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The Jackson family had all but taken over the surgery waiting area in the Polson hospital, some pacing, some talking quietly, others lost in thought. Brett had taken up a post in the hallway, thus freeing up seating for the immediate family. His Aunt Linda was the picture of quiet strength. Paler than usual, she was still making an effort to bolster those around her, keeping a firm arm around Jodi, his youngest cousin, who was definitely tying hard not to lose it. His cousin, Will, sat close to her, studying the opposite wall with a grim expression. Brett knew him well enough to see that he was angry—perhaps at himself because he’d been with his father when he’d had the attack and was helpless to do anything about it. Brett had tried to talk to him early on, but after a few words he’d given up and allowed Will his space. His grandfather, Nate, paced the floor, occasionally coming out to join Brett for a moment, before heading back into the waiting area. His grandfather was used to being in control and at this moment he was helpless to do anything to help his son. It had to be killing him, but no way was Nate showing it.
Brett’s parents sat together silently holding hands, there for one another as they’d been during every hard time they’d faced during their long marriage. His folks had seen some difficult times—Hal’s accident, his uncle’s death in a car wreck, the lean times at the orchards—and they’d faced them shoulder to shoulder.
What a concept. Two people facing life together.
He shoved the bitter thought out of his head as the nurse came in and asked for the immediate family. When they came back, Will had his arm around his sister Jodi’s shoulders and Linda was smiling tremulously and Nate looked as if a weight had been taken off.
“He made it through surgery and the doctor is cautiously optimistic,” Linda said, brushing the back of her hand beneath her eyes.
“The doctor suggested we get some rest. No one can see him while he’s in IC, so there’s no sense hanging here,” Will said. “I’m getting Mom and Grandpa motel rooms.”
“We’ll get a room, too,” Hal said, meeting Brett’s gaze. “Would you mind going home and taking care of the dogs?”
“Not a problem.” He settled a hand on his father’s shoulder.
“We’ll keep you updated,” his mother said as they walked into the lobby. “Keep your phone close.” She glanced over at her stoic husband and Brett got the message. She was worried about him. So was he. He sent Molly a text after he got home; giving her an update before heading into the kitchen and pouring a whiskey.
Instead of drinking, he stood, holding the glass, staring at the opposite wall, trying to make sense of the day. Life was unpredictable. His uncle wasn’t that old. He’d taken great care of himself and now...this. It made him worry about his own dad, who was only a year younger than Robert.
A soft knock on the back door startled him and he set down the glass and went to push aside the curtain of the side window. Jacie was on the back step, shifting her weight as she waited for him to answer, looking pale yet determined.
He opened the door without a word and she stepped into his kitchen. Her hair was once again caught in the ponytail and she’d exchanged the flannel pants for jeans, but her expression was the same as it had been in the field. Concerned, conflicted.
“How’s your uncle?” she asked before the door had closed behind her.
“He made it through the surgery. Now it’s a waiting game.”
“How about your parents and your grandfather?”
They’re doing okay all things considered. They’re all staying in Polson tonight.”
And then the silence hung. She pushed her hands deeper in her sweatshirt pockets, apparently uncertain where to go next in the stilted conversation. It was shitty of him, but he wasn’t in the mood to help.
“Just thought I’d check.” Her mouth stretched into a duty smile. “Call if you need anything.”
She put her hand on the doorknob and Brett surprised himself by reaching over her head and planting a palm on the door above her head. Her gaze jerked up.
“Is Darby asleep?” He jerked his head toward the window that faced her house.
“At the Morgans’.”
“You can stay if you want.”
Now it was her turn to freeze him out. “Why would I want to stay?”
He took his hand off the door. “So that I can apologize for being a jerk just now.”
“You have an excuse.”
He smiled humorlessly. “I’m not taking it.”
Jacie hovered as tension grew between them, then she glanced out across the field toward her house, as if looking for escape. Jacie always seemed poised on the edge of escape; even when she’d offered herself to him, there had been an escape plan. Maybe he wasn’t going to be able to fight that part of her.
Maybe he needed to accept that.
Unexpected things happen. People you care about get yanked away from you. Seize the fucking moment.
When she didn’t make a move to open the door, he said, “Do you want a drink?”
“No...yes.” She pushed her hands through her hair, which was once again waving around her shoulders. “I don’t know what I want,” she finally said.
“Join the club.” He spoke darkly, but when she met his eyes he felt the oddest stirring of hope, though he couldn’t have put a name on what he was hoping for. He was still shaken by what had happened to his uncle, his family, in a matter of minutes that morning...and maybe he wasn’t all that wild about being alone right now.
