L I L L Y

 

Lilly let Rain do the gabbing while she, ravenous from having skipped dinner, snarfed up her eggs. Rain nibbled on a piece of toast and told a story about Declan from the previous night, how he’d intentionally messed up his spoken Chinese so he made nonsensical sentences that horrified their grandparents.

“They thought he had a brain tumor!” Rain said, laughing. “Or that he was on drugs. And they blamed it on my dad!”

Lilly couldn’t help but laugh, but the mention of Declan ignited a briquette of remorse in her gut.

“And then my parents were like, begging him to ‘act normal.’ Like he’s even capable of that. And then once my grandparents understood he was just joking around they got mad at my dad again, because he’d raised such a disrespectful son. And then Declan did what he always does, gets all charming, speaks perfect Chinese, apologizes to everyone. That’s how he gets whatever he wants, it’s so unfair.”

Whatever he wants. Was Lilly something he’d wanted? The thought of it made the eggs in her tummy start to thrum, in a bad, gonna-throw-up kind of way.

“You okay? You look a little…?”

Lilly put her fork down and pushed her plate away. She wanted to tell Rain everything—about everything!—but wasn’t sure where to start. Abandoning her breakfast, she quickly rose (bonking her head on the light fixture) and grabbed Rain’s hand. “Let’s go talk in my room, it’s more private.”

After Rain skipped in behind her, Lilly shut the door. Her dad had moved her mattress onto the floor the previous day, before taking the bedframe to the cobwebby cellar. She’d been mad at first, even though he’d explained it would be more comfortable to sleep nearer the ground, where her feet would be supported. And she wouldn’t be in danger of the frame collapsing if she flopped over too heavily in the middle of the night. Her dad had been right. With her arms and legs stretched out on the fuzzy carpet she’d felt so much less confined, and finally got a decent night’s sleep.

Rain sat on a corner of the mattress, diagonally from Lilly, whose legs took up the rest of the space. In sputtering bursts, she told Rain what had happened with Declan in the basement, spurred on by the fear that her friend would run home mad before Lilly could finish. And Rain was mad. But not in the way Lilly anticipated.

“What an asshole! I’m gonna kill him!”

“It wasn’t totally his fault,” said Lilly, still haunted by the guilt of it.

“Do you know how often my mom has talked to us about boundaries? About consent? Declan totally crossed the line—my parents are gonna kill him too!”

“Please don’t tell them!” Lilly begged.

“Why? The little turd deserves to be punished, he gets away with everything.”

“Because then my father will know. He has this whole idea of me as his ‘little girl.’ And he’s already so messed up about my size.” Lilly shook her head, imagining her father’s disappointment. “He couldn’t handle it, Rain. He doesn’t want to think about, you know, that part of me that’s growing up normally. And, I know it’s your brother, but imagine it was…some other boy. And it felt…not that bad.”

“I get it.” Rain wilted a little, disappointed that she couldn’t get Declan in heaps of trouble. “I guess, if I’d been in your shoes…I would’ve done the same thing.”

“You think?” Hope fluttered inside her.

“Yeah. Probably. Don’t feel bad, Lilly. But…. Be careful. Even Declan, who knows better, is a complete asshat. Other boys might be worse.”

Rain’s advice was an echo of her brother’s.

“I don’t think it’ll happen again,” Lilly said, brimming with more confidence. “It was a little too confusing, and I think I’m too…. Maybe when I’m thirteen.”

“Yeah. In a couple years.”

“Yeah.”

“And you should know—my mom would tell you this—you can be mean if you have to. If they don’t understand what no means, or if they won’t stop. Gouge their eyes out, or knee them in the balls.” Lilly giggled. “I’m serious. And you’ve got size on your side.”

Lilly buried her face in her pillow, laughing at the image of herself trampling some frisky boy. She should’ve told Rain sooner; Rain understood everything like no one else.

“You’re the best.”

“I know. So what did the doctors say?” her friend asked.

“I know your dad called my mom.”

Lilly smooshed the pillow over her face again, groaning this time. Rain tugged at her pants leg.

“Tell me. You’ll scare me even more if you don’t tell me.”

Her head thumped against the wall as Lilly leaned back, tossing the pillow aside. “It’s so messed up. The doctors have this idea, an experiment they want to try to see if they can get me to stop growing. I think they want to destroy something in my brain.”

Rain’s face contorted, aghast with fear and disgust.

“You serious?”

“I mean, I might just stop growing on my own. And the ‘procedure’ as they like to call it could have these horrible side effects.”

“Like what?”

