in any more pain now son. We never stopped loving you. My heart has also stopped beating.” She jerked back the rush of tears. Taking a deep breath she carried on saying her goodbyes. “The hole you have left in my life will never be filled. I’m sorry son. I wish I could have helped you more, but I just didn’t know how.” Katie grabbed her as her body was falling. “You sucked every bit of life from me Shaun and I didn’t have any strength left.” Shaun’s dad held her as she sobbed onto her son’s head. Her hands were gripped firmly round him. It looked like she was never letting go. Katie was now at the other side of the bed. She held the cold hand of her brother. The veins were still blue. She shook her head as she tried to say goodbye.

“Our kid. I didn’t ever think in a million years you would be gone. All the things I wanted to say to you will now be held in my heart forever. I lost you a long time ago to drugs. I know we have both said things in the past that we didn’t mean, but I have always loved you, bruv.” Katie sank her head on the bed and she could feel her mother’s hand stroking her head from the other side of the bed.

That day another family from Harpurhey lost a man they loved to drugs. Many more drug addicts would follow and lots of families would mourn the death of people they loved. After time Shaun’s family left his bedside. Each of them had regrets, of words unspoken and love they never shared. They all headed back to Glady’s house.

Family and friends were already round at the house offering their condolences to the family. Harpurhey was a large community and they stuck together in times of sorrow. Mothers and fathers of other drug addicts stood watching the family and prayed they wouldn’t have to suffer the same torment of losing a child to drugs.

Gladys sat in her chair and looked inconsolable. The only time she moved was to light a cigarette. Katie was brewing up for everyone and trying to keep her emotions stable for the sake of the household. Each person who came to Shaun’s mother’s side cried as they offered their sympathy. Gladys was like a ticking bomb and when one of the neighbours mentioned Shaun was a drug addict she sprung from her chair like a scalded cat.

“Don’t you ever call my Shaun a drug addict! He was my son. Don’t speak about him as if you knew him. None of you fuckers gave a shit about him when he was alive!” Gladys raised her hand and pointed her finger around the room. Her eyes were filled with madness as she spit the words out of her mouth as if they were on fire.

“It’s alright for all of you! You still have your sons and daughters. I have fuck all now without him.” Katie dipped her head. Her father was at the side of her and cradled her in his arms as Gladys let rip. “And don’t think I don’t know what you lot are all saying behind my back.” Her head was held high as she chewed on her lips. She paced the living room floor looking at each of them with a look to kill in her eyes. She lifted her hand to the ceiling. “And yeah I did live for my son! So fucking what! No matter what he did I always stuck by him. Just like we all do for our children.” Paul came to her side. His words were soft.

“Mam, come on, you’re upset. You need to calm down.” Shaking his hand from her body she screamed at him.

“You! You were just the same as all the fucking others. You didn’t give Shaun the time of day. All you ever did was hit him. Bullying bastard, that’s all you were.” Paul huffed and looked at his father for help but he was consoling Katie. Gladys walked away from him and continued in her abusive language.

“When he had knocked off stuff you were all round him like flies round shit. Yeah you all loved the bargains didn’t you? Did you ever think for one minute that with the money he was buying fucking drugs?”

Katie was breaking free from her father’s grip she couldn’t stand back anymore. She ran at her mother and years of frustration broke free. “He robbed you blind and everyone else. Don’t pretend he was this big loving son because he didn’t give a shit about you or anyone else.” Gladys was trying to grab her now but Paul restrained her as she opened fire.

“Stop kidding yourself mother. He was a dirty drug addict. He didn’t give a shit about anyone but himself and getting wrecked.” Katie knew her words were harsh and backed off as Gladys flopped to the floor. The neighbours started to disappear one by one. Within minutes all that was left was Shaun’s immediate family.

The sound of sobbing could be heard. The moment was heart wrenching as Mike came to Gladys’s side. Reaching down to where she lay he lifted her to her feet. Her legs were like jelly and she couldn’t stand up unaided. Her hands hung round his neck as he placed her back on the sofa. Katie felt guilty and stood staring at the walls.