He pulled the bottle off the shelf, took another glass out of the cupboard, poured a healthy splash of whiskey and held it out to Jacie. As she took it, their fingers touched and she shot a look up at him, their gazes connecting, holding and something in her expression, wistfulness maybe, had his heart beating faster. They were standing too close, but he didn’t move back.
Jacie cleared her throat. “I think I know what I want.”
“Yeah?” He took a sip of whiskey instead of tossing back the drink as he’d intended to do when he’d first poured it, waiting for her to tell him what she wanted, his heart thumping against his ribs. She set her glass on the counter, untouched and dropped her arms to her side.
“I want things to be okay between us again.”
Brett didn’t answer immediately. He was exhausted. Beaten down. Worried. Yet he still wanted her.
He set his glass beside Jacie’s, cocked his head slightly as he studied her, watching the shifting expression in her gray eyes as he reached out and touched her hair, lifting a lock then letting it slide through his fingers and fall back to her shoulder. Need stirred inside him and he felt himself start to thicken.
Again he touched her hair, then slid his hand around to the back of her neck, running his thumb over the smooth skin there. She gave a little, leaned toward him, but her eyes were still wide and wary.
“Can I kiss you?”
She frowned up at him. “Why are you asking?” Her voice was little more than a whisper.
He stroked the back of his free hand down her cheek and her eyes drifted shut briefly. “Because I don’t want a repeat of what happened in the shop. I want us to understand each other.”
He felt her start to move back, but held on and she stilled in his arms. “I won’t ask for what you can’t give...but I need to know that you’ll keep an open mind. That’s all.”
“I can’t make promises. Because of Darby.” Jacie’s voice was husky and soft. “But...yes. I’ll keep an open mind.”
“Life is short, Jacie.”
Understanding dawned in her gray gaze. She brought her hands up to his face, skimming her palms over the planes of his cheeks. Then she said, “Can I kiss you?”
Need exploded within him at first touch. She opened to him without hesitation, drawing him in. The kiss deepened, fueled by fierce mutual need. Desperation. Brett brought his hands up to frame Jacie’s face, holding her while he explored her mouth, nipped her lip, kissed her again. And again.
There was no question of stopping, but when Jacie started unbuttoning his shirt, he covered her hands, stilling her movement. He wasn’t going to fuck in his kitchen. Her questioning gaze jerked up to his, but he simply took her hand and led her down the hall to his bedroom.
His work clothes were dumped in a heap in one corner next to a pile of shoes and boots, the bedding was in a tangle. He hadn’t expected company, but the one blessing was that he had condoms in the drawer.
Jacie didn’t seem to notice the state of his bedroom. She was once again busy with his shirt and once she’d undone the buttons, pulled it free of his pants, she ran her hands over his chest, down his abdomen, making him suck his breath in as her fingers skimmed along his belt. His hard-on was pressing against his jeans and as much as he wanted to free himself, he waited. This was Jacie’s moment, and he still wouldn’t be surprised if she backed off. Once again sought her escape route.
She did not, but she did look up at him as if seeking reassurance or direction. When he took her hand and pressed it against him, she smiled a little. Direction, not reassurance. She seemed totally set on what she was doing, where they were going. And he realized he was good with that. As he’d said, life was short.
He unbuckled his belt and Jacie took it from there, carefully maneuvering the jeans zipper over his swollen cock, pushing his pants and boxers down, finally freeing him. He kicked out of the jeans and almost fell on his ass in the process. Jacie laughed, deep in her throat, as he caught his balance, then she reached down to take hold of him, running her hand over his shaft. Which felt so fucking good that his eyes drifted shut until her hand stilled.
“I...uh...might be a little rusty...” Her voice tailed off on a warning note and Brett couldn’t help smiling.
He placed his hands on either side of her neck, his thumbs moving over her soft skin as he brought his forehead down to rest against hers. “How about I drive this time and you drive the next?”
Jacie met his eyes, her self-conscious expression fading. “I love it when you talk tractors.”
Jacie was all for Brett driving. He knew what he was doing. She’d read books. She couldn’t even remember all that much about her first and only experience except that it had been nothing like she’d thought it would be. Quick might have been the best word to describe it. All in all, other than Darby, she hadn’t gotten much out of her night of rebellion. And now she held Brett’s erection in her hand, hot and heavy, and she wanted this time to be good. “What do you want me to do?”