“Like learning disabilities, or my personality might totally change.”

“No way! Your dad would never go along with—”

“He scheduled it for Monday!”

Rain sat there, mouth agape, in utter shock. And then to Lilly’s horror, Rain’s eyes welled with tears.

“Don’t…. Rain!” She scooted across the mattress and took her friend’s tiny hand in hers.

“I don’t want you to become someone else! I’m already so afraid—” Rain stopped herself.

“Afraid of what?”

Rain chewed on her lip for a minute, gazing at Lilly with a tormented expression. “Afraid of…. What if something happens? And we can’t be friends anymore.”

“That won’t ever happen. You’ll always be my best friend.”

“The doctors will change you even more.”

“No, no—I won’t let them. I have a plan.”

Rain looked a smidge more hopeful. She wiped at her eyes, her attention fixed on Lilly. “How are you gonna get out of it? Will your dad come around?”

Lilly shook her head. “He won’t listen. But I’m going to run away.”

“Really? Where?” Suddenly she radiated excitement.

“I think there might be a place where…not monsters, I don’t believe in monsters anymore. But a place for people who are different. I’m going to see if I can find it.”

For a moment Rain just blinked. Lilly crossed-her-fingers that her friend wouldn’t notice the downside of her plan—that she didn’t know exactly, positively where she was going. While Lilly no longer believed that the beasts from her nightmares could materialize beneath her bed (especially in its current condition), she’d had to rethink some things since becoming a giant. If she was possible, then other oddities were too. She was living proof, and maybe there were other giants who’d hidden themselves away, afraid of medical experiments that would change their personalities. It seemed possible now that fairytales could be based on a reality that most people didn’t personally experience.

Before Rain could object or try to talk her out of it, Lilly tried to explain. “Remember that poem I always loved? The Village of Wrong Things? The bigger I get, the more likely it seems that other…things, animals, people…. There could be other people like me, and the world just wants to study them, or make fun of them, so they’ve found their own place to live. The poem is a clue, for people who need it. And this—” she gestured toward her window. “—is just a small town, what do we know about what’s out there? I know my dad wants a quick solution. He wants me back as I was and that isn’t going to happen. No one’s giving me the option to just…be who I am. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Maybe I…belong somewhere else.”

“I’m coming with you.” It was so decisive. Rain gripped her hand, hard.

“Really?” She hadn’t considered that Rain might want to come, and it filled her with joy.

“You need me. If you belong somewhere else, then I do too. Buddy system. And I’ll make sure you don’t get in over your head—haha!”

“We have to leave tomorrow,” Lilly whispered, excited to have a partner-in-crime.

“We’ll need some money.”

“I already thought of that. I have seventy dollars.”

“I have a bank account, for my birthday money n’ stuff. I’ll go to the supermarket with my dad later—get to an ATM.”

“Thank you!” She grabbed her friend into a gentle bear hug. “Should I try to steal some more? From my dad?” The words came out softer than a whisper.

“Maybe. We might be on the road for a while. Do you know which direction—”

A knock came loud as a crack of lightning on her door. Both girls jumped, their faces mirrored masks of surprise. Lilly didn’t know how her dad could have overheard them, but worried he had. When he opened the door and stuck his head in, she recognized the fake smile. The nervous wandering of his eyes. He had more bad news to deliver, and was trying to hide it.

“Hey girls, can I come in a sec?”

Lilly nodded. Rain moved to squeeze in beside her so they both reclined against the wall, ready for a lecture.

“So, I just got off the phone with….” He rubbed his hands together, glanced around the room. “I’m glad you’re here Rain, you can…. You’re such a great friend.”

The girls looked at each other. They both knew bad news was coming.

“I know we weren’t going to go into the hospital until Monday, but I’m worried…” The forged smile fell off. In its place was anguish—enough anguish that to see it on her father’s face punctured a hole in Lilly’s heart. In response, she gripped Rain’s hand so hard she cried out.

“Ow!”

“Sorry.”

“I’ve arranged…. I think it’s better if we head in tomorrow, right after I get back from church—maybe you’ll want to go with me? The hospital is expecting us, and they’ll get a room ready just for you, with everything you’ll need. A big TV, and a big comfy bed—and an extra bed so you can have sleepovers, just like we talked about.” He tried to get the smile to settle again, but it wobbled like it wasn’t quite attached to his skin.

“Okay.” That’s all Lilly said.

Her dad nodded and slunk away.

Rain turned to Lilly and panic-whispered, “You aren’t really going are you?”

The most devious smile of Lilly’s eleven years bloomed on her face.