Kyle fell asleep the moment he tipped his seat back, which was just fine with Lauren because it gave her time to reflect.
That kiss...
Okay, so she didn’t want to reflect too deeply on that. She’d rather focus instead on Kyle and how happy he’d been—the happiest she’d seen him in years. He’d told her just before they’d climbed in her car that this was the best night of his life. She had no doubt that it probably was, and she had Bren to thank for it.
It was just after ten and once she took the exit to Via Del Caballo, it was darker than an empty closet beyond her headlights. That was one of the things she’d had to get used to living way out in the country. No more streetlamps. Just the moon and stars and the occasional porch light off in the distance.
Her brother’s place, though, that was lit up like a Christmas tree. He had a thing about lights. Always insisted he could see the perimeter of his property. Military thing, she surmised. She could see it from the road, although it was nearly a mile to the actual home. She crossed between two iron posts, stopping beneath a sign suspended across them that said DHR. She could never remember the gate code, had to look it up on her phone—it would drive her security-conscious brother crazy if he knew she had it stored there. Off to her left she could make out Reynolds Ranch. The Reynoldses had been the original owners of the land.
“We home?” said her sleepy little boy when she drove forward again.
“Almost.”
Kyle didn’t answer. Sensory overload, she thought with a smile. He’d be talking about this trip for days, probably weeks and months. Her smile faded. And she’d be thinking about it for weeks and months, too. Thinking about that kiss.
Nope. Don’t go there.
Bull riding. She firmly changed the subject in her mind. Why did it have to be bull riding? She didn’t think she’d survive him riding steers. Pray to the Lord he got tired of it before he graduated to the real deal. She pulled to a stop in front of her place and then as quietly as she could climbed out.
“Did you have fun?”
She about jumped out of her boots. Her brother parted from the shadows like the Invisible Man.
“How do you do that?”
She saw his shadow shrug. “Training.”
“It’s kind of creepy.”
“It’s who I am.”
And it had been Paul, too. That required another change of subject. “Kyle had a great time.” But then she frowned. “Although it would have been better if you’d been there. What happened to you? Bren said something came up?”
“Work,” he said softly. “Always work.”
She could see his face thanks to ambient light spilling toward them from the porch. She could tell by looking at his face that it was another one of those nights. Restless. Anxious. Exhausted. Her brother suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder. She’d realized it once she’d moved in last month. It’d provided an important clue as to why he’d built his home so far off the beaten path and why he’d built a multimillion-dollar ranch. He was looking for peace as much as the people he hoped to help.
“I thought you were taking it easy these days.”
“That’s what I thought, too.”
Supposedly he’d turned over control of Darkhorse Tactical Solutions to his second-in-command, but not that she could see. Between building the house and working from home, he never seemed to get much rest. Particularly at night, ostensibly because a lot of his business was overseas, which required middle-of-the-night phone calls.
“Need some help?” he asked, having spotted Kyle asleep inside the car.
“Sure. You can grab him while I open the front door.”
She was worried about her brother, especially after he’d bailed tonight. Something was up. She’d barely seen him over the last dozen or so years, not even at company parties when Paul had worked for him, but the more time she spent with him, the more she could tell something was wrong, something that not even spending two million dollars on a new ranch could cure.
“Come on here,” he gently told Kyle as he pulled him into his arms.
“’Cle Jax,” Kyle slurred, his little arms wrapping around his uncle’s neck. Jax hadn’t been around a whole lot while Kyle had been growing up, but they’d made up for lost time in the past few weeks. Her son adored her brother, and he should. She had a feeling Jax had built the ranch not just for himself, but for her son, too. He’d known how much Kyle had wanted to learn how to ride. How he’d dreamed of becoming a cowboy. And look. Here they were.
“Go on and get his bed ready,” he told her.
She raced ahead, leaving the front door open. As she pulled back Kyle’s covers, she had to admit, it was wonderful to have some help. To know that she had a roof over head—no matter what—and that her brother didn’t mind her being there at all. It wasn’t until that exact moment that it truly sank in—she wasn’t alone any longer.