“Just...let me.”
She was about to say, “Let you what?” but he touched her lips with his fingertips, gently shushing her.
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes.”
His mouth curved a little and he stepped back until she gently released her grip on him, and shrugged out of his shirt. His chest was an incredible expanse of hard muscle built from years of riding saddle broncs. Jacie found herself staring, her eyes traveling from chest to hard abdomen to impressive erection. And then she drew a shaky breath and started unzipping her jeans.
Yes, Brett could drive, but she wanted to start the journey. She might not be a master at this, but she knew where she wanted to go. To bed. Now. And to do that she needed to get out of her clothes.
She kicked off her shoes, made it out of her t-shirt and jeans before Brett stepped forward and covered her hands before she could reach around to undo her bra.
“Let me.” Giving his head a weary shake, he reached around to release the catch. She shrugged so that the bra fell between them and then his hands came up to cup her breasts, weighing them, brushing his thumbs over her sensitive nipples, making her pretty damned crazy.
She dropped her head back as he trailed his mouth down her chest, took one nipple in his mouth, gently sucked. She pulled in a breath, squeezing her eyes shut as he moved to the next.
Exquisite pleasure. She’d heard the term. Had never experienced it until now.
Her hands fisted in his hair as he crouched lower, holding her hips as his mouth trailed down her abdomen toward her panties. A faint gasp escaped her as his tongue dipped into her navel and then he moved lower, kissing her mound through her panties, flicking his tongue along the edge of the elastic. He nudged her legs apart, then settled his mouth on the spot through the pink silk of her panties.
“Oh, damn...” She clutched his hair again, not caring that she was almost whimpering as he brushed his tongue over her a second time. And a third, teasing her through her panties. She was going to lose it. Right here. Now—
Brett pulled back, then got to his feet, sliding his hands up to her waist. Jacie stared at him blankly. She could barely stand because her knees were shaking and he stopped?
“I think you should get right back down there,” she murmured, as a wave of frustration roiled through her.
Brett answered by scooping her up in his arms and easily carrying her to the bed. “I’m driving. Next time it’s your turn.” He set her down and when he tried to straighten again, she twined her arms around his neck.
“But—”
He smothered her protest with a kiss, and then cleverly distracted her by sliding her panties down her legs and tossing them over his shoulder, leaving her totally, utterly bare. His gaze traveled over her, slowly taking in every facet of her body. With any other guy, she might have felt self-conscious. Brett made her feel...beautiful.
The bed gave as he stretched out beside her, facing her, running a hand over the curve of her hip, where it settled possessively. “Are you still with me?” he asked.
Jacie swallowed—not because she wasn’t on board, because she most definitely was—but because she could tell that he honestly cared about whether or not she wanted to go on. If she said no, she was fairly certain he would have climbed off the bed and put on his clothes.
That wasn’t going to happen. She reached down to lightly run her palm over his erection, heard his intake of breath, felt a ridiculous amount of power. “I am so with you.”
Brett gave a growl low in his throat and rolled her onto her back. And then it was a matter of giving and receiving, acting and reacting and they slowly and thoroughly explored each other’s bodies. Just when she thought she couldn’t handle another moment without feeling him inside of her, he reached over her and slid open the nightstand drawer, pulled out a condom. Jacie watched as he sheathed himself, hoping he had a lot of those things.
He took her face in his hand as he moved on top of her, supporting himself on his elbows. “This might—”
She snaked her arms around his neck and pulled his mouth down to hers. She was so ready for him, couldn’t imagine being more ready, and he got the message, positioning himself to give her exactly what she wanted. Needed. Had to have. Now.
When he pushed into her, slowly, inch by inch, she closed her eyes and pushed against him, welcoming him, savoring the sensations flooding through her. And when he started to move, Jacie was lost to everything except for the exquisite feeling of his body being joined with hers. Filling her. Completing her. Her climax slammed into her all too soon, startling her with its intensity. She gasped against Brett’s shoulder, clinging to him as she rode it out. And then she felt his shoulders stiffen as he gave one last deep thrust.
Jacie let her head fall back against the place on the mattress where the pillow should have been had it not been knocked off the bed earlier. She cradled Brett’s head to her, trying to catch her breath.
“What do you know,” she murmured. “It really is better with a partner.”
Brett raised his head, amusement lighting his eyes. “So that was okay?”
She stroked his hair, smiling up at him. “You can drive me anywhere.”
