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Vanessa
Almost immediately after Zach had walked out of the room, Lynne appeared.She didn’t look thrilled. She walked over to the bed and sat down, staring at me with a look of concern mixed with a touch of anger.
“You were listening in, weren’t you?” I had a feeling she had been, but I wanted to find out how much she knew.
“I’m sorry. I had to make sure things were going okay,” she said. “Are you sure it’s a good idea for you to be checking out?”
“I can’t stay here,” I said. “I hate hospitals, you know that. I’m going to go crazy if I stay here, I just can’t.”
“I know you do, but that doesn’t change the fact that you need help, Vanessa. You nearly died last time. I know that’s what your father keeps saying, but he’s not wrong about that, and I don’t want to even think about what could happen if you walk out of here in the state of mind you’re in,” Lynne shook her head.
It was difficult for me not to be frustrated with her. I knew she was worried about me. She didn’t want anything bad to happen, and she knew about what had happened to me before. She had been there for me through it all, and I knew she was going to be there for me again, but that didn’t mean she was happy about my decision.
“I’m going to be fine. If you were listening, you heard Zach make me promise that I’d take care of myself now,” I said.
“But you need help that you can’t give yourself,” she argued. “Please, Vanessa. If you are going to leave here today, you need to promise me that you’re going to get help, okay? You’re going to go back to rehab, and you’re going to get the help that you need to get through this once and for all.”
I hesitated. I didn’t want to go back to rehab, but it struck a chord with me when she said she felt that I needed it. It wasn’t fun to hear my dad’s opinion on the matter, but to have my best friend tell me I needed help, well, that was a different story.
“Alright,” I said at last. “I promise I’ll find something that works for me.”
“A real rehab,” she pressed. “I don’t want you to go online and think that’s good enough.”
I held out my pinky to promise her, and she looped her finger around mine. “I promise.”
“Okay,” she said. “You know I only insist because I love you.”
“And, I’m only agreeing because I know I fucked up. It’s been years. I shouldn’t have gone back to doing that to myself, and clearly, my body isn’t cut out to sustain it anymore,” I said.
“You aren’t as young as you used to be. Not that you’re old, but you need to take care of yourself. Get your head on straight, I like you like you are,” she grinned.
The nurse walked in, followed by Zach. She looked far from happy, and Lynne rose, taking a step to the side and letting the woman walk over to me with the papers in her hand.
“You are an adult, and since you haven’t been deemed to be suicidal, you are free to go. But I can tell you that I highly recommend you don’t check yourself out of here just yet,” she said. “We are concerned for your mental health and would like to see you go with a plan for the future.”
“I do have a plan,” I assured her. “I know that I messed up, and I’m going to take care of myself.”
“Many patients leave feeling confident they have what it takes to face the real world, but when they get back out there they find all the things that drove them to relapse in the first place are still there. I don’t want to see you go through that, Miss Carlisle,” she said.
I winced. Of course, that was my name and this woman was a professional so she would use it, but I hated being called by my surname in front of Zach. It was yet another reminder to both of us that I wasn’t supposed to be with him. We were supposed to be enemies. Hell, it was in the name of the club I stood for.
“I understand that,” I said. “I have a support system standing in this room with me, and I just promised my best friend here that I’m going to get back into rehab. I just know if I’m going to be able to make an educated decision about which rehab I join, I’m going to have to think clearly when I look over my options.”
Though I did my best not to look at Zach when I mentioned rehab, I couldn’t help but notice he looked relieved. Clearly, he thought this was more serious than he wanted to admit. Of course, it was. Who was I kidding? I had just texted him from the hospital because I’d blacked out in my father’s driveway.
He left me in a drunken slumber the other night, and the next time he saw me, I was in the hospital. That couldn’t look good, and I wanted to prove to him that I would get my act together. Sure, I felt that I had his support no matter what, but I also got the impression he wanted me to get this taken care of. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would stand around watching his girl fuck herself up. I knew I had to get healthy for me, but I also finally met someone else I wanted to get healthy for, as well.
“Like I said, it is still my recommendation that you stay here for a few more days at least, but if you are insistent on leaving, there’s no legal or medical reason why we should stop you,” the nurse said.
“Thank you.” I took the clipboard from her and started signing the discharge papers. I wasn’t reading through them very thoroughly. I already knew the gist of what they said.