An image of Bren laughing with Kyle popped into her head.
No. He wasn’t a part of the picture. Her brother was here to help, although why the realization hit her on this night, she had no idea, but suddenly she was so incredibly grateful she wanted to cry.
“I got this,” she said to Jax when he entered the bedroom, not looking him in the eyes for fear he’d see her tears. She pulled off Kyle’s boots, shooting him a small smile as he moaned in his sleep. He smiled, too, and she knew it was a happy smile. She made quick work of getting Kyle ready for bed. Her kid hardly batted an eye, just rolled over. She tugged the covers up over his shoulder, gave him a kiss, a love so pure and deep flooding her soul she could barely breathe for a moment.
“Did he get to meet Trent Anderson?” Jax asked the moment she came out into the hall.
She closed the door softly behind her. “Trent and a score of other bull riders whose names I can’t remember.”
“And how about you? Meet any celebrities that got you all excited?”
She shook her head as she walked toward the main living area. “I just sat back and watched.”
And had her heart stopped when she’d been kissed.
No, she told herself yet again. Stop thinking about it. Now. It was just a game. A dare. It didn’t mean a thing.
Yeah, but it made you feel something.
She shook her head and focused on what she had to do before bed. The kitchen had a bar-level counter that separated it from the family room and Jax took a seat on one of the spinning stools. She poured herself some iced tea even though caffeine was the last thing she needed at this time of night.
“Want some?”
He shook his head. “You need to have more fun.”
“Speaking of that, I’m going to have dinner at Bren’s house next week.”
Her brother’s dark brows shot to his hairline. “Really.”
“Stop.” She shook her head. “It’s not like that.”
“No?”
“Kyle invited Trent Anderson to come watch him ride next week and one thing led to another and we’re all having dinner after the Norco Junior Rodeo. You should come.”
She saw his mouth tighten. “Maybe to the rodeo, but not promising dinner.”
She should have figured as much. “Try. You could use a break.”
“And you could use a night out on the town.”
She about choked on a swallow of tea. “Excuse me?”
“I’m serious. You’ve been here, what? Six weeks? All I’ve ever seen you do is study and look for work.”
Yeah, and the job search wasn’t going so well. Employers wanted full-time employees. Not older college students with nearly a year left of school and a kid back at home.
“I just want to get done with school as soon as possible.”
“You’re not going to speed it up any. Slow down a little and enjoy yourself.”
With someone like Bren. He didn’t say the words, but she knew he was thinking them. First time her brother had tried to play matchmaker, but she was pretty sure that’s what he was doing now.
“I’m not interested in dating anyone right now.”
“I like him. From all I heard, he’s a good man.”
She nodded after taking another swallow. “He’s got good friends, I’ll say that much for him. Trent Anderson was the nicest guy I’ve ever met. His wife was sweet, too.”
“So. Go out on a date with him. Valentine’s Day is coming up.”
She set her finished glass down by the sink. “I’m not dating anyone, big bro.” She went up to him and kissed his cheek. “But thanks for thinking of me.” She turned him toward the door. “Now leave me alone. I have a paper I need to finish.”
“And you say I always work.”
“Must run in the family.”
He took the hint, though, and when the door closed, she rested her head against it. Valentine’s Day. Hah. She didn’t need to be wined and dined by anyone. She was fine all on her own.
Oh, yeah? asked a little voice.
Yeah, she told that voice back. And she almost believed herself.
* * *
IT WAS DAYS like the one that dawned that next Saturday that gave Southern California such a great reputation when it came to weather—clear and sunny and just a touch cool, which meant that by this afternoon it’d be the perfect temperature. The only fly in her ointment? Having to watch Kyle ride...and other things.
“You ready?”
Jax would be driving them all to the rodeo. That was probably a good thing since it was a couple hours away. Lauren didn’t like the thought of having to pull over so she could throw up. Much easier just to carry a bag in her purse and let someone else do the driving.
“As I’ll ever be.”
