‘I’ll be as gentle as I can but it will be uncomfortable. It’s important that I try and get as many samples as possible.’
‘What about the clothes?’
‘The lab will test those. Because you took them off and bundled them into a bag rather than wash them there’s a very good chance that they can get semen from them and that means they’ll have your attacker’s DNA. But, of course, positive samples on clothing don’t prove there was rape, as I’m sure you understand. Now, just lie as still as you can, Shelley.’
The atmosphere was clinical because of the job the doctor was doing, but it was also calming, accepting, gentle. Shelley felt almost relaxed, for the first time since it had happened. The examination was painful, unpleasant, invasive, embarrassing but nothing more, and it didn’t last long.
Far worse was the account she had to give, in as much detail as she could remember. The counsellor sat with her, the machine recorded silently, there was a glass of water and a cup of tea beside her, plus a box of tissues, none of which prevented her from shaking as she went over it all, from the minute she and Tim had arrived at the dinner and seen Richard Serrailler, to the minute Tim saw her torn dress in the car when they got home. It seemed to take a very long time to recall everything and it was almost more vivid, more affecting, more repulsive than when it had actually happened. Being raped did not fade in the memory – on the contrary, it grew, and it was accompanied by feelings of shame and distress, fear and a strange sense of unreality. It could not have been him, he could not really have been doing that to her, they had not actually been in that place. She would wake up in a minute and the nightmare would begin to loosen its grip. But it did not.
St Catherine’s had looked so institutional and forbidding from the outside that she would most probably have gone away without even ringing the bell, if the policewoman had not been with her. The entrance hall, the concrete stairs, the dismal lift reminded her of a cell block. But once inside the third-floor suite, everything was different – fresh pastel paint on the walls, wide windows letting in the light, comfortable sofas and chairs, decent coffee and tea, made freshly, biscuits on a plate. But most of all, there was friendliness and an atmosphere so welcoming that it lifted Shelley’s spirits. She was exhausted after giving the lengthy recorded statement and having the physical examination, but talking to the counsellor made her feel not only calmer, but quietly determined.
‘Shelley, it shouldn’t affect you at all that the man you are accusing has a high public profile locally, and is very well respected. It certainly doesn’t affect us. Nor should the fact that his son is a detective chief superintendent. Forget that too. The police are expert at dealing with anything related to one of the force and it won’t even come near him. And that’s right. If it’s hard for you, and women like you, it is actually very hard for relatives of men accused of rape. I know how I’d feel, if it was my father or brother facing prosecution for this. You have to set all that aside and leave other people to deal with it. Focus on yourself – you’ve had a traumatic experience. You’ll take time to recover – maybe longer than you expect. But you will because we’re here for you, as long as it takes, OK?’
‘So, how long will it take?’
‘Forensics will come back in a couple of weeks – depends how stretched they are at the moment. Could be a bit more than that but not usually. Assuming they have a positive result – and I’ve no reason to suppose that they won’t – then the police will pay your attacker a visit and charge him.’
‘And that’s that? It’s all like a moving train and no one can get off it.’
‘No. You will be asked if you want to press the charge of rape. You can change your mind at any point, even up to the moment you all go into court for the hearing, assuming it comes to that. You know about the way a case has to be handed over by the police to the CPS?’
‘Yes.’
‘So, if the CPS decides there’s enough evidence to bring the charge of rape, then a date will be set for the court hearing. That could take several months. None of this is going to happen in a hurry. That’s just one reason why it’s all so stressful and you don’t have any choice except to endure it. It’s why I said we’ll be here to support you all the way – and after it’s over, if you still need us, no matter what the outcome.’
‘I keep rerunning what happened. I see hideous images and scenes …’
‘I understand … do you want to talk about them?’
‘No. I want to forget them. And I don’t think I could tell you – they’re muddled, they swirl about … it’s the atmosphere of nightmares. That sounds daft.’
‘No, it doesn’t. To be honest, I’d worry if you weren’t going over things.’
‘God, I hate all this. It’s going to sound ridiculous but … in a way, everything that’s happening now is almost worse … and it’s going to go on, isn’t it?’
‘But the difference is, then you were on your own, now you have us and you won’t be alone again so long as it lasts.’