The sky was beginning to lighten when Brett woke up in a tangle of sheets, Jacie sleeping in his loose embrace. So much for escape. Jacie was still there and he was getting hard again.
He got out of bed, headed into the bathroom to pee. When he got back and pulled the sheet up over them, she curled back into him. He smiled, running a hand over her creamy skin, tracing the freckles scattered over her shoulders. They needed to get out of bed, get dressed, before Molly got to the house. Jacie would want to keep this thing secret because of Darby and even though Molly wouldn’t talk, it seemed better than she didn’t know either.
“This is the first time I’ve woken up next to a guy,” she murmured against his chest.
His heart squeezed a little as he ran a hand over her hair. “Glad to be your first.”
She smiled and got out of bed, headed for the bathroom. He waited, wondering if she was going to gather her scattered clothes and start dressing as soon as she got back. He got his answer moments later when she slipped back under the sheets and stretched out against him. “I’m sore,” she said with a rueful smile.
“In a good way, I hope.” He brought his hand up to stroke her hair again.
“In the best way,” she replied, looping an arm over him and pulling herself more tightly against him. His cousin was going to show up soon, but Brett didn’t fight her. He did, however, get out of bed long enough to slip into the kitchen and lock the door.
After Brett and Jacie showered, she made coffee while he called his parents. The conversation was short, but Brett seemed okay when he hung up the phone.
“How’s your dad?”
“Better. He’s shifting into the role of being a rock for the family. He’s heading over to spend the day with my grandfather. My mom is getting together a crew to break down the festival booth, so I think I’ll help her with that, then drop by my grandfather’s place.”
Jacie reached out to squeeze his hand. “I’ll pick up Darby, then I can stop by and help with the break down.”
“That’d be good. And don’t worry. I won’t pat your ass or anything.”
She fought a smile and lost. “I’m sorry. It’s just...” Paranoia was an ugly master. She did not want Darby to get any hint of something going on between her and Brett other than friendship, but she’d already said that once, didn’t want to harp on the matter.
“I know.” When he met her gaze she had the feeling that he really did know.
“Thank you.” She slid her hands up over his shoulders and rose up to lightly kiss his lips, already wondering when she might see him again. “I need to get going. I told Darby we’d go to brunch at the Montreau after I picked her up this morning.”
“See you later?” he asked.
“I’d say that’s a reasonable assumption.”
She turned to go and he reached out to pat her ass. When she shot him a look, he gave her an innocent shrug. “Just had to get that in before we head out into public.”
Brett called his mom shortly after Jacie left to get an update on Robert. He was doing better, but was still in intensive care.
“How’s Dad?”
“He’s with your grandfather. As soon as they finish breakfast they’re heading to the hospital. Dad told me to tell you to get your hay taken care of after you break down the booth. He’ll call with updates.”
“I’ll catch up with him and granddad this afternoon.”
“I’ll tell them.”
Brett hung up, then grabbed his gloves and headed for the door, this time dropping his cell phone in his pocket. No more cutting himself off from humanity.
Going in, Jacie had thought sex with Brett would be an occasional thing. It wasn’t. Over the next week she discovered that sex made life better. It helped her deal with the stresses of work. Made her feel alive—to the point that she wondered how she was going to do without sex when she went back to Seattle...or rather how she was going to do without sex with Brett.
Maybe he could visit.
But Darby would be all over that and that was one of Jacie’s concerns. As careful as they’d been, stealing an hour here, a half hour there, Darby had apparently clued in that something was going on between them, She was watching her and Brett closely. Too closely, so Jacie started picking her up without making eye contact with Brett if he happened to be around, and he, in turn, did his best not to be there. It was only when Darby stayed with Lil one night that they were able to get together for any length of time, although he had stolen across the pasture late one night and enticed her into the garden shed behind her small house, which fortunately had a nice solid lock on the door. She would never look at a gardening shed the same way again.
By the end of the week, Brett’s uncle was on his way to recovery and as the Jackson family began to relax, she found Brett became even more creative in the ways that he sought to please, which in turn caused her to do some research into the matter. Productive research...
As for the future?
They both knew the future, and right now she was more than willing to enjoy what she had while she had it. Thank goodness, after his uncle’s close call, Brett felt the same.
Now if she could only make certain that Darby had a firm grasp on reality, which concerned her more and more. Especially when she suddenly became enamored of the idea of doing some entertaining.
“Maybe we should have a barbecue or something,” Darby said through a mouthful of cornflakes as Jacie dug in the freezer early Monday morning, looking for something easy for dinner that night. She shot a curious look at her daughter.