For some reason she was more nervous today than the first time Kyle had climbed aboard a steer. It must have been the professional bull riders she’d watched. There’d been more than a few close calls that night...
Including your kiss.
...and it’d meant coming face to face with the dangers of riding a wild animal for “fun.”
Fun. More like insanity.
“Let’s go!”
Kyle was his usual exuberant self. Today he wore a cowboy hat that looked five sizes too big but that he’d refused to take off ever since Bren had given it to him. He’d had two lessons this week. One on horseback and one with the other kids. She hadn’t been there for either. She’d had classes both days, and so Jax had taken over. She’d hated to miss Kyle’s lesson, but on the other hand, it’d been great to steer clear of Bren. Being near him was just too damn disturbing.
You won’t be able to avoid him today, taunted the little voice in her head that she’d begun to hate.
No. She wouldn’t. But she’d have her brother and Kyle there. And Trent and Alana. And the Reynoldses, she’d been told by Kyle. They were their neighbors to the south and mutual friends of her brother and Bren.
They all piled into Jax’s brand new F-350—a truck that Lauren planned to buy for herself...one day. If she didn’t get distracted from her studies. Or let a man get in the way of her goals.
“I wonder if the steer will be big today.”
Lauren’s stomach tumbled end over end. She didn’t want to think about that.
“Bren said it doesn’t matter what size the steers are. What matters is the size of my heart.”
Hopefully no wild animal would step on that heart. And hurt her baby. And destroy her life, because she didn’t want to think about a world without Kyle in it.
Dear Lord, how would she get through this day?
Jax seemed to sense her anxiety. He shot her a reassuring grin and she wondered why it was the men in her life craved adventure so much. Was that where Kyle got it from? Had Paul passed on his love of an adrenaline rush?
“He’ll be fine, Lolo.”
Her gaze jerked to his own. Lolo. She hadn’t heard the nickname in years. Before he’d rushed off to join the military, he’d called her that all the time. And then he’d left her and things had never been the same.
“I’m counting on it,” she answered softly.
The rodeo grounds looked as crowded as a truck stop. One of the things that always surprised her was the number of expensive horse trailers on the grounds. The professional cowboys had nothing on their junior competition, or at least the parents of the steer wrestlers and ropers and barrel racers. Thank goodness Kyle didn’t want to do that. She’d never be able to afford a trailer on her own.
“I’ll go get my number.”
“Kyle—” But her son was already jumping out of the truck.
“Let him go,” Jax said, watching him run away, the door of the truck still open. “He’ll be fine.”
He would be. She’d learned rodeo was like a huge family. Bren seemed to know everyone in the industry and Kyle said he’d introduced him to a bunch of people. She knew he’d be okay. It was just strange to have him run off and do stuff without her.
Better get used to that.
In this case, she knew the little voice was right. Eight more years was all she’d have him for, because she knew her son wouldn’t be the type to live at home forever. He had too many things he wanted to do in life, and the determination and focus to do them.
“You ready for this?”
The voice was Bren’s and she didn’t need to turn around to know that he would be every bit as disturbing in the flesh as he had been in her dreams.
“I don’t think she’s ever going to be ready.”
Jax came around the front of his truck, hand outstretched. Bren shook it and clapped him on the back in the way that men did. She didn’t want to notice how handsome Bren looked in his pressed blue jeans and white button-down shirt topped off by a black hat. When their gazes connected, his eyes sparked in the same way as her body did when she felt that gaze meet her own.
She was kidding herself.
All week long she’d told herself that the spark she felt was just her imagination. That the brief kiss they’d shared was nothing more than the kiss of strangers. Now she knew how badly she’d lied to herself.
“Hello.”
It was all she could think of to say, all her sluggish mind could come up with because, gosh darn it all, she’d become completely tongue-tied.
“You okay?” he asked, concern in his kind eyes.
“She’s trying not to hyperventilate,” her brother said.
That was so close to the truth that she had to look away. “Just stressed out.”
“Where’s Kyle?”
“Off getting his number,” Jax answered for her. “Ran off like a bat out of hell the moment we parked.”