I wasn’t going to blame them if I left and something worst happened to me, I was leaving of my own accord, blah, blah, blah. The fact of the matter was that I couldn’t get them signed and handed back to her soon enough. I just wanted to leave.
Lynne had told me more than once that my father wasn’t going to come back to the hospital that night, but I wouldn’t put it past him to go back on his word. He would become obsessive over me, especially when we were in situations like this.
He’d done it before, and I had no doubt in my mind he’d do it again. Hell, even with Vance in town, he was probably already wondering how I was doing and what I was up to. I didn’t want to risk him showing back up when I was trying to get out of there.
“Alright, looks like you are all set,” the nurse said when I handed her back the papers and she looked over everything. “Good luck to you, and I hope you make a full recovery.”
“Thank you,” I said again. She left the room, and I rose. It felt good to have the IV out of my arm, though I still wasn’t entirely stable on my feet. I knew that was part of the reason she didn’t want me to leave; but like she said, I was legally and medically able to go, and I was going.
Lynne stood by and watched as Zach helped me get dressed. I knew she likely wanted to be the one to do it herself. After all, she had been there for me much longer than Zach had been in my life, but she was going to be respectful of the relationship I had with him, whatever it might be.
She busied herself going through the room and making sure I had all my things together, then she grabbed a few pamphlets out of the box by the door.
“I’m going to put these in your purse, and I want you to text me when you get the chance to look at them. Tell me which one you think is best, and which you’re going with,” she said fiercely.
“I’ll look at them tomorrow,” I promised. “I’m sure we’re going back to your place?”
I directed the question to Zach, who nodded. That meant it was going to be a few hours before I got back in bed. I knew I’d be fine for the drive, but I also didn’t want Lynne to be worried about why I hadn’t texted her that night.
“I want you to text me when you get home and let me know you’re safe,” she said. “No offense, Zach. But this is my best friend we’re talking about, and I’m not going to rest easy until I know she’s okay.”
“I wouldn’t think highly of you if you didn’t care,” he said. “I’m glad Vanessa has people like you in her life.”
Lynne smiled, and I swelled with pride. Here was a man who could see that my friend wasn’t being overprotective, she just wanted to take care of me. He was willing to respect that, and she trusted him enough to be straight with him. Never before in my life had I felt so supported – and able to beat the grip of this disease.
Together, the three of us headed out of the hospital and walked to his bike, where Lynne strapped my purse into one of the saddle bags on the back. She then turned to Zach and poked him right in the sternum. “You take care of her.”
“You have my word,” he said, resolution in his voice. She smiled, then turned to give me a hug. “Remember, you said you would text me when you got there safe, and you’re going to text me tomorrow with the rehab facility you choose.”
“I promise to both,” I said. I hugged her tightly back, and then climbed onto the seat behind Zach. He gave me his helmet to wear, and I wrapped my arms around his waist. I was eager to be on the road, though I wasn’t too happy about leaving Lynne behind. I knew she would just go home, but I still felt bad as we drove off with her standing there.
But, once we were on the freeway, I closed my eyes, enjoying the breeze blowing through my hair and the touch of coolness on my skin. We couldn’t talk while we were going so fast on the bike, but it felt good just knowing I was with Zach and we were headed not only out of this town, but even further than where I was currently living.
I closed my eyes and held Zach close, more than ready to get to his apartment.
It was nearly eleven by the time we arrived, and I was exhausted. But, I dutifully sent Lynne a text to let her know I made it as I followed Zach down the hall and through the door. I was glad we got there under the cover of darkness. Though we had both agreed it would be a bad idea for me to stay over before, I was glad that we were together now.
Tonight, I just needed to be with Zach, and I had a sneaking suspicion he felt the same way.
I slipped into his bed and laid my head on the pillow, glad that I was free and clear of my father, at least for the moment. If I was going to have a complete breakdown, I didn’t want it to be in front of him, and I worried that it might be.
But now, Zach stripped down and slid into bed behind me, wrapping his arm around me and kissing my neck. “Get some sleep, we can talk in the morning.”
I put my hand over his, holding his arm over my heart. For the first time in a long time, I felt safe. No one could touch me when I was here with Zach, that was for damn sure.
But for now, I didn’t even have to think about any of them. For now, I had Zach, and he had me. We were together.
If only this moment could last forever.