A family was destroyed. None of them had any words left to say. Nothing could ever take away the pain they all felt inside. Paul went inside his mother’s bag and searched for her tablets. Grabbing a glass of water from the kitchen he spoke quietly to his mother.

“Mam, take a couple of these. You need to relax. You’re gonna have a heart attack otherwise.” His mother lifted her head. Her hair was stuck to her cheeks through the tears she’d wept. Wiping her eyes she took the two tablets from his palm and washed them down with a swig of water. Katie looked at the bottle of pills. She’d taken them in the past when she couldn’t cope. Looking at Paul she asked him for a couple too. Within minutes all the family had popped a pill.

Later that night and Katie had made some sandwiches but they just stood on the small plate at the centre of the table curling at the edges.

Gladys’s eyes were heavy. In her hand she held Shaun’s pebble. Every now and then she would hold it tightly in her fist and place it next to her heart. She looked as if she was speaking to it as she held it to her chest. You could see her mouth moving slowly but no words were coming out.

Katie searched the old mahogany cabinet in the front room. She found the old family photo album. At first she held it inside the cabinet and didn’t know whether to bring it out or not. Her fingers gripped the corner of the silver album. Slowly she placed it under her arm and brought it to show them. Paul could see her from the corner of his eyes and smiled. Paul called out to her.

“Come and sit here Katie and let’s have a look at it.” She walked to the sofa and nudged him over with her arse as she sat down. He pulled the album closer so he could get a good look. Opening the first page they both laughed as they saw a picture of the three of them when they were on holiday in Blackpool years before. Paul was pissing himself as he shouted over to his dad.

“Is that the hair cut you gave me dad?”

Mike walked over and bent down to look at the picture closer. His eyes screwed up as he struggled to see without his glasses. Lifting his head back up, he laughed out loud.

“Ay that was the dog’s bollocks, that hair cut. You looked like George Best.” Paul sighed and nudged Katie.

“Fucking George Best! More like Fred West.” Katie shouted out now as she pointed at her hair in the picture.

“Fucking hell, mine’s no better. I look like ya wife Rose.” The three of them sat laughing. Gladys was watching them all and wanted to see what they were laughing about. She knew her son’s face would be there in the photo album and stood up to join them. Sitting on the arm of the chair she leant across Paul’s shoulder to get a closer look.

As the pages turned they all laughed and cried. Towards the back of the album Shaun stood from the page in his communion clothes. He looked like an angel, as if butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. Gladys examined the picture closer and spoke of the clothes he wore.

“We got his communion suit made for him didn’t we Mike?” Shaun’s dad nodded. He didn’t remember but just agreed to keep her happy. “Mrs Sullivan made it for us. It was all made from white silk.” Her face looked happy as if she could see him still wearing it. “Shaun hated it. He said the material made him itch. Fucking hell I remember it as if it was yesterday.” All in the room now sat forward and listened to her every word. “I watched him in the church and he was pulling at the shirt. He was gonna rip it and I had to give him the eyes when he looked at me and mouthed to leave it alone.” Gladys pulled the photo from the album and looked at it in more detail. “Poor fucker!” she chuckled, “when he come home after the church his legs were red raw.” Katie smiled and remembered her brother’s first communion. She took the photo from her and laughed.

“He had first degree burns mam, not just red raw.” They all laughed as the photos were passed about. Lots more snaps were looked at. One of Shaun as a drug addict stared at them all from the page. Katie looked at Paul and they were going to ignore it and turn the page but Gladys stopped them.

“Look at the state of him there.” Gladys shook her head and sighed. “He swore blind that he was wasn’t on drugs. Do you remember it was our Susan’s engagement party?” They all knew the time she was talking about and looking at the photo in more detail. You could tell he was off his head. His eyes looked like piss holes in the snow and his skin was grey even on the snap-shot. Even his sweat was visible on the photo. Mike held the picture and shook his head. He could see the skeletal frame of his son. Tears fell onto his cheek and he broke down for the first time.

Katie jumped to hold him but Gladys was already there at his side. Her lips were trembling as she spoke.

“He’s at peace now Mike. Our son is finally at Peace.” Paul and Katie joined them both and the family cried together. The days that lay ahead were going to be hard and they knew the funeral was just around the corner.