“He probably can’t wait to see who he’s drawn.”
She hadn’t even thought about that, but Bren was probably right. Kyle had spent hours on the internet this week looking up which steers had gotten what score on what day. She’d had no idea such stats were online, but Bren must have told him about them. He’d been hoping all week for a steer named Exterminator, an animal known for its wild bucking and crazy spins. Lauren had prayed all week he’d get a different steer, perhaps one named Easy Rider.
“I’m kind of curious, too,” Bren admitted. “Let’s go see.”
“What about Alana and Trent?” she asked. “Are they meeting us here?”
“They’re on their way. I told them to call me when they got here.”
They all followed Bren toward the announcer’s stand. A few people nodded at Bren when they caught sight of him walking with her. One of the old cowboys even tipped his hat and said, “Sheriff,” the gesture so old-fashioned it might have made her smile if she weren’t so on edge. Clearly the old guy was someone who lived in Via Del Caballo and knew who he was.
The Norco rodeo grounds were surrounded by barren hills dotted with shrubs and oaks. Trucks and trailers were scattered here and there, all of them vying for coveted shade. Metal pipe panels served as the bucking chutes, the arena made of the same metal bars. The smell of animals—horses and steers and sheep—filled the air. There’d be mutton busting first, she’d been told, tiny little kids clinging to the backs of shaved animals. Kyle wouldn’t ride until the very end, which meant she had at least two hours of anxiety attacks ahead of her.
“I got him! I got him!”
Kyle ran up to them, face red from either exertion or excitement, because she didn’t need to know who he meant by him.
Damn.
“You got Exterminator?” Bren asked.
“I sure did.”
He looked almost as proud as if he’d already ridden the darn thing.
“Good for you.”
Let’s hope it was good for him, said The Voice, because it would really suck to make a trip to the hospital on such a nice day.
“I’m going to run back to the truck and get my stuff.”
Because it made perfect sense to prepare equipment hours before the need for it, but she understood his reasons. Bren had explained it was the routine. Rubbing rosin on a bull rope was like someone meditating before a ride. It gave a person time to prepare the mind. Bren, the Zen Master.
“You want to go find seats?” Jax glanced toward the grandstands. “Might want to grab some shade while we can.”
“Sure,” Bren said.
Lauren looked in Kyle’s direction. She wanted to follow him. To see if he needed help.
To hover.
It was the hardest thing she’d had to master in recent weeks—the ability to let her kid go. She couldn’t change who he was, but she could change the way she thought. At least today she wasn’t thinking about Bren’s kiss every five seconds. That was a plus.
“You okay?” said the man in question.
“Fine.”
Jax had walked off. She saw him glance back, but rather than wait for them, he kept on going. Traitor.
“You don’t look fine.”
She lifted her chin. “I’m just tired.” No sleep the night before a rodeo would do that to a person.
He took a step toward her. She had to tell herself not to move.
“Try not to stress.”
She almost laughed. “Is that what you used to tell yourself?”
He took another step. They were inches away now, so close she could feel him next to her, his presence like an invisible force field that she could sense.
“It’s what I tell myself every day.” He had a dimple. Just on the left side of his mouth. It came into play when he smiled. “Believe me. These days it’s more dangerous to do my job than it is to climb on a bull.”
Yes, she admitted, inhaling the tangy scent that was him. It was dangerous. Yet he did it. Just like Paul had gone out and done his job. But he was not like Paul, because she could never remember her husband staring down at her in the way that Bren did now.
“He’ll be okay,” he said softly and then, horrors upon horrors, he cupped the sides of her face, caressing her cheeks lightly with the soft pads of his thumbs, his face lowering, and she thought he would kiss her. Goodness, she admitted to herself that she hoped he would kiss her, because she needed his comforting touch and the sweetness in his eyes like she needed air to breathe and food to survive. “I promise.”
And then he let her go and she felt like a balloon whose strings had been cut; she wanted to take flight or maybe sink to the ground.
He turned and followed her brother, leaving her there. Alone.
“Oh, my.”
It was all she could think to say.