“There’s that barbecue thing on the back porch. I thought we could have Molly and Brett over to eat with us.”
Okay...was her daughter being friendly? Or was there some other motive behind her sudden hankering to have the neighbors over for dinner?
Or was Jacie a little jumpy when it came to Brett. Jacie pulled a package of hamburger out of the freezer. “I’m going to give you my standard mom answer.”
Darby rolled her eyes. “We’ll see?”
“That works,” Jacie said.
“Hey, Mom.” Darby brought her bowl to the sink a few minutes later and turned on the water. “Do you like it here?”
“In Cherry Lake? I grew up here.”
“But do you like it?”
“I love it. I’m glad we were able to spend the summer here.”
“Would you like to spend longer here?”
A red flag popped up and Jacie considered her answer carefully. “I like being here now, but I’m looking forward to going home.”
“Really?” Darby sounded disappointed.
“It’s where our real life is.”
“My life feels real here. I’d kind of like to stay.”
Jacie smiled matter-of-factly as she put her hands on her daughter’s thin shoulders. “Sweetheart, we will enjoy our time here while we have it.”
“So we’re going back.”
“We are.”
“Will I at least make it through advanced horse camp?”
“I promise you that.”
Darby turned off the water that had been flowing into her bowl, let out a long breath and headed down the hall to her room. Jacie understood why she wanted to stay—new friends, horses, more freedom than she enjoyed in Seattle, but she also knew that Darby would bounce back when they got home again.
Brett got the hay cut and baled without it getting rained on once. That was an achievement, but truthfully, it was more of an achievement getting Jacie to let loose with some of her feelings, which she was slowly doing during the brief windows of time they were able to spend together alone.
She was ultra careful not to spend too much time away from Darby, but on the rare occasion when her daughter spent a night with Lil or someone else, she and Brett had the luxury of sleeping together, making love more than once. Talking.
He loved talking with her. It reminded him of how they’d first bonded, back when she was dealing with her unhappy home life and he wanted to make things better, but was powerless to do so. So he’d listened. Hid his feelings because of circumstances and acted as a sounding board.
Well, now he didn’t have to hide his feelings...much. He wasn’t going to push matters by making declarations, but she’d have to be blind not to see that he cared for her. They covered the gamut during their conversations, many of which were held late at night leaning on the fence. He’d cross the pasture after Darby’s light went out and they’d simply stand together and talk except for the time they’d visited the garden shed. That had been hot, but in some ways he preferred the talk. The lead-up. Something more comfortable than a potting bench.
He’d let loose with the story of Kristen and his difficulties getting his father to understand his love of rodeo and his desire to raise hay instead of joining the family business. Jacie talked about the difficulties involved in being a woman in a man’s field, her experiences getting through college while raising a child, how her mother finally came to her senses and left Clinton in order to have a relationship with her granddaughter.
Her mother was, of course, once again married and putting her husband’s needs before her own, but her new husband, an old high school boyfriend, did not take advantage of her. A happy ending there, although Jacie didn’t dwell on that particular facet of her mother’s story, which made him wonder if she even believed in happy endings—except for Darby’s, of course. She was determined that Darby’s life would be the best possible and from what he’d seen, she was doing a good job of raising a sweet, rambunctious kid who was fun to be around. She was protective, but she hadn’t spoiled her daughter and he had a feeling that was a thin line to walk.
And then there was Clinton, the one commonality between then and now.
“It’s hard to explain,” she said one evening. “I keep having to remind myself that he’s no longer in the power position. It aggravates me, but he...has this effect on me. I still have to fight to move past it.”
“No thanks to your mom.” It had long pissed him off that Jacie’s mom had been so invested in keeping her husband happy that she’d been in denial about her daughter’s deep unhappiness.
“Yes. Love can make people stupid,” Jacie replied, once again settling her head against the hollow of his shoulder.
She honestly seemed to believe that, and looking back on his recently failed relationship with Kristen, he could kind of agree. Kristen had been sending out signals, but he hadn’t picked up on them until it was too late.
“Only if you let it.”
She drew in a breath that made her shoulders rise beneath his arm. For a moment he thought she was going to argue, but instead she said, “As much as I hate to do this, I have to go. I have a few phone calls to make before work.”
“Not a problem.” Reluctantly he loosened his hold, but not before kissing her. “See you tomorrow when you pick up Darby?”
She smiled as she pulled herself out of his embrace. “Maybe sooner if I can swing it.”
